Hello everyone,
I have been away for really long to get back life in order.
Its been over a year since I have posted during this time I have meditated, improved myself and some good things mixed with bad.
So coming to my question- I find it impossible to trust the Gods anymore, I have mentioned several times in my prayers to the Gods if the Greys didnt show up at my house at multiple occassions I wouldnt stay dedicated or mediate at all. I still am not able to understand how a god or being so powerful who would give signs before every ritual date not let me know about my parents death before it happened, i would have taken some action to prevent it. My views on the entire satanic community has been divided- was I not ready to change the society for the better before I joined this place? Questions like where I stand as a being in this god human communication is disorienting to me. It feels good to see people even around me now to blame the enemy and much more throughtout the world. However I feel nothing that motivates me anymore, I have nothing to live for after the death of my parent. I was attacked during the interview of a company I strongly wanted to be associated with. So so many attacks in the past year. Everyday feels like a war. And when I look around me I see people my age living their lives, falling in love( I too fell in love with my succubus long back, constantly asked about why was given no dreams to help my parent, now I have done a "break up" ritual if you will, which by how frequently she comes, i am certain has not been accepted). What do I live for then? No family because of the succbus, questions about the death of my parent which I have repeatedly placed before the Gods to get no answer, to get cursed so frequently in the past year. I dont know if anybody here belives it or cares enough, i cant erase the memory of my dead parent who was attacked in his sleep, only to wake up panting. My own sibling cursed and woken up from sleep in an another related incident. The Gods then show up once a week, charge me up with energy, the succubus makes me feel loved and what not only to return to the reality on ground. A dead parent, endless curses, no chance of a family and so many broken promises from the Gods. Dreams that never came true, how then every dream during the ritual dates came true is beyond me.
I have mentioned several times to the Gods in my prayers, I have no family neither do you allow me one. Ofcourse I get filled with sadness for a while then again back to reality. All we have on this website are stories of people who had success in this religion. What about people like me, who would prefer the LaVey version of the Gods than bow down to someone I dont trust anymore. Life is tough as is, life with satan is tougher. We blame the enemy for it, but it is. How many times have I been shown this utopia? How many times have I lived my life only in the service of the Gods? I guess I should have never dedicated, even in the past lives. I have actions in my life I can show that I have done for the Gods for nothing in return. " They are of no value to me" - I repeat this sentence in my mind often, maybe I wish to be of no value to a God who never came for me in my toughest moments. Ofcourse seeing how these posts are often dealt with, let me make it easy for everyone - I must be schizophrenic,neurotic, delusional and every other thing i have read on the forums for people who dont beleive in the glory of the Gods. I have no interest in working for the powers of Hell, the day I get my answer is the day I am out. Maybe then I can live a "life" that wont make me cry every single day.

Usthepeople666 said:

Hello everyone,
I have been away for really long to get back life in order.
Its been over a year since I have posted during this time I have meditated, improved myself and some good things mixed with bad.
So coming to my question- I find it impossible to trust the Gods anymore, I have mentioned several times in my prayers to the Gods if the Greys didnt show up at my house at multiple occassions I wouldnt stay dedicated or mediate at all. I still am not able to understand how a god or being so powerful who would give signs before every ritual date not let me know about my parents death before it happened, i would have taken some action to prevent it. My views on the entire satanic community has been divided- was I not ready to change the society for the better before I joined this place? Questions like where I stand as a being in this god human communication is disorienting to me. It feels good to see people even around me now to blame the enemy and much more throughtout the world. However I feel nothing that motivates me anymore, I have nothing to live for after the death of my parent. I was attacked during the interview of a company I strongly wanted to be associated with. So so many attacks in the past year. Everyday feels like a war. And when I look around me I see people my age living their lives, falling in love( I too fell in love with my succubus long back, constantly asked about why was given no dreams to help my parent, now I have done a "break up" ritual if you will, which by how frequently she comes, i am certain has not been accepted). What do I live for then? No family because of the succbus, questions about the death of my parent which I have repeatedly placed before the Gods to get no answer, to get cursed so frequently in the past year. I dont know if anybody here belives it or cares enough, i cant erase the memory of my dead parent who was attacked in his sleep, only to wake up panting. My own sibling cursed and woken up from sleep in an another related incident. The Gods then show up once a week, charge me up with energy, the succubus makes me feel loved and what not only to return to the reality on ground. A dead parent, endless curses, no chance of a family and so many broken promises from the Gods. Dreams that never came true, how then every dream during the ritual dates came true is beyond me.
I have mentioned several times to the Gods in my prayers, I have no family neither do you allow me one. Ofcourse I get filled with sadness for a while then again back to reality. All we have on this website are stories of people who had success in this religion. What about people like me, who would prefer the LaVey version of the Gods than bow down to someone I dont trust anymore. Life is tough as is, life with satan is tougher. We blame the enemy for it, but it is. How many times have I been shown this utopia? How many times have I lived my life only in the service of the Gods? I guess I should have never dedicated, even in the past lives. I have actions in my life I can show that I have done for the Gods for nothing in return. " They are of no value to me" - I repeat this sentence in my mind often, maybe I wish to be of no value to a God who never came for me in my toughest moments. Ofcourse seeing how these posts are often dealt with, let me make it easy for everyone - I must be schizophrenic,neurotic, delusional and every other thing i have read on the forums for people who dont beleive in the glory of the Gods. I have no interest in working for the powers of Hell, the day I get my answer is the day I am out. Maybe then I can live a "life" that wont make me cry every single day.

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If you care about your parent/s then learn to communicate with them.
Help their souls to reach the next live, if needed empower them.

At least you have your succubus, a being that cares trully and fully about you(the gods also do, but not at a so personal level). In monogamous cases even only about you. Which is rare in humans.

I think if you could have changed, the event that took your parents the gods would have shown you how. I guess, because you could not do anything about it, they did not warn you, so you can advance as best as possibel until this day.

If you want to blame one, then that, it is the enemy forces that devolved us to this mortal stage of being we are living.

Instead off in your sadness, blindly accusing the gods, to not care about you.

As they clearly do through your succubus.

It´s good that you write about your problem, so you can get a answer from different perspectives on your situation.

Usthepeople666 said:

I find it impossible to trust the Gods anymore, I have mentioned several times in my prayers to the Gods if the Greys didnt show up at my house at multiple occassions I wouldnt stay dedicated or mediate at all.

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Why? Do you only meditate to ward off attacks?

Usthepeople666 said:

However I feel nothing that motivates me anymore, I have nothing to live for after the death of my parent.

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Do you live your life for your parents, or for yourself?

Usthepeople666 said:

I have mentioned several times to the Gods in my prayers, I have no family neither do you allow me one.

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Your personal life is your own, I have never heard of a God forbidding anyone to have a family. Even if you go with a jew, they might try to set your head right, but ultimately its your fault if you do that. If you are in a relationship with a succubus thats different, but it doesnt mean you cant be around your extended family or make more friends.

Usthepeople666 said:

Ofcourse I get filled with sadness for a while then again back to reality. All we have on this website are stories of people who had success in this religion. What about people like me, who would prefer the LaVey version of the Gods than bow down to someone I dont trust anymore.

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What you "prefer" is up to you. Believe what you want. Many people would prefer a prayer and happy wishes got them to Godhood, if thats your jam, you do you.

There are many unanswered questions and fallacies that clearly show an immature approach of your relation with the Gods.

Usthepeople666 said:

I have mentioned several times in my prayers to the Gods if the Greys didnt show up at my house at multiple occassions I wouldnt stay dedicated or mediate at all.

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Why would you want greys to show up at your house? Since greys are enemies of us and the Gods, why would the Gods send greys to your house deliberately? Also, as a Satanist how do you know that you are not surrounded by greys spying on you right now? If you would have been enough opened to astral, for once you wouldn't have such weird demands and for second the greys would have came to you by themselves (or rather by programming) to harass you, like they did with so many other satanists who actively meditated and empowered themselves.

I fail to figure out why would you want to invite the enemy in your home. The only explanation I can have is that you wanted a "proof" that the Gods and greys and other beings are real, but again, how can you sense this if you are not opened? How can you see if your "eyes" are closed? Opening to astral is not easy at all, it can easily take years of daily practice. It is what it is. But if it was not this the reason then I am curious what it is.

Usthepeople666 said:

I still am not able to understand how a god or being so powerful who would give signs before every ritual date not let me know about my parents death before it happened, i would have taken some action to prevent it.

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Since you are most likely not opened to astral communication of any kind, you wouldn't have been able to receive those signs anyway. Is like those "radio messages" humans sent into space, waiting for messages to come from "allien civilizations" back to them. If you are not able to receive and decode these signs, how are you going to even realize that you received them?

Then, you are involving and mixing the Gods with your personal life matters, like they are responsible for the bad things that happen in your lfe. You said repeatedly you lost faith in them, this because of things that would have happened anyway and are part of your life. Losing family members is part of your life, and is little you can do to stop their death because you have to deal with the karmic/astrological processes that will manifest their death, which is really difficult to do for someone who hasn't bothered to stop his own negative astrological/karmic influences.

As for why they wouldn't have warned you in advance, to be honest I am wondering if the Gods would really bother to help someone who doesn't even believe in them, or gets "mad" at them, which you have admitted yourself repeatedly. There is definitely a reason for why you wouldn't receive such help if you did ask for it and based on your comments I am inclined to say that you definitely messed up in the process, demanding and expecting things to happen, and then getting "mad" at the Gods. I am trying not to make suppositions because I don't know the reality of how you asked for help, and how you received or haven't received it, I am saying there is certainly a reason in the middle for what truly happened (which I am not very convinced that it is as you describe it) and you should look objectively at what you did wrong in this process.

Usthepeople666 said:

I was attacked during the interview of a company I strongly wanted to be associated with. So so many attacks in the past year. Everyday feels like a war.

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Again this is part of being a Satanist, is not easy life. You have to fight back to these attacks if you can or protect yourself. There are effective measures you can do to prevent such things, you don't always need the Gods to baby-sit you at everything you do.

Usthepeople666 said:

All we have on this website are stories of people who had success in this religion.

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That's not true. There are many SS who are struggling and have very difficult life, and they live in circumstances that also makes it very difficult for them to fix their issues at this time. There are many SS who managed to uplift themselves from extreme poverty and then there are many SS who for example live in places that doesn't allow them to escape poverty easily. Life is very harsh for billions of people. Eventually a better world can be built once we get rid of enemy influence and curses. If you are not fighting your way out of life issues you are never going to be successful.

Usthepeople666 said:

How many times have I lived my life only in the service of the Gods?

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Did you go on their planets and did labour for them? This is what I would call "service for the Gods". Doing RTRs and generally work for Spiritual Satanism, you help humanity first and foremost, to free itself from the jewish power and build new and better civilizations. This is what you aim for when you do RTRs or even meditate to empower yourself to become a better person, service for humanity. If it wasn't for Satanists like the Pagan emperors, pagan scientists during Middle Ages, Hitler, the Nazis, us and so on, the entire planet probably would have been taken over centuries ago, starting from the inquisition and middle ages when christianity had absolute power.

You need to take more responsability of yourself and your life and not demand and expect help to come out of nowhere. Through meditation, advancing and especially seriousness you need to establish better relations with the Gods and establish better communication with them. The goal of Spiritual Satanism is not to do some RTRs and then expect the Gods to help you, the goal is to dedicate your life into fighting the jewish infiltrator and to elevate yourself and become a better person with the means the Gods have given us, you see here an example of real "help" for which they asked nothing in return, just for us to save ourselves from the aggravated situation we are in as a civilization.