Where to begin, I call it a curse, hex or if I'm feeling confident during;... someone else's fetish.

Four Years prior to this year, I started feeling an unnatural force within my Anal cavity, around the same time as I began my spiritual journey and my first steps with Luci,

It's shown in several forms
A voice
A being
Lucifer or a demon/
A past friend or foe
Often pointing towards the closest person in my memory.
Though none above shed any truth when I pursue, no one in my circle/tribe have any answers.

I am not scared of this interloper.

Over the time of 2018-2022 I have fought this 'it' off and on as though we have sleep schedules, it never remains the same 'shape' always a different line of approach but always the same space/spot on my body( it is both a physical that I can feel, and a mental fight over something I don't yet understand( I have asked many questions as to why me and what is your reason, but all this time it has still alluded me,

This conundrum isn't the only issue, it makes claims on who it is, points, blames, and although it has a grip on my memory, I feel it's emotions, like we are connected, yet it is still hidden, hiding I have rage towards it for the things it has done to me, abused me in a way I'm unable to accept myself, I'm not one to ask for help you see, I can go no further with my self/path/enlightenment with this it.

I need some guidance in what can/could be done, I'm not an energetic man as most of my soul energy feels like it's being sapped away constantly, I need myself fluent, and this it refracts me from doing so,

It is not a pleasant feeling, I am a straight male.
Any help or guidance in what I've been able to type would be appreciated graciously

Thank you
[NAME]

Maybe you live in a haunted house with a gay rapist ghost. I don't mean this as a joke, this actually is possible. Have you ever tried removing ghosts from yourself and the house, and detaching soul connections?