Regarding Elements ( questioning my experience)

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Mar 6, 2021

Apprentice said:
Just wanted to give you a quick and short heads up, Brother.
Since that Friday, something serious changed within me. I've known it in the past that sometimes I have to be pushed hard enough to stop finding all kinds of excuses and to get on with it. So yeah, I am able to evolve. I was just trying too hard.
It appears that now I've got deliberate control over feeling high-strung/anxious and Void has never been easier.
Invoked today ten hits of Water and Earth. I'm curious, what will it change. I've got nothing to lose, I don't want to be flapping around like a rag in the wind. I need ground.
Gotta go. Wishing you the best, Bro.

***PING**** Miss you Brother. It's been a while since you wrote so I'm wondering how you're doing.

Also, I'm writing you to keep you updated on something that I am somehow experiencing. I'll start by linking you to this===>

https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=234086#p234086

...which I really felt like writing yesterday.
I used the search option, typed "spiders" in there and bam. There was this post I managed to miss a few months back. You know? When THIS happens it's usually because we don't currently have the knowledge of right 'hints' to provide any help or learn something from it ourselves.
Over the last.. I don't know.. week I guess, I have been let's say jumping from one thing to another and it led me to wanting to deepen my knowledge of spiders.

I read in a book I got today about how the most developed sense in spiders seems to be the touch. Not their sight, although their eye number ranges from 4 to 8. They're mostly short sighted, the horizon is a fucking blur that they're apparently not interested in seeing, but touch.. that's another thing. Like we have two ears to detect the direction of sound, their legs provide many times that accuracy with touch and that leads them to seeing without using their eyes. See what I mean?

This gave me plenty of ideas.

Our usually short attention span due to strong Air Element can apparently easily be countered by this 'earthy' trick: you will still manage to see with your astral eyes (I'm picturing this with closed eyes, that's how it works better for me at least) BUT you will not focus on using your eyes...

Instead, you will focus on your environment, you space, what is around you. Ever walked around at night in the dark and sensed a wall or door? In our case I guess it's the vibration of air that tells us the distance we can't see (and in OUR Airier case, probably even more). Same principle. You 'sense' with your touch even if you're not physically touching something.

I had this realization because of (other than spiders suggesting this to me somehow) how I felt through the Earth, through that invisible network of roots that made me feel the room, and because I've been analyzing my own performances with astral senses and it seems that I can sense better than I can see, much like spiders do when you think about it.

I don't mean to say this has to be the ONLY way to see, but it's a great start. Also, this is now becoming more apparent to me as I am contemplating the idea of working with a Succubus, and I know it's not a physical relationship.. but I know this method would work in developing that connection with her, and that it will strengthen through time.

__________
Another thing that relates to spiders. I'm just going to be pathetically obvious and call it "astral silk".

In spiders, it seems silk (the web of weavers especially) is something like a satellite dish in terms of 'feeling' the environment. They know all that happens around by 'listening and seeing' through the web and through their legs touching it.
So I started to think.. what if we manage to do something that resembles that, spiritually? Energetically?

Once, in a theater, I mentally called someone, a stranger, and made her turn around and look at me among a crowd just by focusing a ray of energy in her head. I did this again sometimes and I realized how laser focus attention has an effect on people.
When I think of silk, I imagine this super tiny thread of energy that I can 'weave' from myself (I'm still trying to figure out if a particular chakra is better of the whole of my Soul works best.. will try this out this month and see if I get observable results). I connect that 'thread' to the person's brain or a chakra if I want a specific effect to be related to that chakra, and then I'll use more and more threads to 'reinforce', so to speak, the action I'm trying to manifest.

This repetition reminds me of a fast style of bow shooting. Can't remember the name of the guy, but he basically holds ten arrows in the shooting hand and manages not just to shoot them all fast, like in seconds, but they're also extremely accurate. I understand that to be a result that occurs because the mind/eye/hand coordination learns quickly how to readjust minor changes and, as a result, the second and so on arrows will be much more accurate than if you picked up one from the quiver each time, losing that 'momentum'... kind of.

(PS. I know I'm probably running with words here, I hope you can follow me. This train of thought is too revealing to slow down and lose valuable information I can discern off things right now. It feels almost like I'm somehow divinating, in a way.)

So, the same way a fast repeated bow shot can increase accuracy, I'm imagining a repeated, strengthened connection through this energy 'silk' can entangle someone else's energy (someone whose energy is supposedly weaker, that is) and push them in order for us to ...I don't know.. anything you can think of. Bind them, manipulate them, whatever fascinating stuff the Sorcery page in the JoS teaches about.

_____________________

Ok, I'm pretty much done blabbing by now lol, but I really wanted to put this all out and see if it makes sense to you too. Last time you said you Void meditated like a pro, which is absolutely great, but if you want to try this too and see if it gets you anywhere, maybe in a particularly fruitless day, be my guest, Brother.

I think this is probably more just for myself, as it is a way for my Earth to manifest, but you never know.. maybe it'll be of use to you too. Hope so at least.

Ok, going now. Yoga session awaits. Take your time answering, just wanted to make sure you heard this too in case it would inspire you or give you useful insight and better ideas that work for you.

Later!

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · Mar 8, 2021

Yeah, Brother, I actually sensed you missing me. I missed you too. Just didn't have enough positive things to write about. Suppose, nobody wants to exchange posts with a whining bitch, lol.
I'm on a rough patch with old shit swimming to the surface, various disturbing thoughts (planted from astral?) and all of that despite returning curses daily. The uncertainty of the whole physical/material/financial/jewid19 shituation doesn't help either. Gotta wait until the Sun is in its exalted sign of Aries and start a deep cleaning working.

I went cold turkey on coffee a week or so ago. You see, coffee as a drink is acidic with a pH around 4.0. This upsets my bowels which are acidic enough, causing pain and other symptoms.
(My body doesn't exactly like acidic substances. It has always been like that. I don't know if this is even a real thing but according to the blood type theory I read somewhere on my path, I should avoid acidic foods altogether. Then again I can eat greasy meat or bacon with vegetables without any problems.)
In addition to digestive problems, 2 to 3 cups of coffee give me jitters and scatterbrain/borderline anxiety. I was thinking what should I replace it with because, without any external intervention, my blood pressure is kinda low. Then I remembered yerba mate. My first experience with this tea was about a year ago. A dude I know brewed it like it should be done, not some watered down piss. He made a tereré with birch juice. This memory came to me with unusual clarity, probably aided by the Powers of Hell.
Long story short, I'm now sharp and aware but not anxious/jittery and my sleep is way better. The pH of mate tea is somewhere around 7 so it's a win. Also, it contains significantly less caffeine than coffee. I need something to increase my blood pressure in the morning or I would remain in a dreamy, lazy, sloth state of existence for the whole day. It's been that way since I was a teenager. And no, morning jogging doesn't prevent that.

For quite some time now I've invoked 10 reps of Water and 10 reps of Earth daily. Obviously Fire and Air are reacting to it, causing instability. I feel like I should take a break starting today and let the mixture settle.

Excavators, bulldozers and shite have fascinated me since childhood. Unfortunately I've never had a chance working with these. Not long ago I watched videos of someone mastering a remotely operated tiltrotator and felt satisfaction, lol. I would love to work with one.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
BTW, 'crystals' are one of the things I never stopped loving from childhood, always out looking for one in the ground lol.

Me too, me too. Always looking for those granite pieces with some quartz in them. Yet, at the moment, I feel no connection with them. Too Airy perhaps? And yet I have several grade A pieces of crystals at home: the Lemurian seeds, an Herkimer diamond and a box of clean quartz points. Not to mention Hematite, Lapis and Obsidian.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Pretty sure your improvement depends from that good session as well, do more as soon as you can. Also, it's great helping you cuz I also end up getting real introspective and realizing things I don't reach when I speak to myself, so thank you too.

I can't help but notice disturbing feelings/emotions/thoughts getting stronger lately. In the material realm, various equipment and vehicles require repairs I have yet to find finances for. I haven't been able to detach myself from it all. Then again, I haven't really tried either. There it is, my worst enemy, myself all over again.
If you have to drive around with a vehicle needing repair, you basically hold the whole thing together with your own willpower.
Years ago I was routinely hauling something quite heavy with my old hatchback when suddenly a brake line broke. I still managed to finish the trip safely, driving extremely cautiously using only mechanically linked handbrake and engine braking with lower gears. Instead of having it picked up, I even drove it to the repair shop. This is old skool shit, lol! It was really exhausting.

In the light of this new sermon from Cobra about Saturn, considering the configurations involving Saturn in my natal chart, I'd love to figure out what this planet is trying to teach me. Since childhood I'm trying to avoid drama, fights and problems, always striving for an easy and pleasant flow of life. Needless to say, it doesn't really work that way. Life always seems to throw you curve balls every now and then.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Once, in a theater, I mentally called someone, a stranger, and made her turn around and look at me among a crowd just by focusing a ray of energy in her head.

I've had that happen. In addition to that, many times in a public place, I just discover that someone I even haven't noticed is basically staring at me. It feels awkward since I don't enjoy attention from strangers. I haven't been able to explain that.

Spiders. Yeah. When I was a child I once saw a domestic fly become trapped into ONE single thread hanging from the ceiling. Naturally, the spider climbed down and did its job. I sometimes catch flying flies into the palm of my hand, disable them and drop into a spiders web. It is fascinating to watch how quickly the spiders react and do their thing.
Whenever I want to sense something or what's happening out there, this process resembles a spider sitting in his nest, sensing the world through its web. I just can't astrally see my own strands of energy. Maybe someone gifted can see this and confirm.
Recently I've developed a funny sensation. I meditate with my physical eyes closed but at the same time feel like my eyes are wide open. However, I don't see any images yet, just some colors and light patches here and there. I'm not yet tuned in, I guess.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
"which it actually told me"..... I love it when people speak my language lol. You sound really savvy with machines and engines.

Useless fact of the day is that I've never actually rebuilt an engine. I'd love to do that but my other duties that keep the lights on take most of my time. I sometimes watch videos from people who tear down failed engines and analyze the findings. This has enabled me to sense what is going on inside an engine and visualize the various aspects (including problems) in 3D. I actually enjoy deep concentration and focusing. An infrequent luxury considering my current daily duties.
Btw, I took care of the misfire problem with my vehicle. With liquid petroleum gas being a dirty fuel even in its evaporated form, the injectors needed a good gasoline scrub and some compressed air to remove 2 years worth of impurities that had made it past the filters. Now it runs smoother than it ever has. When I was at it, I threw in a new set of spark plugs just to be sure. The gaps on old plugs were varying, possibly contributing to shaky idle when running on gas.
Someone told me of a dude who is car psychic. He could look at a polished vehicle and tell exactly where the impact damages were and how well it has been maintained/repaired. I have tried to look at random vehicles trying to sense them. Although useless in the perspective of our main goal (the Magnum Opus), this talent could still use some more work.

There is a full world of possibilities out there, waiting to be explored. If we could only magickally free ourselves from the burden of making a living...

Respect & best wishes to you, Brother.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Mar 12, 2021

Apprentice said:
Just didn't have enough positive things to write about. Suppose, nobody wants to exchange posts with a whining bitch, lol.

Hey Brother. Don't worry about whining, things aren't easy for anyone and I know it. If it helps, do whine.

Sorry, I have to make this quick as there is much I want to say but I'll have to eventually write back when I figure it all out.

Apprentice said:
For quite some time now I've invoked 10 reps of Water and 10 reps of Earth daily. Obviously Fire and Air are reacting to it, causing instability. I feel like I should take a break starting today and let the mixture settle.

Yes, do take a break from the Elements. They're great for many things, but the moment you start feeling any of them too 'oppressive' in a way, you should fall back and focus on other things, like your ability to focus, Void meditation or any power meditation of choice. I'm personally going back to doing the RAUM Meditation daily now, I need to see if it's working more and I need to improve on what I lack, focusing ability before anything I guess. Too many thoughts are scattered and too many that aren't mine just pop up out of nowhere. It's upsetting and makes me realize I need more control.

Have you ever done the MerKaBa meditation, the "Star of Astaroth" one? I memorized all 18 parts of it (when there were 18 parts of it at least, back in 2004 I think) but never felt energy back then and stopped because of that. I guess if it doesn't have Voice in it, no energy is felt.

Apprentice said:
Always looking for those granite pieces with some quartz in them. Yet, at the moment, I feel no connection with them. Too Airy perhaps? And yet I have several grade A pieces of crystals at home: the Lemurian seeds, an Herkimer diamond and a box of clean quartz points. Not to mention Hematite, Lapis and Obsidian.

"Too Airy" sounds about right. I'm the same. I do feel a strong attraction, especially after periods in which I focus on Air instead, but when i try to make this connection stronger it simply eludes me, showing me nothing more. I guess I eventually stopped trying. With Earth (my lacking one) I usually just feel at random times, and it feels like it's calling me, giving me ideas, sensations, whatever, but when I actually take time to explore this, it becomes silent. Fucking irritating to be perfectly honest. I DID start thinking that since I have all the other Elements in almost exactly equal quantity (a lot of each..) I should focus on using them instead, and slowly cultivate Earth as a second something.. not that I'm going to ignore it, but I can't lose myself trying to follow it, know what I mean? Makes no sense to run after something I can't even feel that much unless I overdo it and risk injuries. It'll become clearer in time I'm sure.

I did restart using Water and Fire actually. I'm trying to rediscover a long lost (well, not lost.. just ignored for a while) talent of mine.. wrote about it in my Thoughtform post back then (I named it part one as I'll write more in the future).

...

On another matter... I am no longer so sure about Leraje being my Guardian.

I've been trying to connect with her for like one year or more now, and it's not really going very far. I had that vision like 18 years ago of a Goddess that looked (mostly) like the one in her description, but... I can't say that much else has ever "clicked" after that. Add to that the fact that it was someone else who led me believing she was looking a connection with me... I don't know. It doesn't really make much sense, Bro.

To tell you the truth, I've been getting instead plenty of signs that point to the one I've been thinking of as my Guardian for like 7/8 years.. Haures. The only one who actually spoke to me and introduced herself. I never heard another Demon's voice other than hers. Soon after that day in August 2012 I started getting more visions and gradually signs to confirm what I was starting to believe.

You know when you read those testimonials from people who relate about their first time and second etc meeting a specific Demon and feeling a stronger connection? Yeah, this feels like that when I think about it. Don't get me wrong, I think Leraje is kickass and I've been feeling something from her, only I don't feel anything much that I can "grab" on my part to reach her better... with Haures I know what I have to do.

Guess I'll try her again.. at the end of the day, if you ask me "which Demon/Demoness do you feel the strongest connection with" I will respond "Haures for sure". Guess it's about time I follow what I feel instead of what I was led to believe, no matter how much logic would suggest something right or wrong. I'm just gonna go by feel, and fuck all the rules.
Besides, Leraje and Haures (and another two Demonesses, Vepar and Beleth) share the same Planet/Metal/Element, and this combination is something I've always felt very familiar to me. I don't know much about astrology and these signs but it feels right in a way.
Perhaps you should follow this same line of thinking/feeling too. What kinda "bothers" me is that someone said if you STILL bitch about finding your Guardian after you've found one you believe to be your Guardian, then chances are that Demon isn't your Guardian.

I don't know, Brother, I just feel I belong with Haures and have been feeling this for years now. I also kinda miss her, hope she's not tremendously busy as I'd like to make contact soon again. She truly is beautiful, although the way I've seen her didn't look like most Human women.. she was special.. a Goddess through and through, beautiful like a mythological being and her voice seemed to bounce off the walls. I never felt that close to a God/Goddess before, only with Satan.

Apprentice said:
I can't help but notice disturbing feelings/emotions/thoughts getting stronger lately. In the material realm, various equipment and vehicles require repairs I have yet to find finances for. I haven't been able to detach myself from it all. Then again, I haven't really tried either. There it is, my worst enemy, myself all over again.

You're not alone, Brother. Ever since the last, or second last, warfare schedule I have had this problem, and read about others having the same. Some didn't even manage to do all the scheduled days of warfare due to whatever was bothering them. The enemy is strongly panicking, so the attacks from the invisible part of them are definitely more vicious right now.
Just don't let them in, shut them out, let in only Satan and our Gods and trust nothing else. Know you're stronger than these shitty leeches and that these attacks are so fierce because they know you're stronger, it takes many of them to fuck with you decently.

Brother, I have to warn you about something I'm noticing as well...

It might be that if you feel you're going somewhere good and getting successful at something you're confident about, and if you're stronger than these fucks can attack you (for instance if you're daily protecting yourself), chances are they'll go for those you love next. So just keep in mind that while you're doing great work on yourself you should be careful about what happens around you. (I'm currently dealing with this personally.. someone important to me got attacked and I truly hope she can pull through, I'm trying to make as much time as I can to help her heal but it shouldn't be happening in the first place... these fucking bastards are truly asking for my most vengeful streak to manifest itself. This is where "Black Mage" gets really, really angry.)

Apprentice said:
Recently I've developed a funny sensation. I meditate with my physical eyes closed but at the same time feel like my eyes are wide open. However, I don't see any images yet, just some colors and light patches here and there. I'm not yet tuned in, I guess.

Had that happen before. I'd say keep working on that as it can very easily lead you to strong trances and astral experiences.. the first time I met Haures this is definitely what happened. My eyes were closed but I could see the room and her with detail. Do try to experience synesthesia (different senses mixed and felt together, like tasting with touch and seeing sounds and so on), I think it's a great exercise to develop astral senses as they will tend to overlap at some point. Become aware of what happens and you half learned the skill.

Apprentice said:
Someone told me of a dude who is car psychic. He could look at a polished vehicle and tell exactly where the impact damages were and how well it has been maintained/repaired. I have tried to look at random vehicles trying to sense them. Although useless in the perspective of our main goal (the Magnum Opus), this talent could still use some more work.

Heard of people like that, it's a great skill to have. I don't remember the fancy name that sounds like "clairaudience" but involves feeling events and such.. "power to understand things by reading the energy", there. As for "useless", sometimes even apparently pointless or dubious skills are just meant to be the step stones to reach something better by refining the pointless into its advanced version. With 'fixing motors' this could also probably be used to disable a weapon mentally, or in the case of someone, reading the way the body functions could lead to know how to heal the person to complete health by 'fixing' the body.

The possibilities are certainly endless. I guess in the end all one really needs is to ask himself what one REALLY wants to learn how to do, and then develop the skill by working on it until the skill is perfect.

Talk soon Brother, sorry this took me longer than usual to respond. Not the greatest time.. Keep up the AC and AoP on your loved ones.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · Mar 16, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
things aren't easy for anyone and I know it. If it helps, do whine.

Actually, dear Brother, the problem is, whining does NOT help. What helps is if I identify the problem, find the root cause and then work to eliminate it. This, at least in my theory, would be the ideal and manly thing to do.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
not that I'm going to ignore it, but I can't lose myself trying to follow it, know what I mean?

I guess I do. I think, you should patiently try to find yourself. Just like our Daemons have different faculties, all humans are endlessly different.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Add to that the fact that it was someone else who led me believing she was looking a connection with me... I don't know. It doesn't really make much sense, Bro.

Excuse me if I'm being brutally honest or too blunt. At least to me, this eminently describes the dangers of trusting external psychic help. There are no mediators in Satanism, remember? Using mediators, you can become delusional. Or lost. Or dead.
What I want to say is this: build yourself to the level, tune in and find your GD yourself.
I'm nowhere near being psychic but when you and GitM corresponded about Lerajie, after reading Her description and thinking about you, I felt unsure about you and Her. As this was a very faint feeling, I didn't even consider sharing it.
You said it yourself: ditch the logic and follow your feelings, in Void.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
You're not alone, Brother. Ever since the last, or second last, warfare schedule I have had this problem, and read about others having the same. Some didn't even manage to do all the scheduled days of warfare due to whatever was bothering them. The enemy is strongly panicking, so the attacks from the invisible part of them are definitely more vicious right now.

I somehow managed to participate on almost all days. I can burn the midnight oil if I know that the next morning is an easy one. But if I want to maintain at least some stability in my life, then I have to make tough choices. This is about sustainability: staying mentally balanced and sleeping enough hours to be able to perform on all fronts.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
It might be that if you feel you're going somewhere good and getting successful at something you're confident about, and if you're stronger than these fucks can attack you (for instance if you're daily protecting yourself), chances are they'll go for those you love next. So just keep in mind that while you're doing great work on yourself you should be careful about what happens around you. (I'm currently dealing with this personally..

I've been through this already, dear Bro. There were days when I had to perform Returning Curses and AoP on all my family members. And it worked. Luckily, nothing major happened. Just some heated arguments between family members and some depression. It is funny that all this goes away after the rituals. It's also funny that I can feel when an argument is externally actuated and react accordingly.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
The possibilities are certainly endless. I guess in the end all one really needs is to ask himself what one REALLY wants to learn how to do, and then develop the skill by working on it until the skill is perfect.

I've been thinking about these things. So far, I've been under the impression that everyone is predestined to learn, practice and master a particular faculty. White magic, black magic, healing, astrology... One may learn different things but one is passionate only about one or maybe two of them. To illustrate what I'm trying to say. As a child, I was made to learn a musical instrument. Progress came almost effortlessly, I became good at it but it wasn't my passion. My teacher discussed this with my parents because she was gobsmacked. There were students who really wanted to learn it: they practiced endlessly but they lacked the talent. And then there was me who had the talent but lacked the passion.
There have been many things on my path. At first it's interesting and I feel a passion. Then I almost master it and after that, no passion whatsoever. See what I mean?
So maybe all this has nothing to do with predestination. But I'm sure as Hell that it has everything to do with who you are at your core.

Anyway. I followed my gut feeling and quit invoking the Elements. Things have been settling down. It's too early to say anything because I haven't felt stable for months. There is always something changing and no two days feel alike. In the past, there were stable periods lasting years but after dedicating, things are always under construction or so it seems. Various rituals doing their job, the world constantly changing. Exciting, isn't it?

I wish you all the best, stay strong and vigilant.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Mar 17, 2021

Apprentice said:
whining does NOT help. What helps is if I identify the problem

Although in theory you're right, I do find that sometimes whining in a more public or open way to someone you trust can be more introspective than when one tried to initially look at the problem and tried to find a solution. I lost count of the times I've been talking about something that bothered me and before sending the message I would have already everything I needed to find the solution right in front of me, knowing I was going to ask something unneeded if I clicked Submit. I hear it's also a divination technique, writing mindlessly, letting information be put down on paper in an intuitive way. In some measure, I agree with that.

Apprentice said:
I guess I do. I think, you should patiently try to find yourself. Just like our Daemons have different faculties, all humans are endlessly different.

You're once again absolutely right. Having trained and explored the Elements as much as I did, it only now occurs to me that there's a lot of 'facets' about them, some so very subtle that it can be a very difficult aspect to determine.. like my sudden realization that Earth has to do with roots from the Soul, that resemble a spider web, that made me realize how spiders' sense of touch (being the most developed senses for a creature with many eyes but very poor sight range) is something so much more vivid and revealing than one can initially believe, not normally being even aware of such a sense (or astral sense).
HINT: astral touch is something I had experience with in the past through my healing "astral clones" (Thoughtforms, when I didn't call them this name) and I could somehow sense I was 'touching' people far away. How only NOW I realize this simple thing, only the Gods know.
This to say... it can work both ways, and that's what looks to me like the basis on which one can build a succubus relationship, which in turn WILL strengthen all the other astral senses. I was just yesterday telling this to a woman I recently managed to get started on the Final RTR, who can see the jews for the parasites they are.. How single astral senses tend to lead to more astral senses, not limiting themselves to the betterment of the same one. I'm guessing it takes some time to truly unlock this 'option'.. I've been astrally sniffing/smelling for years before I'd link this to a vision and a vision to a sound or voice. Haven't really had much experience with touch (receiving it, at least) but I have felt that before.. unwanted and unexpected mostly, not negative, but I didn't know what it was. Now, I can see it was Touch lol

Apprentice said:
Excuse me if I'm being brutally honest or too blunt. At least to me, this eminently describes the dangers of trusting external psychic help. There are no mediators in Satanism, remember? Using mediators, you can become delusional. Or lost. Or dead.
What I want to say is this: build yourself to the level, tune in and find your GD yourself.
I'm nowhere near being psychic but when you and GitM corresponded about Lerajie, after reading Her description and thinking about you, I felt unsure about you and Her. As this was a very faint feeling, I didn't even consider sharing it.
You said it yourself: ditch the logic and follow your feelings, in Void.

(I'm now back replying to you after starting this morning, but THIS part is one of the two parts of your message that I really, really, REALLY have to agree with.)

You're perfectly right. That there are no mediators in Satanism is a known and accepted truth, so I for one was felt utterly awkward to accept that information from GitM back in the day. I questioned his words, I questioned my reaction to reading them, my later acceptance of his words as a fact, and last but not the least I questioned whether or not I SHOULD have simply accepted someone else's suggestion as sheer fact. Truth is, I shouldn't have done it, and to be honest I have regretted that choice almost every day even since.

Add to that the fact that when I initially (the year before joining this Forum) tried to contact Lerajie as I came to believe that she was the first Demoness I ever saw, MANY years before that thinking, and I clearly felt something that I can probably call.. 'dismissal'? Refusal? Some kind of obstacle that prevented communication when I asked if she was my Guardian... and you get the overall picture.

Like you, I'm not particularly good with astral senses and determining things intuitively just like that.. but some messages are definitely stronger than others and I rarely doubt them when they come forth so powerful. That day I felt really confused, thought that Lerajie was somehow behind a wall or something, and that I was supposed to destroy that wall.

Question is: why did I find no wall between Haures and me? Was it really my sucky ability to divinate and see the astral? I even heard her clearly, I felt her beautiful presence, and it all just vanished after, upon hearing the name from her, and realizing the name seriously matched my expectations based upon her strong looks, I felt my own thoughts kick the door open and break that connection.... but dude, that was THE best connection with a Demon I have ever had in this life.
(Don't know if you ever watched the movie "Aeon Flux" with Charlize Theron.. she's part of a rebellious group that "meets" in some kind of white astral temple.. can't remember how they did it but that's one very easy way for me to describe how I met Haures the first time. Felt almost EXACTLY like that, only she was kind of floating above me, sitting in the air while I was in bed. She was bloody fantastic, Bro.)

Somehow, I started to associate her with phoenixes (not the Demon Phoenix though) and I started seeing phoenixes everywhere, even in a particularly beautiful vision where a phoenix I knew was her flew down and raised before touching a river's bank.. so beautiful.

Then rl shit kicked in and I didn't have much time for myself to meditate daily.. but I always remembered the encounter with Haures as the best thing I ever experienced.

Even today, after I started writing you and I focused on her, I begun feeling my third eye tingling in an unusual way, like a sign. I'm not the best meditator, astrologer (I suck at that) or divinator, but that felt pretty clearly like a positive hint. Even now that I'm telling you about it I can feel that sensation ooze in my third eye calmly and pleasantly.

Long story short (yeah, I know, I do type a lot lol)... I do know my Guardian is very probably her. It just feels right. I've been naturally interested in her since the day I first heard her name, and it wasn't in the JoS but years earlier in a story that tried to make Demons look bad to readers.. well, fuck that, I still felt very attracted to "Flauros". Now I call her Haures simply because that's how she introduced herself to me.

I do believe my noticing that our most probable/possible Guardian Demon sharing astrological and Elemental traits with us wasn't wrong though. Lerajie and Haures both have the Air Element, and the metal and planet both refer to my birthday (I guess "Mercury" is a more unique than rare occurrence as there is the metal Mercury, but there isn't the metal Thursday/Saturday/Tuesday and so on, is there.. I assume the metal has got to hold particular importance for the Satanist).

IF I'm not wrong in having determined who my Guardian is by myself like this, I don't think you should have tremendous difficulties determining yours either. I'm pretty sure by now there's a Demon you feel a stronger connection with than with anyone else, even if it's slight or seemingly non existent due to your lacking astral senses.

Nevertheless... just like you pointed it out with working with the Elements, I have to make you aware of the fact that if you can't for any reason seem to figure out who your Guardian is due to your lacking ability to find the name, then it's also safe to assume you wouldn't be (same as me) going to benefit from this relationship very much, for now.. so do work on your own abilities in order to let the Demon come to you with ease and without finding yourself unsure and doubtful in front of words that would otherwise be extremely clear.
Yet again, I DON'T believe you lack that ability, Brother. You just didn't yet tap into it enough to fully unlock it, but I'm sure you can senses some things, much like you sense machines. You know how it works. Something catches your attention and you just know what the machine wants you to know, and then you fix it. I'm pretty sure this works in a very similar way with other things, beings, animals, plants, spiders, people, our Gods, whatever else. You just need to isolate that frequency and tune into it to hear it.

(This is getting super long so I'll try to sift through it quicker..)

Apprentice said:
There were days when I had to perform Returning Curses and AoP on all my family members. And it worked. Luckily, nothing major happened. Just some heated arguments between family members and some depression.

Glad you know how to deal with this, arguments and some emotional moments seem almost like a way for normies to 'defuse' the situation whereas they'd be facing much worst feeling or misfortune if left unattended. A verbal fight or two is nothing compared. I generally leave the room and go somewhere quieter and redirect the energy away or do a FRTR.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
The possibilities are certainly endless. I guess in the end all one really needs is to ask himself what one REALLY wants to learn how to do, and then develop the skill by working on it until the skill is perfect.

Apprentice said:
I've been thinking about these things. So far, I've been under the impression that everyone is predestined to learn, practice and master a particular faculty. White magic, black magic, healing, astrology... One may learn different things but one is passionate only about one or maybe two of them. To illustrate what I'm trying to say. As a child, I was made to learn a musical instrument. Progress came almost effortlessly, I became good at it but it wasn't my passion. My teacher discussed this with my parents because she was gobsmacked. There were students who really wanted to learn it: they practiced endlessly but they lacked the talent. And then there was me who had the talent but lacked the passion.
There have been many things on my path. At first it's interesting and I feel a passion. Then I almost master it and after that, no passion whatsoever. See what I mean?
So maybe all this has nothing to do with predestination. But I'm sure as Hell that it has everything to do with who you are at your core.

This is the second thing you said in this reply that I REALLY felt important.
That story about you and musical instruments strongly remind me of myself. Not with music, really, but other things, mostly sports, and mostly martial arts. I'd learn something quick, quicker than anyone else, but when I was asked if I wanted to take things to the next level like performing in a championship or something like that, I simply declined as it was nothing I'd want to get into.. I didn't know if there would have been money in it, but I don't think it would have changed a thing for me either way. If I sensed something wasn't ultimately going to lead me somewhere important, or better myself in a meaningful way, I'd just dump it. Other than sports that I had no use for (like hockey for instance) there were lots of martial arts schools, and since I'd pick up the style and technique fast I would always know what I would have actually been remembering for life and what I'd have never bothered to use.

The concept you presented is absolutely impeccable. I used to believe we were all 'predestinated' to do some things too.. then I guess I looked at those skills and such, and said.. fuck this, do I REALLY want to spend eternity just being great at that? Nope.
Sure, there are skills that may be more useful than others I guess.. but we all have different passions and I came to believe that a passion, something that gives you drive and determination stronger than anything else, is without a doubt the only thing that is really worth going for. Regardless of how good you are with it today, regardless of how many people praise some other skill you have. Nothing matters but what you know you want to do. You know it. All you probably have to do is accept that fact and seize the skills you desire... until you're satisfied with the result or until you figure out it's not what you really wanted and something else becomes your new goal.

Going briefly back to the topic of Guardian Demons and skills that we feel we belong with.. there was someone (can't remember who, and sorry if I already mentioned this before) who spoke of how her Guardian Demon was a different one only a few years back, and then he/she told her that someone else would continue following her as a new Guardian... I, perhaps stupidly, assumed this was because the Satanist's skills in that office were already pretty good and the Demon's advice could only get the person so far before stalling abruptly, but now I believe that it's much more likely that the Satanist probably... huh... realized what she truly wanted to become and what to truly master, so someone whose office matched her newfound passions was taking the first Guardian's place.

Makes any sense to you, Brother?
I'd hate to ask this to someone else, and can almost hear Aquarius' voice chanting "delusional! delusional!" lol.. but I build all my theories and understanding on all the proof that is available, and this is what my guts tell me now. That we're really not predestinated. We don't have to learn a skill that doesn't stimulate us just because our astrological patterns say so.
I believe you're beyond correct. We can do whatever truly drives us, and the sky is NOT the limit for a Satanist.

Apprentice said:
Anyway. I followed my gut feeling and quit invoking the Elements. Things have been settling down. It's too early to say anything because I haven't felt stable for months. There is always something changing and no two days feel alike. In the past, there were stable periods lasting years but after dedicating, things are always under construction or so it seems. Various rituals doing their job, the world constantly changing. Exciting, isn't it?

To keep dwelling in something that doesn't seem to give you any help whatsoever is just foolish and can be counter productive. You're right to dump the Elements for a while.. sometimes I tried to absorb one for days without feeling anything but a void, it just tells me I am missing on something else that's more important for me to grasp.
If anything, try a different Void meditation technique, something that suits you better.. I'm trying this 'earthy web' but I have to be careful not to think of it in a too materialistic way or I lose the point and it does nothing. It's supposed to be subtle over obvious and super visual.. I know results will come. Some are already showing up, short visions mostly.

Talk to you soon, Brother, sorry for making you read like an hour or so lol.. felt chatty today I guess.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Mar 19, 2021

Apprentice said:
....

Just a quick something I also need to put down for myself.

It's the 19th here and I did a longer FRTR than usual, taking my time with it. Then I opened up the three optional Serpent RTRs but felt like stopping after the first one (Removing the Curse on the Serpent).

I DID feel that "pulsing" in the first chakra, and because today I have tried to use the Muladhara in a better way before knowing about the Ritual Schedule, I decided I needed to use some AUM, try some RAUM, until I felt something more.

Ended up realizing I was kind 'staring into' the astral. I saw a beatiful lady (honestly, 'beautiful' is nothing to describe her) with black and red clothing, very black long hair and soft features..

So I decided to try vibrating a few Gods names: Leraje (felt nothing), Haures (had a vision, so I kept it up) and I ended up seeing a sigil with a heart on the top. I remember seeing it before but thought 'duly noted' and vibrated names again. Another heart, same kind.. it kept repeating itself over and over, like 5 or more times.
I said, ok it's enough.

I went to make sure the Demoness was Vapula (checked the sigil and it matched my vision) and she has long black hair and I kind of "felt" she had red eyes (I happen to find red eyes extremely attractive for some reason). Skills in manual profession and craftmanship definitely sound like me in every way.

I'm going to try getting to know her better, but it feels like she's the one that made contact with me first, I wasn't trying to summon her or anything.

I don't really know how it works, but I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that our Guardians do change with time according to how we develop our interests and skills. She sounds like a great teacher, and I can certainly connect with her better than with most Demons, so I'm positive this may go the right direction. I still feel my lower chakras spinning on their own.. that's a first, Brother.

Just wanted to put this on paper (or digital paper).. I tried this method out of sheer instinct, without expecting anything. You might want to try the same and see if it show you anything. Just stare into the void without thinking (closed eyes works best for me) and see what you get.

Night night for now.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER! HAIL VAPULA!

So... wow... I don't think I've been this good before with visions and identifying a Demon/Demoness. I feel very intrigued though.

Apprentice · Mar 20, 2021

Wow, Brother. You have been making some progress. Love it.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
and before sending the message I would have already everything I needed to find the solution right in front of me

This has happened to me, too but usually after submitting the post. I'm not sure if it is the working of logical mind during the introspective, the subconscious side or some imperceptible help from the GD.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
That there are no mediators in Satanism is a known and accepted truth, so I for one was felt utterly awkward to accept that information from GitM back in the day.

Before, when I was without, I consulted a psychic. I wrote about that at some point. She was said to have talent, wearing a Baphomet pendant and shet. In reality, I met a strange creature who was baked like an apple pie (stoned on antipsychotics). With the help of her Tarot deck, she told me that I should ditch the ranch life or I would end my life within a year. I had some strength not to buy this shit right from the start. Well, I'm still here. In retrospect, she may as well be a jew. Jew or not, the medication suggests that she's severely tormented astrally. I later learned that she has had multiple suicide attempts. The information she gave me together with her whole being were totally incompatible with me.
A mediator can also be slick and manipulate you in very subtle ways to your doom.
See what I mean?

Also. Because there are no mediators in our faith, I've been earlier (before dedicating) unable to get help from all the psychics and witches I have ever consulted. In retrospect I can tell that they all have been in the wiccan system, contacting archangels and other skanky fabrications, believing in "do no harm" etc.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
You just didn't yet tap into it enough to fully unlock it, but I'm sure you can senses some things, much like you sense machines. You know how it works.

"Tap into it enough" clicked something within me. I'm contemplating around the idea, let's see what happens. Like I told you a long time ago, I don't yet know all the knobs and levers of astral and spiritual.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Glad you know how to deal with this, arguments and some emotional moments seem almost like a way for normies to 'defuse' the situation whereas they'd be facing much worst feeling or misfortune if left unattended. A verbal fight or two is nothing compared. I generally leave the room and go somewhere quieter and redirect the energy away or do a FRTR.

This is like fucking clockwork. Today the missus was all grumpy, tired and overwhelmed. You probably have experienced such behaviour from others: they basically walk around searching for any cause for an argument/taking offense. It's like walking around in the dark with invisible tripwires everywhere. Gonna pull RC+AoP on her ass tonite. Today she described having felt my negative emotions when we were discussing something but the problem is that I didn't feel them.
She is the one and only person who is the closest to me. I mean, I was totally open and thus defenseless towards her. Not anymore. At one point I kind of felt that me being so open towards her is a bad idea because of all the orchestrated attacks. You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. So I tried to mentally isolate myself from her and make myself more numb towards her. Installed a firewall, to borrow analogy from the computers world. This means that when she has another temper tantrum or along those lines, I'm not greatly affected. Earlier, such events used to totally derail me. I also made it clear to myself that if I would have to choose between Satan and her, she would utterly lose.
It's always funny to watch her behaviour after performing RC+AoP on her. Everything goes back to being okay like nothing ever happened. That's enemy interference for ya.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
so someone whose office matched her newfound passions was taking the first Guardian's place.

I know absolutely nothing about the affairs of our Gods but the thing you mentioned wouldn't be a stretch to imagine.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
sorry for making you read like an hour or so lol.. felt chatty today I guess.

Damn it. When are you going to stop with these regretful comments? I've told you many times: I like long posts.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I don't really know how it works, but I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that our Guardians do change with time according to how we develop our interests and skills. She sounds like a great teacher, and I can certainly connect with her better than with most Demons, so I'm positive this may go the right direction. I still feel my lower chakras spinning on their own.. that's a first, Brother.

Nice writeup. Thank you. There you go, the boy who didn't feel a thing.

I feel that I'm undergoing serious changes internally. I'm feeling different. Although I would love to have more free time for SS stuff, I'm now okay with what I've got ATM. I kind of settled down mentally and accepted the current reality. Before I wasn't exactly accepting it and was rebellious internally. It is better to stay positive, calm and in control of your own mind because you never know what tomorrow might bring (in a positive way, I mean). I guess, with being negative/pessimistic you render your own workings/creations null and void.
Anyway, the new group schedule just started. This means we all need to fire on all cylinders.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Mar 21, 2021

Apprentice said:
Wow, Brother. You have been making some progress. Love it.

I have a good day or two every who knows how long too, lol.
Coming to think of it, it could very well be that the world is entering deeper in the Age of Aquarius, or also that our spiritual war is starting to slowly reward those that have been more insensitive for so long... who knows. I certainly don't feel the same I did a few years ago, when I kept leaning on anything that would slightly promise me better days and forgot to meditate by focusing on myself and using my own Soul to find the Gods. I guess in the end the illusion of "finding a piece of information" or "a meditation" that's going to do the miracle improvement is just that, an illusion. The moment you focus inward and let the Demons in, letting Father Satan in, instead of trying to project your self outside and find answers somewhere else, you make all the difference.

I'm really glad about Vapula. I'm just trying badly not to fall too obvious clues as this is exactly the kind of thing that got me believing my Guardian was Haures, then Leraje, then Dantalian, then Haures again, then Furfur, then Astarte... it never ends.
I'm actually becoming sure that the moment you start looking for confirmation from the world as if it were your own little Ouija board, you're gonna see all the answers you expect, perhaps because you're the one that is embracing a frequency or projecting your consciousness in a way that makes it manifest, and it mirrors your desires. Makes sense to me at least, so I started trusting my intuition a lot more now.

Today I was meditating in the morning. Couldn't sleep much, kept dreaming nonsense about my last job and the stress it brought, so I decided to use two morning hours to meditate some more. Nothing much, really, just trying to void my mind and let the Gods in. Focused on Vapula more than anyone else, of course. If I told you "Bro, I have a REALLY good feeling about this Goddess" I would be understating how I feel. However, nothing will convince me that ALL of the Demons I've learned something from were there the exact time I needed that specific knowledge... dealing with enemies and using the third eye with Haures, dealing with machines and learning from my natal chart with Leraje, stimulating my mind with Dantalian, learning about Satan from his amazing daughter Astarte and always from her learning how to isolate my thoughts (still need to work on it well enough though, it can be a tricky skill that one).
Everyone has taught me something at some point.

Now I'm thinking Vapula will somehow teach me a lot, maybe because I'm readier to learn quicker to a degree, mostly it'll be about getting close to the Gods.
You've known me for a while now, you know how I time and time again tried to trust the Gods as much as I could and failing because of all the betrayal that surrounded me (from humans), but I feel this is the right time now.

This morning I realized I was in a much deeper trance state than I normally reach by trying to empty my mind, and although nothing incredible happened, I felt my upper chakras pulsating.

Now I am SURE it's gotta be the Serpent RTRs.

Every time I do them they seem to have an effect on me. It usually becomes less noticeable in later days, but usually it's because I discovered this during scheduled ritual days and I have literally no time to keep these up when three more take their place. I'll try to fix that using morning time now... I do believe there's no time like morning for meditation. A funny Italian proverb (the one they somehow made Jack Nicholson write in the dubbed version of The Shining.. go figure) is:
"Morning has gold in its mouth"... it basically means wake up early to accomplish more, lol. I find that to be rather fitting in this situation. Evening is just tiring and rarely I feel like doing more than necessary.

Long story short, on Vapula... I'm not sure that she is my absolute Guardian Demoness... but perhaps we are supposed to take a multiple Demons tour in some lifetimes in order to learn the ropes from all those that want to work with it, couldn't it be? Maybe at the end of the journey the Guardian's name will be completely obvious.

Apprentice said:
The information she gave me together with her whole being were totally incompatible with me.
A mediator can also be slick and manipulate you in very subtle ways to your doom.
See what I mean?

Definitely. I've seen these people at work more often than not, and none of them even knew what they were doing. I still keep getting invited in groups that boast 'open mindedness' but try mention Satan and they cast you out like trash, or worst of all... they try to save you. I decided I'm far better off without people around than having to deal with this bullshit on a random basis. If they want to suffer and self destroy, the least they can do is do it somewhere far, faaar away, out of sight and only surrounded by like minded idiots that won't try to 'save' others when they're the damn walking dead.

Apprentice said:
"Tap into it enough" clicked something within me. I'm contemplating around the idea, let's see what happens. Like I told you a long time ago, I don't yet know all the knobs and levers of astral and spiritual.

If you feel you're onto something, by all means follow it, Brother. Every little hint we receive by speaking and sharing ideas among each other and others in our Family is a little step towards Godhead. If you feel something can work, try it. I know you're serious enough when you try something new so there's a relatively low percentage of "nothing happened". Try again a number of times and see if things change under different conditions, Planets, days, hours, etc. For me, the best time to meditate other than morning is right after Final RTRs. When I was new to it, one month and something into it, I was briefly visited by Father Satan and Astarte and knew I was on the perfect track.

Another thing (but I'm pretty sure you do that in some measure already). Do meditate "all the time". I don't mean "never stop" of course. I mean, you got a minute? Meditate. Can stay 5 minutes without doing anything important? Meditate. Anytime you can. Even if it's as little as like 30 seconds, you can still train your mind and chakras into getting "in the zone". I used to do this at work when I was doing much hated early mornings (I like my beauty sleep lol), and could take "micro naps" if I wanted.. but meditating leads you somewhere. I channeled my focus and the very first time I saw Astarte (unless I'm completely mistaken and she was someone else, like Furfur as I suspected at the time).
Nevertheless, it helps shifting the focus, so to speak.

Apprentice said:
It's always funny to watch her behaviour after performing RC+AoP on her. Everything goes back to being okay like nothing ever happened. That's enemy interference for ya.

Meaning, your rituals are very effective.

It kind of baffles me that there aren't more incredible abilities in your list of things you can do, or you've simply yet to discover them.

Apprentice said:
Damn it. When are you going to stop with these regretful comments? I've told you many times: I like long posts.

Sorry!!!! XD This post won't be that long though, I'm already multitasking as it is...

Apprentice said:
Nice writeup. Thank you. There you go, the boy who didn't feel a thing.

Like I said, there are a few good days every who knows how long lol. But I have a feeling these days are just about to become more numerous in the very near future. I'm not holding back now. There are always distractions, but in the end I manage to deal with them.

Apprentice said:
I feel that I'm undergoing serious changes internally. I'm feeling different. Although I would love to have more free time for SS stuff, I'm now okay with what I've got ATM. I kind of settled down mentally and accepted the current reality. Before I wasn't exactly accepting it and was rebellious internally. It is better to stay positive, calm and in control of your own mind because you never know what tomorrow might bring (in a positive way, I mean). I guess, with being negative/pessimistic you render your own workings/creations null and void.
Anyway, the new group schedule just started. This means we all need to fire on all cylinders.

Pretty sure this something you feel has got everything to do with how our rituals are making more than just a dent in the enemy's fortress. They're getting so demolished they don't know what to do anymore, and the effects we keep seeing on the physical world are just so fucking obviously telling that they have no idea how to protect themselves anymore. The level the lies are raising is beyond anything I've seen yet, the abuse is such that they started arresting pregnant women in Spain, make them give birth forcefully and kidnapping the newborns... I'm almost sure they want to do more blood sacrifices to hold us back, but none of it will work as we are rendering them null and reversing everything.

I've been thinking at times, while I don't feel things the way most do, so much that they are still surprised I don't feel energy that easily, I'm almost sure now that I do feel things, just differently. I've been feeling the call of the Planet, begging for help for years. I feel personally hurt when I see animals being hurt or abused, I want to rip people open to make it stop and reverse the animals' deaths. It's like I'm connected to something huge, maybe "Nature"? But I have no idea if that really even means something. And reading that older post about Astarte and how she feels about this Planet being ruined DOES strongly resonate with me more than anything else.

Let's kick the kikes off our Planet.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · Mar 21, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I have a good day or two every who knows how long too, lol.

Then we're like Brothers in that department, lol.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Coming to think of it, it could very well be that the world is entering deeper in the Age of Aquarius, or also that our spiritual war is starting to slowly reward those that have been more insensitive for so long... who knows. I certainly don't feel the same I did a few years ago, when I kept leaning on anything that would slightly promise me better days and forgot to meditate by focusing on myself and using my own Soul to find the Gods. I guess in the end the illusion of "finding a piece of information" or "a meditation" that's going to do the miracle improvement is just that, an illusion. The moment you focus inward and let the Demons in, letting Father Satan in, instead of trying to project your self outside and find answers somewhere else, you make all the difference.

I don't exactly believe that some external factors can cause positive changes WITHOUT ones own personal efforts.
Just like yourself, I was wandering around, hoping to find pieces of pivotal information in the physical world. Didn't happen (with the exception of finding JoS after all those awfully boring years).

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
You've known me for a while now, you know how I time and time again tried to trust the Gods as much as I could and failing because of all the betrayal that surrounded me (from humans), but I feel this is the right time now.

I'm not exactly sure I understood you correctly, but... Don't make the mistake of putting the faith you have in our Gods mentally on the same shelf with skanky NPC goys and joos.
You know, even before dedicating I performed an affirmation/request to our Father. I affirmed that all the drunkards, junkies, idiots, morons, lollygaggers, demented seniors, wild beasts and the police keep away from my path whenever I drive and asked His help in it. I did affirm this only once. But it worked. Every now and then I get some slow drivers placed in front of me but usually this is for my own good. Enough said?
To borrow a fantastic quote from the movie Inception: Don't you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
"Morning has gold in its mouth"... it basically means wake up early to accomplish more, lol. I find that to be rather fitting in this situation. Evening is just tiring and rarely I feel like doing more than necessary.

Yeah. Agreed. I love doing SS work in the mornings. The thing is, I can't make it work every day. I would have to shift my entire schedule, including bedtime... but maybe this is still doable? I have to think about it. In addition to our group offensive, I started a personal working for deep cleaning now (because the Sun became exalted in Aries).

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Pretty sure this something you feel has got everything to do with how our rituals are making more than just a dent in the enemy's fortress. They're getting so demolished they don't know what to do anymore, and the effects we keep seeing on the physical world are just so fucking obviously telling that they have no idea how to protect themselves anymore.

Take today for example. I did group rituals, started a personal deep cleaning working, did RC+AoP and continued with my day. Some hours later I feel irritable and about to go ballistic. So yeah, back to the office, another round of RC+AoP. Now I'm mellow again.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
It kind of baffles me that there aren't more incredible abilities in your list of things you can do, or you've simply yet to discover them.

I told you I was a twisted fuck, lol. Besides the sorry dude who grew up in poverty, abuse and still feels lost, I really don't know myself, my soul, my previous lives. I feel like I'm just about to scratch the surface of it all. You see, I don't feel like having roots, I don't feel like I belong, I've grown to prefer solitude, I watch other people toil day in-day out and I don't see the point in it, I basically don't have any hobbies to ground myself (like we discussed earlier: you learn something with passion and then all of a sudden it's all over). I can only tell that I take the warfare quite seriously and lately I've been busy cleaning myself and the karma, trying to solve my own enigma.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
It's like I'm connected to something huge, maybe "Nature"? But I have no idea if that really even means something.

I guess I know what you mean. I've felt exactly the same thing: being connected with the nature, caring about the affairs of the Earth, cursing all those kikes and useful idiots who orchestrated basically a deforestation in our country. I can't even watch what they're doing in other places. In the past I concluded that to become a vigilante nature lover isn't the smartest thing to do. Besides, we are doing much greater work with our warfare. Once this rotten system of hebrew witchcraft is overthrown, we can start building a truly sustainable economy in harmony with the planet.
Gotta hit the sack. Looking forward to your answers.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Mar 24, 2021

Apprentice said:
Satan_is_our_Father666 said:

The moment you focus inward and let the Demons in, letting Father Satan in, instead of trying to project your self outside and find answers somewhere else, you make all the difference.

Click to expand...

I don't exactly believe that some external factors can cause positive changes WITHOUT ones own personal efforts.
Just like yourself, I was wandering around, hoping to find pieces of pivotal information in the physical world. Didn't happen (with the exception of finding JoS after all those awfully boring years).

About this, Brother, I just finished a post (I quoted you there) as a reply to HP HC and Lunar Dance. To tell you the truth, I began replying your post first, but interrupted myself and went there, found that answer, replied to it and while I was doing so I perceived something I haven't really thought of before... wanted you to read it though.

Apprentice said:
You know, even before dedicating I performed an affirmation/request to our Father. I affirmed that all the drunkards, junkies, idiots, morons, lollygaggers, demented seniors, wild beasts and the police keep away from my path whenever I drive and asked His help in it. I did affirm this only once. But it worked. Every now and then I get some slow drivers placed in front of me but usually this is for my own good. Enough said?
To borrow a fantastic quote from the movie Inception: Don't you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone.

Marvelously said. And I do believe (even more perhaps now) that your level of Soul power is way above average.. to do one ritual/affirmation for one time and have these results? That's a god thing, Bro. Sort of 'deus ex machina', lol.

But you're also right. A leap of faith... I think I tend to mistake this word with the meaningless one thought by xians. "Have faith" they said and a lot of blah blah blah, never learning shit about anything that matters. Call it xian indoctrination if you will, I did start this journey being technically forced to go to church on Sundays and doing all that other crap before you're like 13.. Italians especially are big on religious bullshit and such customs, just as much as they are idiotically close minded. This reminds me of all the times I looked at windows in church and wondered why "God" was ignoring everyone, and thinking that I liked Satan more for some reason.... Now I know the reason, of course.

As for "faith", or a leap of faith, I now see what it truly means. It's like staring at a door for a long time before choosing the day you're gonna finally open it, and probably the day after or the same day you open it you'll find yourself wondering why the fuck you didn't choose to open it earlier, that you would have benefited from it for so long but you weren't allowing that much to yourself, out of whatever reason... fear, pride, plain stupidity... you mention it.

Apprentice said:
Yeah. Agreed. I love doing SS work in the mornings. The thing is, I can't make it work every day. I would have to shift my entire schedule, including bedtime... but maybe this is still doable? I have to think about it. In addition to our group offensive, I started a personal working for deep cleaning now (because the Sun became exalted in Aries).

I'll really have to find the guts to read a thing or two about astrology.. kinda feel like I'm the only Satanist who never really took an interest in it. Guess I always focused on other things first, like Elements and such. As for the time management, I started splitting ritual schedules in different times of the day, especially if I feel so out of tune before bedtime that I know I'll end up doing the rituals yawning the entire time and I can't stand that. I prefer doing Final RTR and Serpent Empowerment before bed, and the other two Serpent RTRs (the ones I really feel are working) in the morning after I got my coffee ready.
With the upcoming 42 names RTR, I suggest you do it in the morning, it's a relatively short one compared to other RTRs and it "cleans" you for the day to come, and you can do the rest in the evening. I do like to take my time with vibrations now, and knowing Runes are coming up next I want to make sure I give myself enough exhale so I can vibrate and focus within too (as the Gods seem to favor that time to appear to me, or rather, I'm more open when I vibrate long sounds and create that window of opportunity).
If you're not using it already (think we mentioned this before) I suggest you prepare the correct number of beads and run your finger over them as you do each vibration, so you don't get confused counting and know roughly how much you've done (which I find great to record my progress.. like, after how many vibrations I begin to really feel into it and have visions).

Apprentice said:
Take today for example. I did group rituals, started a personal deep cleaning working, did RC+AoP and continued with my day. Some hours later I feel irritable and about to go ballistic. So yeah, back to the office, another round of RC+AoP. Now I'm mellow again.

Said by the guy who didn't feel energy... :lol: maybe you're just more sensitive to your own energy and workings? Maybe you're "trying to feel the wrong way"? Here's where I remind you to take a further leap of faith, dear Brother. Not every day is perfect in meditations and workings, and if you feel low on power or unsuccessful (not gonna blame Saturn

), perhaps you need to tune on a different frequency, so to speak. Adapt your reception and you'll receive nevertheless. I guess the real trick is to understand how to juggle these different days and frequencies.. nothing practice cannot solve anyway. Do keep a journal and record something every day if you find it useful. Nothing too time consuming, just enough to remind you of what you realized the next time you'll pick it up.

Apprentice said:
You see, I don't feel like having roots, I don't feel like I belong, I've grown to prefer solitude, I watch other people toil day in-day out and I don't see the point in it, I basically don't have any hobbies to ground myself (like we discussed earlier: you learn something with passion and then all of a sudden it's all over). I can only tell that I take the warfare quite seriously and lately I've been busy cleaning myself and the karma, trying to solve my own enigma.

I think I disagree with that train of thoughts.. and, again, it's probably your perception of things that's pushing you to believe you can't keep a routine or that you'll be 'here today and gone tomorrow', like all Air people that live up to this name.

Here's an example: physical training.

I believe you have an immense ability to focus and train physically with great results. From what I remember you can lift a lot, do long trekking sessions, and your body adapts well to physical effort, isn't it? Do you not feel a rush of pleasure and satisfaction when forging yourself physically into a stronger and better version of yourself?

Here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xo3LmYvl61Q

Close your eyes, give it 20 seconds to pick up the pace... wait for it... there. Fuck, try telling me NOW that you're not feeling motivated and determined to become physically stronger and working for it! XD
(Try picturing yourself as even more muscular and crushing Billy Gate$' skull between your hand and the floor. :twisted: )

Ok... yeah, I know, too many anime.

Tell you the truth, this anime has rekindled my infinite love for martial arts and I restarted training. Got bigger and tougher. Actually even faster when I picked up Wing Chun.

Oh, before I forget.
Somehow I increased some physical senses.. well, scents mostly. I could pick up a whiff from a honey container from rooms away and when I came to investigate someone had only opened the lid, didn't even use it. It was so strong I thought honey had been used to wash the floor. And the other day I started picking up sounds from afar.. can't swear where exactly as I'm still working on that, but some things are definitely changing. I think it may have to do with my realization that the sense of touch is so much more important than I had thought.

Anyway, I'm trying to change my routine in order to include all the Spiritual training and physical cuz I'm really inspired now.

Apprentice said:
I guess I know what you mean. I've felt exactly the same thing: being connected with the nature, caring about the affairs of the Earth, cursing all those kikes and useful idiots who orchestrated basically a deforestation in our country. I can't even watch what they're doing in other places. In the past I concluded that to become a vigilante nature lover isn't the smartest thing to do. Besides, we are doing much greater work with our warfare. Once this rotten system of hebrew witchcraft is overthrown, we can start building a truly sustainable economy in harmony with the planet.

Exactly, we're gonna have to fix this world after they're gone for good. I hope the Gods will already be here to help us and guide us all to the next Golden Age. I have a feeling that we'll all be accomplishing a LOT more than we have tried to in all these years once the Gods are here and the jewtrix is gone forever.

Another thing, before I go... (not sure this will take long.. it's a simple concept in my mind but let's see how many words it takes me to say it lol).

I haven't had that great experiences with Vapula yet, but I really am positive about her. It's like she's someone that knows what I need and although I would say the skills and abilities the JoS mentions she teaches about aren't exactly what drives me the most, I feel that this is something irrelevant now. Which is rather crazy because I always valued this factor as absolutely important... "the Guardian Demon's office MMMUUUUST match my interests".... And now I don't give a fuck.

Now, I see her Element is Earth, and it's the opposite of all the Demons I thought could potentially be my Guardian. It's also my weakest. Do I care about that? Nup.
I see her office (the little that is listed in the JoS currently) isn't necessarily about things that make me crazy with interest. Do I care about it? Not the slightest feeling.

So what is it about this Goddess that attracts me, that tells me she may very well be the right one?

Basically, I feel free to accept that she's my Guardian and I don't feel like I'm offending other Gods by accepting this reality.

I know, it's probably a stupid feeling but it actually managed to stop me every time before now. Also, I don't know about each skill in her office, but I'm pretty sure she's the one meant to really teach me more about communicating with the Gods. Why else would she have come to me in the first place.. I never even summoned her.

Anyway, I don't know if that makes a lot of sense, sometimes an idea is so obvious and clear I can't be sure I'll be able to word it for others unless they already came to the same conclusion as I did and understand what I mean.

Perhaps I also want you to see what I see because this could help you, not find your Guardian, but work with Demons. It doesn't really matter which one of our Gods you work with as all can help you raise from the current position... perhaps this is exactly my point... "work with the first one that you feel you can reach easy enough and only then do things by the book, find your Guardian and all that". Maybe that's the messages I wanted to really convey. I know I'm following my own advice this time and it's certainly giving my some noticeable results for once. You might wanna try that for a while, Brother, see how things go and keep recording your days so you can take a good look back in a while from now and see how far you've come.

Talk soon, Brother.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · Mar 25, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
About this, Brother, I just finished a post (I quoted you there) as a reply to HP HC and Lunar Dance. To tell you the truth, I began replying your post first, but interrupted myself and went there, found that answer, replied to it and while I was doing so I perceived something I haven't really thought of before... wanted you to read it though.

As of today, I haven't seen you quoting me anywhere except this thread here. Maybe the message you're talking about is just not approved yet.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Marvelously said. And I do believe (even more perhaps now) that your level of Soul power is way above average.. to do one ritual/affirmation for one time and have these results? That's a god thing, Bro. Sort of 'deus ex machina', lol.

Thank you for the kind words but I don't consider myself to be anywhere near a God and certainly not powerful enough. I'm just a dude who doesn't know/remember a lot of things yet.
The thing with that affirmation was, that I wanted to bring about a change in my reality really badly. So badly, that I obviously somehow managed to go all-in with the power I have.
There have been other similar "strange" happenings in my life but I don't feel like sharing these publicly, only in private.
I have to add something regarding traffic: I've learned to feel why the slow drivers usually appear in front of me. It's when I shouldn't really hurry or when the speed is being monitored covertly.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Italians especially are big on religious bullshit and such customs, just as much as they are idiotically close minded.

This is actually sad that all the strong individuals with a straight spine were and are always harassed, tortured, killed by the enemy. What is left is the landmass with caps in their hands, bowing towards the enemy. Fortunately, Satan had other plans.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
As for "faith", or a leap of faith, I now see what it truly means. It's like staring at a door for a long time before choosing the day you're gonna finally open it, and probably the day after or the same day you open it you'll find yourself wondering why the fuck you didn't choose to open it earlier, that you would have benefited from it for so long but you weren't allowing that much to yourself, out of whatever reason... fear, pride, plain stupidity... you mention it.

If I would illustrate a leap of faith, I would picture a gorge in darkness. You really can't know nor see what is on the other side. You've only heard stories and your gut feeling tells you this is THE way but you are still fearful, cowering in your status quo. So you finally find the guts, prepare, start running and leap into the darkness... landing safely on the other side, feeling happy that you finally took the leap because the end result, instead of being negative as you might have feared, is in fact awesome. After that, you'll never be the same again.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I'll really have to find the guts to read a thing or two about astrology.. kinda feel like I'm the only Satanist who never really took an interest in it.

I encourage you to do that. Azazels astrology writeup is exceptionally simple. You will get all the important points about yourself (planets, houses, aspects). Reading the descriptions you can feel for yourself which aspects are indeed stronger and apply to you and which are not. Of course, a talented astrologer can interpret much, much more but the point is, nobody is holding you back to start exploring your situation right now. I'm waiting for a full reading from Hooded but that doesn't prevent me from doing my own research and starting some correctional workings based on that.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I think I disagree with that train of thoughts.. and, again, it's probably your perception of things that's pushing you to believe you can't keep a routine or that you'll be 'here today and gone tomorrow', like all Air people that live up to this name.

You did good disagreeing with that one because the moment this post got approved here, what I wrote was no longer true, meaning that my perception had already changed. I'm still working on discriminating/discerning my own feelings and thoughts: some of them genuinely originate from myself and some are injected/planted. From there I can learn to tune out of things and go void on certain thoughts/patterns (currently in progress). Sister Sundara posted an excellent helpful writeup about various thoughts/patterns. Unfortunately, I had to tick too many boxes there.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
From what I remember you can lift a lot, do long trekking sessions, and your body adapts well to physical effort, isn't it?

Some weeks ago I had to chase my dog who ran away chasing some wild beasts. So I walked into a deep dark forest, chasing dog tracks, waddling in snow balls deep. The distance I trekked like this was about 6 km. I certainly felt tired after that but not exhausted.
I loved weightlifting and cardio. The gyms are closed ATM but the problem with training was that it left me drained. You know me - I can't half-ass anything. I decided that I need to spare my energy for all the things I have to do at the household plus SS work, thus helping me maintain my mental balance. It's kind of hard to explain.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Somehow I increased some physical senses.. well, scents mostly. I could pick up a whiff from a honey container from rooms away and when I came to investigate someone had only opened the lid, didn't even use it.

Funny thing is that I've started to notice scents I wasn't feeling before. I suspect this has something to do with tuning myself.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Anyway, I don't know if that makes a lot of sense, sometimes an idea is so obvious and clear I can't be sure I'll be able to word it for others unless they already came to the same conclusion as I did and understand what I mean.

Too much Air you have. Forget everything (rules, limitations) you think apply to your communication with the Gods. Go void, follow your gut feeling and approach them in a respectable manner. Of course, to begin with, it wouldn't hurt to be able to receive their communication.
Some days ago I tried Void after meditations and started seeing various colors and shapes with physical eyes closed, mental eyes wide open. Soon I felt tired and decided to tune out of this. Guess I'm starting to learn all the things I once complained about not knowing, you know, regarding the astral and stuff, what/how/where/when.

Talk to you soon, dear Brother.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Mar 29, 2021

Apprentice said:
Thank you for the kind words but I don't consider myself to be anywhere near a God and certainly not powerful enough. I'm just a dude who doesn't know/remember a lot of things yet.

I might be wrong but I feel you're kind of trying too hard. I keep reading other people's experiences and it seems the best spiritual experiences, knowing the Gods, meeting with Father Satan and truly getting the meaning of Satanism, were all during times of great turmoil in their lives, or moments in which they were so lost they didn't know if they belonged anywhere. Perhaps you need to take a break from all this 'search', and just stop and be open. Ask the Gods to help you see what you're missing on and listen. Just a hint, Brother, I'm no perception master or anything.. although lately I am experiencing a strange improvement in my life, things getting the way I want them to, I'm physically better looking than I saw myself last month, stronger, I can even do stuff I've been trying to do as a teenager and never managed to (like some martial art moves and such) and my senses are getting somehow better than they were. I'm trying to improve my effort as a Satanic warrior and taking inspiration from others. Spoke with that "GD" (Brother or Sister I do not know) but they inspired me to try harder but be open and perceptive at the same time, like when I saw Astarte the very first time... I was using a mental exercise that consists in basically "counting numbers" and before I'd reach number 4 I'd get a vision, and one of the was Her (even though I suspect I wasn't open enough to perceive her energy, and she felt much different, more powerful the year after, when I truly dedicated myself to Spiritual Warfare and wouldn't quit or slack anymore).

Apprentice said:
If I would illustrate a leap of faith, I would picture a gorge in darkness.

Coming to think of it, now that I dig in my memory... there was a nightmare I had as a child, actually, the very first nightmare I ever had, and it had to do with darkness, although the really scary part wasn't the darkness itself, at all. There was a room and one of the walls was leading to complete pitch black darkness, but what I feared was someone I now think of as a fucking jewish doctor that entered from the opposite door and obviously had very bad things in store for me.

I think now that the "darkness" may have been "light turned inside out", and it very probably is an asset to me in dreams. How odd the ways of the mind, huh?

Apprentice said:
You did good disagreeing with that one because the moment this post got approved here, what I wrote was no longer true, meaning that my perception had already changed.

XD See?

I guess you're in the middle of a deep and ongoing transformation, Bro. I wouldn't be surprised if some days you woke up to discover you feel completely different about the way you are, or that your perception of the reality around you seems somehow 'dilated' and slower... I'd suggest you take your time exploring this, whenever you notice these moments.

Apprentice said:
Some weeks ago I had to chase my dog who ran away chasing some wild beasts. So I walked into a deep dark forest, chasing dog tracks, waddling in snow balls deep. The distance I trekked like this was about 6 km. I certainly felt tired after that but not exhausted.

I'm assuming it's very possible that your physical prowess is relative to your perception of physical effort. I'm just hazarding the hypothesis because that's how I started to perceive it myself, and even in the past I have sometimes surprised others with physical skills I thought normal but that apparently were enough to get people thinking I was more than I seemed... I don't know, it's hard to tell what is "normal" when you can do shit others can't and see a reality they're completely oblivious about. Long story short, however.... I believe you only get tired if you think about it. If you don't think like "oh, it's been 6 km, I probably should be tired by now... brain! Let's be tired!".. then you probably won't feel tired. It's probably some form of self hypnosis I guess, but one that you do unawarely, until you forget about it.

Apprentice said:
Funny thing is that I've started to notice scents I wasn't feeling before. I suspect this has something to do with tuning myself.

Pretty sure you're on a roll and transforming then, Bro. No doubt you'll start noticing more and more. By the way, how's your Muladhara feeling lately, especially after the Serpent RTRs? Any tingling, vibrating, pulsating, heat...? I'm becoming aware of it even when I don't do the Serpent RTRs now, it's like the Serpent is calling me to attention so I'll focus on it. It's barely reaching half way from the base to Swadhistana for now, but I now know for a fact that it is awakening, slowly, but certainly.

Apprentice said:
Forget everything (rules, limitations) you think apply to your communication with the Gods. Go void, follow your gut feeling and approach them in a respectable manner. Of course, to begin with, it wouldn't hurt to be able to receive their communication.
Some days ago I tried Void after meditations and started seeing various colors and shapes with physical eyes closed, mental eyes wide open. Soon I felt tired and decided to tune out of this. Guess I'm starting to learn all the things I once complained about not knowing, you know, regarding the astral and stuff, what/how/where/when.

Told ya you're opening up.

Pretty sure that this will get more and more vivid, even if you don't constantly focus on it, but if you do give this "sight" enough time and attention, you'll probably develop stronger skill and I'm pretty sure you'll learn to see at a whim, anytime you focus on it (once you understand what triggers it). Everything you feel is a sense, and the more you focus on it the more you learn to command it.

And Void... yes. Gold advice, I know. Lately it's been a little crazier having less time and using what time I have for rituals, so I'm meditating less, but I plan to change this by changing my sleep patterns and amount of daily sleep hours. It's not like I get any better by sleeping more than I need, I just waste valuable time that I could use to do anything else, especially spiritual growth.

Talk soon Brother, keep up the good work!

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · Apr 4, 2021

Long time no see, Brother. Had some ups and downs lately connected to the skanky hcasep enemy holiday (read in reverse; what a shitstorm) and a remotely operated, beer-drinking-total-degenerate-xtian-neighbour-npc harassing me and my family. It was obvious that he "woke up" to all the hebrew curses flying around. Time to practice some black magick. Speaking of which, did you retribute to that "nice" ex-co-worker of yours?

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I might be wrong but I feel you're kind of trying too hard.

I don't think I can fully agree with that one. I may very well be the one who most of the time isn't trying at all (if we are talking about communicating with the Gods). I do talk to them but this is a monologue as I'm not yet open enough to receive. After having asked for guidance regarding the way forward, I somehow felt that I need to start all sorts of cleanings. So here I am, in the middle of another cleaning working.
Yes, I may be in the middle of a transformation. Someone here used the analogy of a cloud when describing evolution. Now that I think of it, this is so dead-on. Today I don't feel about myself like I did feel a week ago. Sometimes my mental perception changes within hours. Can't exactly describe it.
The clearest message from the Gods that I remember was about a year ago. I was worried about the jewid situation and contracting the oh-so-horrible virus when I felt a clear message that read "This will not concern you."

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Long story short, however.... I believe you only get tired if you think about it. If you don't think like "oh, it's been 6 km, I probably should be tired by now... brain! Let's be tired!".. then you probably won't feel tired. It's probably some form of self hypnosis I guess, but one that you do unawarely, until you forget about it.

This hypnosis thing has baffled me for a long time. I once did autosuggest that I'm an iron man with a Teflon cover, can get the job done no matter what it takes. It ended in an epic trainwreck of a burnout because I forgot to keep the balance. Getting the jobs done, driving my life forward and keeping the missus happy was all that mattered. Even now when I push myself for long hours, after some point in the evening I feel overwhelmed, the brain freezes and then this tension inside my brain grows. Feels like an overcharged capacitor about to spark.
If I have any mentally imposed physical limitations when I work hard then these are probably about sparing my back. Of course there are some no-brainer "limitations" like you gotta watch the bpm of your heart, lift heavy objects in correct posture and other things. It's the mind and the nerves that need breaks and reasonable downtime/playtime at the end of the day.
The springtime seems to be getting hectic again. I don't like it but neither are there other options visible at the moment. You do what you have to do to keep the lights on. I feel bad because there are days I feel like I'm too tired to properly meditate at the end of the day. I now do it in the mornings whenever I can.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
there was a nightmare I had as a child, actually, the very first nightmare I ever had, and it had to do with darkness, although the really scary part wasn't the darkness itself, at all.

My recurring nightmare was this. I woke up at our summer cottage during the night, the room was almost pitch black but I saw black thick chains hanging from the ceiling, everything looked wet and grimy and then there was this sneering face hovering around between those chains, approaching me. You know, the kind of face xtianism uses to portray Satan, with black shiny skin, horns and red eyes. I started to groan out of fear and then usually one of my parents woke up and subdued me. This was a recurring one.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
By the way, how's your Muladhara feeling lately, especially after the Serpent RTRs? Any tingling, vibrating, pulsating, heat...?

Nothing glaringly obvious. There are times when I feel where it is. I've felt heat there when I did the opening excercises and once after the Serpent RTRs. My guess is that all my Chakras need deep cleaning. Today I did some Raum into all of them but I'm not sure I can keep this up daily.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Lately it's been a little crazier having less time and using what time I have for rituals, so I'm meditating less, but I plan to change this by changing my sleep patterns and amount of daily sleep hours. It's not like I get any better by sleeping more than I need, I just waste valuable time that I could use to do anything else, especially spiritual growth.

My sleep sometimes still sucks, royally. My guess is, it's the apnea thing. How else could I explain feeling like a pile of warm shit in the morning, unable to think, total aversion to any physical movement. Oxygen deprivation? The SpO2 sensor on the phone shows that I'm good, though. If I manage to make myself get up from the chair, then a 20-minute walk with the dog and doing Sun/Moon breathing while walking does relieve the situation but not immediately. So far I've observed that lousy sleep usually follows a long working day where I basically finish right before going to bed.
I don't want to purchase a cpap machine just to get some decent sleep but if there's no other way... I guess I just have to bite the bullet.

The spring is here and there is a lot to be done outside, in the sun. I'm behind in my schedule of various tasks around the house.
I actually realized how much negativity there is in my life. You know, that kind of negativity you self-inflict through your thoughts/feelings/anticipations. One more reason to start deep cleaning my Chakras, I guess, lol. I also gotta ambush my own thoughts/reactions and change them.
Regarding Elements, I quit invoking them like I promised. So far I've observed that I'm acting a lot less Airy but I'm still nowhere near the state I'd like to be which is self-confident, courageous and insightful/clairvoyant.
I feel like I have always missed being in communication with our Gods. I can only guess that I was communicating with them in my previous life and in this life I feel like something significant is missing.
Anyway, it's past 9 p.m. so time to unwind.
Stay strong, dear Brother.

Apprentice · Apr 7, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I might be wrong but I feel you're kind of trying too hard.

Just to keep you posted, Brother. I felt the need to ditch nicotine from my system. Like totally cold turkey, no tapering of any kind. I've been on this substance since like forever. There have been some off periods but mostly I've been on it. I've done cigarettes, cigarillos, pipe, vape and now finally tobacco free nicotine pads. I've tried tapering before and it just doesn't work for me. For me it's either "that's it" or "continue as usual". The decision to quit has to be rock-solid. Otherwise it just falls apart.
Dealing with the withdrawal symptoms, I actually get the whole picture of how nasty this naturally occurring insecticide can be. For example, chronic low-dose nicotine exposure induces oxidative damage of reproductive organs and alters the sperm characteristics (tested on adolescent male rats). Depression of central nervous system, I even won't go there.
I just finished my morning meditations. It's day 3 of cessation now. My perception of time is still f00ked, one minute in the real world seems like 20 minutes to my brain. Focusing is harder and I'm also sleepy. I don't feel anything bad or dooming. It's just funny to observe and feel my own body adapt. I actually feel good because it's gonna be better and more free than before.
Hope everything is OK with you on the other side.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Apr 8, 2021

Apprentice said:
Long time no see, Brother. Had some ups and downs lately connected to the skanky hcasep enemy holiday (read in reverse; what a shitstorm) and a remotely operated, beer-drinking-total-degenerate-xtian-neighbour-npc harassing me and my family. It was obvious that he "woke up" to all the hebrew curses flying around. Time to practice some black magick. Speaking of which, did you retribute to that "nice" ex-co-worker of yours?

Not the first time I see someone reversing words, either for not reinforcing them or to remain more undetected (not that we don't constantly throw these words in this Forum with all the explanations and sharing information).. I've been thinking on using this to say absolute truths on social media and see if someone catches on. Some NPCs are probably not much different than we once were, circling back on their own curiosities and wondering if they should engage in more research than they're currently doing... the one good thing about jewish hollywood movies on superheros is that it MAKES you want to be like them, meaning powers, meaning some minds will definitely ask themselves whether or not these things are possible of not. SOME, every once in a while, actually look for the answers and maybe they'll discover they were with Satan in previous lives, and we'll find them here.

Neighbors... here, let me help you with that:
https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Pyrokinesis.html

XD
lol.. seriously now.. have I ever told you the first time I met Haures it was 'thanks' to a fucking neighbor? They were harassing my family, none of them was older than 30 I think, a bunch of alcoholic idiotic junkies, but one night they egged my house and it filled me with feelings I didn't know I had within me... revenge, anger, fury... minutes (or seconds) after that moment of initial self realization, I decided I would use my third eye to kill (how you use the third eye to kill is still beyond me, but now I assume I must have thought of some energy you can project with your third eye, not for nothing some training, either with Pyro and TK is suggested to be started with your hands and then after you put some physical distance between the target and yourself you should use your third eye to direct the energy and intend for it to move or ignite.
Long story short, I went to sleep with only this in mind. The morning after I was almost woke up by Haures, waiting for me to see her. That's when I asked her name and had the confirmation of who she was, other than her astonishing beauty that reminded me of the purest flames.

Oddly enough, I did give up on killing that time, and also the other time I thought "if I killed this sick fuck I would solve so many problems", and I still tend to think like that, showing too much mercy to those that clearly disrespect me and my family and even Life itself.
Why am I saying that now? Perhaps because I'm willingly trying to force myself NOT to turn the other cheek, at last. I'm sick of people that trample others like they are worth nothing. One thing is BALANCE and not giving in to a frenzy... Satanists that do that tend to become reckless and maybe hurt themselves in the end. ANOTHER thing is to let every prick in the world punch you in the ribs and looking away, avoiding the inevitable confrontation you could easily end by letting Creation be half of your Soul, and letting Destruction magick fill the obvious gap that's waiting to be filled.

That said, that idiotic neighbor is soon to leave the nearby house to go live with the most IDIOTIC moron that ever lived, my sister, who won't dump his sorry, self victimizing, narcissistic ass no matter what he does (and he recently showed up at his daughter's boyfriend's house and punched the boy in the head..... if that doesn't tell you to leave, I don't know what will). Bad news is, his psychotic mother is probably moving in the house and she's crazy as fuck, so I'm getting prepared to have problems because of my cats (that never go there luckily) or because the rooster sings in the morning (no one ever complained here).

Hence... Pyrokinesis?

Remember when I told you that I'm over the idea that one should "only live by the dominant Element", much like the Gods seem to do? In the example of Haures, her Element is Air, yet she is known as a Fire user (and if you see her you'll know this for a fact.. she's so beautiful, like a Fire elemental kind of.. but a Goddess through and through...).
Well, I think I'm completely over that stuck mindset... being Air dominant shouldn't suggest you HAVE TO master the wind or cause the weather to change or anything related. You can do whatever the fuck you want, if you want it. This isn't a videogame and you don't have to stick with aerokinesis, or weather magick, or healing, or pyro and so on, JUST because that's how you started this life. You can change. Got desires that you feel so much stronger than others? Pursue them! Go all out. Transform.
Only the Gods know how many times I have chosen to go Pyro and didn't.. time and time again I have displayed skills with temperature extremes, and this seemed to be enough to attract that wonderful Goddess, leading to the one actual conversation (even if so very brief) I had with a Demon.

Phew... aren't you sick of hearing me talking about Fire yet? :lol:

The hilarious thing is that I usually start replying to your messages with "ok, I'm NOT writing a huge one this time"... I merely got started and look at all this above. I still have to do the morning ritual so I'll TRY to be concise now.
Hope that inspired you somehow, even if you're not planning to use the Elements for sometime.

Apprentice said:
Yes, I may be in the middle of a transformation. Someone here used the analogy of a cloud when describing evolution. Now that I think of it, this is so dead-on. Today I don't feel about myself like I did feel a week ago. Sometimes my mental perception changes within hours. Can't exactly describe it.
The clearest message from the Gods that I remember was about a year ago. I was worried about the jewid situation and contracting the oh-so-horrible virus when I felt a clear message that read "This will not concern you."

I loved that cloud analogy too, the post was from GD. I actually never even noticed her in the Forum up until now but even I could feel she's pretty advanced (compared to me at least). Right now she's the only one other than you that gets me talking for ages lol. I love it when someone manages to shock me with insight and I end up learning.

Change is the key to evolution. If something gets you stuck it's only natural to try and follow another path, until you see progress. In the meantime, you get to explore different sides of yourself and this should urge you to draw a pattern, taking notes on what keeps showing up, what makes you tick. That, from what I saw in myself, in the end, is what you want the most.

I honestly don't know at all what the Gods do now or normally, I know some Gods are busier than others but as a mere Human stuck in this temporary situation on Earth it's way beyond me to know what's going on there, so I can't tell what makes a God or Goddess more or less available to show up to a SS and communicate. I do assume they take more time for those with more drastic situations, like when I felt so threatened and angry that Haures came, or that one time in my life I used a drug to induce a trance and ended up in a personal horrorland and Satan came the moment I called, because he knew I needed him. The Gods come in our time of need, that's for sure. If it's about "proving to oneself" that you can do it and communicate, it's probably seen as a non-priority situation and they'll postpone to when you actually need help or circumstances demand that they make themselves known to you in an easier way.
Meanwhile, you should hone your skills in any way you see fit, anything that comes to mind, draws your attention or you feel really attracted to, GO FOR IT. In my case, it's mostly PK and Astral Projection. I tried lucid dreaming but I keep sucking at it for now. I thought it would be a great chance to meet the Gods in that oneiric reality but I'm not sure how accurate that can be.. it comes off as a mere belief sometimes, and I personally think Astral Projection could lead to more than simply being able to explore a mental reality. I MAY be wrong though, so I'll leave the topic open for debate here.
The other skill I must absolutely keep using as it's proven to be something I'm very good at, is making Thoughtforms.

Coming to think of it.... I checked more than once the description about Vapula and the only thing that she seems to teach about that really ticks with me is that she teaches "craftmanship". Even the Italian version mentions this in a way that only leads one to think it's about physical artifacts, but now I'm thinking... what if this is about Thoughtform craft? Another hidden message telling me which direction to go? Possible. It HAS definitely been a while since I again realized my strength lies there and I have been postponing this for the stupidest of reasons, or excuses more like. Afraid of my own skill? Maybe at some level we all are, I don't know. I guess it's time to make a new Thoughtform and retry what I did months ago. I should extend the time for the duration and recharging though... on second thought, I'll postpone this until the 24th of this month as I'm already busy enough with the upcoming course (paid for it myself so I can't fuck it up)... once that is out of the way I'll have a better understanding of what I need this new Thoughtform for and increase the odds of success.

Craftmanship, huh? This is interesting...

Apprentice said:
This hypnosis thing has baffled me for a long time. I once did autosuggest that I'm an iron man with a Teflon cover, can get the job done no matter what it takes. It ended in an epic trainwreck of a burnout because I forgot to keep the balance.

Like all things that are meant to last, hypnosis takes time and practice. You can't force a belief on yourself one day (or one week) and expect the effect to never run off and cause the opposite if anything. If you want some changes to take place and last you should take the time to create that change and reinforce it over time, every day, until it's the only reality that you know.
I DO know that in some cases, especially for the more gifted people, some skills can simply occur in a moment. This is probably more related to the -kinesises family of powers, where you will an instantaneous change in reality, be that movement of an object, a started flame, a sudden temperature cooldown, a storm that start or ends within a day (you can't force the weather more than it is naturally normal to occur.. if it's sunny and no clouds it won't rain in two minutes, but gather enough clouds and water over a few hours and you'll get it done, naturally). The speed at which these effects occur states how much the user is proficient at it. Then again, it's also a matter of concentration. If your mind is set on something but keeps stalling (like an engine that will periodically lose power before restoring the pace) the effect will not be very quick EVEN if you've got a powerful Soul.

Apprentice said:
Nothing glaringly obvious. There are times when I feel where it is. I've felt heat there when I did the opening excercises and once after the Serpent RTRs. My guess is that all my Chakras need deep cleaning. Today I did some Raum into all of them but I'm not sure I can keep this up daily.

Cleaning may be it, but something tells me it's not enough right now. Call it a hunch, but I think you should do FRTRs on yourself, direct them within and in specific chakras. Doing AoP and AC feels weaker in my opinion. AND... I would suggest messing with the Elements (all four, OR the Quintessence if you feel it better), but if you want to leave that for later that's understandable. Nothing worse than a meditation that lacks conviction and willpower.
Alternatively (as the full FRTR+Tetra requires more time) try something that I see have worked on many others, like vibrating SHAMASH or SURYA, etc. Something that has to do with the Sun, anyway. That burns shit away from you.

Also, personal add on, visualize bright white energy... I'm pretty sure you do this but I hear some people use different colors, like gold or blue.. this may be a personal thing, I haven't had success yet with blue and I usually do gold now, but white has been a long time favorite of mine and worked very well either with people that were skilled and never used magick before (thinking back at the latter, the "bad effect" they felt was certainly due to all the spiritual dross they had inside and didn't even know about it... odd how these basic things became clearer in the later years but baffled me back then).
I find white is the best one for cleaning as white includes all colors so the spectrum naturally repels everything else unwanted.

Apprentice said:
My sleep sometimes still sucks, royally. My guess is, it's the apnea thing. How else could I explain feeling like a pile of warm shit in the morning, unable to think, total aversion to any physical movement. Oxygen deprivation? The SpO2 sensor on the phone shows that I'm good, though. If I manage to make myself get up from the chair, then a 20-minute walk with the dog and doing Sun/Moon breathing while walking does relieve the situation but not immediately. So far I've observed that lousy sleep usually follows a long working day where I basically finish right before going to bed.
I don't want to purchase a cpap machine just to get some decent sleep but if there's no other way... I guess I just have to bite the bullet.

Have you tried stirring your body with a good Yoga session just before sleeping time? I noticed I sleep a quieter sleep when I do. It may simply mean that you've collected a lot of shit (stress mostly, leading to energy being stuck) during the day and this displays nighttime with poor sleep and rest. Was going to suggest deeper breathing exercises by if you already do the Sun and Moon one it should probably be enough. Just try to slow down with 5-10 long basic breathing ones to calm your body and fully oxygenate before you lay in bed. I do think it's mostly stress though... I remember sleeping nothing whenever I worked in some place I couldn't wait to get out of... zero rest, waking up dreading the day ahead. Fuck that shit very much.
On another note... if I may ask. How's your sex life? It's kinda difficult for me to think couples don't have as many good times as they can to forget about the rest of the day and eliminate that stress. Try to get that to increase if you feel that may not be good enough yet.. you said your missus has some interest in the spiritual, maybe something together (you MAY try some magick while doing it, just to get her more on the spiritual side of things) could awake more curiosity from her?
Just an idea though, not meaning to pry in your business, Brother.

Apprentice said:
Regarding Elements, I quit invoking them like I promised. So far I've observed that I'm acting a lot less Airy but I'm still nowhere near the state I'd like to be which is self-confident, courageous and insightful/clairvoyant.
I feel like I have always missed being in communication with our Gods. I can only guess that I was communicating with them in my previous life and in this life I feel like something significant is missing.

I feel you're right on this one. If you do something over and over and get no result and progress seems stagnant, change something.
I wanna (briefly!)

((...ok, I'm still writing it, hope it won't bore you to death, Brother))

(...this is stupid, Brother XD alright, almost finished)

....tell you about this last period as I've been switching my thoughts of many martial arts styles and couldn't stay more than a day or two focused on one without immediately finding its flaw and deciding I needed to change my training in order to adapt myself to something that couldn't put me at a disadvantage in a real fight (not the "how to defend yourself against a punch" or everything in this world would only require a jewtube tutorial for dummies). I've been obsessed with my very first learned style of Karate and was already looking for a decent school where I could train (not that I need very much as I know a lot of it already and adapted other, Chinese, martial arts to it, but it felt like a good idea at the time. Then I thought, fuck it, I never officially did Taekwondo, I love kicks, let's do this. I went to find the closest dojo and I felt stupid, even jewgle maps had the wrong street number. I said fuck it. Went home and delved into more martial arts that didn't have Taekwondo flaws (like relying too much on kicks and being generally harder than Karate, or if anything less familiar to me). Had another streak of love for kicking and I learned a lot about Savate, which apparently was born in France when it was 'illegal to possess a sword'. This got people to start using "feet for fencing" and Savate was born. It's actually a genius martial art to be honest, I would definitely rely on that in a real fight, given the chance. Have used kicking before in real ones and it felt great, but I felt I couldn't rely on this ONLY. Had a strong period where I learned a LOT from Wing Chun, so I said, alright, it must be fate, let's do this. After one day I realized what this techniques' flaws were and that it wouldn't work against all opponents (like huge guys with tree sized arms that rely on brute strength most of all). I got momentarily baffled and didn't know what to turn to. Then it hit me.
In this world it's 'illegal' to carry around most weapons, but SOME weapons merely consist of everyday objects. I've studied a lot of Wushu weapons, sword, saber, staff, chain whip... but how is that useful if I can't carry a weapon on me at all times?
Enter Kobudo, the Okinawan martial art that consists in the use of either weapons (nunchaku, kama, etc) and objects that are now technically weapons (stick, oar). Got me thinking about ninja weapons and how ninjas were secretive and hid weapons in plain sight.
That's where I discovered a weapon I never heard of before: Kusari Fundo. It's, basically, a rope. I found it to be very versatile either for grappling and parrying, but also for whip strike, much like nunchaku can be used.
That's one of the ideas.
Probably in the same day I explored a lot of applications and variants: Chinese chain whip (which I studied some, not too much at the time), Kusari-gama/Kusari-kama (carries a blade so not good enough), rope dart (this is cool, but the "spear head" is rather deadly) AND something called Meteor Hammer.

NEVER heard of Meteor Hammer in my life, but it's now my favorite weapon.

It's basically a long rope with a weight attached to one end, and it can be very, VERY painful (also deadly) in expert hands. I'm just training with it now but I can tell you, this is the shit. Super easy to conceal, technically NOT a weapon but "fishing equipment", can deliver a lot of pain and damage that will discourage an attacker from trying to attack again, can be thrown by hand and recovered with the rope.... this weapon is THE SHIT! XD (Already developed a killer maneuver that resembles a striking scorpion tail.. (hence the new Scorpion avatar, from Mortal Kombat. Seemed very appropriate, also he uses Fire as his main Element.... mmmmm. :lol: ) Yeah, I know, I'm a crazy martial arts aficionado.

Ok.. now that you know this "chain of thoughts" (ahah), the moral is: don't assume what you've tried so far is ALL you could see at first. I never heard of Meteor Hammer until I kept exploring the same subject again and again, researching more hints and ideas, until I got to a point where I was blown away by probably the simplest of trick in the book.

Elemental magick is very much the same.
If you look at Fire, Water, Air and Earth, and you only see Fire, Water, Air and Earth, you're not looking hard enough. Remember the Elements are the basic make up of all that exists, much like Adenine, Thymine, Guanine and Cytosine make up the DNA of complex living beings. Hence, there is a lot more in each of them to discover.

Another, really brief this time, observation: even this weapon's name loudly screams Earth Element in my ears. It doesn't mean that I looked for Earth something when approaching it, but that my lacking Earth has screamed to be filled with something worthy, and now my Air feels a lot more balanced. SO balanced, in fact, that I feel very free to pursue one of my all time favorite magick skills, the adept use of Fire.

See, Brother? It all comes together. When the Elements are in balance, CLARITY is bestowed upon you. There's really no point absorbing shitloads of one Element that's only going to cause its opposite to scream for attention, it's like trying to handle four crying babies in four different houses at the same time, by the time you're done coddling one, someone else is bound to be crying again and you can't put a stop to this. The only way is to put them all together in one house and keep an eye on all of them. Metaphorically speaking, this means "split yourself in four equals and then put them back together". That new You is the one that obtained Balance.

...
Fuck, am I crazier today or what? XD

Anyway, I hope this madness will show you some light. I do feel that you're going through a lot of confusion and need to find some kind of anchor to hold on to, but maybe you can't see it yet because you have somehow decided it's not there. But it is, trust me. Trust yourself, Brother. Your intuition is the vector the Gods use to put you on the right path. All you have to do is follow it.

Take care of yourself, dear Brother.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · Apr 19, 2021

Another award-winning hiatus in our correspondence. There is some serious shit going on in my life. Unfortunately I can't report anything because I can't confirm anything.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Phew... aren't you sick of hearing me talking about Fire yet?

Actually, no. Reading your message, I tried to remember my feelings about Fire. Fire feels like... hot and quick and a loose cannon. I felt that, in order to play with large amounts of Fire, I must find a way to properly ground myself. Otherwise I'd just give in to whatever frenzy I feel.

I hope you discovered the small message I posted right before you answered. This is my third week off nicotine but some symptoms still linger. The time still seems way slow. Thinking/dreaming about something feels like 10 or 15 minutes but only 2 minutes have lapsed in the real world. Also, I can go from all smiley and mellow to ballistic in ½ seconds (hyperirritability). This last symptom is slowly fading away. Luckily I do not crave the substance.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
In this world it's 'illegal' to carry around most weapons, but SOME weapons merely consist of everyday objects.

You can stab someone to death with a fucking pencil. You are limited only by your imagination. And meteor hammer? I have a bunch of keys attached to a sturdy chain. While the keys aren't heavy enough, one can still use them to hit the face of the attacker/enemy.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Fuck, am I crazier today or what? XD
Anyway, I hope this madness will show you some light. I do feel that you're going through a lot of confusion and need to find some kind of anchor to hold on to, but maybe you can't see it yet because you have somehow decided it's not there.

I am seriously confused. I'm not kidding. I feel lost.
The anxiety/being tense that I used to torture myself with for some years is gone now. Too bad I don't see clearly the extent of shit in my personal attic, so-to-speak. I mean fear, negativity and all the other "good" things one collects when life happens.
At the moment I doubt and question everything I do. I don't feel like being on MY path and feeling proud/happy/purposeful.
Yet I somehow manage to be patient, do the personal rituals and our warfare. I also try to maintain a "wait-and-see" attitude which, I hope, is on the positive side of the scale.
I had a dream some nights ago where something happened. It wasn't exactly clear but had something to do with my Solar Chakra and it was something I had been waiting for. It may be the ability to communicate with our Gods since I find myself longing for it. For quite some time now I feel that I get nothing from normal human interaction (outside JoS, I mean). It is more of a nuisance for me.

Had a lot of work today, gotta hit the sack.
I'm looking forward to your long posts. Keep 'em coming, dear Brother.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Apr 23, 2021

Apprentice said:
Another award-winning hiatus in our correspondence. There is some serious shit going on in my life. Unfortunately I can't report anything because I can't confirm anything.

This Forum is our Family, Brother, and this thread has become our little hiatus releasing pub.

Feel free to talk about anything here. I know how stressful life can get. No need to hold it in.

Personally, I am just now able to release some of it. For like one week I could barely rest at night for the stress. I have just finished a course (hopefully I'll find some small jobs as an excavator operator soon, to grow my experience) and even if it's something I've been wanting for a while now I felt constantly pressed and unable to vent. Three days prior to the course start (some 30km away from where I live) my car broke down in the middle of a crossing, basically the tensioner pushed the belt over the wheel and it consumed the belt while driving.. this could have resulted in an accident but it didn't. I DID feel I was being closely watched by Leraje. I have not doubt She's my Guardian now. When machines fuck up, I know there's a reason or I feel something.
The day before this happened, I drove back home from a quick trip and as I locked the car I FELT something was wrong. I had the strong impression that something would have happened the next time I used it, some damage of some kind. The next day I had to call for road service. They just changed the belt on the spot and I drove to my mechanic to find out that the tensioner they installed was somehow faulty and leaning on one side, but it didn't put me at ease about driving it to the course for the next 3 days in a row. IF the car would have stopped and I would have missed as much as one minute of the course I would have been kicked out with no refund, so I was not really happy about driving it in these conditions, knowing I could lose the money I spent entirely, with not even partial refund.

So I organize Uber. Never did it before and I hate taxi service as they made my family wait for hours before so I was skeptical. Turns out they are very reliable and cheap. Happy with that (and a quick two ways trip to the shops to familiarize with it all) I go to the course the first day with it. Got there on time, was surprised to be able to use the excavator on the first day, then called for transportation after the end of the first day. Troubles with the payment, the fucking thing won't recognize my card anymore. I haven't solved the problem to this day.

The rest of the days I had to risk it and drove my car to the course... 100km after and 3 massive FRTR + Tetra while driving I know Leraje made me aware of the engine problem BEFORE I would lose the course money entirely, so I managed to organize myself differently and fix the little that allowed me to get there safely.

I know you read her description before and felt She and I didn't match or something, but now I know for sure. I have been asking for some "CLEAR, IMPOSSIBLE TO MISS SIGNS" to confirm She's my Guardian and that same day that the belt broke, I also had other 5 very clear and quite impossible to miss signs. 6 signs in one day, 6 letters in her name (written the way I do, "Leraje" without the "i").

My doubts are totally gone and I also have a very good insight on what I must to next in order to follow my own development and maximize it.

(Had a 7th sign last night in a dream that couldn't have been more clear. I know She told Brother GitM that She's busy "most of the time" but I feel She's really made time just for me. Got tears, dude. Our Gods and Goddesses are so amazing.)

Apprentice said:
Reading your message, I tried to remember my feelings about Fire. Fire feels like... hot and quick and a loose cannon. I felt that, in order to play with large amounts of Fire, I must find a way to properly ground myself. Otherwise I'd just give in to whatever frenzy I feel.

Right before these days, I was again falling for the "Fire trap". Pyrokinesis sounds like an obvious answer when you're dealing with people that would be better off dead, but it's too easy to ignite yourself and lose energy when you forget to Balance yourself and do what feels more natural. I don't think EVERYONE is really cut out for Pyrokinetics. The Gods themselves are a clear example, just look at their offices and compare them. Some feel like they couldn't be more different to each other. You know yourself better than anyone else around you, except the Gods. From what I've seen in my own experience, you and your Guardian will share more than a few things and interests. Things you've done in magick that really define who you are, things you find easier, the Element you're mostly at ease with (not necessarily your dominant one) will indicate who among our Gods and Goddesses you're more likely to learn from the most/fastest/better and what will prompt you to advance spiritually starting from where you are at the moment.

Looking at the way you've described your experience with Fire, I don't think you should stick with it right now. I'm not saying you shouldn't be working with it in the future, but as it seems it's creating more imbalance and confusing and lashing out than not, it's probably best if you follow another Element for now, OR do something unrelated to Elemental magick until you feel the need to come back to it.
Insisting on a path that may attract you but doesn't seem to make you any better than yesterday is probably going to end up being counter productive.

Apprentice said:
Also, I can go from all smiley and mellow to ballistic in ½ seconds (hyperirritability). This last symptom is slowly fading away. Luckily I do not crave the substance.

Good to know, Brother, that shit isn't making you any better at all, the quicker you get rid of it in life and the better you can advance in any direction you take, spirituality or otherwise. The fact that your body doesn't crave it is a good sign already. If it does come back, try to condition yourself to do something productive instead of thinking about that, like a quick FRTR (maybe even just a 3 repetitions (3x each letter, 3x each affirmation, even the Tetra part instead of 10) one that takes like 5 minutes.

I started doing the 10x affirmations but it quickly made me lose concentration. I tried 3x (like the affirmations for the FRTR) and feel I can keep focused and strong minded. Also, something Sister GD. said lately made me feel less guilty for doing less affirmations, because I know that if I direct more power to 3x than I can give to 10x, doing 3 repetitions in the end has MORE power and the ritual is stronger and more easily manifests.

(PS. Funny thing, two of our Family that I find it easier to talk to are both from the same country.

Maybe I should move there once all of this bullshit is over.)

Apprentice said:
You can stab someone to death with a fucking pencil. You are limited only by your imagination. And meteor hammer? I have a bunch of keys attached to a sturdy chain. While the keys aren't heavy enough, one can still use them to hit the face of the attacker/enemy.

I know, "Mr. John Wick". XD Pencils (hard 10H type) are certainly a favorite of mine, but stabbing is easily deadly and I prefer to keep a low profile and don't have to explain myself to the police. Even better, perhaps... I've been checking (don't remember if I told you that in the last post) other ways that are 'safer' (meaning your don't necessarily kill anyone and do time because of some fucker) and one way really "catches the eye" (upcoming pun lol): basically, you can legally use a powerful LED torch to blind someone for a moment and then bury your fist in their gut, resulting in a quick way to end a fight with no blood spill and giving you plenty of time to follow up with a painful neutralizing grapple/Qinna that sees you as the winner.
This is probably an unconventional method, but honestly.. who gives a fuck today? If someone attacks you they should be ready to fight to the death, with all the uncomfortable consequences that this comes with. Ninjutsu, Bartitsu (modern Sherlock Holmes movies will show you that too, you throw something shiny like a tissue at the face of the opponent to distract them and quickly follow up with another attack), it's all good when it comes to survival. Fuck the attacker, and don't get legally prosecuted because an idiot had a fit of rage and you were there.

That, or do rituals to avoid getting into fights.

You seem good with this kind of thing, I have to explore this more.

Apprentice said:
I am seriously confused. I'm not kidding. I feel lost.
....
Yet I somehow manage to be patient, do the personal rituals and our warfare. I also try to maintain a "wait-and-see" attitude which, I hope, is on the positive side of the scale.
....
It may be the ability to communicate with our Gods since I find myself longing for it. For quite some time now I feel that I get nothing from normal human interaction (outside JoS, I mean). It is more of a nuisance for me.

I've been feeling like that for a while now, don't stress it too much. If you feel like you don't know what steps to make, either just be 'idle' in a "wait-and-see" kind of thinking, doing Spiritual Warfare and just listening to what you perceive, or try to do something you know you've been postponing and looking forward to. This may be something like a meditation, a hobby that makes you relax (even just fixing engines if that's your thing), or anything that you feel will give you an edge over yourself as a whole. I'll suggest chanting Runes here, as the rest of the time I was in the car after the long FRTR+Tetra I took my time with, I have experimented with chanting single sounds like (like V-V-V-V or TH-TH-TH-TH) at different volume and pitches and pay attention to where in your Soul this sound vibrates the most. For example, I find that a higher pitched V-V-V-V will stimulate my third eye, and a B-B-B-B (that sounds like P-P-P-P kind of) will make the back and sides of my head feel enveloped with energy and vibrant, possibly helping the astral hearing chakras open more. (Last night I had a much better dream than I use to have and it was also good to decipher it, knowing it's pushing me to abandon the thoughts and fantasies that I know to limit myself, but embracing that part of me that empowers myself instead.

Hope that inspired you, Brother. Long posts are almost always guaranteed from me lol. Take care!

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · Apr 27, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Feel free to talk about anything here. I know how stressful life can get. No need to hold it in.

You are right but I see no point in sharing my random delusions that are over within hours. For some reason, during the last three days, I've seen the word "Saturn" for too many times. Also, my days are packed with material tasks that can be neither canceled nor postponed. Regardless of it all, my temper seems to be more stable than ever before and the ballistic properties appear gone. My perception of time is still off (a 35-minute combined fRTR ritual feels like a long mental journey lasting hours, lol).
Two days ago I had to physically push something with my feet. The movement resembled a seated leg press on a gym machine but I couldn't support my ass to do it. I heard something pop inside me left from the spine and felt pain. Well, all I can conclude is that this is a muscle tear. I can walk and work but movement is limited because it can be painful and also the sleep is shallow. I'm thinking here, what the fuck did I need that for. I was maybe using 40% of my force.

Had to pause my tasks and take a drive today. Running errands in the city, thinking my thoughts, feeling clueless about the current situation and I just felt that I had to look into the rear view mirror to see a '666' license plate appear behind me. Nice "coincidence", right?

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Personally, I am just now able to release some of it. For like one week I could barely rest at night for the stress. I have just finished a course (hopefully I'll find some small jobs as an excavator operator soon, to grow my experience) and even if it's something I've been wanting for a while now I felt constantly pressed and unable to vent.

This is some serious shit. I'm happy for you. I don't get it, why do they have to be that mean. Say there's a force majeure (or even worse - an accident) with your vehicle, you miss some minutes and they just don't give a fuck? That's just mean.
I'm glad you vented.
I'd love to operate an excavator. Just checked operator courses here but have to take a raincheck because of time/monetary constraints.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
When machines fuck up, I know there's a reason or I feel something.

I'd guess she (the car) told you beforehand about the tensioner going bad. No?

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Good to know, Brother, that shit isn't making you any better at all, the quicker you get rid of it in life and the better you can advance in any direction you take, spirituality or otherwise.

Back when I saw a clear image of those nicotine pads, my sleep was non-existent. This substance was a stepping stone of sorts because I got my sleep back while using it. Now I'm not even thinking about it. I haven't craved it even once. There was only this habit of always hitting one after lunch and/or before starting to drive. Anyway, I don't crave them. Good riddance.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Funny thing, two of our Family that I find it easier to talk to are both from the same country. Maybe I should move there once all of this bullshit is over.

Why not? I'm sure we can give you a nice tour of the place. I just hope the deforestation stops before it's too late.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
but honestly.. who gives a fuck today?

It all depends on the nature of the attack. We, the SS, will take no shit but OTOH we have to be mentally stable members of society.
I guess you could learn all the legal tricks and details to keep yourself protected in case you have to dispatch someone. Or you could keep all such negative situations away from your path by using your will and focus.
This is why I was a bit afraid of that lunatic, xtian, remotely operated, drinking neighbour of mine. Delight in what you destroy, they said. I'm really afraid of the consequences if I cut myself loose and follow just that. Anyway, I'm sure this was said in the context of Black Magick workings.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Also, something Sister GD. said lately made me feel less guilty for doing less affirmations, because I know that if I direct more power to 3x than I can give to 10x, doing 3 repetitions in the end has MORE power and the ritual is stronger and more easily manifests.

I'm guilty of weaker focus at the end of the day. In the evening, it is super easy to lose focus and just read the reps like an answering machine.
This whole thing still vexes me. I'd love to dedicate myself to warfare but at my current load, I'm not much of a warrior.
In the recent past, there have been periods when I could contribute effortlessly, with a nice deep focus. And then there are times like these when it's a real challenge to manage even personal hygiene. These days take all you have and then some. I feel like I'm drowning in it. Overwhelming. Also, I exactly can't see how a different job would make things easier.

The other thing that I dislike is aging. I have never before felt age-related limitations. Now I'm feeling these. I feel as if my eyes are overworked, close focusing is slower and sometimes impossible. And various pains from overworked joints etc.

Maybe I'm overstating it all. Maybe it's just shit I managed to agitate to the surface with the rituals. Maybe the increase in workload is just collateral damage, bad planets or even both. I've also learned that things can take a lot of time, even Magick (and especially so since we always program the things to happen in a safe, positive and healthy way). You remember me, I'm the one who wanted everything yesterday. So, there it is. Still feeling lost.

I love reading your long posts. I am sorry if my replies are disappointing or anything like that.
Anyway, I wish you great success and keep those replies coming.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Apr 28, 2021

Apprentice said:
I heard something pop inside me left from the spine and felt pain. Well, all I can conclude is that this is a muscle tear. I can walk and work but movement is limited because it can be painful and also the sleep is shallow. I'm thinking here, what the fuck did I need that for. I was maybe using 40% of my force.

If you were pushing with both feet, I'm visualizing this and feeling that you didn't have proper grounding, so that more muscles than you accounted for in your back were forced into action suddenly, just to give you the balance that would have prevented making you fall from your position. Whatever the position you were in, it sounds like one of those times when you suddenly use too much.. I just remembered how I tore a muscle while doing the show off moron at kung fu training once.. fucking limped for a month and it hurt like a bitch. I've been VERY careful about my sudden and irresponsible movement ever since.

I would have suggested you do some Yoga to stretch the part but I imagine it's too painful for that... so, light-upper-body-Yoga? Just keep as warm as you can.. this is where I'd normally apply tons of gentle Fire Element for healing, but that's how
I do it. To this day I can't really get how Fire is a destructive Element at all, Brother.. I know it 'burns' and shit, but it's just something I feel more benefit from than destruction. Maybe because I have it high in my chart, maybe I should take advantage of this fact and train it more. Some Family members here are certainly a good enough motivation to attempt some pyro. By the way, the other day I was trying some with a candle, just getting the feel for 'extinguish the flame', and I had a strong.. huh.. sensation that I had to use more Elements to do that, like Fire itself wasn't enough. Felt I had to add Earth and Water for 'slow and cool' and managed to shrink the flame to a ball (the kind that precedes the flame going out) but didn't manage to hold it much and didn't put it out in the end. You know how it is sometimes, you do have of the 'miracle', you see it, get surprised and lose concentration, like a total noob. :lol:

Also, I DID try to keep clear of the Elements, Brother. I failed, lol. I just feel drawn, like it's what I'm meant to do a lot of in this life. No wonder I feel strong attraction to Demons whose office dwells in ..setting on fire, causing storms or manipulating the wind and weather. No wonder my Guardian is for sure the one that manipulates the wind and weather. I haven't got a doubt about it anymore, and let me tell you, I was running in circles for months lately. I'm still attracted to other Gods and Goddesses, but I know who the closest one of all is now. I could feel Her enough to realize. There is no doubt anymore.
The surprising thing is that when I step back from it all and take another look at everything, it FEELS like I've known this forever. It feels like I've been denying my Soul to express itself in the things that I love, like manipulating the weather. I love the wind. I've had dreams that made me stressed and terrified of potential earthquakes, but I had dreams where I was surrounded by raging tornados and calm like a Hindu cow.

I'm thinking it can't be that hard for you NOW to figure out who your Guardian is. And I do understand that possibly the only thing stopping you, the same thing that stopped me, is the fear of making a mistake and offending your real Guardian, should you pick the wrong name. But don't be afraid. I think I can tell you by now, Brother, when you find Him or Her, you'll know. Someone wrote that you'll have no desire to find another one after you figure out the name and get to know them. I agree 95% with this, as I was still in doubt due to personal turmoil, but if you're fully yourself and don't limit your Soul in its progress, not being afraid of moving forward, you'll know Who it is.

My suggestion is to look at all those with your same dominant Element. Sister GD. lately told me something that made a LOT of sense, and it basically rewrote the way I think about all this (I was getting there, but when she confirmed it I just knew she was right). She said: "I think that our Gods and Goddesses do further exploit and empower their own dominant skill, so they get better use of it."

In the past, I wondered many times why a Demon would have "an Element". I thought "wait.. but don't Demons have balanced Souls?"
I thought many times that that information in the description didn't make much sense to me, until now. It's probable that our Gods and Goddesses, once, had a dominant Element and although they still increased their resistance and power over each Element, they possibly started with what was easier in order to develop skills the fastest way. I often say that magick is like a tree.. you unlock one gift and it leads to more branching than you thought possible.

This made me aware of my past mistakes, especially how I have realized how I have always severely LIMITED myself by letting go of all those skills that I really wanted but also feared. Still fear to this day, to be honest. I do know that this is probably some fucking xtian programming (if not xtian, then anyway joowish, through media and conditioning, through childhood shows and shit like that), so I'm just now starting to really fight this and let go of fear completely.

Apprentice said:
'666' license plate appear behind me. Nice "coincidence", right?

When you feel lost you seem to see that more and more often, isn't it? It's almost like a reminder to "hang in there" and "keep it together", sort of thing. Personally, I think you're in a magnificent position.. you're like on "stand by" or "idle", so you can basically choose any direction you want to go from here. First of all, however, take care of your health. And yes, that means "stress", and stress means "too much work". Nothing you can do if the work just needs to be done, but try to see if there's a way that can allow you to be smarter about it, doing less for more or that kind of concept. I know from experience that working too much and feeling like you're barely standing up is really not leading anyone too far. Used to work 9+ hours a day for like 600 euros a month... hated it, hated myself for not being able to slip out of that routine, I can say I was luckier as I had a tight family (although my "father" left and stole all my university money) so I managed to only work until my body was at its limit and then I left place after place.. there was never a shortage of slavists who would hire for almost no pay and acting like they're blessing you with their presence.. fuckers. The only thing I really TREASURED back in those days was the weekly (that became three times a week most of the time) walk in the woods. It was the only thing that managed to keep me whole and collect my thoughts in a constructive way, doing "self therapy" (I don't believe that someone you're paying huge bucks every hour CAN possibly help anybody), and meditating. I just loved that place.

Apprentice said:
I don't get it, why do they have to be that mean. Say there's a force majeure (or even worse - an accident) with your vehicle, you miss some minutes and they just don't give a fuck? That's just mean.

That's the sucky part, I know. These agencies do their own regulations so you're bound by them until it's done and you get your license. I'm just waiting now to receive it and then I'll see where I could work, I'm not in an immediate shortage of money (for once in my life :lol: ) so I'm trying to maximize the Spiritual Warfare effort and self development.

Apprentice said:
I'd guess she (the car) told you beforehand about the tensioner going bad. No?

Actually, I think it was Leraje. 6 signs in one day (one of which has very likely prevented me from losing 2 grands and getting no license) was one of those "big days".

I can also see a difference... that was on the 17th I guess.. just checked and the Moon was just getting waxing again, I was feeling drained and stressed and very "unspiritual".
Yesterday the Moon was already full and I actually felt much more than I usually do.
Explanation: after answering Sister GD. and completely realizing how I have always been limiting myself, I decided to do what I've been holding myself away from. Understanding that my dominant Element is the way to go. I am, obviously, still attracted by other Elements (this I suspect has STRONGLY to do with the fact that my absurd natal chart makes me proficient in everything BUT Earth), but Air is the one that makes me feel the most.

The point of this is, yesterday I "allowed Air into myself" (no, I didn't just "breath" Bro :lol: ) and I can tell you.. Air pointed out my flaws.

To make it clearer, I can only say that this substance that I let inside without any restrains has make me feel how much of a "cripple" I am at a spiritual level. I say "cripple" because that's how I felt when I really felt myself and had a good view of the level I am at. My energy is all blocked, especially my left side I think. I believe this spiritual "damage" is something I've been carrying with myself for a while and never noticed, I think this is the REASON I never felt energy before.

I'm very glad Lydia just posted the Heart chakra asanas, just looking at them I felt they are going to help me a lot. I know I'm on the verge of something big, and Air was the missing link.

I think we Air people are more "guarded" by the enemy than most, as we have (technically) an easier time than most to undo our curses and fly free. This is probably why those that haven't managed to break free yet may feel like they never will, like it's impossible, like it's not meant for us. Well, fuck that thought. We are more than meant to fly and evolve.

Brother, I hope these hints and thoughts are going to inspire you because I always felt our main problem was a common one and now I feel I'm finally getting this shit sorted like I should have done so long ago. I've been feeling this before, maybe just once, and I felt that it was what I needed.. to embrace my Element and let it help me, guide me, point out the obvious things that need fixing before I attempt anything I can't yet do well.

Apprentice said:
Why not? I'm sure we can give you a nice tour of the place. I just hope the deforestation stops before it's too late.

Would love to. I've always wanted to travel the world, see places, make memories. Deforestation will stop as soon Humans wake up and realize they've been forced into destroying their own home in the name of something like money. This entire system will change. When things are over we'll probably have a one world (physical) coin so that there's no extremely poor and extremely rich countries anymore. A lot need to be done, but first we need to wipe the joos off our planet.

I heard a lot about our Gods and Goddesses coming here, someone mentioned this could happen as soon as like 20 years from now. Although I would absolutely love this, I'm not sure this would be possible until at least half the world population is in the know and they'll be wanting for this to happen.. OTOH I don't really believe anymore that "more than half the world population" can be awakened. Some people will surprise you, some will simply show curiosity and intelligence (like some Black guy who's asking me about meditation on fb and I'm giving him the basics without saying things that usually "scare" people away), and some others are STILL quoting Bible verses thinking that that's the solution for everything. These last ones will simply cease to exist at some point, and it won't really change much from how they live now. We'll just have more resources to spare for the smarter ones.
What are your thoughts on this?

Apprentice said:
Delight in what you destroy, they said. I'm really afraid of the consequences if I cut myself loose and follow just that. Anyway, I'm sure this was said in the context of Black Magick workings.

Dear Brother, read again what I said about letting fear go.

I know you already read that part, but try reading it as if it's the solution to your fear of cutting yourself loose. Yes, it was related to Black Magick. I'd only use physical violence if physically attacked. Actually, I've been focusing so much on techniques that are best for counter-attacking and neutralizing with grappling that I can barely picture myself "attacking", not without running into a fist or something. Wing Chun, Taichi, even Crane style now seem like the most appropriate answer for whenever you're attacked.. striking should only be the thing you do when you've understood that an attacked won't stop after being restrained and bested, to finish the fight.

Apprentice said:
In the evening, it is super easy to lose focus and just read the reps like an answering machine.

It's a common problem, I guess. This is mostly why I do 3reps instead of 10 for the Tetra. When I do 10x out of desire to prove that I'm serious I always end up not being that focused after rep 4, and hate how I sound not convinced for the rest of them. Power needs to be directed with intention and strong will. If you're not able to put that much intention and will, it's like wasted breath with no real magick happening.
Try doing smaller RTRs if you feel exhausted by the end of a long one. I've been doing that as some days I just know I won't be able to put up much of a fight.

Apprentice said:
The other thing that I dislike is aging. I have never before felt age-related limitations. Now I'm feeling these. I feel as if my eyes are overworked, close focusing is slower and sometimes impossible. And various pains from overworked joints etc.

2 words, Brother: Hatha Yoga.

Make time for that. Do RTRs WHILE doing asanas, no one said you have to sit still and uncomfortable while doing reps. Stretch your body evenly, left and right, front and back, twist both ways. Try using the new ones from Lydia, or just do the about 20 in the Yoga pdf. The shortest duration I've done was like 9 minutes in the morning and I healed my back after a bad job fucked me up to the point of seeing a useless doctor just to get the next two days off (had to leave that job soon, it was just going to destroy my back.. not worth the money).

Apprentice said:
You remember me, I'm the one who wanted everything yesterday. So, there it is. Still feeling lost.

Stop. Now breeeeathe... Exhaaaale.... Again, breeeeathe... Exhaaaaleee.... Better?

If the answer is yes, trust Air. Let it carry you gently. Never overdo Elements, but let it guide you. I'm almost sure your breathing pattern is very uneven, may even be the cause of your turbulent sleep. We all breath anyway, so just try to make your breathing follow a slowed, gentler rhythm. If you feel it's too much, invasive, just stop focusing on Air and do something else, eat, drink or exercise.
You won't feel lost forever, you just have to let go of all that blocks you, starting with all fears and doubts.

Apprentice said:
I love reading your long posts. I am sorry if my replies are disappointing or anything like that.

Not disappointing in the slightest.

And ..thought I was finished? here this is from Sister GD. There's more longer replies from her and I'm seeing a LOT of useful hints from her. Think you'll benefit from her wisdom and experiences as well.

PS. Have you seen how I managed to link you there like a boss? :lol: I really suck with these Forum formats and html stuff, picked that one up from GD. in the last one.

Be well, Brother!

HAIL SATAN FOREVER! HAIL LERAJE!

Apprentice · Apr 30, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I'm visualizing this and feeling that you didn't have proper grounding, so that more muscles than you accounted for in your back were forced into action suddenly

My lower back was unsupported. That was the problem. Live and learn.
Luckily the pain and discomfort are gradually going away.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I would have suggested you do some Yoga to stretch the part but I imagine it's too painful for that...

LOL. Actually the first thing I did that evening was our full Hatha routine. The muscle that got hurt is obviously in charge of keeping me in balance in certain situations. Yoga didn't hurt me, I just had to remember to avoid certain movements.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
You know how it is sometimes, you do have of the 'miracle', you see it, get surprised and lose concentration, like a total noob.

This is how I view this. Since all our Magick first starts in your thoughts, imaginations and dreams, seeing it in real time really shouldn't make you all that hyped or surprised. What a feeling - the long-awaited magick finally happening, right? Just pay no special attention to it while you actually perform it. I feel that this in turn is tied in with the Void - keep yourself void and let the Magick happen. You can jump around after the fact.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
And I do understand that possibly the only thing stopping you, the same thing that stopped me, is the fear of making a mistake and offending your real Guardian, should you pick the wrong name.

I'm not afraid of that one, actually. I mean, c'mon, these beings are vastly developed, why would they take offence in this? Especially so, if approached in a respectable manner.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
specially how I have realized how I have always severely LIMITED myself by letting go of all those skills that I really wanted but also feared. Still fear to this day, to be honest.

I don't have it like this, I guess. To engage in something, I have to feel drawn towards that particular thing. OTOH, there are things that you just MUST do without any special magnetism and fairy dust because these are plainly beneficial (like yoga and brushing your teeth).

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Used to work 9+ hours a day for like 600 euros a month... hated it, hated myself for not being able to slip out of that routine

This is considered way too low even here. I mean, c'mon, we over here have prices (food, automotive fuel, clothing, consumer electronics) higher than in Germany but the salaries are way lower. I consider 1000 euros net income a month pretty much the minimum.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
To make it clearer, I can only say that this substance that I let inside without any restrains has make me feel how much of a "cripple" I am at a spiritual level. I say "cripple" because that's how I felt when I really felt myself and had a good view of the level I am at. My energy is all blocked, especially my left side I think. I believe this spiritual "damage" is something I've been carrying with myself for a while and never noticed, I think this is the REASON I never felt energy before.

This is a big one, Brother. I've known this for many years, that there is something twisted, mutilated within me and it absolutely prevents me from reaching my full potential. I just have to find it. I can do the rituals, meditations and all but I literally feel nothing from these. First time I did Tetra I felt this awesome silence around me. Inside me, I just feel like strapped down, shackled.
I would absolutely LOVE to have some fuck-you money and blast myself FREE from all those bondages of the material realm so I could sort out the bondages of spiritual realm. Currently I just feel like I'm being used up day by day.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I'm not in an immediate shortage of money (for once in my life :lol: ) so I'm trying to maximize the Spiritual Warfare effort and self development.

I'm happy for you. You have some free time to meditate, think things over. Actually, you seem to be in this magnificient position, able to choose any direction (I'm talking about the material realm and what to do with your life). Me, I just try to hang in there, avoiding overworking (too late, lol). We have a family business, remember? I just can't throw the towel in and leave all the work to my wife. We have to do it as a team and end it as a team. Currently, it seems, I'm waiting for her to realize that this small business is more like a masochistic lifestyle. It won't get us to where we want to go.
My body gives me certain signals in the form of pains. The lower back gets stiff and painful sometimes and also the area between my shoulder blades hurts. Botched chakras and thus energy blocks?

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I don't really believe anymore that "more than half the world population" can be awakened. What are your thoughts on this?

I think the future is fluid and the door is open for anyone. Whether one notices the door, whether one even wants to notice it is totally different story. So, really, at the end of the day, it is what it is. Some percentage of the landmass is just beyond saving. My suggestion is, get used to the idea fast and make peace with this.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Dear Brother, read again what I said about letting fear go. I know you already read that part, but try reading it as if it's the solution to your fear of cutting yourself loose.

I was referring to cutting myself loose in the physical realm, with knives, various objects... you name it. I'm not afraid of the Magick.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
This is mostly why I do 3reps instead of 10 for the Tetra.

Thanks! So far, I've been quite religious about them rituals. I will try the shorter one when I feel tired.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
There's more longer replies from her and I'm seeing a LOT of useful hints from her. Think you'll benefit from her wisdom and experiences as well.
PS. Have you seen how I managed to link you there like a boss? :lol: I really suck with these Forum formats and html stuff, picked that one up from GD. in the last one.

Thank you, Brother. I'll read that one during the weekend. You mention my username there but it doesn't give me any notifications. Only quoting will notify user, AFAIK.

Anyway, take care, make wise choices and trust your intuition.
It's 7 am here at the moment. Gotta run, I have some hauling work to do.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · May 6, 2021

Brother, I have to keep this short today, got a lot of things to catch on starting with Yoga and meditations, and that's BEFORE I get to what I really must do.

Apprentice said:
Yoga didn't hurt me, I just had to remember to avoid certain movements.

That's surprising, I'd have said that Yoga was a big no no after that but I'm glad that's what you chose to do. Shows a lot of strength of character too.
I just modified my Kundalini Yoga after watching the video Lydia posted, after a few days I have to say it's doing a number on my back in SOME muscles but it also means it's working and in the long run it'll be of great benefit.

Apprentice said:
What a feeling - the long-awaited magick finally happening, right? Just pay no special attention to it while you actually perform it. I feel that this in turn is tied in with the Void - keep yourself void and let the Magick happen.

To this day there have probably been only a very few things that managed to get me to go all "aaawwwww". One of them was probably the first encounter with my Guardian (way before I knew who She was) and later the encounter with Haures who really surprised me with Her visit. Then when... ahah, ok.. "every time a God/Goddess visited me". XD That's when I go aaawwww the most. I'm still controlled and all, just very surprised by this routine break.

Apprentice said:
I'm not afraid of that one, actually. I mean, c'mon, these beings are vastly developed, why would they take offence in this? Especially so, if approached in a respectable manner.

What do you feel IS stopping you then?
I just have to point out, Brother, that this MAY be a xian related problem, and you're avoiding working with the Gods/Goddesses because you "don't feel worthy/ready/good enough/whatever". Someone mentioned this in the latest posts, HP HC said it too just lately, and I strongly feel that was always one of the main problems for me. The "oh, I WILL talk to the Gods/Goddesses when I'll be advanced enough" delusion. I've had this delusion for way longer than I care to say, and I'm actually still working on demolishing it, cuz it stopped me SO fucking much in all these years.

IF that's your case too, aside from being busy and working almost 24/7, take a moment to really ask yourself if this is a problem to you. You've been talking to Hitler, but are you sure you didn't choose Hitler because it's easier to think of him as a man than a God? That you don't feel "worthy enough" to speak with Furfur, or Raum, or Maat, or Horus?

Before you answer, do ask that to yourself. Am I really ok talking to our Gods and Goddesses? Do I feel worthy? AM I worthy?

End with "Fuck the jews. HAIL SATAN FOREVER!", you'll feel better for sure.

Apprentice said:
I consider 1000 euros net income a month pretty much the minimum.

I can almost laugh at this. I used to say I'd quit that damn job and not settle until I get paid at least 1000 euros a month, and people, even family, laughed in my face. Quite literally. Not only like I didn't have the skills to get a half decent job in this life, but like I was unable to ever attain them. Bah.

Apprentice said:
I've known this for many years, that there is something twisted, mutilated within me and it absolutely prevents me from reaching my full potential. I just have to find it. I can do the rituals, meditations and all but I literally feel nothing from these. First time I did Tetra I felt this awesome silence around me. Inside me, I just feel like strapped down, shackled.

I know what you mean, Brother. If you're feeling like you're almost "cut off from Satanism when compared to everyone else here", that's very accurately how I felt all my life. Starting with the "no energy" thing. Let's not even account for the sociopaths that had an effect in derailing me along the path, before I could restore myself to at least what I was. What about the Serpent RTRs? Those are definitely the ones I felt the most from, a "hum" in my base chakra that would activate during the RTR and then repeat at intervals during the next days. I haven't felt that for a while now, but I'm rewriting my routine so I always do at least one or two a day. Also, I don't feel the "Serpent Empowering" one is so strong on my. The ones that I felt the absolute most are the other two, about removing obstacles and curse.. not sure which one more because I usually did them in the same session, but I can tell they're the ones that work best for me.

I suggest you postpone other workings (unless you were really planning to do them in the next week) and try a week of these two Serpent RTRs (not the Empowering one) and see how they work for you. I'd suggest you do them twice a day if you can, followed by some Void.
(I'm obviously not accounting for work or anything else here, you juggle thing as you can.) If after a week of intense curse and obstacle removal you don't feel the slightest thing, the problem is probably different.

Apprentice said:
We have to do it as a team and end it as a team. Currently, it seems, I'm waiting for her to realize that this small business is more like a masochistic lifestyle. It won't get us to where we want to go.

If that's how you feel about your work, I guess you shouldn't "wait and see" when (if ever) your wife will realize this. Ever think that perhaps she's waiting for you to do exactly the same? Try suggest something different that would allow you both more time to live your lives. Overworking for staying in the same exact condition as ever is still called 'slavery' in the real world. I'd be really glad to know you've shuffled the deck and picked a few cards for yourself, not waiting for them to be lowered enough so you can grab them. In this currenly jewish owned world, that's not likely to ever happen. You must cheat to win.

Apprentice said:
My body gives me certain signals in the form of pains. The lower back gets stiff and painful sometimes and also the area between my shoulder blades hurts. Botched chakras and thus energy blocks?

I'm thinking about my own current muscle pains after Kundalini Yoga and yes.. pain can VERY WELL be read as blockages. Think of it this way: would you still feel pain if you were 10x more advanced and did Yoga 3 hours a day every day? Or would you as flexible as a snake and very aware of your energy flowing through you?
The answer here is: more Yoga. When it stops hurting, keep doing it until you feel so much and so obviously you'll wonder how in the world you couldn't feel before. This requires constant work, but with the results in mind... fuck, who'd really wanna quit??

Apprentice said:
Some percentage of the landmass is just beyond saving. My suggestion is, get used to the idea fast and make peace with this.

Can't agree more, I must say. The sooner we understand some CAN'T be helped, the better we'll live. Besides, there are many that can be helped and are willing to evolve past the point of fear of whatever they've been brainwashed with. I guess "leading by example" is the main thing here.

Apprentice said:
You mention my username there but it doesn't give me any notifications. Only quoting will notify user, AFAIK.

After over one year, I just discovered an option that notifies you of any reply to any post you've been replying to. Finally I won't let people hang for months before finding their answer.

Apprentice said:
Anyway, take care, make wise choices and trust your intuition.

Well said. Guess we tend to overlook intuition as something only for more advanced people, but we do forget that once they were unable to get a decent sensing of things and were just getting started, much like the less gifted in it today. In my opinion, it's probably an almost "focused form of Void". I should get back and experiment with it more too, but for now.. got a ton of things waiting.

Take care, Brother. Don't work too much and do Serpent RTRs whenever you can. Control your breathing too. Relax.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · May 10, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Brother, I have to keep this short today

I love your kind of "short", Brother. Reading your POV is actually comforting and helpful.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
That's surprising, I'd have said that Yoga was a big no no after that but I'm glad that's what you chose to do. Shows a lot of strength of character too.

It didn't surprise me. I had nothing to lose at that moment anyway so... I didn't regret my decision to do our Hatha routine. Some involuntary movements for body balancing did actually hurt a little but nothing major.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Before you answer, do ask that to yourself. Am I really ok talking to our Gods and Goddesses? Do I feel worthy? AM I worthy?
End with "Fuck the jews. HAIL SATAN FOREVER!", you'll feel better for sure.

I love you, Bro. I just can't explain what is it that I do to prevent myself from it. I can only guess but I just don't know for sure. Everything is like, veiled from me. Gonna start reading the lists of Daemons again after I'm done writing this reply.
BTW, I talk to Father Satan and my GD pretty regularly. Mostly I thank them for anything they have provided me with, including heavy protection. Sometimes I ask them for clues and answers.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I used to say I'd quit that damn job and not settle until I get paid at least 1000 euros a month, and people, even family, laughed in my face. Quite literally. Not only like I didn't have the skills to get a half decent job in this life, but like I was unable to ever attain them. Bah.

Well, dear Brother, consider this. Back in 2009, my average monthly net income was around 1800 euros. This was an office job and it didn't exactly require a specific skill set/university degree. Some overtime and side hustle were involved every now and then.
Then came the economic depression. My salary was forcibly reduced and side-hustling possibilities dwindled. After that, I started the transition process, working from home office for approx. a year and then quitting the job for good.
I hope you understand now where I'm coming from? Of course, the realities are totally different (I mean down under vs. here) but over here, anything under 1000 euro net is considered shitty.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I suggest you postpone other workings (unless you were really planning to do them in the next week) and try a week of these two Serpent RTRs (not the Empowering one) and see how they work for you.

Actually, I don't have any ongoing workings ATM besides the warfare and personal hygiene (Raum Sun cleaning, RC and AoP).
I once felt a warm vibration around my tailbone area while doing one of the Serpent RTRs (can't remember which one).
I actually feel things changing inside me, strong negative energies, old pains and fears surfacing.
The change in perception of time is still there - time moves way more slowly than before.
This process of change is slow. On the other hand, this is what we all affirm - in a safe, positive and healthy way. Right?
Anyway, I'm not out of the woods yet but I do feel better. It almost feels like... all the things (principles in life, material possessions, etc) I projected my energies towards back when I was young... some of those things were unimportant, some non-existent, others were enemy lies. I feel like... the smoke and dust are soon falling down and maybe for the first time in this life I see everything clearly, in plain sight.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
If that's how you feel about your work, I guess you shouldn't "wait and see" when (if ever) your wife will realize this. Ever think that perhaps she's waiting for you to do exactly the same? Try suggest something different that would allow you both more time to live your lives. Overworking for staying in the same exact condition as ever is still called 'slavery' in the real world.

This is a bit more complicated than appears. I've been discussing with her about slavery. I've been explaining that, even in war, soldiers need some days off to rest, recreate and regroup between battles. Running a small business at your home, things can get f00ked pretty fast and the business starts running you. Sometimes it feels like this constant battle has been going on for like years. The problem is, even free time sometimes feels like being on duty.
Unfortunately, I can't go into details of that business here on public forum with thousands of enemies skimming around.
About she waiting for me, well, the idea that was the basis of our current business came from her. This is her child. I agreed to support and be the hired help so-to-speak. The only one who has the right to make irreversible decisions is actually she. In my eyes, it wouldn't be ethical in any other way. If I decide to take on a day job, this business will be f00ked. She knows that.
I also know that she had unrealistic expectations and I built my hopes accordingly.
The other thing is that this small company of ours has had to endure too much credit (and I'm talking about essentials like commercial vehicles and equipment). Luckily, some liabilities are over, others will be over soon. The mutually agreed goal for us is to become free from credit and go from there, avoiding any credit if possible.
Another thing. Now I see and understand that during childhood, some aspects of my will were "modified". What I mean by that is that I was conditioned not to disappoint others with my choices. So when someone close to me wants to do something or whatever, I agree because I want this person to be happy. Deep inside I may feel apathy or even aversion towards the proposed thing. This is like raping yourself. Submissive empath. Whatta joke. Fuck this shit, this is not who I am! This shit almost cost me my life. That's one of the reasons why I'm mostly negative and cynical, why I only see the negative side of everything. The other reason is certain aspects in the natal chart. I'm totally dumbfounded as to why on Earth did I choose to bear this burden in this life.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I'd be really glad to know you've shuffled the deck and picked a few cards for yourself, not waiting for them to be lowered enough so you can grab them. In this currenly jewish owned world, that's not likely to ever happen. You must cheat to win.

I'm not 100% sure I get what you mean. Do I have the way out? Sure. There are jobs available all day every day.
Do I have some fuck-you money? Yes and No.
Do I want to move back to living in a city? HELL NO.
Regarding business, there are some avenues I have yet to explore. Skills pay bills and it's still way better to work from home and be your own boss.
Regarding the spiritual side of things, I did a monetary success working quite some time ago. It was only later that I discovered all the nasty things in my natal chart pertaining to money. After the workings to obliterate and clean these influences, I may have to do another money working in the future to attract what I want. From my correspondence with Lydia I learned that these obliteration workings may take years to fully manifest. Gotta have some patience.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I'm thinking about my own current muscle pains after Kundalini Yoga and yes.. pain can VERY WELL be read as blockages.

The funny thing is that sometimes I feel more nagging pain in certain areas and on other days absolutely nothing. It's also funny that the pains are located around the vertebral column (where the chakras are). If for some reason I can't do yoga for longer periods of time, the pains may get worse.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
I don't think EVERYONE is really cut out for Pyrokinetics.

I actually got a confirmation lately about a real fire. There was Magick involved but I can't go into details here for obvious reasons. I can only say that no living being was hurt with the exception of some worthless NPC egos.
Regarding the other Elements, I tried to accept Air fully and feel it in its entirety, just like you described. It felt like a deep breath of fresh Air, like freedom, like ME. Namsayn?

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
The sooner we understand some CAN'T be helped, the better we'll live.

You would def. get your confirmation if you get a chance to hear not-so-bright spiritually ignorant normies reason about things and life, the official plandemic narrative etc.
I recently read a quote that deeply resonates with this whole topic: Isn't it ironic that millions of people love movies that celebrate rebellion and underdogs who resist oppression, yet in the real world they obey rules without EVER questioning authority?

Back when I couldn't sleep deeply at all I was guided to a temporary remedy in the form of nicotine pads. Later the Powers guided me to tea (mate). Currently I'm done with nicotine and coffee. Breathing is easier than before and it appears that I sleep way better now. I feel like my overall health is slowly getting better.

Anyway, gotta run. Love you, Brother. Keep it up!

Satan_is_our_Father666 · May 12, 2021

Apprentice said:
I love your kind of "short", Brother. Reading your POV is actually comforting and helpful.

Yeah lol.. I say I "try" to keep it short and still manage to get lost in explanations as more ideas than I had thought of come to my mind. I'll try to be concise today as I really don't have much time now, really got a good feel about Earth and doing Earth/garden things. Will tell you about it in a moment.

Apprentice said:
I love you, Bro. I just can't explain what is it that I do to prevent myself from it. I can only guess but I just don't know for sure. Everything is like, veiled from me. Gonna start reading the lists of Daemons again after I'm done writing this reply.
BTW, I talk to Father Satan and my GD pretty regularly. Mostly I thank them for anything they have provided me with, including heavy protection. Sometimes I ask them for clues and answers.

Good to know that feels like a positive step forward and you're taking time to read through them all again. HPS Maxine said not everyone's got a Goetic Guardian so keep in mind that you may be attracted by someone you haven't thought much about.. I once thought my Guardian was a non Goetic Demon because there was only an extremely brief explanation of his office and I have done exactly that as my "utmost display of magick" in this life so far, so I thought "it's GOTTA be Him".. I still feel an attraction towards some non Goetic Demons but also had extremely clear signs and hints that my Guardian is Goetic and who She is, so I'm following that path right now. See where it leads me. The crazy thing about one of the non Goetic Demons is that His sigil is VERY similar to a shape/drawing/sigil that I always felt as extremely familiar to me since I was a child. It looks like a kid's idea of a car drawing, without wheels.. (some might say also a "ufo" but I always got the car vibe mostly). To this day, I have no clue what it represents but ..meh. Who knows.

Apprentice said:
I once felt a warm vibration around my tailbone area while doing one of the Serpent RTRs (can't remember which one).
I actually feel things changing inside me, strong negative energies, old pains and fears surfacing.
The change in perception of time is still there - time moves way more slowly than before.
This process of change is slow. On the other hand, this is what we all affirm - in a safe, positive and healthy way. Right?
....
I projected my energies towards back when I was young... some of those things were unimportant, some non-existent, others were enemy lies. I feel like... the smoke and dust are soon falling down and maybe for the first time in this life I see everything clearly, in plain sight.

Usually progress takes time.. unless (in my personal opinion) you're just tapping on something you've been already progressing in past lives and you're simply finding out one of your "stats" is much higher than you'd expected it to be. Like the weather changing ability.. if it feels like it's one of your own little office skills, chances are you've done it before and grew some already, so naturally that will come easier for you. Talking with machines? Programming your aura to repel authorities? Some friendship with lightning and feeling empowered by storms? That's something you've done before so your progress, should you continue to work on those skills, will be faster than if you start anew with something you're lacking...

Speaking of which

Apprentice said:
I actually got a confirmation lately about a real fire. There was Magick involved but I can't go into details here for obvious reasons. I can only say that no living being was hurt with the exception of some worthless NPC egos.
Regarding the other Elements, I tried to accept Air fully and feel it in its entirety, just like you described. It felt like a deep breath of fresh Air, like freedom, like ME. Namsayn?

Glad you followed my advice, that reaction to Air sounds very much like the one I had when I first told myself "let's do this, Air".
...However... (you know me by now, Brother, an "however" was coming all the way lol)
...shortly enough after that I did feel like I was running on fumes and into a complete void of action. This very probably has to do with how my planets look in my chart (you know them already) and so the entire "go for it" process hit a wall.

With this, I'm not saying the advice won't work for You. As I'm pretty sure this depends entirely on my own lacking Element, I'm sure only I will get affected THIS much by choosing to go all the way with the Element that's going to cause the most imbalance..

I mentioned pyrokinetics and how I always (periodically) feel attracted by this solution. Long story short, Fire only lives as long as I'm willing to feed it, so naturally I find it works better only some times, usually when I need a good venting against the enemy or when I feel like everything else is failing me... that is "everything else but Earth".

As you know, I've been having pretty rough times with this Element. Sure thing, it's because of how my chart looks, but to completely ignore it either, it doesn't feel right. So a few days ago, after some good days of Kundalini Yoga (ever since Lydia's last beautiful post on Focusing), I JUST focused on Earth some. Wore a Tiger's Eye ring just to get more into it with a stone I still find rather powerful, even too strong and overwhelming, and just meditated on Earth, didn't even focus on the absorption.
I immediately felt a.. "dull block/slowing down". Dense energy, a flow so slow I only kept it up for a few more seconds before taking the ring off and voiding myself to take note of the first differences I noticed. It wasn't "unbearable", just very evident and immediate.
I thought, what if I focused this on someone else? And, is this how someone with a completely lacking Element feels when attacked by that same Elemental blast?
I only felt attracted by Earth in the last few years, so I haven't willingly trained with it more than the other Elements. Right now I'm thinking, what if this is exactly what I've been doing in my previous lives, and that is why I got into this one with such an absurd chart?

That would suggest (in my logical opinion at least) that if I kept on this path, siding with Air as I did and shifting the balance more and more, in the next life I might have something that looks like E:0 W:2 F:2 and A:6!!! ...which would even more create problems and lack of balance.

I've also asked for hints to the Gods on what Elements I need to work with and, other than one measly "too obvious to be true" sign I gladly ignored, I've been blasted with hints that point only at strengthening Earth, so now I know what I feel is the rightest thing to do.

On the downside, I don't really know what abilities Earth brings with it. Fire and Water are the most obvious, and I've learned a lot about Air from everyone over the last year, but Earth... all I know is that it can "slow down to the point of killing someone" (something I have mentioned before in my realization that the mythological "Medusa" kills with her eyes by turning to stone)... I know that I feel a connection with plants and roots and all the undergrowth life (this also reminds me of the 5 Chinese Ching, that don't include Air but split Earth into 3 parts: Earth, Metal and Wood.. the latter being the one I felt the most).... I felt at some point that Earth is "the most spiritual of the Elements" (in my post about it, everyone disagreed as everyone is an individual and finding every other Element the most spiritual in their existence.. this was a great answer by itself) and that it can seriously enhance my own ability to feel.

Also, the last Demoness I've met, Vapula, has Earth as her Element.. before Her it was Astarte, also Earth.. plus, I learned that She's also Artemis and unlike the lie about "hunting" in fictitious jewish printed books on Greek mythology, She cherishes animals and all life a lot. This is something I find simply magnificent and nudges me towards Earth more.

Lastly, don't know if you read that in my correspondence with Sister GD., but I've been noticing how Elements work well together, meaning that there cannot be a great success when working ONLY with one Element, but many will do the trick and teach you more and more as you unfold Knowledge directly from them and Nature itself. So far, Fish and Spiders are the creatures that taught me the most about spirituality... and, I shit you not, I feel that Air is pushing me away from this. It's great by itself, but it's a lot more when coupled with multiple Elements.

Long story short, I feel that this joining of multiple Elements is the key that leads to understanding the Akasha (for me at least it's been pretty hard to even visualize it as a substance, being much more subtle to perceive than obviously clear Elements).

Apprentice said:
The funny thing is that sometimes I feel more nagging pain in certain areas and on other days absolutely nothing. It's also funny that the pains are located around the vertebral column (where the chakras are). If for some reason I can't do yoga for longer periods of time, the pains may get worse.

I can't be sure of what type of pain you feel and if it's the same as mine, but I find it varies from time to time.. this may have to do with astrological movements and planets, but as you know my astrology is shit compared to most Satanists and I almost feel it overcomplicates things.. being a natural Air myself, I'd rather avoid overthinking things and involving too many factors. Whether this is a mistake or not, I'll find out in time as I grow...

Apprentice said:
Regarding the spiritual side of things, I did a monetary success working quite some time ago. It was only later that I discovered all the nasty things in my natal chart pertaining to money. After the workings to obliterate and clean these influences, I may have to do another money working in the future to attract what I want. From my correspondence with Lydia I learned that these obliteration workings may take years to fully manifest. Gotta have some patience.

I kind of feel that these problems you have will take care of themselves as you grow and develop other skills that will nullify your problems, so I wouldn't really worry about them for the time being, lest it becomes ALL you think about and forget to train yourself out of the current spiritual routine that keeps you tightly stuck where you are. Again, in your case, Earth seems like it will only reinforce what you're creating (problems included) while embracing Air will make you see new paths and approaches. Obviously, I'm no great astrologer (exactly the opposite) so take Lydia's advice way before mine, as I can only compare others using my own experience as the measuring tape, and it won't always help.

Apprentice said:
I recently read a quote that deeply resonates with this whole topic: Isn't it ironic that millions of people love movies that celebrate rebellion and underdogs who resist oppression, yet in the real world they obey rules without EVER questioning authority?

Read HP HC's post today.. I wasn't aware yet that the enemy is in SUCH disarray. They will obviously not let the Goyim know about their troubles willingly, trying to look strong and mighty till the very moment, but I have certainly noticed a lot of people standing up against the system. Sheeple will die by their own hands rolling up sleeves and accepting anything that makes them weaker and conquered, no doubt about that, but many will stand until they come out victorious.
Only time will make them aware that Satanists were the good guys, fighting a war they haven't even realized has been going on for centuries, and they'll eventually learn the Truth and side with us against the enemy until it's gone and we'll take our planet back.

Apprentice said:
Later the Powers guided me to tea (mate). Currently I'm done with nicotine and coffee. Breathing is easier than before and it appears that I sleep way better now. I feel like my overall health is slowly getting better.

I think I'll really follow that advice. I've been able to improve my dreams with meditation and affirmations but I do drink too much coffee and my breathing is taking its toll. And especially while I train with Earth I must make sure I'm not reinforcing dullness and a "hard style" but fight with "softness" (to speak in a martial arts terminology).

Take care, dear Brother. See you in the trenches soon.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Satan_is_our_Father666 · May 13, 2021

Apprentice said:
....

I've been focusing a lot on the Elements these days and some things just became blatantly clear: even know that focusing on one only Element "is bad" because it inevitably creates imbalance and after all I said about linking them, the immediate reaction of the mind is to ignore that and DO focus on one only, and it actually seems to follow a pattern. Fire comes after Earth, wanting to break the dullness with ferocious electricity, Water after Fire (obviously lol) and Air as a consequence of the "drowning" sensation that Water may lead to, leading to "fresh air". Then again, Earth, as an attempt to solidify things and bring substance in someone who's feeling empty using only Air. And so on. And so on. Again and again and again. I lost the goddamn count trying to keep track of how often I've done this during the years.

What I'm thinking now is that when I manage to take a step back from them all and see the bigger picture, another pattern seems to form. In my case, the dominant disappears, and the most lacking is walking hand in hand with the "middle" Elements (which in my precarious case are equal in planet amounts).

So at the end of the day, this kind of brings me back to when I DIDN'T know about my natal chart and dominants and weakest, and simply believed I felt more Water than anything else and thought Fire was the obvious lacking one (this is how I always believed my chart would look like, IF someone told me there was a chart to begin with when I had zero knowledge of such things.

Summing that up, to try and balance the weakest Element with the same Element alone is probably just madness, as the difference in energy in the Soul makes one too uncomfortable and "note oneself" anymore. I do believe we should all work on our strengths more, but this doesn't mean we can't embrace invention and try new things, especially when we feel a good connection since years ago, at least. By now, I've know people who are either adepts and passionate about some skills, Elements and offices, and by no means their natal chart dominates their calling.

To sum this all up in a question then, one might simply ask oneself: what's my calling?

What do you REALLY enjoy when facing the Elements, Brother? I think that will help you also finding your Guardian. I don't believe the office MUST be the same as our skill set, but the greater picture looks familiar in one way or another.

Off to my Final RTR. Later Brother!

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · May 21, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
To sum this all up in a question then, one might simply ask oneself: what's my calling?

Exactly!
BTW, what is the meaning of Plantago major on your profile pic?

I just don't know what to say, Brother. At the moment it seems that my life is falling apart. In the material realm I've decided to step out of the family business because I just can't take it anymore. Whether the relationship goes south with it, remains to be seen. Headlong into the unknown darkness. A huge transformation, just like you said. Toxic and useless things have to go.

Feelings alternate between self-confidence, waves of depression and everything inbetween. I could go into all the dirty details but not publicly. If you feel like exchanging private e-mails, then let me know. As far as I'm concerned, I have no problem playing it safe and keeping our communication within the confines of our forum here. On the other hand, some personal e-mails are sometimes nice, too.

Anyway, the abovesaid is the reason why my replies take longer and longer to appear. Months ago I had absolutely no problem finding the time/energy for various rituals and group schedules. For some reason, at the moment, I just can't. Tomorrow is Saturday and it appears to be mostly unoccupied. In the name of Satan, I will make this day count and no one can stop me.

We will not fall, dear Brother. We will rise like a phoenix. Take care.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · May 24, 2021

Apprentice said:
BTW, what is the meaning of Plantago major on your profile pic?

I'll try to be as quick as I can today, Brother, as I have a lot to do already, without even including the ritual warfare.

Plantago is Leraje's plant. I have actually been postponing important things these months, first of all getting to know her like I should have done way before, or at least after I have known for sure she is my Guardian. To say I've had a shitload of proof about it would be an understatement. Speaking of which, I did something really simple yesterday but it was effective: I "gave her my love". I'll try to explain briefly...

I've been wearing and using a Tiger's Eye beads necklace (mostly Tiger's Eye, the rest is something like jasper, still very "Earthy" though) as an attempt to balance my lack of Earth in a rather aggressive way. The result after not even 3 days was a brutal "opening" of a channel between my lower and upper chakra, something that now I understand to have been the third chakra pulsating in a noticeable way.
What this caused was sudden and very unexpected "bursts of adrenaline", so to speak. At first they were less common, but days after, even without wearing the thing on my neck, I would have very intense moments that demanded my full attention. Note: I'm calling this "adrenaline" only because it's an easy way to describe it but it feels a lot more like an emotional burst, a strong and very intense mix between excitement and love, something crazy, let me tell you.

Yesterday I was sick after eating something that wasn't the freshest (the sauce it was in was awesome lol, so I didn't mind the not so fresh meat) and I spent the night almost always awake. I pulled one more Final RTR and decided to do something new. Been talking with a Brother about relationships and sucky humans and about how I prefer to think of myself only Succubus material so, not knowing exactly how to direct the love towards a Succubus I am not yet so familiar with, I asked Leraje to deliver it for me. After that, I directed my love to Leraje as well and felt something rather intense, like she was positively responding to that connection. Then I finally caught some sleep for a couple hours or so. I'm gonna try this again.

As for my avatar's picture, I also felt it would be a good compromise between Earth and Water as I've been juggling both of them lately. For once, I can tell the Elements feel "fuller" and clearer, so now I'm focusing on Air for the moment, knowing I've been making progress in all directions. There is a lot for me to still do and learn about.

Apprentice said:
In the material realm I've decided to step out of the family business because I just can't take it anymore. Whether the relationship goes south with it, remains to be seen. Headlong into the unknown darkness. A huge transformation, just like you said. Toxic and useless things have to go.

I'm kind of relieved to hear that. I know this wasn't an easy choice and that there was more than enough thinking behind it. I obviously don't know all the details about the business or what you're gonna do next, but it's been like a year now that I know you're constantly unhappy because of it and working much more than your body and mind should do every day. Toxic and useless things have to go, indeed. Relationships are the same. If something doesn't work like it should and it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere for any reason, be it a lack of cooperation or simple misunderstanding not destined to be cleared out, then the relationship has no point in existing.
This is my opinion, Brother, as I said I do not know all the details so always weigh everything carefully. I do feel you freer than you were last time you wrote, though. That's very refreshing news.

Apprentice said:
Feelings alternate between self-confidence, waves of depression and everything inbetween. I could go into all the dirty details but not publicly. If you feel like exchanging private e-mails, then let me know. As far as I'm concerned, I have no problem playing it safe and keeping our communication within the confines of our forum here. On the other hand, some personal e-mails are sometimes nice, too.

Change always brings a good amount of self conflict and more questions. Not for nothing it's called "change". It's not meant to be easy, but it's meant to make things better in the long run, so, worth it. If that's alright with you I'll keep the conversation here for the moment. There's been too many subtle attacks lately (concerning the "online world") and they kinda stopped when I decided to play "good goyim" and focus instead on real warfare, spiritual, getting off the endless reposting anti-govt news and articles but spending more time doing what I know is really important, like rituals and meditating. So far I haven't been seeing more troubles from the parasites, "physical" things seem stationary, but spiritually I'm making progress. To be honest, I wasn't hoping for such results with that stone I've been wearing. I had weird effects from that stone before, that's why I chose it, but it managed to surprise me. The Eight Paths of Enlightenment include the use of talismans and stones after all, don't they? This is something I hadn't really worked with much. We just gotta keep pushing, Brother. One way or another it will work.

Apprentice said:
Anyway, the abovesaid is the reason why my replies take longer and longer to appear. Months ago I had absolutely no problem finding the time/energy for various rituals and group schedules. For some reason, at the moment, I just can't. Tomorrow is Saturday and it appears to be mostly unoccupied. In the name of Satan, I will make this day count and no one can stop me.

The enemy is working harder, make no mistake. They know it's the "end times" for them and they're probably pushing everyone to do more and more, HP HoodedCobra even said they're "hiring new uninitiated" kikes for mass rituals.. I almost feel like laughing at this point. A few of us was enough to get them to scramble like this? I don't know how many we are and how many are actively doing spiritual warfare and then some, but this feels truly unprecedented if I have to be honest. Even I feel the effect the FRTR has on the world, and I'm "the guy that didn't feel". Fuck, I feel too much now sometimes.

We're definitely rising now. Our Fathers and Mothers are with us. We won't fail.

Take care, Brother.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Apprentice · Jun 15, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Ping

Oh, dear Brother - what a ride it's been. To this day I still can't explain all the aspects of what is happening and/or transforming in my life. I can only assume but assumption is mostly the mother of all fuck-ups so I won't go there.
Burning out the dross is emotionally hard and confusing. At the moment, in retrospect, I can tell that I've been seriously delusional about myself and limiting my own potential on top of that.
I decided to step out of this business and find a job, right? It was a piece of cake. Found a position close to home, €1300 net + overtime. I worked there for three days, breathing deep in order not to cry, realizing the potential of what we had built back home and that all of it goes down the drain.
I also realized that I've been lazy, not playing along, not going all in with my energy, being toxic in my own little ways, all the time believing that I'm a saint and totally entitled.
I'm happy that when it comes to using the energy of the Sun, nearly everything is flammable, including delusions.
Basically, within one week of working the new job I experienced losing EVERYTHING without any of it actually happening.
It feels like I'm changing the cards I was dealt. This is deep. The turmoil is still ongoing but now it has a positive vibe to it.
I have no doubt that it is connected with my wife and her lessons/challenges in life. Only Gods can see how these things interconnect.

I'm gonna leave you with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P2QZMjSrX0
This song, although back then I didn't understand one word of it, represents positive, happy vibes from my teenage years, back when western music started to slowly become available over here (around 1989).

Take care, Brother.

Rroco88 · Jun 17, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
GD. said:

....

Click to expand...

Apprentice said:

....

Click to expand...

(Been a while since I heard from you both. You alright?)

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

I didn't even knew where to respond to this, as I didn't wanted to disturb the threat you posted it in, "Emptiness of knowledge" topic is on the Important articles from JoS Ministry subforum and it will appear right on top there and I don't want that, I even thought about emailing you but it could've been way too sudden, so I just thought I'll post here.

Please excuse me for distrusting the ongoing conversation of you two tho, and I want to say a big "hi" to Apprentice as well, and I hope I'm not bothering anyone for answering here.

I've read a bit of your conversation, you mentioned me as well lol, but I couldn't have got any notification. You said some really nice things about me as well wow, I am very glad I actually helped you. In any way I could. It means a lot to know that.

To answer your question real quick, I'm 50-50. Changing for the better but extremely attacked. More than ever before. But I'm making a huge progress with everything I do, so that's the best part. Also, I graduated high-school and I have my finals after next week. I've also got my CAD technician certificate with 100/100 score on the exam, and I'll find a job with it when I'm done with the finals.

I've also realised A LOT of things, about life and how certain things work, even more than before. Also, Satan has been with me this whole time, and I am grateful for having Him in my life more than ever. I look back, and even if I am extremely young (I know that I am and I need no one to tell me that) I see how many things I've been through all these years I've been a satanist, how many things I realised, how much happiness, how much extreme pain, through how much decay I've walked and He was still besides me... making sure I don't fall completely.

I will be FOREVER grateful for having Satan in my life from the very beginning of my existence. I can't help but praise Him now that I realise... everything is interconnecting and makes total sense now. I have no words to describe what I feel, I feel I know way too much by now but also I feel there is a lot more to learn, I feel reborn. I'll dive a lot more into it and get used to all this and I'll come with an explanation of how I feel and what's all about, in case you're willing to know about it.

But until then, I need to stop philosophising (I said nothing about it here but I always do it) and focus on the future for a while, while working on the present. I also plan on making my own online market and selling my art (not only paintings, but everything) in the near future, thought about resin pieces, maybe sell things on Etsy, also bringing all my poetry in a place and making a book (this is mostly for myself). I have a lot of things in my head, let aside meditation and self-improvement, which are the main things I focus on, as well as studying now.

As I don't want to eventually end up in a place I will be extremely unhappy in, I have to plan everything from the very beginning, and I prioritise figuring out a stable income source which doesn't consist in too much effort. I even thought of buying a little taxi company, or any other little, non-expensive, company, after I work a few months up to a year. But I'll see where life gets me, what's for sure is the fact that I want to have a secure income from somewhere without much effort so I can go to college without worrying about money, and I'll get that in a way or another.

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now and I am quite sure I unintentionally omitted some things writing all this.

If Apprentice is still reading, wish both of you luck in whatever you plan on doing. Take good care, brothers!

Apprentice · Jun 27, 2021

GD. said:
PING

Hello, it is nice to finally "meet" you, dear sister.
Don't be so modest - you can post where you want. This is a public forum for SS and you really shouldn't worry or feel insecure.
I'm really happy for you, because you said that everything is interconnecting and makes total sense now. I wish I could say the same. I just haven't figured it all out 100%. I don't know for sure why am I here in this life, what is my purpose. At first I thought my purpose is to partake in our warfare and to evolve. Then my personal and material life started to fall apart and I had to go all-in there. Actually, I'm still busy with the material side of my life. This is the reason it has taken me so long to respond. I can't get clarity in this matter. Also, I did some personal workings not long ago and I can still feel them doing their work, changing me "in a safe, positive and healthy way".

You are so young and already knowingly with Satan. This is a real blessing. I really wish you take some precautions so you will not end up lost in distractions like NPC parties, alcohol and chasing worthless dreams like I did.
Setting up your life after high school, well, this is a tough one. You could do a working to attract passive income and also find a source of active income. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
PING

I hope you're doin' fine, dear Brother. I sense you're busy.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Jun 29, 2021

Apprentice said:
Satan_is_our_Father666 said:

Ping

Click to expand...

Oh, dear Brother - what a ride it's been. To this day I still can't explain all the aspects of what is happening and/or transforming in my life. I can only assume but assumption is mostly the mother of all fuck-ups so I won't go there.

Brother, sorry for the wait.. yeah, "busy" was actually the word here. And as if I hadn't enough things to do already I went and got myself into JoS translations lol.. but it's probably one of the most useful things I do in this life, sharing the knowledge with Italians that are too lazy to learn English and helping others make the huge amount of things to learn a little easier by offering help with other people's translations when they are in doubt (too bad I don't know another language to add to my skills..)

Apprentice said:
Burning out the dross is emotionally hard and confusing. At the moment, in retrospect, I can tell that I've been seriously delusional about myself and limiting my own potential on top of that.

I always had the impression that you'd be always doing just that. Limiting yourself, looking down upon yourself. Also knew you, like me, need something earthshaking in your life to make you change your ways and trying something completely new and treasuring it when you see that it works. Just be mindful of traps and shiny things, but you'll be alright.
The fact that you already found another job is another good enough sign for me to understand how much our Gods and Goddesses protect you and look out for you, knowing you're a valid warrior who doesn't give up. We need more people like you, and less idiots who roll up their sleeves "because tv told them they'll die otherwise".

Apprentice said:
I also realized that I've been lazy, not playing along, not going all in with my energy, being toxic in my own little ways, all the time believing that I'm a saint and totally entitled.

The way I see this, you've been waiting for something to happen. When you finally realized it wouldn't happen by itself, you made it happen, and consequences come with it. A transformation is in order and you're probably facing thoughts and ideas you weren't before. I hope you have enough time and willpower to keep the Hatha Yoga up 10, 20 minutes a day. Not just for ensuring your back is fine, but because lately the effects of this kind of working (like others in the 8 Paths) have been more fruitful even for more closed people.

Apprentice said:
I'm happy that when it comes to using the energy of the Sun, nearly everything is flammable, including delusions.
Basically, within one week of working the new job I experienced losing EVERYTHING without any of it actually happening.
It feels like I'm changing the cards I was dealt. This is deep. The turmoil is still ongoing but now it has a positive vibe to it.
I have no doubt that it is connected with my wife and her lessons/challenges in life. Only Gods can see how these things interconnect.

Trust the Gods to show you the way, always.

That's all I can say.
You know? Lately I was shown a couple "mindsets" (not "mine", just shown) of people who completely lose themselves in some lunatic fake spiritual deluded paths, usually when a "pastor" (who leads sheepLE) guides many clueless fucks toward something they don't understand at all but feel fascinated by. Like "an answer". Weak people will lean on to anything that promises wonders in exchange for nothing but obedience... how sick. Thing is... I think I realized what they "have that I don't have yet" is that kind of trust in our Gods and Goddesses. I have met Father Satan, Haures, Raum, Lilith, Leraje, Vapula.. but I guess my ability to trust them wasn't the best, I was always diffident and worried some other entity would pose as them. THAT is when I realized communication/relationship with our Gods and Goddesses depends entirely on US. They want to communicate and built relationship with us, and certainly have all the skills to do so, but it's up to us to bridge ourselves until we reach them, and that begins with trust.

Fools, xians, religious fanatics, they all abandon themselves and trust blindly. They completely offer themselves up to someone else who will use and abuse them. (Years ago, I nearly ended up bad because I've done exactly the same when I decided I was a failure at Spiritual Satanism... what a mistake.) But when we trust our Gods and Goddesses, there is no fine print to be mindful of. No catch. No "wish I wouldn't have done that". Only benefit, help, prosper, guidance and it all results in our strength increasing, our skills becoming more evident until we know for sure that we have them.

Xians don't abandon xianity not because they refuse to see the bullshit, but because they refuse to let go of the illusion. It's exactly how drugs work. They build up illusion after illusion and it only exists in the mind of the victim, who does this to himself/herself.

Apprentice said:
I'm gonna leave you with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P2QZMjSrX0
This song, although back then I didn't understand one word of it, represents positive, happy vibes from my teenage years, back when western music started to slowly become available over here (around 1989).

All in Italian lol... but it's a bunch of songs from what I hear, they took famous hits (in 1980s Italy at least, I think) and made it one for the fans. But I see what you mean. The vibe is something that is designed to make you positive and "hopeful". Just don't let the "hope" go to waste, we bypass hope and build bridges toward godhood. Keep working on yourself, Brother, I know you'll get there.

Take care of yourself, sorry it took me a while.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Jun 29, 2021

GD. said:
I didn't even knew where to respond to this, as I didn't wanted to disturb the threat you posted it in, "Emptiness of knowledge" topic is on the Important articles from JoS Ministry subforum and it will appear right on top there and I don't want that, I even thought about emailing you but it could've been way too sudden, so I just thought I'll post here.

Big Sister! Sorry it's been a long wait. Had to postpone writing to you and Apprentice while I took care of a number of issues and then I realized I reduced my online time as I chose to start translating the JoS in Italian, so ..yeah.

You did well writing here. This Forum is our current home, sort of, and this is like a room Apprentice and I have been using to support each other and put our minds together to learn, solve problems and take inspiration from each other's progress, so you're more than welcome to keep posting your thoughts here or whatever else you want to talk or ask about. And you're definitely not bothering anyone here, so stop thinking that.

GD. said:
I've read a bit of your conversation, you mentioned me as well lol, but I couldn't have got any notification. You said some really nice things about me as well wow, I am very glad I actually helped you. In any way I could. It means a lot to know that.

Yeah, well, you have actually helped a lot and I felt like sharing with Brother Apprentice here.

As for the notifications, it only works when I "quote" you and I didn't want you to receive a ton of notifications in your already busy enough days.
And in case you didn't know, there's another option in the settings that lets you receive a notification every time someone replies to someone else (doesn't need to quote you) in any post you've been active before. This can be helpful when people forget/ignore the "quote" option and they reply in an old post you're not likely to read anytime soon (but you also get a lot of daily notifications, so be mindful of that).

And about emailing me, you can do that if you feel like, no problem. Actually, I JUST made (FINALLY!) a protonmail account as it seems it's much more secure than the rest (definitely safer than jewgle) and I needed it for helping people translate.
It's "seed of duat (@) protonmail (dot) com" (no spaces and no parenthesis of course).

Apprentice said:
....

(Brother, do save this as well, just in case. The Forums went down last year.)

GD. said:
To answer your question real quick, I'm 50-50. Changing for the better but extremely attacked. More than ever before. But I'm making a huge progress with everything I do, so that's the best part. Also, I graduated high-school and I have my finals after next week. I've also got my CAD technician certificate with 100/100 score on the exam, and I'll find a job with it when I'm done with the finals.

Congratulations Sister!

You're much better than I was in school for sure lol.. that score will surely help find work better than most other people, besides, and you're really smart.
As for being attacked, it doesn't surprise me. I've been hearing the same from most people here, me included. Sudden things, as well as things that were being worked up and decided to burst all in the same period. Talk about subtlety, right? But from another point of view... it also means the enemy is REALLY panicking now and they see us as a major threat, something that represents a danger that shouldn't be ignored.
Too bad for them, there's really not much they can do now (that they haven't already tried at least, like full war scale attacks and raiding people in the streets), and WHEN they decide to do that, they'll still have to deal with 1. the entire world population that will not want to be attacked and raided, and 2. the same 'functionaries' that will be tasked with doing this to the entire world population WILL face the question "what the fuck am I doing going against everyone else in the world?"... so let's keep up the RTRs and (I'll suggest this to Cobra as well) I'll also keep up the Race Awakening rituals as I see there's still a lot of need for them.

That said, do make sure you always protect yourself.
People who are normally more powerful than others will always see more difficulties and will always more attacked than others. In war, you take down the big wigs first, if you want to make a dent in the enemy's defense. This is why things with the enemy gets harder the more one advances. The more dangerous to them you are, the more they'll try to stop you. The point is, we DON'T stop just because a shitty jewish hybrid wants us to. And (unlike traitors we had in the past) we don't take bribes to stop being what we are meant to be (and becoming what we are meant to become).

GD. said:
I've also realised A LOT of things, about life and how certain things work, even more than before. Also, Satan has been with me this whole time, and I am grateful for having Him in my life more than ever. I look back, and even if I am extremely young (I know that I am and I need no one to tell me that) I see how many things I've been through all these years I've been a satanist, how many things I realised, how much happiness, how much extreme pain, through how much decay I've walked and He was still besides me... making sure I don't fall completely.

Extremely young is merely a point of view. You're not new to Spiritual Satanism and you're more advanced than a lot of other Brothers and Sisters here, I can tell, so do feel free to add to your current physical age the years of training you've already done in previous lives and have recovered in this life. Younger age only means (generally) more lifespan left, but than again.. for us Spiritual Satanists even this concept can go out of the window when we involve the Magnum Opus in a conversation, and SOME people among us are already that gifted. I'm not speaking for myself yet... (however I must admit there are some strong indicators I have been questioning myself about, but I won't mention them publicly for the enemy to see, I already said more than I wanted to in older posts).

I'm glad you feel Father Satan in your life and have for a lot. I wasn't wrong when I sensed you'd inspire me to increase my effort, one can only make the same mistake over and over so many times before stopping to ask himself what he's really doing, and I believe I've reached that point after endless failure. I am not sure if I can even be of any help to you in exchange for yours as I don't feel anywhere close to where you are, but I hope the Gods will guide my words as this seems to happen on occasion among us Spiritual Satanists in need of specific answers and words that trigger understanding of the self.

GD. said:
I feel I know way too much by now but also I feel there is a lot more to learn, I feel reborn. I'll dive a lot more into it and get used to all this and I'll come with an explanation of how I feel and what's all about, in case you're willing to know about it.

More than "willing".

I'm really happy for you, Sister. You deserve all this. "The more you learn, the more you learn how much more you need to learn" as more knowledge and open doors will inevitably lead you to more knowledge and open doors, and power.

GD. said:
I also plan on making my own online market and selling my art (not only paintings, but everything) in the near future, thought about resin pieces, maybe sell things on Etsy, also bringing all my poetry in a place and making a book (this is mostly for myself). I have a lot of things in my head, let aside meditation and self-improvement, which are the main things I focus on, as well as studying now.

It's good that you know what you want and how to make it happen. As far as I know Etsy can be very expensive (or at least the stuff I was looking to buy a while ago) but no business keeps going if there aren't customers buying, so I'm positive you'd make money there too. Just don't limit your options, I don't know how it works for most but there are a number of online shops and websites where you can get paid with ads and such.. then again, I heard of 13 year old girls who make a dozen thousand dollars a month by selling "slime", so that's also where I question whether or not I'm really fit for making money anywhere online.... :lol: I had big hopes for jewtube before I'd realize how much shit is going on there and how they stop you from growing if you have said the slightest thing against the enemy in any way. No wonder people who make it big there are generally mentally inferior, bland, childish even and offer nothing you ever need, while most useful tutorials and skills are completely ignored and only a few will make any money.
Speaking of art... I did try (a very big word) to make a second channel for art (after my first was deleted as soon as I raised red flags against the enemy), but I haven't believed it would work for a second and decided to focus on other things... then the shitstorm hit and I had no time to draw at all, just fixing a mess after another, losing some battles and then focusing on heavier spiritual warfare (including translations).

But I do want to try something with art. I've certainly got a lot better than I ever was in the past two years, having the time to practice more often and finding techniques I liked more than the ones I always just tried. I just ordered some new art tools (mostly to motivate myself lol) but I've also been practicing more and improving, so not all hope is lost. It would be great if I could just make money drawing and spend the rest of the time (most of it at least) meditating, doing rituals and living the life as a Spiritual Satanist.

GD. said:
I even thought of buying a little taxi company, or any other little, non-expensive, company, after I work a few months up to a year. But I'll see where life gets me, what's for sure is the fact that I want to have a secure income from somewhere without much effort so I can go to college without worrying about money, and I'll get that in a way or another.

You're certainly no time waster.. "I take off my hat to you" as they say in UK.

I know you're driven and capable so I have no doubt you'll succeed no matter what path you take. ("By the way.. e-ehm.. I'm looking for work." :lol: Just kidding.. I'm dealing with the idiocy of people who want someone with years of experience but ignore anyone who would be their best bet in the long run, who happens to understand machines more than most people out there... hence... "art" as a possible career is still something on my mind.)

GD. said:
There are a lot of things going on in my life right now and I am quite sure I unintentionally omitted some things writing all this.

Pretty sure I said less than half what I initially thought of, so no problem. Take your time and do take care of yourself.

Talk soon, Sister.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Kylee_Daughter_of_Satan · Jul 23, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
Apprentice said:

whining does NOT help. What helps is if I identify the problem

Click to expand...

Although in theory you're right, I do find that sometimes whining in a more public or open way to someone you trust can be more introspective than when one tried to initially look at the problem and tried to find a solution. I lost count of the times I've been talking about something that bothered me and before sending the message I would have already everything I needed to find the solution right in front of me, knowing I was going to ask something unneeded if I clicked Submit. I hear it's also a divination technique, writing mindlessly, letting information be put down on paper in an intuitive way. In some measure, I agree with that.

Apprentice said:

I guess I do. I think, you should patiently try to find yourself. Just like our Daemons have different faculties, all humans are endlessly different.

Click to expand...

You're once again absolutely right. Having trained and explored the Elements as much as I did, it only now occurs to me that there's a lot of 'facets' about them, some so very subtle that it can be a very difficult aspect to determine.. like my sudden realization that Earth has to do with roots from the Soul, that resemble a spider web, that made me realize how spiders' sense of touch (being the most developed senses for a creature with many eyes but very poor sight range) is something so much more vivid and revealing than one can initially believe, not normally being even aware of such a sense (or astral sense).
HINT: astral touch is something I had experience with in the past through my healing "astral clones" (Thoughtforms, when I didn't call them this name) and I could somehow sense I was 'touching' people far away. How only NOW I realize this simple thing, only the Gods know.
This to say... it can work both ways, and that's what looks to me like the basis on which one can build a succubus relationship, which in turn WILL strengthen all the other astral senses. I was just yesterday telling this to a woman I recently managed to get started on the Final RTR, who can see the jews for the parasites they are.. How single astral senses tend to lead to more astral senses, not limiting themselves to the betterment of the same one. I'm guessing it takes some time to truly unlock this 'option'.. I've been astrally sniffing/smelling for years before I'd link this to a vision and a vision to a sound or voice. Haven't really had much experience with touch (receiving it, at least) but I have felt that before.. unwanted and unexpected mostly, not negative, but I didn't know what it was. Now, I can see it was Touch lol

Apprentice said:

Excuse me if I'm being brutally honest or too blunt. At least to me, this eminently describes the dangers of trusting external psychic help. There are no mediators in Satanism, remember? Using mediators, you can become delusional. Or lost. Or dead.
What I want to say is this: build yourself to the level, tune in and find your GD yourself.
I'm nowhere near being psychic but when you and GitM corresponded about Lerajie, after reading Her description and thinking about you, I felt unsure about you and Her. As this was a very faint feeling, I didn't even consider sharing it.
You said it yourself: ditch the logic and follow your feelings, in Void.

Click to expand...

(I'm now back replying to you after starting this morning, but THIS part is one of the two parts of your message that I really, really, REALLY have to agree with.)

You're perfectly right. That there are no mediators in Satanism is a known and accepted truth, so I for one was felt utterly awkward to accept that information from GitM back in the day. I questioned his words, I questioned my reaction to reading them, my later acceptance of his words as a fact, and last but not the least I questioned whether or not I SHOULD have simply accepted someone else's suggestion as sheer fact. Truth is, I shouldn't have done it, and to be honest I have regretted that choice almost every day even since.

Add to that the fact that when I initially (the year before joining this Forum) tried to contact Lerajie as I came to believe that she was the first Demoness I ever saw, MANY years before that thinking, and I clearly felt something that I can probably call.. 'dismissal'? Refusal? Some kind of obstacle that prevented communication when I asked if she was my Guardian... and you get the overall picture.

Like you, I'm not particularly good with astral senses and determining things intuitively just like that.. but some messages are definitely stronger than others and I rarely doubt them when they come forth so powerful. That day I felt really confused, thought that Lerajie was somehow behind a wall or something, and that I was supposed to destroy that wall.

Question is: why did I find no wall between Haures and me? Was it really my sucky ability to divinate and see the astral? I even heard her clearly, I felt her beautiful presence, and it all just vanished after, upon hearing the name from her, and realizing the name seriously matched my expectations based upon her strong looks, I felt my own thoughts kick the door open and break that connection.... but dude, that was THE best connection with a Demon I have ever had in this life.
(Don't know if you ever watched the movie "Aeon Flux" with Charlize Theron.. she's part of a rebellious group that "meets" in some kind of white astral temple.. can't remember how they did it but that's one very easy way for me to describe how I met Haures the first time. Felt almost EXACTLY like that, only she was kind of floating above me, sitting in the air while I was in bed. She was bloody fantastic, Bro.)

Somehow, I started to associate her with phoenixes (not the Demon Phoenix though) and I started seeing phoenixes everywhere, even in a particularly beautiful vision where a phoenix I knew was her flew down and raised before touching a river's bank.. so beautiful.

Then rl shit kicked in and I didn't have much time for myself to meditate daily.. but I always remembered the encounter with Haures as the best thing I ever experienced.

Even today, after I started writing you and I focused on her, I begun feeling my third eye tingling in an unusual way, like a sign. I'm not the best meditator, astrologer (I suck at that) or divinator, but that felt pretty clearly like a positive hint. Even now that I'm telling you about it I can feel that sensation ooze in my third eye calmly and pleasantly.

Long story short (yeah, I know, I do type a lot lol)... I do know my Guardian is very probably her. It just feels right. I've been naturally interested in her since the day I first heard her name, and it wasn't in the JoS but years earlier in a story that tried to make Demons look bad to readers.. well, fuck that, I still felt very attracted to "Flauros". Now I call her Haures simply because that's how she introduced herself to me.

I do believe my noticing that our most probable/possible Guardian Demon sharing astrological and Elemental traits with us wasn't wrong though. Lerajie and Haures both have the Air Element, and the metal and planet both refer to my birthday (I guess "Mercury" is a more unique than rare occurrence as there is the metal Mercury, but there isn't the metal Thursday/Saturday/Tuesday and so on, is there.. I assume the metal has got to hold particular importance for the Satanist).

IF I'm not wrong in having determined who my Guardian is by myself like this, I don't think you should have tremendous difficulties determining yours either. I'm pretty sure by now there's a Demon you feel a stronger connection with than with anyone else, even if it's slight or seemingly non existent due to your lacking astral senses.

Nevertheless... just like you pointed it out with working with the Elements, I have to make you aware of the fact that if you can't for any reason seem to figure out who your Guardian is due to your lacking ability to find the name, then it's also safe to assume you wouldn't be (same as me) going to benefit from this relationship very much, for now.. so do work on your own abilities in order to let the Demon come to you with ease and without finding yourself unsure and doubtful in front of words that would otherwise be extremely clear.
Yet again, I DON'T believe you lack that ability, Brother. You just didn't yet tap into it enough to fully unlock it, but I'm sure you can senses some things, much like you sense machines. You know how it works. Something catches your attention and you just know what the machine wants you to know, and then you fix it. I'm pretty sure this works in a very similar way with other things, beings, animals, plants, spiders, people, our Gods, whatever else. You just need to isolate that frequency and tune into it to hear it.

(This is getting super long so I'll try to sift through it quicker..)

Apprentice said:

There were days when I had to perform Returning Curses and AoP on all my family members. And it worked. Luckily, nothing major happened. Just some heated arguments between family members and some depression.

Click to expand...

Glad you know how to deal with this, arguments and some emotional moments seem almost like a way for normies to 'defuse' the situation whereas they'd be facing much worst feeling or misfortune if left unattended. A verbal fight or two is nothing compared. I generally leave the room and go somewhere quieter and redirect the energy away or do a FRTR.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:

The possibilities are certainly endless. I guess in the end all one really needs is to ask himself what one REALLY wants to learn how to do, and then develop the skill by working on it until the skill is perfect.

Click to expand...

Apprentice said:

I've been thinking about these things. So far, I've been under the impression that everyone is predestined to learn, practice and master a particular faculty. White magic, black magic, healing, astrology... One may learn different things but one is passionate only about one or maybe two of them. To illustrate what I'm trying to say. As a child, I was made to learn a musical instrument. Progress came almost effortlessly, I became good at it but it wasn't my passion. My teacher discussed this with my parents because she was gobsmacked. There were students who really wanted to learn it: they practiced endlessly but they lacked the talent. And then there was me who had the talent but lacked the passion.
There have been many things on my path. At first it's interesting and I feel a passion. Then I almost master it and after that, no passion whatsoever. See what I mean?
So maybe all this has nothing to do with predestination. But I'm sure as Hell that it has everything to do with who you are at your core.

Click to expand...

This is the second thing you said in this reply that I REALLY felt important.
That story about you and musical instruments strongly remind me of myself. Not with music, really, but other things, mostly sports, and mostly martial arts. I'd learn something quick, quicker than anyone else, but when I was asked if I wanted to take things to the next level like performing in a championship or something like that, I simply declined as it was nothing I'd want to get into.. I didn't know if there would have been money in it, but I don't think it would have changed a thing for me either way. If I sensed something wasn't ultimately going to lead me somewhere important, or better myself in a meaningful way, I'd just dump it. Other than sports that I had no use for (like hockey for instance) there were lots of martial arts schools, and since I'd pick up the style and technique fast I would always know what I would have actually been remembering for life and what I'd have never bothered to use.

The concept you presented is absolutely impeccable. I used to believe we were all 'predestinated' to do some things too.. then I guess I looked at those skills and such, and said.. fuck this, do I REALLY want to spend eternity just being great at that? Nope.
Sure, there are skills that may be more useful than others I guess.. but we all have different passions and I came to believe that a passion, something that gives you drive and determination stronger than anything else, is without a doubt the only thing that is really worth going for. Regardless of how good you are with it today, regardless of how many people praise some other skill you have. Nothing matters but what you know you want to do. You know it. All you probably have to do is accept that fact and seize the skills you desire... until you're satisfied with the result or until you figure out it's not what you really wanted and something else becomes your new goal.

Going briefly back to the topic of Guardian Demons and skills that we feel we belong with.. there was someone (can't remember who, and sorry if I already mentioned this before) who spoke of how her Guardian Demon was a different one only a few years back, and then he/she told her that someone else would continue following her as a new Guardian... I, perhaps stupidly, assumed this was because the Satanist's skills in that office were already pretty good and the Demon's advice could only get the person so far before stalling abruptly, but now I believe that it's much more likely that the Satanist probably... huh... realized what she truly wanted to become and what to truly master, so someone whose office matched her newfound passions was taking the first Guardian's place.

Makes any sense to you, Brother?
I'd hate to ask this to someone else, and can almost hear Aquarius' voice chanting "delusional! delusional!" lol.. but I build all my theories and understanding on all the proof that is available, and this is what my guts tell me now. That we're really not predestinated. We don't have to learn a skill that doesn't stimulate us just because our astrological patterns say so.
I believe you're beyond correct. We can do whatever truly drives us, and the sky is NOT the limit for a Satanist.

Apprentice said:

Anyway. I followed my gut feeling and quit invoking the Elements. Things have been settling down. It's too early to say anything because I haven't felt stable for months. There is always something changing and no two days feel alike. In the past, there were stable periods lasting years but after dedicating, things are always under construction or so it seems. Various rituals doing their job, the world constantly changing. Exciting, isn't it?

Click to expand...

To keep dwelling in something that doesn't seem to give you any help whatsoever is just foolish and can be counter productive. You're right to dump the Elements for a while.. sometimes I tried to absorb one for days without feeling anything but a void, it just tells me I am missing on something else that's more important for me to grasp.
If anything, try a different Void meditation technique, something that suits you better.. I'm trying this 'earthy web' but I have to be careful not to think of it in a too materialistic way or I lose the point and it does nothing. It's supposed to be subtle over obvious and super visual.. I know results will come. Some are already showing up, short visions mostly.

Talk to you soon, Brother, sorry for making you read like an hour or so lol.. felt chatty today I guess.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

I have to talk to you Satan_is_our_Father, about your GD Lerajie.

I'm afraid gitm made a mistake in assumptions. I've spoken with Lerajie directly and she proclaimed that he gave false information. I'm afraid she's not your guardian demon. She and Satan (briefly) confirmed to me that your GD is in fact Marbas. I contacted Marbas myself too to confirm this and he did confirm with me too himself that he is your guardian demon.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Jul 25, 2021

Kylee_Daughter_of_Satan said:
I have to talk to you Satan_is_our_Father, about your GD Lerajie.

I'm afraid gitm made a mistake in assumptions. I've spoken with Lerajie directly and she proclaimed that he gave false information. I'm afraid she's not your guardian demon. She and Satan (briefly) confirmed to me that your GD is in fact Marbas. I contacted Marbas myself too to confirm this and he did confirm with me too himself that he is your guardian demon.

First of all, thank you Sister for taking the time to read all this (extremely long) post from months ago. I have no idea how you even found it or what made you want to read it in the first place, but I appreciated it.

Regarding my Guardian Demon... I honestly have no clue anymore.

I am not psychic (almost at all, my only decent astral sense is smell and the longest vision I ever had was maybe 2 seconds when I met Haures the first time), and although I tried many times to communicate with various Demons, I got mostly radio silence or some visions that complicated the interpretation of the message. To this day I feel like a newborn when I compare myself to most SS in here.
So when it comes to determining something from our Gods, I am probably the last person to talk to.

When GitM told me about Lerajie, I had already been wondering if She was my GD for almost one year, so I took it as a confirmation of my effort from Her, somehow. I tried to read every sign possible to come to this conclusion: I saw her plant (or a very similar one) grown everywhere around me, I counted numbers of occurrences in my life that matched her tarot, my dominant element is also Her element, and a number of other things that stuck with me in my daily life that made me think She was behind them, including two (possibly) life or death situations where machinery and engines was involved (I just read Marbas teaches mechanics and I do NOT know how I managed to never see that before, or if I did see it I completely forgot).

Today, after over two years since I begun accepting the idea that Lerajie is my Guardian, I have barely had any contact with Her (if at all). My greatest success in magick was of the healing kind, so when I read She also teaches medicine I thought I should seek no longer.

And now I'm kind of shocked. Your sudden appearance (I haven't seen you around the Forum before, so apologies if I'm being more distrustful than necessary), your news about who my GD is... I know that Brother GitM has gone down a very bad path, and somehow I feel either sorry and similar in a way (he mentioned not being able to speak with the Gods anymore), so it's easier for me to believe you and believe that he was just wrong about this.
Not receiving a lot of astral information from Lerajie (the best interaction I have EVER had, reason for which I still sort of believe She might be a guide to me, was Haures) I don't really believe GitM was right about his assumption. It's been over one year since he suggested that, and it got me nowhere closer to Lerajie. (In hindsight, he was even confused about his own Guardian, stating it was Andras and, later on, Anubis. Hindsight is an easier tool to use, though. Wisdom and Knowledge are harder to gain.)

I thank you for the time and effort in telling me what you told me. I can see some of Lerajie's and Marbas' abilities are similar (mostly in the healing and disease department), so I'm certainly intrigued, but because I have the hardest time divinating, I'm also extremely confused and uncertain.

If you wish to talk more on a safer (away from public eyes) channel, do write anytime: seedofduat (@) protonmail (dot) com

Thank you for your kind message. I'll try and talk with Marbas, see if I am able to get in any contact with Him.

Sure it would be nice to finally be able to work with a Guardian, and no longer have to walk in pitch black dark, hoping not to fall at every step.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Jul 26, 2021

Kylee_Daughter_of_Satan said:
I have to talk to you Satan_is_our_Father, about your GD Lerajie.

I'm afraid gitm made a mistake in assumptions. I've spoken with Lerajie directly and she proclaimed that he gave false information. I'm afraid she's not your guardian demon. She and Satan (briefly) confirmed to me that your GD is in fact Marbas. I contacted Marbas myself too to confirm this and he did confirm with me too himself that he is your guardian demon.

Hi, I'll give you a quicker answer as I already replied days ago but haven't seen the post approved so I'm not sure if it was dismissed or not.
Anyway...

Thank you for your interest in this matter. I had no idea people even read this long thread until you did (there are mostly just shared ideas and experiences between Apprentice and me).

As for my GD not being Lerajie but being Marbas... I have seriously no idea. I'm nowhere near as psychic or open or capable as needed to clearly determine that by myself, and I doubt I'll find that out for myself in this life, being so not psychic and all. I have other talents, it seems, but none of them are of the perceptive kind (other than a pretty useless one I'd say).

I have tried to connect with/contact Marbas since I read this answer from you but haven't really felt anything, other than the day prior to your message when I suddenly thought of a lion shape and later discovered one of the blasphemous portraits of Marbas is that of a lion headed man (much like Beelzebub is portrait as a giant fly, that kind of blasphemy online). I only thought of this after reading your message and thought it was probably the only connection with Marbas that I could see. The only other one is my interest in "healing and disease" (you might call it Biokinesis) as skills that reflect some of my major success in magick.

Guess I can't say much more as I'm beginning to think my last message was not approved.

I'm pretty surprised if my GD isn't Lerajie because I've received pretty obvious signs that suggest she's close to me, and I'm 99% sure she's also the first Demoness I ever saw in a vision many years ago, so to think of a Demon that I never even really believed to be my GD.. makes me only feel like I'm even more of a failure as a SS for not sensing this at all.

If anyone else was my GD, I'd have bet it was Haures as it's obvious to me that she's been close to me in difficult moments, has been the easiest to see in her true form, and she's the only Demon whose voice I have heard.

I'm gonna try and contact Marbas again, but the connection really doesn't feel like that much to be honest, so I'm not sure he's my guardian.
Maybe I'll only be able to tell when I'm good enough and open enough astrally to determine this kind of information for myself.

Thanks again though.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Rroco88 · Jul 27, 2021

Apprentice said:
GD. said:

PING

Click to expand...

Hello, it is nice to finally "meet" you, dear sister.
Don't be so modest - you can post where you want. This is a public forum for SS and you really shouldn't worry or feel insecure.
I'm really happy for you, because you said that everything is interconnecting and makes total sense now. I wish I could say the same. I just haven't figured it all out 100%. I don't know for sure why am I here in this life, what is my purpose. At first I thought my purpose is to partake in our warfare and to evolve. Then my personal and material life started to fall apart and I had to go all-in there. Actually, I'm still busy with the material side of my life. This is the reason it has taken me so long to respond. I can't get clarity in this matter. Also, I did some personal workings not long ago and I can still feel them doing their work, changing me "in a safe, positive and healthy way".

You are so young and already knowingly with Satan. This is a real blessing. I really wish you take some precautions so you will not end up lost in distractions like NPC parties, alcohol and chasing worthless dreams like I did.
Setting up your life after high school, well, this is a tough one. You could do a working to attract passive income and also find a source of active income. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:

PING

Click to expand...

I hope you're doin' fine, dear Brother. I sense you're busy.

I guess as we discover more things, we have a lot more questions, and when we find answers to them, more appear, that's how we always learn and evolve; there will always be ups and downs. As for your situation, the material problems do not change your actual purpose, know that for a fact. I am glad people take their time to think about purpose at these times when material problems are at their highest, and when forgetting about the purpose and the "spiritual" seems to be at an all time high, with all the distractions from everywhere, people manage to look further all this and that's amazing.

Talking about ups and downs, and life in general, the thing that should not be forgot is the intention our enemies have, to keep us down.

And I will put my life all together without forgetting about everything satanism is about, no doubt about that, I think that, as you said, I will even use magick to achieve what I need. And as we're here, you should do the same, taking maximum 10 minutes everyday for a better life, with a working, or even less (vibrating the Reid rune 5 or 10 times everyday can make you aware of the natural rhythms in life if you use the right affirmation, and combined with Nauthyz, a rune of strength, it can work wonders; or maybe a mantra for money like SHRIM MAHA LAKSHMIYEI SWAHA), because we have this gift that those who are without don't have, magick. Wish you luck with everything you do, Brother!

Rroco88 · Jul 27, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
GD. said:

I didn't even knew where to respond to this, as I didn't wanted to disturb the threat you posted it in, "Emptiness of knowledge" topic is on the Important articles from JoS Ministry subforum and it will appear right on top there and I don't want that, I even thought about emailing you but it could've been way too sudden, so I just thought I'll post here.

Click to expand...

Big Sister! Sorry it's been a long wait. Had to postpone writing to you and Apprentice while I took care of a number of issues and then I realized I reduced my online time as I chose to start translating the JoS in Italian, so ..yeah.

You did well writing here. This Forum is our current home, sort of, and this is like a room Apprentice and I have been using to support each other and put our minds together to learn, solve problems and take inspiration from each other's progress, so you're more than welcome to keep posting your thoughts here or whatever else you want to talk or ask about. And you're definitely not bothering anyone here, so stop thinking that.

Dear brother.. oh my... I missed you! But I am finally done with everything, I have tons of free time now. I had my finals and I was accepted to a University. I feel happy, and I hope you did something important this month as well!

And about emailing me...

I will send you an email as soon as this is approved, containing just a dot (for real), just so you have my email as well. My address has a simple form of the word "denying" in it so it will be easy to recognise it.

that score will surely help find work better than most other people

Actually, that score is not written anywhere on the diploma, so no one at work actually knows your score. What is unfair is that someone with 60/100 score (the minimum) can have the same salary as you, but whatever..

Extremely young is merely a point of view.
...
... but I hope the Gods will guide my words as this seems to happen on occasion among us Spiritual Satanists in need of specific answers and words that trigger understanding of the self.

I chose to not say anything about that attacking part anymore. Just fight back, and have a strong AoP.

And about having Satan in my life for a lot, I remember, when a member here said they dedicated at 8 yo, but not saying about the dedication on the JoS, but rather something symbolic, I realised that if I was to take it like that as well I am dedicated since I was 4, when my grandma told me about some “satanists” whom were cutting their ankle in a weird shape in order to dedicate their soul to Satan, saying that “you darling should stay away from these kinds of people”, I waited until she left to scratch my ankle with my index fingernail because I wanted to be with Satan as well. That was the first time I consciously felt Him and knew whom He was. Imagine a little 4 yo girl scratching her ankle and smiling, giggling, and also felt a lot of heat, I was feeling Satan behind my back, that’s how good I was feeling, and that was just the beginning.

Basically what happened from then on, at least how I see it, is that Satan took the role of the father in my life and claimed it to Himself, as my dad was being really aggressive and passive when I needed him. Satan was there for me anytime I needed Him, just as a father. It happened to accidentally delete the message again, but when I’ve got here before I started crying. I love Him.

As for if either you helped me or not. You did. A lot. I am willing to share this with you but is something of a really personal manner, I won’t share this on the forums.

More than "willing". I'm really happy for you, Sister. You deserve all this. "The more you learn, the more you learn how much more you need to learn" as more knowledge and open doors will inevitably lead you to more knowledge and open doors, and power.

It’s an up and down thing rn, but something I realised these days, getting all emotional because of the full moon, universal period time lol, I was thinking about love, once again, and, randomly looking in the mirror and seeing a blood stain on my pants I thought... “life”. That was it, that was the answer I needed, no matter how weird it sounds. I came to the conclusion that Life comes after love, but love is a result of life itself, and let me explain that real quick. In the Universe, the only thing permanent and certain except of it itself is Life. We know that life is complete when we have love in our lives, no matter what kind of love, but life preceded love. We can only get loved by living our lives at their fullest. When you live your life at its fullest that is already love in itself. Made a lot more sense when I wrote this first time.. but basically the more you live your life for your own the more love you’ll feel, and it will also come from the exterior, no matter if it is a partner, qualitative friends, even more love from the Gods, and besides all that, self love. I don’t even know if this all made sense, I just woke up, as I’ve put myself to sleep after that message was gone lol.

Regarding Art, I want to put here some of my unfinished paintings, to see what you think of them. However, people do not buy art anymore, I thought of handmade jewellery or something like that, I’ll think about it. So here’s the first (which is on a big canvas), and the second one, these are some of the ones I never posted anywhere because I don’t quite like them lol, but I usually paint people, especially nude. That’s the thing I am best at when it comes to painting, but unfortunately all such paintings I have are posted somewhere else on the Internet and it’s not worth the risk putting them here. Also, I have to agree with what you said, practice is the key, just as in meditation, and building a strong body.

You're certainly no time waster.. "I take off my hat to you" as they say in UK. I know you're driven and capable so I have no doubt you'll succeed no matter what path you take. ("By the way.. e-ehm.. I'm looking for work." Just kidding.. I'm dealing with the idiocy of people who want someone with years of experience but ignore anyone who would be their best bet in the long run, who happens to understand machines more than most people out there... hence... "art" as a possible career is still something on my mind.)

LOL.
I would want to make a career from art as well, but I rarely see people buying actual art unfortunately. Everyone now buying those contemporary paintings which look worse than the drawing of a child, which is disgusting if you ask me.
If I think about that experience vs knowledge thing maybe it is because most employers have seen loads of stupid people, so they choose to be very selective with whom they are going to hire, idk.

Pretty sure I said less than half what I initially thought of, so no problem. Take your time and do take care of yourself.

Always a pleasure talking to you, Brother. I also want to tell you something, regarding what this member said about your guardian. First of all “There are no mediators in satanism”, you have to discover things on your own, and in your own manner, second of all, no matter how close you are to gods, they won’t tell you anything personal about a random member on the forum, because we're anonymous here, unless they see fits, and I don’t think it is the case, unless you know her on a deeper level, and third of all, you said you have more GDs, why would you exclude one you’re pretty sure about? And do you think you can have a GD man? Respond to this for yourself, as it is of a personal manner.

Wish you have a great day, I know it took me over a month to respond but I have a lot of free time now!

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Jul 27, 2021

GD. said:
Dear brother.. oh my... I missed you! But I am finally done with everything, I have tons of free time now. I had my finals and I was accepted to a University. I feel happy, and I hope you did something important this month as well!

I will send you an email as soon as this is approved, containing just a dot (for real)

Good to hear from you, Sister.

I know you were pretty busy so no worries there. I'm glad to hear you got into University, I hope that path will lead you to whatever you feel inspired to learn.

My month has been strange, I guess..

There has been a lot of doubting myself too, but a lot of things also made sense, so it's not all bad. I'm dedicating more time to daily rituals and I have to say my dreams have improved in quality, so that's something at least.

GD. said:
I chose to not say anything about that attacking part anymore. Just fight back, and have a strong AoP.

If something keeps getting deleted then it's probably something you're not meant to say in a public place, as there is definitely some damn kike hiding around in this public Forum. Best be safe.

GD. said:
I realised that if I was to take it like that as well I am dedicated since I was 4, when my grandma told me about some “satanists”

Basically what happened from then on, at least how I see it, is that Satan took the role of the father in my life and claimed it to Himself, as my dad was being really aggressive and passive when I needed him. Satan was there for me anytime I needed Him, just as a father. It happened to accidentally delete the message again, but when I’ve got here before I started crying. I love Him.

I think I remember some similar event, not exactly like yours of course, but I remember a good feeling when someone first told me about Satan. I never feared Him, lol.. I laughed inside as I saw other kids and adults speak of Him like there was something to fear, thought it was stupid and I felt a natural interest, but at the time I wasn't aware that there'd be THIS much for me to discover and more.. never was a xian and never planned to be one, if anything I knew "the Church" was bad news, that they killed millions of cats in the middle ages as they were "the animal of the Devil" and how this massacre created the perfect environment for the Black Plague to run around riding fleas who were riding rats. So much for "divine punishment".. the ignorant always brought it upon themselves. That was more than good enough reason for me to never trust xianity at all, I felt the "Holy Bible" was so dirty I'd never want to touch it, like it was infected or something.
Guess it was an energy thing that I picked up unawarely.

And I share your feelings for Father Satan. Sometimes if I think too intensely about Him I just want to cry, feeling His love. It's incredible, He can reach you inside. And I also consider Him my real Father, as my biological father is a complete piece of shit who stole all my University money and abandoned the family. My mother raised me. Too bad she doesn't see as far as we do. I guess it's not in this life that she'll make the quality leap.

GD. said:
As for if either you helped me or not. You did. A lot. I am willing to share this with you but is something of a really personal manner, I won’t share this on the forums.

I guess this is one of those examples that make Satan glad we use this Forum to help each other out.

You helped me a lot too, especially by motivating me. I often look down on my skills and look up to others who have better ability to get closer to our Gods and Goddesses, and I felt you were incredibly gifted from the first moment.
If you want to share anything (anything you feel safe saying) you can write me at my address of course.

GD. said:
Life comes after love, but love is a result of life itself, and let me explain that real quick...
...
When you live your life at its fullest that is already love in itself. Made a lot more sense when I wrote this first time.. but basically the more you live your life for your own the more love you’ll feel, and it will also come from the exterior, no matter if it is a partner, qualitative friends, even more love from the Gods, and besides all that, self love. I don’t even know if this all made sense, I just woke up, as I’ve put myself to sleep after that message was gone lol.

Lol.. yeah. It made sense. I had a little trouble at first, but I know what you mean. It's one of those thoughts that you get sometimes when everything seems to come together and suddenly makes perfect sense... you just want to caption the moment and draw out of it a sentence that you can remember later (like the one on top here) but then as time goes on and your mind starts to elaborate the thought, you feel it almost has a little less value... but it still does. It's only your perception that changed. In that moment you captioned the meaning beautifully and managed to write it down.

As for where love comes from, I feel that of from the Gods, from Satan indeed, is the strongest, the one that makes you cry if you think about it too much... I think this is because we sense the Gods and Goddesses are our TRUE Family and this is such a beautiful thought it gets deeper in our Soul than the rest. I can also speak for the "self love", as years ago I had a really, really bad breakdown (when I was the victim of a master narcissist) and out of complete inability to think straight, I just decided "ok, I'm going to try and love myself and see if something gets better"... and better it got. I was blown away by how quickly and effectively that worked. It was simply my own energy reflected towards myself, loving myself and feeling the benefit of it.
Later I realized this was what so called "spiritual people" (the sappy kind that doesn't know shit about Satan and makes memes online instead of meditating) call "love frequency" and speak so highly of it. Only, they usually tend to overdo the words and don't practice the teaching enough... if they really poured that much love into their own Soul, they'd probably start being visited by their GD and learn something interesting about their current limited reality.

GD. said:
Regarding Art, I want to put here some of my unfinished paintings, to see what you think of them.

This is where I really see the differences between people. Ever wondered how art tells a lot about a person? Yours, for example, tells me how easily you open up to your creativity and your mind can easily bend and quiet itself to listen to the Demons' voice (or otherwise astral messages), you embrace freedom of speech and of character, unafraid to show who you are. I may be wrong of course, this is just what my gut feeling tells me. If you saw some of my drawings (I might send you something through the email cuz I can't upload them here even if you threaten to shoot me in the foot lol) you'd probably realize how pedantic and self limiting I am.. always trying to get details right, then changing them because I think others might misinterpret them and how I'm unable to look at the bigger picture.

Lately I've been working on this and changing my view (or trying to, I haven't drawn very much lately) and it feels a little better compared to how tight I was before, now at least I try to let myself go and not worry so much about the tiniest details.

I like how you seem very confident and have a lot of control of your strokes, like you know exactly what everything will turn out as you want it to be. No wonder you're great at magick too. I'm wondering if changing the way one draws or paints can help changing other aspects of life, how the mind works, and bettering some other skills as well. Also, love the colors.. very Earth like, which is my favorite kind, mostly green and brown, the colors of forests.

As for selling art, you're right.

GD. said:
Everyone now buying those contemporary paintings which look worse than the drawing of a child, which is disgusting if you ask me.

:lol: Same here lol. I can't stand how this modern garbage is selling so much and it looks like utter shit. It means nothing. Could be the 'art project' a 10 year old put together to be done quickly and go do something else. Shit like the "lines" from Piet Mondrian.. "one of the greatest artists of the 20th century"... I mean.. are you serious? That's just a couple black lines and colored squares.. it's not even worthy of being called 'art'... and they sell for millions. I could make them too, perfect replicas, exactly the same, and I couldn't make 10 euros out of them. There was a nice T-shirt saying "Art is a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it".

GD. said:
and third of all, you said you have more GDs, why would you exclude one you’re pretty sure about? And do you think you can have a GD man? Respond to this for yourself, as it is of a personal manner.

Wish you have a great day, I know it took me over a month to respond but I have a lot of free time now!

Very valid points you made. I'm considering everything and I think I know what I need to keep in mind.

Thank you.

I check my email and the Forum every day, Sister, I'll make sure I reply quick enough. Take care of yourself and enjoy the free time!

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Ol argedco luciftias · Jul 27, 2021

Satan_is_our_Father666 said:
........

Just remember that this Kylee person has only been here for 2 weeks. So who knows if there is any truth to anything she says. I am not saying that she is lying or that she is wrong. I'm just saying don't immediately believe that whatever she says about you is the truth.

Satan_is_our_Father666 · Jul 28, 2021

Ol argedco luciftias said:
Just remember that this Kylee person has only been here for 2 weeks. So who knows if there is any truth to anything she says. I am not saying that she is lying or that she is wrong. I'm just saying don't immediately believe that whatever she says about you is the truth.

Thanks, greatly value your advice, Brother.

For the record, I'm way past believing anyone tells me as soon as they speak :lol: I have done that mistake enough times to end up in enough bad shit.
This instance, however, only goes to show me further that anything anyone else tells us, that is supposed to be very personal, cannot be as specific and accurate as the insight we ourselves can't gain in time (or even right now, even for the less experienced).
So only I can tell who I feel my GD is.

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!

Shah666 · Jul 28, 2021

Hello I want to join illuminati brotherhood and I am trying to join from 6 months I have tried every where but there are all scammers can any body tell me where will I get real illuminati for join

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