My mother had a strong influence on me, compared to my father, and it's clearly noticeable in my astral chart.
She is a devoted Christian, however she belongs to quite a different confession - they abided Sabbath, same as joos and had some other niche traits.
So I went to church until I was age of 7, then due to her heavy influence I gave in and started going to church again at age 15, for the sake of peace with her. After I started going to church she was much more mentally stable and out relationship was great. However, even though I believed in Christ-lie, there was something holding me from fully committing there. Something really deep in my soul, on a spiritual level. And I couldn't get rid of it - the act of being „born again“ was impossible for me. I had the appearances of kindness, love and other values, but deep down I felt like I wasn't a christian, for some reason.
I was quite an active member of the church, even had the chance to preach sermons, both in local congregation and nation wide. But I still felt lacking. Some teachings made sense, theologically, like the concept of hell was different from the traditional - it was rather just the act of destroying all evil, after the 2nd coming and final judgment etc. But at one point I started to think, what if God is evil and Satan is actually good? Yes, that makes more sense. Satan was blasphemed to oblivion and there are a lot of lies made about him.
It came to me, that in reality roles are reversed. That jeeboo god is a filthy disgusting liar who doesn't give jack shit about humanity. When the realization hit, I just typed how to sell your soul or some other stuff related to Satan. I wanted to contact him, and find out what's going on. Due to x-tian programming, I felt immense fear. But I continued to go forward ignoring that. And I found JoS. Skimmed through it, and decided to try getting into void state, summoning Beelzebub and asking Him some questions. Since I thought going to Satan would be too hardcore.
So I sat down, meditated for an hour (it was void meditation with controlled breathing for 6 inhale, 6 hold and 6 exhale). But here was already a nifty coincidence. I started to meditate at 2 am sharp. And told myself I'll stop at 3 am, but without counting or looking at the clock. So I meditated, turned phone screen on - and guess what time it's? 3 am. Then I visualised sigil, said the prayer and waited. I felt immense fear at that moment. And then an immense presence. I relaxed for a bit, and heard a hissing sound. Inside my room. But it wasn't threatening, but I still got a bit shocked cause I didn't expect that. After that, I went to sleep.
Three days after that were out of this world. I had the most amazing energy. I had insomnia for 3 nights straight. In that time mostly I studied JoS at night. Animals were coming out of nowhere to say hi to me. A lot of people gave me intense but friendly eye contact. Later I read that those are signs of contacting a Demon. Also I had a lot of telepathic communication - like what to do, what no to do, what to expect of all this, etc. It was incredible. And so my journey began. Alas, I could only dedicate in my Astral temple. Since my grandpa is always at home (he has a severe dementia, so he never leaves home, etc), but I heard my parents planning to give him a ride to his friends grave to visit, so I'll be left home alone for 3 hours or so and then I'll do dedication by blood.
Also when I dedicated in my Astral temple I had a vision that Satan appeared and then there were two lines of Gods next to him vertically as an approval, so that felt nice and ever since then I feel like this is it, my soul is connected to the Creator at last.
