You need to change your mindset, even if at first you don't believe it, you keep telling yourself that you can get better and that you are capable and deserving of a glorious life. Suicide is not an option as it only worsens an already bad situation. Your only salvation is to uplift yourself. Motivate yourself to go upwards. To never give up, no matter what life throws at you. You need to believe in yourself. Re-program your mind, wake up the Warrior within you. You are a Satan's son, you have the power to overcome this situation. This can only happen through consistent meditation. Go at your own pace and don't beat yourself up, be patient with yourself, in time everything will fall into place if you are consistent.
Try this:
High Priestess Maxine Dietrich said:
When one encounters problems and obstacles, one should go to the bottom of this and every night before going to sleep, affirm 20-30 times when relaxed, for example: "I have perfect concentration."
Other affirmations for example- "I am always highly motivated and I always meditate every day", “I always have time to do quality meditations", “I am able to enter deep trances easily" you get the general idea. Remember, affirmations should always be in the present tense because the subconscious mind and soul do not have a time frame such as in the future tense "will" happen. Always make your affirmations in the present tense.
Before sleeping, affirmations should be done some 25-30 times for 40 days straight.
When you feel ready, follow this routine:
40 day meditation program for beginners.
Read this:
Functions of the Mind: Basic Functions and Obstacles in Meditation
Excuses About Meditation - And It’s Necessity
Introspective Meditation: Increasing Conscious Awareness
Satanic Existence - The Path of Satya & Life
Initiation: Then And Now, Opening The Mind
Why You Must Never Give Up In Life As A Spiritual Satanist
Some helpful books:
Hatomic Habits by James Clear
Emotional Wisdom: Daily Tools For Transforming Anger, Depression and Fear by Mantak Chia
No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline by Brian Tracy
After you are motivated enough, you need to keep the motivation going. You can work with Solar mantras/runes to give you energy to keep going and you can also do the same with Saturn related ones for discipline, a good example would be the Nauthiz rune.
You also should do the
workings to free your soul from negative karma.
I know it's a lot to take in, but consider learning
Astrology as it can give you a clear answer to how your life came to be this way, and how you can turn it around as knowledge is power.
You should also talk to Father Satan about this situation, sit in a comfortable position, relax, focus on Satan's sigil open yourself to Him, ask for guidance. Get closer to the Gods, and they will help you by teaching and guiding you to what you have to do in order to succeed.
If you need, come to the forums and talk to us, we can help you get through this.
Stay strong, never give up!