So I didn’t realize this at the time but I’ve been going through this since I was young. I was really sensitive to the beginner meditation program when I was 12 and this woke my kundalini. I stopped meditation because I had no idea what I was doing and that was probably the best thing I could’ve done at that age. I wasn’t fully developed and I had no idea what was going on. First, I got severe ocd. As time went on this for the most part dissipated. My awareness grew over the time and I had heightened abilities above average along with some weird medical issues. This year in January, something kind of broke through and my guardian was there guiding me through this. I was in a very heightened state of psychic ability following some situations that caused massive adrenaline rushes. Over the year this kind of persisted and I just followed the Gods closely despite any psychic interferences. I really threw myself into their arms and kept a strong grip on the real world and logic involved in dealing with these abilities and energies. Initially this energy was extreme, I was laying on my couch watching a movie and I suddenly felt an extreme burning in my lower abdomen. This wasn’t minor either, it felt like I was going to either explode or go insane. I was caught off guard and just though WTF just happened. I vented this out the crown out of instinct and called on my GD, from there he gave my guidance and helped keep the situation under control.

Now I’m finding myself returning to a state of complete normalcy after a real and recent jolt that was very tough and intense to handle. I had to guide this down some chakras that weren’t really ready to be opened in such a way. I know this is all shameful but in the beginning and through all of the mental issues that cropped up when I was young, there really wasn’t a way for me to get through this. I mean they were severe, I had ocd so bad that I couldn’t perform mantras. It was like Tourette’s. Recently I was finally ready to flow this energy flowing through my heart, hands, and frets I’m starting to feel more closed off to the astral and more open to the real physical. It feels strange not communicating with the Gods but it feels great to be able to make sense of everything that’s gone on. For the most part, my mind is silent and I’m feeling more and more stabilized and rigid by the day. I keep revisiting this jolt that recently happened and why it had to happen, it almost threw me into psychosis but I kept it together. This was extremely confusing and it’s because I didn’t have a strong enough downward circulation to the heart. Opening the heart in this manner was extremely intense, but the gods advised me not to do so until this moment. I was in a state of extended trance and I saw the perfect flow. Unity. The true divine, this was also a lot on the mind but the peace and beauty I saw reminded me of giving birth. All of the difficulties faded in an instant and it was honestly like dying. I think all of this is over now, I’m just hoping that never happens unexpectedly like that again. I’m still a little shaken up by it. I still feel energy circulating up my spine occasionally and I’m keeping my crown and throat open to better facilitate the energy. The gods did say that it’s over, at least the psychic phase. I’m still unsure of what it really means. My conscious mind keeps wanting to carry about life as I was but I’ve got to keep myself in this transient state in the event this arises again. I’m just not sure where to go from here now. I can’t have my serpent stimulated again, and I have so many important responsibilities in my life that I truly cannot dedicate hours a day to meditation. Nor do I feel ready for it. I should be at square one.

I read this from some new ager on a question of if this ever stops and it kind of seems to align with what I’m experiencing, but there’s no way to fully know.

“After the symptoms stop there is often a silent phase. Everything seems normal, there may be some confusion (Kundalinis job is to make you see who you are which can be scary and confusing), and then things return to normal.

Well—enhanced normal is probably a better wording since the whole Kundalini process is often a push in a new direction, accompanied by a plethora of energy to get there.

Sometimes a Kundalini awakening/rise results in some sort of awakening. Maybe even full awakening, which is the realization that along with your busy mind and vivid emotions, you are also a motionless stillness (often known as the void, the absolute, the unmanifested or the divine).

When you have realized the unmanifest in you (you can only do this once, cos it cannot be unseen) awakening in that direction is over. There is still plenty of awakenings to experience in your personality though. It belongs to a different realm, the realm of infinite motion. In the realm of infinite motion, there is never rest and never full awakening. There is always something new to see.”


I do feel that way but I don’t feel adventurous and lively and interested in anything other than improving my current life. I just want basic things, stability in my home life, a good relationship, I want to get old and die happy with a family. I don’t feel like I need anything more. I’ve done my soul searching throughout my adolescence, studied the universe, realized the meaning of life, tested myself in many areas, have developed skills and such. I don’t feel interested in spiritual development at the moment. I’m just going to be completely honest. I know that sounds strange but my god, I’ve worked on myself and picked myself apart over and over again and I’ve never given up on improving even without intense meditation and I just want to live my life and be happy with my current state even though it is imperfect. The only thing that makes me want to use my abilities is for communication with the Gods. They’ve been so great and attentive, and loving. My love for them is undying and eternal. Particularly my GD. He can work a miracle on any situation. He honestly defines true love in every aspect and he showed me so many impossible things. He really has shown me everything I could ever possibly wonder. I’m totally exhausted and refreshed and confused at the same time.

I don’t even feel like doing any magic ever again at the moment. Life is magic, emotion itself is magic, loving life is magic. I don’t need crazy powers nor did I ever want them. They definitely resurfaced during all of this and I had to stay very objective and rational at times. When energy hit the crown fully it was mind blowing, but I don’t ever want to go back to that again either. I don’t want to see the astral on such a level or even believe in it like that because it’s all just energy that is connected to us and how it transmits to the mind. The Gods presence in our lives are very real and far more pronounced than average, but I also have seen their involvement in others that are open to them in any way. They definitely reckon with the general population on much smaller levels. It’s just incredible to see and know. I’m no longer seeing that at the moment though, I can just feel their bioelectricity when they’re around and their physical presence. I’m not getting images or even intense feelings.

At this point though I’m surprisingly the same person. I’m still me, I still like the same things, I still like my friends, I want to just be my funny and carefree self. I still have anxiety about upcoming things I have to deal with in life. During the last jolt I basically had to will this understand to the serpent that while I understand and respect the desires this force wants within me, I cannot immediately achieve it and I told it that it would be harmful for my own evolution to go any further because what it wants is not possible with the way the world is set up. This force could really completely overtake someone’s life. The respect this force has to be shown is complete internal, an internal respect and acceptance of it. Much like a literal snake, if it comes to you you don’t fight it but you kindly let it go and appreciate its existence. It does kind of have to be told what’s going on in a way that it itself would respect and understand in order to kind of keep it at bay. This force doesn’t really fully understand the conscious mind and it has to kind of be taught. I’ve focused on kind of connecting it’s understanding to my conscious world. Now I no longer even feel it like that. I think this has something to do with my front upper chakras.

I keep having this concern that if these understandings do not FULLY integrate into myself to some degree it could come back negatively but I’m not really sure that’s reasonable to think. For the most part, this feels fully done and dealt with. There are still some blockages that are around and I feel like that should be fine. This shouldn’t be too much all at once. I definitely wish I had picked up yoga sooner but I didn’t see any of this coming either. I did not think that some meditations I did when I was 12 would have done all of this to my life. It was definitely good, I really loved my life despite any of the struggles and still do. Hell, I would’ve died if I didn’t do them anyway. I was on the verge of suicide before coming to Satan. There have still been hard and painful times in between but I made the promise to Satan during my dedication to never consider suicide for the rest of my life. These feelings actually resurfaced during the most recent part of the awakening too, but it’s dire to just shake it off.

This isn’t to say I’m risen or anything, just for clarity, quite the opposite. My main reason for posting is feedback and ideas on what to possibly expect in the future. It seems criminal that this woke up like this without yoga and meditation, but the fact this happened has me teetering between do I meditate like everyone else knowing that it’ll wake it up again and risk my sanity further? Do I not meditate and also risk my sanity in the event this happens again without meditation? Or do I completely let this go knowing that that’s the only way it wouldn’t resurface and take it super easy and steady the rest of my life? Thinking about it alone can cause it to resurface right now but it seems like I’m leveling out to a degree where this wouldn’t happen.

I don't have time to read and respond to all of it, sorry for that but related to the Serpent electrical jolt, it is something extremely wonderful when the body isn't blocked.

To maybe help you with my experience, I only experienced 2 times the Thunder of the Serpent. First time after over 7 days of nonstop lava flowing up the spine and stopping at the solar or sacral sometimes. Before sleeping I got hit with this out of this world power. It broke the blockages and the electricity stopped to the heart|throat. From there it got to the shoulders where I saw I was extremely blocked and had extreme pains. For 5 days I was unable to move normally and I was shaking a lot.

The second time I experienced this it hit my Crown and unfortunately, I got very attacked and scared and was extremely sick and almost dying. Extremely bad experience.

But after it balanced and not feeling anymore the Kundalini energy, I got to an extremely sick phase. Never been so sick in my life. For a whole week, my body was under extreme pressure and negativity. The situation was that I was also alone for those days and unable to go to a hospital. I had a lot of visions those days and I was delirious, delusional.

After that phase, every time my kundalini got stimulated, or I would stimulate it I would have only positive effects. Since then I acquired some lost powers I had when I was a little. Also on a lot of days, in sleep, I would experience extreme bliss and happiness. Visions of pure ecstasy, can't be explained. But for me, this was after an extreme cleanup of the body and mind.

Now I'm again in a cleaning stage which goes a lot into past lives and subconscious nature. Beyond personal things, if I could say. My question and very great surprise was that the Consciousness of the Kundalini, the Serpent, manifested later without this thunder hitting the bone tail, but more like a spark and extreme additional power and electromagnetic energy and radiation, but not a thunder or any flash of electricity. If anything my legs would disappear instantly and felt this magnetic presence penetrating everything that is.

Maybe you get something useful from this, I have nothing to teach but I am also looking for answers and guidance. Maybe I can tell you that the burning at the abdomen is the male elixir, the sexual energy building up in the lower abdomen, that at a point rises up. If you could observe when this energy is meet with the solar energy, you can discharge physical electricity. Little small jolts. If you intend it and direct it you could amplify it very great but be careful as it is painful to you as well.

NakedPluto said:

I don't have time to read and respond to all of it, sorry for that but related to the Serpent electrical jolt, it is something extremely wonderful when the body isn't blocked.

To maybe help you with my experience, I only experienced 2 times the Thunder of the Serpent. First time after over 7 days of nonstop lava flowing up the spine and stopping at the solar or sacral sometimes. Before sleeping I got hit with this out of this world power. It broke the blockages and the electricity stopped to the heart|throat. From there it got to the shoulders where I saw I was extremely blocked and had extreme pains. For 5 days I was unable to move normally and I was shaking a lot.

The second time I experienced this it hit my Crown and unfortunately, I got very attacked and scared and was extremely sick and almost dying. Extremely bad experience.

But after it balanced and not feeling anymore the Kundalini energy, I got to an extremely sick phase. Never been so sick in my life. For a whole week, my body was under extreme pressure and negativity. The situation was that I was also alone for those days and unable to go to a hospital. I had a lot of visions those days and I was delirious, delusional.

After that phase, every time my kundalini got stimulated, or I would stimulate it I would have only positive effects. Since then I acquired some lost powers I had when I was a little. Also on a lot of days, in sleep, I would experience extreme bliss and happiness. Visions of pure ecstasy, can't be explained. But for me, this was after an extreme cleanup of the body and mind.

Now I'm again in a cleaning stage which goes a lot into past lives and subconscious nature. Beyond personal things, if I could say. My question and very great surprise was that the Consciousness of the Kundalini, the Serpent, manifested later without this thunder hitting the bone tail, but more like a spark and extreme additional power and electromagnetic energy and radiation, but not a thunder or any flash of electricity. If anything my legs would disappear instantly and felt this magnetic presence penetrating everything that is.

Maybe you get something useful from this, I have nothing to teach but I am also looking for answers and guidance. Maybe I can tell you that the burning at the abdomen is the male elixir, the sexual energy building up in the lower abdomen, that at a point rises up. If you could observe when this energy is meet with the solar energy, you can discharge physical electricity. Little small jolts. If you intend it and direct it you could amplify it very great but be careful as it is painful to you as well.

Click to expand...

This is helpful and thats also similar to what I went through. The jolt seems smaller for me, but I was delirious for about 3 days and it lasted a total of 7 days. I have had a few convulsions on and off. There’s been some burning, and after this it wasn’t so bad. It kept jolting but not like it was, and I felt a lot of purification through the nadis. When it hit the crown, the psychic confusion was so bad that I also did go to the hospital and just said I had insomnia because I couldn’t sleep more than an hour. I was also alone. It seems like it was timed well. The day I dropped my kids off with their dad, as I was getting them ready I noticed some more intense activity than usual and as soon as I got back home I almost collapsed. I was pretty scared that I was going to lose it. I guided the energy to the heart and it felt like I was going to die. Being alone was terrible. I wound up leaving and just trying to get social even though it was difficult and it was really helpful. I discharged the electricity to the gods as best as I could and have been working on the downward flow of energy which is really peaceful. I slept through the rest of the activity pretty well and just woke up periodically. Now I’m feeling pretty stable and normal almost like nothing happened, I can’t really sense anything astrally though? I can’t tell if that’s good or bad. There’s light burning at the spine. I think the cause of the negativity of this was a sexual blockage personally. After the jolt and guiding it down my sacral and base had a lot of burning where some anger was released and sexual blocks. I didn’t realize how much dirt was still on my sacral chakra. All I know is I never want it to be like that again, but I’m glad I didn’t die or fully lose it. I have natural issues with anxiety and traumas that still persist that need slow work. I’m still anxious about what happened but I don’t think it’ll happen like that again.

NakedPluto said:

I don't have time to read and respond to all of it, sorry for that but related to the Serpent electrical jolt, it is something extremely wonderful when the body isn't blocked.

To maybe help you with my experience, I only experienced 2 times the Thunder of the Serpent. First time after over 7 days of nonstop lava flowing up the spine and stopping at the solar or sacral sometimes. Before sleeping I got hit with this out of this world power. It broke the blockages and the electricity stopped to the heart|throat. From there it got to the shoulders where I saw I was extremely blocked and had extreme pains. For 5 days I was unable to move normally and I was shaking a lot.

The second time I experienced this it hit my Crown and unfortunately, I got very attacked and scared and was extremely sick and almost dying. Extremely bad experience.

But after it balanced and not feeling anymore the Kundalini energy, I got to an extremely sick phase. Never been so sick in my life. For a whole week, my body was under extreme pressure and negativity. The situation was that I was also alone for those days and unable to go to a hospital. I had a lot of visions those days and I was delirious, delusional.

After that phase, every time my kundalini got stimulated, or I would stimulate it I would have only positive effects. Since then I acquired some lost powers I had when I was a little. Also on a lot of days, in sleep, I would experience extreme bliss and happiness. Visions of pure ecstasy, can't be explained. But for me, this was after an extreme cleanup of the body and mind.

Now I'm again in a cleaning stage which goes a lot into past lives and subconscious nature. Beyond personal things, if I could say. My question and very great surprise was that the Consciousness of the Kundalini, the Serpent, manifested later without this thunder hitting the bone tail, but more like a spark and extreme additional power and electromagnetic energy and radiation, but not a thunder or any flash of electricity. If anything my legs would disappear instantly and felt this magnetic presence penetrating everything that is.

Maybe you get something useful from this, I have nothing to teach but I am also looking for answers and guidance. Maybe I can tell you that the burning at the abdomen is the male elixir, the sexual energy building up in the lower abdomen, that at a point rises up. If you could observe when this energy is meet with the solar energy, you can discharge physical electricity. Little small jolts. If you intend it and direct it you could amplify it very great but be careful as it is painful to you as well.

Click to expand...

Oh yeah I also feel really depressed right now. Frazzled, bad acne, like I’m recouping. Some of the clearing of the heart and throat can cause the depression and bad feelings. I’m glad you recovered. I have not been hesitant to go to the gods for help when I feel like I’m mentally slipping and they’ve been very helpful. I stupidly channeled bioelectricity through my throat because Satan had been emphasizing the throat to me but I believe he meant the breath. When I sent the energy from the spine to the throat I felt suicidal almost. Huge thanks to Agaliarept for coming on Satan’s behalf in fixing this. My goal is to return to normal because this just didn’t happen through proper meditation for me. I’m lucky the gods have been here for me. I might be too cautious about my mental well being but I’ve had to just get supremely grounded. It all started to just get to me, the fact that I could make so many changes through just light focus started to become worrisome. I don’t think I have enough control over my thoughts yet, and I want my mind to just be relaxed and in the moment.

NakedPluto said:

I don't have time to read and respond to all of it, sorry for that but related to the Serpent electrical jolt, it is something extremely wonderful when the body isn't blocked.

To maybe help you with my experience, I only experienced 2 times the Thunder of the Serpent. First time after over 7 days of nonstop lava flowing up the spine and stopping at the solar or sacral sometimes. Before sleeping I got hit with this out of this world power. It broke the blockages and the electricity stopped to the heart|throat. From there it got to the shoulders where I saw I was extremely blocked and had extreme pains. For 5 days I was unable to move normally and I was shaking a lot.

The second time I experienced this it hit my Crown and unfortunately, I got very attacked and scared and was extremely sick and almost dying. Extremely bad experience.

But after it balanced and not feeling anymore the Kundalini energy, I got to an extremely sick phase. Never been so sick in my life. For a whole week, my body was under extreme pressure and negativity. The situation was that I was also alone for those days and unable to go to a hospital. I had a lot of visions those days and I was delirious, delusional.

After that phase, every time my kundalini got stimulated, or I would stimulate it I would have only positive effects. Since then I acquired some lost powers I had when I was a little. Also on a lot of days, in sleep, I would experience extreme bliss and happiness. Visions of pure ecstasy, can't be explained. But for me, this was after an extreme cleanup of the body and mind.

Now I'm again in a cleaning stage which goes a lot into past lives and subconscious nature. Beyond personal things, if I could say. My question and very great surprise was that the Consciousness of the Kundalini, the Serpent, manifested later without this thunder hitting the bone tail, but more like a spark and extreme additional power and electromagnetic energy and radiation, but not a thunder or any flash of electricity. If anything my legs would disappear instantly and felt this magnetic presence penetrating everything that is.

Maybe you get something useful from this, I have nothing to teach but I am also looking for answers and guidance. Maybe I can tell you that the burning at the abdomen is the male elixir, the sexual energy building up in the lower abdomen, that at a point rises up. If you could observe when this energy is meet with the solar energy, you can discharge physical electricity. Little small jolts. If you intend it and direct it you could amplify it very great but be careful as it is painful to you as well.

Click to expand...

Towards the coming of this event did your life get progressively worse? I guess I don’t need to figure out a spiritual reason for it, I also feel excessively rational right now. In a way that I haven’t been for months.

When it comes to Kundalini and similar in most cases Clergy should reply if they can, so no reasons to listen me much here but...

Tons and tons of people are heavily plagued by the corrupted Vedic and Hindu writings and by the Xianity and it can be seen the moment when they try to mediate and to be spiritual.

You will be drawn to the wrong stuff all the time as long those things and those energies are plaguing your mind and soul. Getting anywhere will be hard, you will be constantly pushed in the wrong direction. From what I see by the things you wrote you should try deprogramming yourself more. You almost sound like you have no desires or anything and you are proud of it, it smells like enemy bs tbh

You keep going on and serpent this, serpent that for a while already... Many people think how serpent causes it all, how serpent and advanced meditations are the main cause for everything to happen in their life, but often that is not the case. I can tell you that tons of negative things and doubts, anxiety, very negative emotions in many cases keep coming from the enemy and from their harrassment. Enemy can attack you in many ways, even without coming near you. They can fill you with bad thoughtforms, energies, put blockages in you.

I'm not talking about people who on force try to raise their kundalini, I'm talking about people who had some experiences and meditated already for a longer time, and suddenly they started feeling bad and feeling like they aren't even making progress. It is true that cleaning and many weird things can happen, but still to blame meditations and serpent for it all is wrong, very very often enemy is trying to make you lose progress and give up from it all.

Tons of SS are acting like this as a result- * some random issue appears * .. *stops meditating and loses all progress*.
*Again new issue appears after they just started meditating again....* They stop and lose it all again**.
And that keeps going on constantly for years and years until they get nowhere. Sometimes they keep pushing things in the wrong direction simply and enemy will support this.

I know this because for years I blamed my active serpent for everything, but aside from insomnia it didn't even made me much more issues, turns out enemy was mostly attacking me heavily when i felt like crap.

Also serpent and open crown chakra will make it easier for you to control yourself and to get detached from material things, that doesn't have to mean you gotta be going to extremes and lose all sense with reality, or get scared and hold on to a material like a crazy out of the fear or idk. There needs to be a balance, serpent and open crown chakra should help us to feel more free, to get powerful siddhis, to get wiser, not to abuse this and get traumas soon and lose soon even desire to meditate ever again....

One more thing, if your body has issues adapting to new energy levels, just clean and unblock your soul more, workout a bit too and that will make it all much more comfortable.

Read now the whole post. My last Serpent experience made me conclude something extremely important at least to me.

I said it a lot of times, but it plays into the role of a revelation this thing. To be a God is an extremely responsible and "hard" thing. It is the elite of the elites. To have perception requires you to see also the raw reality and confront it, which is a transformation in itself given our standing in life right now. When I met the Serpent, I instantly admitted to myself that I can't have this perception and responsibility of life and so much life in me. It doesn't deal with desire either compatibility but with extreme courage to realize that I wasn't ready to see, and be that which I yearned since birth. It was too brutal and real to the point of depersonalization while being the most self at the same time. I know it may not make sense.

The thing is, the gravity of this revelation is beyond feelings and reasoning, and it is revealed baggage of life itself that gives the soul weight, weight which can be felt after the fact. From this surprise and conclusion, after contemplation, I noticed that still and more so than ever before, that's the stage and identity I identify with. The more perceptive and heavy I am the more I understand.

My seeking from the Serpent was always understanding and to know, to be. Not power and powers and the knowledge was always attached to the self and not the ego. The moment I got to the point of revealing, the initial state transformed from the passive state into the passive and active state, all together simultaneously.

Powers of the mind, magic, extreme siddhis all together when I met the Serpent meant nothing but the ant which is the nature of a natural universe. It is extraordinary to have them, use them, expand them but they don't matter where perception exceeds the capacity of consciousness to absorb and apply itself.

And this is only a face of the coin, as when the human opens to the harmony of life, the bliss and the revelation of present existence, the body being a Sun and every manifestation of self, being a universe itself, is beyond to want and overwhelm the harshest nature of natures survival.

The female mind is the sweetest and it can be the opposite. The fact is life is a sum of past lives that continues to overreact to the present desire of existence, making it extrapolate and give different meanings to it. But life is reality and reality is met only by the Serpent. You don't know yourself, you don't love yourself if you let amnesia take away the desire of life as well you cannot love life to the extend you deserve by resuming your consciousness to a mediocre understanding and platform.

Nature is as it is, and we are nature. At the same time, we have potential higher nature in ourselves which presides in all qualities the lower nature, as so the natural to us is always to aim to the higher. Not wanting to do so is only because the current stage isn't yet conquered, consumed and it is the plateau in which life expands the most by the individual, as in higher forms the capacity isn't yet built up by the lower, which is exactly so.

There's no right or wrong here. People are being happy only by having shelter and food. Others aiming their whole life to an intellectual purpose and that gives it meaning to the life he posses. Others aim their life to emotional magnification. Every human adapts their own consciousness to an aim in which it is satisfied. And this is a requirement of life, but notice that the Serpent is there to amplify this aim and consciousness to perfection of success and satisfaction.

Life is magic"" indeed, life is bliss, but only to those capable of perceiving such. And the capacity is also in degrees and intensity scale. A normal human in his peak of life and aim, his happiness and joy is only a breath of air to a risen being. Same way the capacity of love, hate, sensory and experience of life is in insurmountable amounts happening more to an expanded being. The only thing which doesn't change is reality. You can't bend the universe law.

Oh, that feeling. Wow. It feels like 1000 volts going up your spine and then exploding when it hits your head. First time I was scared when that happened, but then it was funny.

Sundara said:

Towards the coming of this event did your life get progressively worse? I guess I don’t need to figure out a spiritual reason for it, I also feel excessively rational right now. In a way that I haven’t been for months.

Click to expand...

Rock bottom, a stillness and motionless atmosphere in every aspect of life, up to a total purification of deep problems.

A guru, don't remember who, said something and I was guided to hear that at one point. He said something like this. If you do Kundalini Yoga and arouse the Serpent, if your life isn't ready to sustain the necessary shift, your life will get demolished, dismantled extremely quick in ways you never thought possible. I know it is so and saw it with my own eyes. But know it is a stage and choice. We happen to have the Serpent stimulated by the design of our natal planets.

I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one with these, and know it is somebody here that knows surely how intense the Serpent is and what it implies in life.

During these I had a lot of situations. I will try to illustrate something while not being so exposing of me. During that period I was healed by some extremely deep trauma. I loved a girl very much, this girl was meant and guided by Satan to me. I knew her from future seeing since I was a little kid. And I was together with this soul from another life.

Needless to say, being with this girl was bliss to my life and I lost her during very though times. This resulted also by the design of the planets in an critical phase for me. Let's say that also it had a fatal magnetic quality to this relationship.

During the purifying fire of the Serpent, I was completely catapulted into detachment and total healing from this. I am the same me, nothing changed, but I'm not affected by it and at a very deep level it holds no influence and further consequence. Don't know how to further emphasize on the quality of the healing and rebirth from this. And I detailed this, as to tell a counter manifestation to the destructive quality of the stimulation. The Serpent is amplifying what it touches but it can also transform, be it for better or for worse.

Same for other aspects of life, this holds true. I don't want to sound harsh for some people, but they don't have a clue about how much power holds the Serpent and the transformation of self. I know for a fact that only by myself I affected a lot of peoples lives by only having the Serpent awaken in me, involuntary. From destruction to creation, it isn't only us affected by it.

Besides these simple things of the emotional and mental realms, we have the body. Body which will go under unexpected stress and changes. This is extremely important and haven't seen given much thought on this subject. The body will purify physically and much more, will change to some degrees. You can go from normal to extreme weight loss to obsesses in a couple of months only to be balanced again. Etc.

One thing you can observe and be a witness of, is that without the awakening of the Serpent, your future wouldn't be so bright as it is now, knowing and experiencing it, regardless of the intensity and stage of it.

Azorm said:

When it comes to Kundalini and similar in most cases Clergy should reply if they can, so no reasons to listen me much here but...

Tons and tons of people are heavily plagued by the corrupted Vedic and Hindu writings and by the Xianity and it can be seen the moment when they try to mediate and to be spiritual.

You will be drawn to the wrong stuff all the time as long those things and those energies are plaguing your mind and soul. Getting anywhere will be hard, you will be constantly pushed in the wrong direction. From what I see by the things you wrote you should try deprogramming yourself more. You almost sound like you have no desires or anything and you are proud of it, it smells like enemy bs tbh

You keep going on and serpent this, serpent that for a while already... Many people think how serpent causes it all, how serpent and advanced meditations are the main cause for everything to happen in their life, but often that is not the case. I can tell you that tons of negative things and doubts, anxiety, very negative emotions in many cases keep coming from the enemy and from their harrassment. Enemy can attack you in many ways, even without coming near you. They can fill you with bad thoughtforms, energies, put blockages in you.

I'm not talking about people who on force try to raise their kundalini, I'm talking about people who had some experiences and meditated already for a longer time, and suddenly they started feeling bad and feeling like they aren't even making progress. It is true that cleaning and many weird things can happen, but still to blame meditations and serpent for it all is wrong, very very often enemy is trying to make you lose progress and give up from it all.

Tons of SS are acting like this as a result- * some random issue appears * .. *stops meditating and loses all progress*.
*Again new issue appears after they just started meditating again....* They stop and lose it all again**.
And that keeps going on constantly for years and years until they get nowhere. Sometimes they keep pushing things in the wrong direction simply and enemy will support this.

I know this because for years I blamed my active serpent for everything, but aside from insomnia it didn't even made me much more issues, turns out enemy was mostly attacking me heavily when i felt like crap.

Also serpent and open crown chakra will make it easier for you to control yourself and to get detached from material things, that doesn't have to mean you gotta be going to extremes and lose all sense with reality, or get scared and hold on to a material like a crazy out of the fear or idk. There needs to be a balance, serpent and open crown chakra should help us to feel more free, to get powerful siddhis, to get wiser, not to abuse this and get traumas soon and lose soon even desire to meditate ever again....

One more thing, if your body has issues adapting to new energy levels, just clean and unblock your soul more, workout a bit too and that will make it all much more comfortable.

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It’s just a lot to go through unexpectedly you know? I’m starting to think more clearly every day. You’re right it shouldn’t be obsessed over or thought about and there’s nothing to really be afraid of. I should’ve just shaken it off instead of writing this. Inquiry should be made positively and without fear pushing it. There is only so much I can deprogram all at once but that jolt definitely gave it a boost. Best way to truly understand something is to just go through it.

NakedPluto said:

Sundara said:

Towards the coming of this event did your life get progressively worse? I guess I don’t need to figure out a spiritual reason for it, I also feel excessively rational right now. In a way that I haven’t been for months.

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Rock bottom, a stillness and motionless atmosphere in every aspect of life, up to a total purification of deep problems.

A guru, don't remember who, said something and I was guided to hear that at one point. He said something like this. If you do Kundalini Yoga and arouse the Serpent, if your life isn't ready to sustain the necessary shift, your life will get demolished, dismantled extremely quick in ways you never thought possible. I know it is so and saw it with my own eyes. But know it is a stage and choice. We happen to have the Serpent stimulated by the design of our natal planets.

I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one with these, and know it is somebody here that knows surely how intense the Serpent is and what it implies in life.

During these I had a lot of situations. I will try to illustrate something while not being so exposing of me. During that period I was healed by some extremely deep trauma. I loved a girl very much, this girl was meant and guided by Satan to me. I knew her from future seeing since I was a little kid. And I was together with this soul from another life.

Needless to say, being with this girl was bliss to my life and I lost her during very though times. This resulted also by the design of the planets in an critical phase for me. Let's say that also it had a fatal magnetic quality to this relationship.

During the purifying fire of the Serpent, I was completely catapulted into detachment and total healing from this. I am the same me, nothing changed, but I'm not affected by it and at a very deep level it holds no influence and further consequence. Don't know how to further emphasize on the quality of the healing and rebirth from this. And I detailed this, as to tell a counter manifestation to the destructive quality of the stimulation. The Serpent is amplifying what it touches but it can also transform, be it for better or for worse.

Same for other aspects of life, this holds true. I don't want to sound harsh for some people, but they don't have a clue about how much power holds the Serpent and the transformation of self. I know for a fact that only by myself I affected a lot of peoples lives by only having the Serpent awaken in me, involuntary. From destruction to creation, it isn't only us affected by it.

Besides these simple things of the emotional and mental realms, we have the body. Body which will go under unexpected stress and changes. This is extremely important and haven't seen given much thought on this subject. The body will purify physically and much more, will change to some degrees. You can go from normal to extreme weight loss to obsesses in a couple of months only to be balanced again. Etc.

One thing you can observe and be a witness of, is that without the awakening of the Serpent, your future wouldn't be so bright as it is now, knowing and experiencing it, regardless of the intensity and stage of it.

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Great response and yeah my life was just torn apart, like everything I had built was shredded. Life is at such a stand still. I guess it’s a positive thing. But also, not. I feel like the door is opening for me to really live life in a peaceful and happy way now, I’m starting to just live in the moment. I’m sorry to hear about your friend, that detachment definitely happens with energy. I personally don’t like it, it can numb a person to pain for a while but it will be let out and confronted. That pain is real and a part of being human. The energy can resurface these feelings though. I feel this way about my dad. Hadn’t looked back on everything in a while but when this energy hit my heart last night I had the most intense dream about us being together again and I woke up and just fell apart. It’s easy to forget our real life feelings sometimes through this. But that shit is real and I don’t think there will ever be a time when I won’t miss him, nor do I really want too. I’ll always look back on everything that happened as one of the most profound and brutal wake up calls to reality. With certain things only time and processing can work a situation out. I feel like that and another situation actually played a role in halting my advancement in a way while simultaneously catapulting it. Our lives seem to be set up in a way to give us what we need to grow and endure. Kundalini is actually nothing to fear going through. It is a lot like labor. Giving birth was the most painful and intense thing ever, I kept it together without a single shout while this child rocketed out of my body and afterward I was like “I’m NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN” but a year down the line it’s like.. yeah I’d give it another go.

Take for example financial education. Everyone is programmed in a way to perceive money and this subject. If you were to be taught how to make money, you as an underperformer in this case, the one who teaches you will first have to deprogram you from the bad habits of money.

Making an association, where the subject of life is concerned and the essence of it, potentiality in its dual nature, destruction and creation, has as well programming and habits of manifestation and existence. To not complexity matters, when the Serpent is aroused, he tears down and conditions imposed upon this life, tears down any bad programming to make space for the correct and beautiful truth of life.

Every aspect of life has a specific dimension, for example some aspects are not governed by the concept of time, and others are the specialization of time as the last peak, all these dimensions will be transversed by the Serpent, where you will be left anew and reborn to experience life.

To me the Serpent showed in my last experience as a child. This is related to the newborn aspect that you claim upon this path, and the purity that you can get to, clean of karma and bad seeds. In the xian book if I'm not mistaken, Satan is shown as a child wearing a cape. That's the Serpent being purposely cursed in their jewish magic.

I also hope to hear more from the Clergy concerning the Serpent and related. I write and talk a lot but don't know the correctness of my thinking and intuition, it is only what I see and feel about it and my life experience. I wish you and your family only the best and to be very happy! Your kid sounds to have a great mother!

NakedPluto said:

Take for example financial education. Everyone is programmed in a way to perceive money and this subject. If you were to be taught how to make money, you as an underperformer in this case, the one who teaches you will first have to deprogram you from the bad habits of money.

Making an association, where the subject of life is concerned and the essence of it, potentiality in its dual nature, destruction and creation, has as well programming and habits of manifestation and existence. To not complexity matters, when the Serpent is aroused, he tears down and conditions imposed upon this life, tears down any bad programming to make space for the correct and beautiful truth of life.

Every aspect of life has a specific dimension, for example some aspects are not governed by the concept of time, and others are the specialization of time as the last peak, all these dimensions will be transversed by the Serpent, where you will be left anew and reborn to experience life.

To me the Serpent showed in my last experience as a child. This is related to the newborn aspect that you claim upon this path, and the purity that you can get to, clean of karma and bad seeds. In the xian book if I'm not mistaken, Satan is shown as a child wearing a cape. That's the Serpent being purposely cursed in their jewish magic.

I also hope to hear more from the Clergy concerning the Serpent and related. I write and talk a lot but don't know the correctness of my thinking and intuition, it is only what I see and feel about it and my life experience. I wish you and your family only the best and to be very happy! Your kid sounds to have a great mother!

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Agreed, and I do think these practices are meant to be lived and placed into the physical. There may be little said because experiences and needs are so individual. Sometimes I think trying to put into words the miracles of the gods can be difficult as they’re better seen and experienced. I’m starting to be very happy to have gone through this, I think anyone arousing their serpent without the gods are really dumb. Despite the way this all happened for me it definitely wasn’t without initiation from the Gods. Everything that I thought I needed to fix prior to this was wrong, I was so far off before all of this. But also not, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. The entire time I’ve gone through this I kept thinking oh no I don’t deserve this I’m not ready for this why is this happening... LOL... okay. Work on the lower chakras does prevent negative experiences though. It’s also stupid to say this happened without meditation because it definitely did not, it just didn’t take a lot and that’s just the nature of things I guess. I was willing blockages away and working on myself. I forgot how to even just sit back and enjoy life. It’s not that I don’t want to meditate anymore, that’s worded badly. I just don’t want to be obsessed with growth to a degree where it takes away my attention on the NOW. At that point it’s self destructive.

It’s just a lot to go through unexpectedly you know? I’m starting to think more clearly every day. You’re right it shouldn’t be obsessed over or thought about and there’s nothing to really be afraid of. I should’ve just shaken it off instead of writing this. Inquiry should be made positively and without fear pushing it. There is only so much I can deprogram all at once but that jolt definitely gave it a boost. Best way to truly understand something is to just go through it.

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Last 2 years were the worst years of my life, it is when my serpent started activating more and it all went to shit. I am mostly unable to even get up from the bed and do anything at all anymore, I am bedridden most of the time.


Everything started going to shit, crazy anxiety and depression appeared too. Thought that I should try to just kill myself many times already, situation is unbearable. I can't finish my studies, find a job or even go outside much anymore because I feel like crap almost every day and I barely ever sleep. Still apparently every time when it got really bad, enemy pulled out something, and those fucking enemy holidays felt so awful.

Then curses on our crown chakra, man that shit is hard to get rid of, but it can completely fuck you up if you don't deal with it soon.

Asked my guardians should I stop my meditations after feeling so bad for years, they said don't, deal with it all now. I will stay like this for few more years I guess, will work on my soul and body as much as I can. Almost all SS think that I am crazy for even trying anything anymore. All I am hearing is - oh so you have some issues, why don't you give up and just try again later?-

Not sure I can have it easy next time as well, most likely similar things will be there again.
Giving up looks just like running away from problems that I will have to face again sometimes later.

Some people can go through this without this many issues, some no...

I think going through this all you just need to take it easy, like give yourself some time, don't try to force anything much. Find lots of time to relax, you will need it...

Anyways I get how all bad can feel. I just don't want people to think it can't be done at all and that you need to just stay broken and afraid to do anything at all again. Those are your own issues with your body, soul and with your mind, face them in a way you think it's the best. If it really really feels like you can't continue then stop I guess, but you can't just go through it like nothing is happening, and yes, watch out for the enemy bs.

/quote]


That does honestly sound a little extreme and unhealthy. I’ve heard of new agers going through it for that long but not Satanists, but it is individual. I would probably also say try to stop and let your symptoms subside and then come at meditation again from a slower angle, there should definitely be some pleasurable experiences to it. Shouldn’t be ALL bad.

Sundara said:

/quote]


That does honestly sound a little extreme and unhealthy. I’ve heard of new agers going through it for that long but not Satanists, but it is individual. I would probably also say try to stop and let your symptoms subside and then come at meditation again from a slower angle, there should definitely be some pleasurable experiences to it. Shouldn’t be ALL bad.

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Well the thing is as I said that in my first reply is that the main issue is not really the serpent itself and meditations, tho everybody wanted me to believe that because they are afraid of the serpent as fuck. I checked my transits and many other things, and turns out something bad is happening anyways, but actually a good time overal to focus on fixing it. It is hard for me to deal with insomnia honestly, but aside from it my serpent directly is not doing much, those are problems I always had (I always had some health issues) they just became more visible rn, and yes, enemy often attacks like crazy when we start advancing. So I personally started realizing meditations can only help me in situation I am in.

On top of it my serpent activates too easily, I would have to give up from even light meditations if I would like it to stay asleep, and idk how then I would fix anything, if you get me. I need to do workings, rituals and to do my daily cleaning which is enough to awaken my serpent usually..yep, I'm that sensitive to meditations.
Some people can activate serpent and keep it somewhat awaken just by doing rtrs it seems.

Anyways, I as I said before I think that very often issues we are facing are not directly related to the serpent.

And no not all is bad, there are many positive sides of this, just don't want to go into details now, I don't like talking much here usually. Too many inflitators and such...

Also, Sundara, you can think of me as one of the worst examples idc ( mostly just wanted to say that I understand that sometimes issues can appear) but honestly it bugs me a lot when I see people lacking resolve as you do and to claim they don't even want to meditate anymore or advance in any way. Doesn't sound like something SS would say and think. You sound almost completely dead inside, apathy overload and you are too passive, now you don't even want to meditate anymore from what I see. Are you sure that you have what it takes to be an SS at all?

You afraid of this, afraid of that, too hard this, too hard that. You just want to grow old and die like a normie without even doing anything much anymore. Then you cry around cause of it all.
Sorry, this just doesn't sounds right to me.

Azorm said:

Sundara said:

/quote]


That does honestly sound a little extreme and unhealthy. I’ve heard of new agers going through it for that long but not Satanists, but it is individual. I would probably also say try to stop and let your symptoms subside and then come at meditation again from a slower angle, there should definitely be some pleasurable experiences to it. Shouldn’t be ALL bad.

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Well the thing is as I said that in my first reply is that the main issue is not really the serpent itself and meditations, tho everybody wanted me to believe that because they are afraid of the serpent as fuck. I checked my transits and many other things, and turns out something bad is happening anyways, but actually a good time overal to focus on fixing it. It is hard for me to deal with insomnia honestly, but aside from it my serpent directly is not doing much, those are problems I always had (I always had some health issues) they just became more visible rn, and yes, enemy often attacks like crazy when we start advancing. So I personally started realizing meditations can only help me in situation I am in.

On top of it my serpent activates too easily, I would have to give up from even light meditations if I would like it to stay asleep, and idk how then I would fix anything, if you get me. I need to do workings, rituals and to do my daily cleaning which is enough to awaken my serpent usually..yep, I'm that sensitive to meditations.
Some people can activate serpent and keep it somewhat awaken just by doing rtrs it seems.

Anyways, I as I said before I think that very often issues we are facing are not directly related to the serpent.

And no not all is bad, there are many positive sides of this, just don't want to go into details now, I don't like talking much here usually. Too many inflitators and such...

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That makes complete sense really, happens to me too. Any amount of focus on my soul kind of gets it going. And even without focus, if I’m really just feeling myself it just kicks back up. I haven’t known the best course of action either other than get adjusted and try to acclimate. Now that I’ve gotten to the circulation of energy and focusing the energy down after it hit the crown, it’s pretty much stabilized.

Its interesting, I have been dedicated for almost a year and a half and many of the advanced SS i talked to up to this point or have seen testimonies of have accounted for symptoms like this or going insane or other hardcore symptoms. then i find out that they haven't done enough cleaning or they say they still have alot of dirt.

It came instinctively to me to do nothing but opening and cleaning for at least a while since the beginning and thats literally all i have been doing. Virtually no empowerment whatsoever save for the occasional raum mediation and breathing in energy from the sun and foundation meditation, and of course, hatha, KY and RTRS. I used the THOR rune for cleaning for a while and had some good effects. 18X in each main chakra, including the 3rd eye, pinial and clairaudience and clairvoyence points. I think the latest kundalini symptoms i have had were the light burning sensations in my chest when i did the invocation part during a standard ritual recently, and the swaying/turning in circles i have during meditation, RTRS and KY. when i used the THOR rune there would be times i would feel buzzing at or around my tailbone area that could last for at least a minute or two and before that slight biting/shock senations there. several months after i dedicated there was times during KY, right at the satnam kriya where i would feel a sudden physical burning in my crown. Theres times where at night laying down after yoga i will see flashes of light. Aside from all these nothing major. Im guessing the cleaner you are the less intense and negative the symptoms will be.

Shadowcat said:

Its interesting, I have been dedicated for almost a year and a half and many of the advanced SS i talked to up to this point or have seen testimonies of have accounted for symptoms like this or going insane or other hardcore symptoms. then i find out that they haven't done enough cleaning or they say they still have alot of dirt.

It came instinctively to me to do nothing but opening and cleaning for at least a while since the beginning and thats literally all i have been doing. Virtually no empowerment whatsoever save for the occasional raum mediation and breathing in energy from the sun and foundation meditation, and of course, hatha, KY and RTRS. I used the THOR rune for cleaning for a while and had some good effects. 18X in each main chakra, including the 3rd eye, pinial and clairaudience and clairvoyence points. I think the latest kundalini symptoms i have had were the light burning sensations in my chest when i did the invocation part during a standard ritual recently, and the swaying/turning in circles i have during meditation, RTRS and KY. when i used the THOR rune there would be times i would feel buzzing at or around my tailbone area that could last for at least a minute or two and before that slight biting/shock senations there. several months after i dedicated there was times during KY, right at the satnam kriya where i would feel a sudden physical burning in my crown. Theres times where at night laying down after yoga i will see flashes of light. Aside from all these nothing major. Im guessing the cleaner you are the less intense and negative the symptoms will be.

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True, I think the more preparation a person can have the better. Regardless, a bioelectric jolt can be intense. Unfortunately this wasn’t intended and I wasn’t meditating deeply enough to cause it to rise but it rose anyway. I’m still not entirely sure what set it off but I haven’t had a choice but to dive in and go through it until it’s been ready to go back down. It hasn’t all been bad, a lot of it has been really incredible. If I had a choice I would’ve made very slow progress or wouldn’t have tapped into it at all because I knew I wasn’t ready. In some ways I think the Gods initiated this because of a health problem I was having among other things that kind of brought up the necessity for it where maybe the negatives had outweighed the positives. Maybe I subconsciously willed it. Whatever the reason I was ready enough to come out okay and the Gods assistance made it possible. I’m really grateful for them and a person doesn’t have to go crazy. The Gods help us prepare and if we are open enough to their advice it’s all going to be fine. The forums are also a blessing. I didn’t go insane but I was pushed to my mental limits. Some people are really reckless and don’t know when to quit or really aren’t ready in any way and then they do wind up in a psych ward .

I'm probably no where near this level, but I have overwhelmed myself with power meditation and fell into hard psychosis that lasted days. I didn't stop my powermedi

Even tho my chakras were aching hard all I could do is ball up and stay still, trying to breathe. I wanted to stop and quit meditation. I think it had alot to do with facing who I really am and accepting that false issues in my head weren't real and letting those issues go were somehow gonna render my life invalid or something. It really real in the moment especially when there's fear and angst involved. Honestly anytime this comes I can't face it all at once but I do know it's silly cause this should be very blissful knowing you're breaking free. I can't imagine your experience, I'm still very low spiritually because of heavy drug abuse since I was 14. I'm 19 and barley healing, I don't even have any real experience so I completely don't know who I am or where I wan to go.wish I was SS from the start. Rip

The best thing you probably could do is clean your soul and aura alot more. I was experiencing minor issues compared to what people were experiencing in this thread, and cleaning my aura and soul more heavily has helped.

Low Priest said:

Even tho my chakras were aching hard all I could do is ball up and stay still, trying to breathe. I wanted to stop and quit meditation. I think it had alot to do with facing who I really am and accepting that false issues in my head weren't real and letting those issues go were somehow gonna render my life invalid or something. It really real in the moment especially when there's fear and angst involved. Honestly anytime this comes I can't face it all at once but I do know it's silly cause this should be very blissful knowing you're breaking free. I can't imagine your experience, I'm still very low spiritually because of heavy drug abuse since I was 14. I'm 19 and barley healing, I don't even have any real experience so I completely don't know who I am or where I wan to go.wish I was SS from the start. Rip

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If you’ve been studying you should try to back off of meditation. When things were rough I made sure my crown was open, and all other chakras. In the back I focused on excess energy leaving and exhaling from the top of the head and then in the front, energy coming down and leaving through the feet. Once you start to feel better after doing that, back off of meditation and recover. Then just clean your aura regularly and do yoga ect. Try not to focus on energies all day and stay out of your head and grounded. Affirmations of self acceptance and fearlessness are good, and be sure to stay in contact with the gods and open to them. Meditation isn’t always blissful. It’ll be okay, try to get out and do something fun to get your mind off of things too.

Sundara said:

Low Priest said:

Even tho my chakras were aching hard all I could do is ball up and stay still, trying to breathe. I wanted to stop and quit meditation. I think it had alot to do with facing who I really am and accepting that false issues in my head weren't real and letting those issues go were somehow gonna render my life invalid or something. It really real in the moment especially when there's fear and angst involved. Honestly anytime this comes I can't face it all at once but I do know it's silly cause this should be very blissful knowing you're breaking free. I can't imagine your experience, I'm still very low spiritually because of heavy drug abuse since I was 14. I'm 19 and barley healing, I don't even have any real experience so I completely don't know who I am or where I wan to go.wish I was SS from the start. Rip

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If you’ve been studying you should try to back off of meditation. When things were rough I made sure my crown was open, and all other chakras. In the back I focused on excess energy leaving and exhaling from the top of the head and then in the front, energy coming down and leaving through the feet. Once you start to feel better after doing that, back off of meditation and recover. Then just clean your aura regularly and do yoga ect. Try not to focus on energies all day and stay out of your head and grounded. Affirmations of self acceptance and fearlessness are good, and be sure to stay in contact with the gods and open to them. Meditation isn’t always blissful. It’ll be okay, try to get out and do something fun to get your mind off of things too.

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I haven't even contacted the gods yet or try until I'm a bit more in control with void meditation. I'm scared to make myself look bad or whatever, especially since I'm not alone in my head sometimes.

Low Priest said:

Sundara said:

Low Priest said:

Even tho my chakras were aching hard all I could do is ball up and stay still, trying to breathe. I wanted to stop and quit meditation. I think it had alot to do with facing who I really am and accepting that false issues in my head weren't real and letting those issues go were somehow gonna render my life invalid or something. It really real in the moment especially when there's fear and angst involved. Honestly anytime this comes I can't face it all at once but I do know it's silly cause this should be very blissful knowing you're breaking free. I can't imagine your experience, I'm still very low spiritually because of heavy drug abuse since I was 14. I'm 19 and barley healing, I don't even have any real experience so I completely don't know who I am or where I wan to go.wish I was SS from the start. Rip

Click to expand...

If you’ve been studying you should try to back off of meditation. When things were rough I made sure my crown was open, and all other chakras. In the back I focused on excess energy leaving and exhaling from the top of the head and then in the front, energy coming down and leaving through the feet. Once you start to feel better after doing that, back off of meditation and recover. Then just clean your aura regularly and do yoga ect. Try not to focus on energies all day and stay out of your head and grounded. Affirmations of self acceptance and fearlessness are good, and be sure to stay in contact with the gods and open to them. Meditation isn’t always blissful. It’ll be okay, try to get out and do something fun to get your mind off of things too.

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I haven't even contacted the gods yet or try until I'm a bit more in control with void meditation. I'm scared to make myself look bad or whatever, especially since I'm not alone in my head sometimes.

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Oh no there is no reason to feel that way. Once you feel and experience them you’ll understand. Just keep educating yourself, but we need the Gods in order to advance in this world. It’s not something that happens completely alone. If you’re dedicated, do the meditation on Satan and do the RTR’s and basic meditations.