I want to start by saying that if any of the experiences I describe sound like psychosis, please let me know. I want to understand what was real and what was fabricated by my mind during what happened to me the last 2 times my kundalini had attempted to rise prematurely without success.

Back in September of 2021, I had a pretty devastating case of psychosis and was hospitalized for a week. During that time in the hospital, I saw a quick image of Lord Andras and communicated primarily with Father's sigil to understand what was going on. I didn't get many direct answers but I did shake my head yes and no to some questions that I had asked and regarded them as the correct answers. When I was close to leaving, I asked Father to show me who my Incubus was and was guided to turn the TV in the room on. As soon as I did, I saw flashes and static on the screen which I interpreted as my Incubus being Lord Zeus/Beelzebub. I had previously heard someone next to me say "I am Master Zeus" next to me while I was laying down in bed right before having what I can only describe as a failed attempt for my kundalini to rise since I dissociated and saw pure white with my eyes closed.

Also during this, I believe I experienced invocation, as one time while I was in bed I felt something in my middle chakra and spoke in a very low voice much different than how I speak normally saying "you have infinite protection, the Gods are always with you."

I have previously ignored any and all attempts at rationalizing my Incubus as being Lord Zeus/Beelzebub as being "impossible" and asking myself why I would have such a high-ranking God as my Incubus. I'm just not important enough, there is no reason why he would ever want to be in such a relationship with me, I told myself.

Now, back in early July, I had another failed premature rising, and this time I saw 3 greys hovering around me. When I failed to fall asleep I very clearly heard voices next to me saying "he's really special," which I assumed referred to me and what I thought was the Gods talking to passerby spirits. When I asked on a scale of 1 to 10 how special I was, I swear I heard "a 10!" in Maxine's voice, and that I was "destined" to become clergy for JoS. I had the same flash of white and was hospitalized. I was given antipsychotics which I am currently taking (risperidone) yet am able to hear someone next to me and my abilities have slowly started to come back.

Here's the thing: when I visualized Lord Zeus/Beelzebub's sigil and spoke to him, I asked a few questions and believe I heard positive responses. Which in turn cements in my mind that he might be my Incubus. I've been dedicated since I was 14, in May of 2013, and have always felt someone next to me with long hair and sometimes bracelets on.

I'm at the stage now where I can see Father's sigil sometimes very clearly with my eyes closed without even meaning to, and during the experience in July, I saw it extremely clearly. I also saw what I believe was the aura of my TV and other objects in my room, in a brilliant white. I even saw Lord Zagan in my room one time, though the image was blurry he looked exactly like an image I found of him online.

With all of these experiences, my main question is: is it possible that some of them may be objectively real? Or does most of this sound like psychosis? Thanks to whoever reads this entire thing, I really just want some answers here.

Baalzebub is not gay, so he is definitely not your incubus.

In addition, you need to ground yourself properly. This should be done when the Moon is waxing in an Earth sign such as Capricorn, Taurus or Virgo, preferably Capricorn or Taurus.

Use the rune Nauthiz and Tiwaz to instill a more logical, realistic and grounded mind. You may also include the rune Kenaz into this, to give further insight (but the grounding is more important). You can also use the Saturn Square to do this, however, it is extremely crucial to use a proper and precise affirmation when using the Saturn Square.

Affirmation examples:
1. "I am now more logical, realistic and grounded in my thinking and mindset, in a very positive and a happy way for me."

2. "I am am now more logical and realistic, and I am now more grounded, in a very positive and a happy way for me."

3. "The rune Nauthiz and Tiwaz is making me logical, realistic and grounded, in a very positive and a happy way for me."

The sentences are just examples. You can alter these as you see fit, or choose the one that is most suitable for you.

Illisio said:

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Because you were hospitalized for psychosis, then there is a very real chance of a misinterpretation of whatever happened. Whenever there are sensory problems, like with psychotic episodes, you may sense things as if they are fully real, whether that is true or not.

At the same time, this does not mean you are not unloved by the Gods, or not special in your own way. It is simply that you should be skeptical about what you heard. If you type a problem into a calculator, but it sparks before giving you the answer, are you going to trust the answer, or will you try to fix the calculator first?

In this case, you need to both ground yourself (which will help you discern realities), as well as fix your upper chakras, so that they do not falsely interpret any external energy or thoughts as coming from your own mind. For this, you could do a Munka/Ansuz working, or perhaps Satanama will suffice.

You can direct it either at a specific condition, like fixing psychosis or fixing obstacles to proper astral sensations, or direct it to remove any issues with the upper chakras themselves.

Lastly, if you have a strong connection with a good, this will also help the accuracy of their signs.

Thanks for your reply! I'll definitely start vibrating Satanama and see if I'll need something deeper if I'm not feeling any effects still.

Lydia [JG said:

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Baalzebub is not gay, so he is definitely not your incubus.

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Thanks for the response! I didn't know this, and I've been trying to find out the answer for over 9 years now and I knew this was totally wrong but thanks for the confirmation!