About conversations and consults

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Lunar Dance 666
Posts: 556

About conversations and consults

Postby Lunar Dance 666 » Tue Jul 14, 2020 8:39 pm

I have a question, mainly to centralforce, but chime in if you want to.

When I was learning for something that required taking consults, I was expected to be very emphatic, to be there for the people, to listen to what they had to say, and basicly it meant to 'connect' with them. Give them the feeling that they are heard.

Now I understand that this is important, but the way it instinctively feels to me, is that the approach sounds more like 'be their best friend and share their pain and sorrow with them'.

How do you handle that? How would you approach it?

I know a lot of people feel like they're just numbers, and I too hate that feeling, but I dont want to spill everything to everyone. But some just look at me expecting that Im going to say something.. (this latter is just normal interaction with people though).

If I interact with people.. I want it to be on my terms.

Centralforce666
Posts: 375

Re: About conversations and consults

Postby Centralforce666 » Wed Jul 15, 2020 8:59 pm

There is a considerable difference between showing empathy, active listening and being sympathetic.

Sympathy is the part where you feel their sorrow with them and share yours.

This is actually somewhat destructive to the patient/doctor relationship as it doesn't facilitate moving past these feelings but rather increases the likelihood of the patient being trapped in them.

Empathy is demonstrating that you understand a feeling, but don't necessarily have to tie into it or allow it to take focus.. This doesn't come naturally to me either and I tend to be specific and to the point.

Active listening however is the act of listening to what people say, acknowledging (saying yes, OK etc.) as they speak to show that you understand and then reflecting back what is said and checking your understanding.

If someone tells you a great deal of information, it is useful to periodically stop them and say, "just so that I can check I understand you, you are saying..." or "it sounds to me like you're feeling..."

If you've been listening then what you insert into the ... Will resonate and make sense to the person. This is what they want.. To be listened to and feel like they're being listened to.

In my experience this is important initially. Some patients will want more from you. It's your choice if you give it to them.. But if you don't they may not come back and meeting people on your terms carries the risk of you only attracting a certain personality type of patients..

This is how I operate also but you must be prepared for the fact that you may limit the people you can successfully treat.
Si vis pacem, para bellum

If you want a peaceful life, prepare for war

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Lunar Dance 666
Posts: 556

Re: About conversations and consults

Postby Lunar Dance 666 » Fri Jul 24, 2020 1:28 pm

Centralforce666 wrote:There is a considerable difference between showing empathy, active listening and being sympathetic.
...

Thank you for your reply.
Have you ever had someone repeating the same word and problem to your face over and over? Because that is what happened the second time I failed the oral exam for such a thing. It still kind of got stuck in my mind.
I wasnt in a good place back then either. My mom had just passed away about a month before that.
What would you do with such agressive people?

Centralforce666
Posts: 375

Re: About conversations and consults

Postby Centralforce666 » Tue Jul 28, 2020 10:18 pm

I've had several 'off' patients, including aggressive and just plain out of sorts mentally.

It's like managing children, as the treating professional you need to bring them back to the task at hand and the subject matter.

Sometimes people do this because they want a reaction of a certain type and people will project all kinds of their own psychological wants and needs on you..

The stronger and firmer you are within yourself, the better you'll be able to handle this type of abhorrent behaviour but remembering that it's not personal is a good start and often all people like this need is someone to show them that they care.
Si vis pacem, para bellum

If you want a peaceful life, prepare for war

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Lunar Dance 666
Posts: 556

Re: About conversations and consults

Postby Lunar Dance 666 » Thu Aug 06, 2020 6:40 am

Centralforce666 wrote:I've had several 'off' patients, including aggressive and just plain out of sorts mentally.

It's like managing children, as the treating professional you need to bring them back to the task at hand and the subject matter.

Sometimes people do this because they want a reaction of a certain type and people will project all kinds of their own psychological wants and needs on you..

The stronger and firmer you are within yourself, the better you'll be able to handle this type of abhorrent behaviour but remembering that it's not personal is a good start and often all people like this need is someone to show them that they care.


I see. its important to keep your clients at least somewhat happy.

I dont seem to deal well with situations wherein a sudden question is asked that has nothing to do with the conversation.

Powerofjustice
Posts: 83

Re: About conversations and consults

Postby Powerofjustice » Thu Aug 06, 2020 5:58 pm

Lunar Dance 666 wrote:I have a question, mainly to centralforce, but chime in if you want to.

When I was learning for something that required taking consults, I was expected to be very emphatic, to be there for the people, to listen to what they had to say, and basicly it meant to 'connect' with them. Give them the feeling that they are heard.

Now I understand that this is important, but the way it instinctively feels to me, is that the approach sounds more like 'be their best friend and share their pain and sorrow with them'.

How do you handle that? How would you approach it?

I know a lot of people feel like they're just numbers, and I too hate that feeling, but I dont want to spill everything to everyone. But some just look at me expecting that Im going to say something.. (this latter is just normal interaction with people though).

If I interact with people.. I want it to be on my terms.


First off, if you are planning to get a job in a field where you have to interact with people daily on that level, I applaud you. Personally i find it so energetically and emotionally draining trying to appease to people or trying to discuss their problems, or dreams hopes and aspirations.

I think it's human nature in this setting for people to make it all about themselves and to expect you to be absolutely invested in the conversation and they just keeeeeeeep goooing on and on and somehow after 2 hours of monologuing they're offended that you aren't paying attention, you know what I mean?

Personally I think the key to consulting people is knowing that you might not always have the answer to their troubles, but finding a way to the source of the issue at hand and offering ways to resolve it, while staying in line with the ground rules you laid out before the start of your session.( You mentioned the approach of being their best friend and sharing their pain, I feel like this is doable, but dangerous on an energetic level if you dont take extensive precautions beforehand, so i recommend distancing yourself emotionally when possible to a degree that it doesnt impair you professional and logical mindset)

Either that or im just an introvert lmao.

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Lunar Dance 666
Posts: 556

Re: About conversations and consults

Postby Lunar Dance 666 » Fri Aug 07, 2020 11:04 am

Powerofjustice wrote:
Lunar Dance 666 wrote:I have a question, mainly to centralforce, but chime in if you want to.

When I was learning for something that required taking consults, I was expected to be very emphatic, to be there for the people, to listen to what they had to say, and basicly it meant to 'connect' with them. Give them the feeling that they are heard.

Now I understand that this is important, but the way it instinctively feels to me, is that the approach sounds more like 'be their best friend and share their pain and sorrow with them'.

How do you handle that? How would you approach it?

I know a lot of people feel like they're just numbers, and I too hate that feeling, but I dont want to spill everything to everyone. But some just look at me expecting that Im going to say something.. (this latter is just normal interaction with people though).

If I interact with people.. I want it to be on my terms.


First off, if you are planning to get a job in a field where you have to interact with people daily on that level, I applaud you. Personally i find it so energetically and emotionally draining trying to appease to people or trying to discuss their problems, or dreams hopes and aspirations.

I think it's human nature in this setting for people to make it all about themselves and to expect you to be absolutely invested in the conversation and they just keeeeeeeep goooing on and on and somehow after 2 hours of monologuing they're offended that you aren't paying attention, you know what I mean?

Personally I think the key to consulting people is knowing that you might not always have the answer to their troubles, but finding a way to the source of the issue at hand and offering ways to resolve it, while staying in line with the ground rules you laid out before the start of your session.( You mentioned the approach of being their best friend and sharing their pain, I feel like this is doable, but dangerous on an energetic level if you dont take extensive precautions beforehand, so i recommend distancing yourself emotionally when possible to a degree that it doesnt impair you professional and logical mindset)

Either that or im just an introvert lmao.


Even if I were to get a job of that sort, I wouldnt do it fulltime. But it sounded like you mentoined as a general thing.

I dont think its about pleasing people. We are not ass kissers.
To be honest I dont have to tell anything about myself so I dont care if people keep on rambling on and on about stuff but if its just a mess of negative crap, its a NO, and you should make that well known to people like that, Powerofjustice.

If youre coming for a consult, he/she is not your best friend or psychiatrist.
If people would only come for a chat we'd have to tell them to leave or charge them double. Theyre taking your time away from the work that you should be doing aka making you procastinate.
No employer would want to see their employees doing that.

It is very dangerous and I dont want to be thrown off the SS path, have my energy stolen and become littered with death/curses/negative crap from other people.

Powerofjustice
Posts: 83

Re: About conversations and consults

Postby Powerofjustice » Fri Aug 07, 2020 5:44 pm

Lunar Dance 666 wrote:
Powerofjustice wrote:
Lunar Dance 666 wrote:I have a question, mainly to centralforce, but chime in if you want to.

When I was learning for something that required taking consults, I was expected to be very emphatic, to be there for the people, to listen to what they had to say, and basicly it meant to 'connect' with them. Give them the feeling that they are heard.

Now I understand that this is important, but the way it instinctively feels to me, is that the approach sounds more like 'be their best friend and share their pain and sorrow with them'.

How do you handle that? How would you approach it?

I know a lot of people feel like they're just numbers, and I too hate that feeling, but I dont want to spill everything to everyone. But some just look at me expecting that Im going to say something.. (this latter is just normal interaction with people though).

If I interact with people.. I want it to be on my terms.


First off, if you are planning to get a job in a field where you have to interact with people daily on that level, I applaud you. Personally i find it so energetically and emotionally draining trying to appease to people or trying to discuss their problems, or dreams hopes and aspirations.

I think it's human nature in this setting for people to make it all about themselves and to expect you to be absolutely invested in the conversation and they just keeeeeeeep goooing on and on and somehow after 2 hours of monologuing they're offended that you aren't paying attention, you know what I mean?

Personally I think the key to consulting people is knowing that you might not always have the answer to their troubles, but finding a way to the source of the issue at hand and offering ways to resolve it, while staying in line with the ground rules you laid out before the start of your session.( You mentioned the approach of being their best friend and sharing their pain, I feel like this is doable, but dangerous on an energetic level if you dont take extensive precautions beforehand, so i recommend distancing yourself emotionally when possible to a degree that it doesnt impair you professional and logical mindset)

Either that or im just an introvert lmao.


Even if I were to get a job of that sort, I wouldnt do it fulltime. But it sounded like you mentoined as a general thing.

I dont think its about pleasing people. We are not ass kissers.
To be honest I dont have to tell anything about myself so I dont care if people keep on rambling on and on about stuff but if its just a mess of negative crap, its a NO, and you should make that well known to people like that, Powerofjustice.

If youre coming for a consult, he/she is not your best friend or psychiatrist.
If people would only come for a chat we'd have to tell them to leave or charge them double. Theyre taking your time away from the work that you should be doing aka making you procastinate.
No employer would want to see their employees doing that.

It is very dangerous and I dont want to be thrown off the SS path, have my energy stolen and become littered with death/curses/negative crap from other people.


Well, thats essentially what i said, i've never attended a consult, but it looks like a job where you really need to be very assertive and straight to the point. However if your clients are a bunch of wimps and dont understand your attitude towards them or are coming under the impression that they're getting a friendly chat, they might never come back.


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