BrightSpace666 said:
Prisma said:
BrightSpace666 said:
Reliving trauma over and over again in your imagination can be dangerous and scary, but it is the key to overcoming trauma. This is my personal opinion, but think about what I have written. I'll briefly explain the essence of my argument - If you relive it over and over in your imagination, after a while your mentality will be reprogrammed in relation to it and you will perceive things differently.
After a while it will no longer be scary, and in that change you can develop rational views of it, which will eventually help you get rid of it.
I strongly disagree. In your example, the person should overcome his fear by focusing on positive examples. For example, if people he's acquainted with travel by plane and are fine, or he looks up statistics and realises how rare plane crashes are, this will offset his fear as he realises what he is afraid of is an exception, and safety is the norm. Eventually this might make him courageous enough to travel by plane himself, at which point a positive experience will likewise help him greatly to overcome his fear.
On the other hand, if he dwells on the traumatic event that caused his fear in the first place, reliving it over and over in his imagination like you encourage, this will amplify and add weight to his fear. I speak from experience when I say that entertaining such imaginations is the worst thing to do, as it will add hypothetical fears on top of real ones, and add more things one needs to overcome.
The only case in which it could be positive, is if you deliberately re-imagine it in a more positive way. For example, if the person in your example is a survivor of a plane crash, it could make sense for him to imagine the plane making a "crash landing" instead of actually crashing, and everyone surviving as a result; but it's very unclear if that's what you meant.
On the other hand, if he is simply imagining over and over that the plane crashes and the people around him die, and eventually he no longer fears this, that would not mean he overcame anything, but merely that he was damaged by the trauma to the point that he no longer values his own safety nor the lives of others. There would be something seriously wrong with him.
Becoming desensitised can make it easier to seek out positive experiences, as fears don't hold one back anymore. But desensitisation on its own is not a solution, and is merely a symptom of a deeper problem. Rather than becoming desensitised by dwelling on a traumatic event like you suggest, one can simply
invoke air to stay calm when necessary. I think that's far more positive.
It is up to the individual to decide how to overcome their fear. What I said about focusing on the positive is certainly true in the paradigm that fear is eventually replaced by positive thinking. Same with flying - should we not get on the plane because it's crashed? Someone drops the ice cream, so should I stop buying ice cream because I'm going to drop it? Somewhere I think you sense that your reasoning is wrong on some level.
If the problem is that to overcome fear you need to focus on constructive things, so be it. Read more.
I am not encouraging anyone, this is an opinion. In fact, I didn't even take it personally by writing this specifically for him, I wrote it in general, without taking it personally. In fact, a good way to overcome trauma is to relive it over and over again in your imagination. Recognise what you are afraid of and face it. But if I remember correctly, I also mentioned that this should only be done by strong people, because they can easily go crazy. Fear can be overcome by will.
Imaginatively changing the trauma can also be an option once you have identified the problem. Ask yourself what matters - the fear of thinking back on it, or the constructive ability to change the problem, after accepting that it exists of course. You will either overcome it or you won't, and you will suffer from it.
I can tell you from experience that this is a very good way of overcoming trauma. Being SS, there are countless things you can do before you try this. Desensitization is by no means rewarding as it is trauma absorption. You did not overcome the trauma, it overcame you.
I like constructive disagreements like this as long as they preserve the paradigm of normality. As long as a debate doesn't degenerate into hatred and personalism, the substance is a given. SS disagreements are interesting and lead to progress.
I understand now where the misunderstanding came from. I'll provide context to explain the differences between our perspectives.
There was something I was in denial about for over a decade that it even happened, but it affected me in various ways nonetheless. The effects gradually lessened as positive experiences helped me overcome my irrational fears, but it was only after I made significant progress with healing in meditation that it stopped affecting me entirely. Although it took over a decade, I had completely overcome my fears despite remaining in denial. In hindsight, that wasn't very efficient.
But some time later, I remembered it anyway, and felt like it was wrong of me to deny it for so long, even if I'd done so subconsciously. To make up for it, I wrote it down, which took me a couple hours even though it was only a single paragraph. I was crying the whole time, and by the end of it I felt dead inside. I was unable to function normally anymore, as I was constantly overwhelmed by negative emotions, and occasionally had panic attacks which involved me curling up on the ground, screaming and crying uncontrollably.
Seeing me like that made my husband anxious as well. I showed him what I had written, and he offered to help, but I felt pathetic for being in such a terrible state, and like I was being a burden to him. I wanted to be stronger. I began to wonder if recalling it clearly enough to write it down had been a wrong decision, if this is how I ended up as a result. My husband was really kind and patient with me, but the pain I felt inside him strengthened my will. "I don't want to worry my husband. I just have to control my emotions, like I normally do." And so I let reason take over, and was able to function normally again. Within a few hours, the underlying emotions calmed down as well so I didn't even have to suppress them anymore, and by the next morning I was completely back to normal.
My husband was somewhat concerned that my mood improved so quickly. He asked me if this is how I normally am, and if I even feel anything at all? So I explained that I can still entertain positive feelings without entertaining negative ones, so I get to enjoy all the joys of life without any of the misery. And if I don't control the negative emotions, they'll just consume me like happened earlier, which doesn't help me at all, so it's better to keep them under control, and not to push the limits by dwelling on negative things too much.
I've reflected on what happened, and our disagreement. I realised that my experience is a bit different, as I'd already overcome this trauma before I faced what happened, by healing in other ways. I'd solved the issue indirectly, and it was no longer affecting me in any way. But as I recalled it so vividly for the first time, my psyche was wounded anew. The fact all symptoms immediately and completely subsided once I got my emotions under control again, likewise proves that there is no karma left pertaining to it, as my subconscious mind remained unaffected despite how upset I was consciously just moments prior.
My conclusions are that my inability to remember or face it for so long made it take much longer to heal than it would've otherwise, so in that regard you are right. On the other hand, after the fears are already overcome, dwelling on traumatic memories seems to do more harm than good. That is my experience, which does not really apply to overcoming trauma, but how to continue afterwards. After all, how can one "free" oneself if one isn't willing to move on? But that's something that comes after overcoming the fears.
I've never hated someone without reflecting on it for a long time first. I'm air-dominant, so coming to terms with emotions isn't exactly my strong suit, and requires extensive reasoning, especially to justify negative ones. More importantly, I considered this a positive interaction. I learned more about the nuances of such situations, and perhaps you learned something too? Although I don't take people's opinions at face value, I do value their perspectives for the unique insights they give, and appreciate your feedback.
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