So I was making progress with meditating and things were improving. I was making gains with my focus and ability.
Started feeling funky over the weekend, thought I was sick, physically I feel fine after Monday, but mentally this pattern is repeating again and I’m absolutely sick of it.
I should mention when I had my spiritual awakening and was researching magic different forms of spirituality, I had a very high fever which I believe created a depressed state. But it lead my catholic parents to take me to a psychiatrist at the time. I’m an adult now though, so it was awhile ago.
So the mental pattern is like this and usually the flow of my life follows suit. I’ll start questioning my ability to function in normal and healthy ways, focus and communication based mainly and start questioning my spiritual practices. This leads to me questioning if I have some form of a mental disorder, which I may, but the thinking about the possible disorder makes me worse. So then I start looking for solutions outside myself and from the field of psychology and will forget to meditate. I’ve had this happen where it’ll push me away from meditating for weeks, months, probably years in the beginning. I’ve caught it this time and that’s why I’m asking for advice.
The “disorder” takes the form of an unstable sense of self, also in the past I’ve had these things I’ll call “thought forms” or “personas” where I’ll feel like one of them while they operate alongside me. It’s not like I’m not still present or forget what I’m doing.
They have sets of emotions, rules, limitations, desires, strengths, and can be positive(helping with goals) or negative(desiring something I don’t want) but always present themselves in my minds eye in distinct fashion so I can differentiate them. Some of them have names, but usually they just get an archetype for a name. I feel like I created them subconsciously, usually out of strong emotions or with tasks I need to do. I’ve also been able to shut them down or destroy them if they are detrimental. Anyways I’m trying to figure out what’s happening.
I had really strong empathy as a child/teenager, where I’d feel others emotions/energy in my body, I’ve blocked off my perception of it or I am able to control it, I’m not sure which but I don’t sense it anymore.
Is it possible I’m picking up things from other people and I’m just not aware of it and this in turn leads to an unstable sense of self and the creation of these thought forms? Or could it be an enemy attack? Old karma?
For what it’s worth My intentions were to clear out old curses of the hebrew variety the day before I started feeling funky.
All of the above kinda thing? I know I can heal this issue, but it’s very confusing to be in.
I meditated on Monday, but missed Tuesday/Wednesday and the situation has worsened, but going to meditate tonight.
Started feeling funky over the weekend, thought I was sick, physically I feel fine after Monday, but mentally this pattern is repeating again and I’m absolutely sick of it.
I should mention when I had my spiritual awakening and was researching magic different forms of spirituality, I had a very high fever which I believe created a depressed state. But it lead my catholic parents to take me to a psychiatrist at the time. I’m an adult now though, so it was awhile ago.
So the mental pattern is like this and usually the flow of my life follows suit. I’ll start questioning my ability to function in normal and healthy ways, focus and communication based mainly and start questioning my spiritual practices. This leads to me questioning if I have some form of a mental disorder, which I may, but the thinking about the possible disorder makes me worse. So then I start looking for solutions outside myself and from the field of psychology and will forget to meditate. I’ve had this happen where it’ll push me away from meditating for weeks, months, probably years in the beginning. I’ve caught it this time and that’s why I’m asking for advice.
The “disorder” takes the form of an unstable sense of self, also in the past I’ve had these things I’ll call “thought forms” or “personas” where I’ll feel like one of them while they operate alongside me. It’s not like I’m not still present or forget what I’m doing.
They have sets of emotions, rules, limitations, desires, strengths, and can be positive(helping with goals) or negative(desiring something I don’t want) but always present themselves in my minds eye in distinct fashion so I can differentiate them. Some of them have names, but usually they just get an archetype for a name. I feel like I created them subconsciously, usually out of strong emotions or with tasks I need to do. I’ve also been able to shut them down or destroy them if they are detrimental. Anyways I’m trying to figure out what’s happening.
I had really strong empathy as a child/teenager, where I’d feel others emotions/energy in my body, I’ve blocked off my perception of it or I am able to control it, I’m not sure which but I don’t sense it anymore.
Is it possible I’m picking up things from other people and I’m just not aware of it and this in turn leads to an unstable sense of self and the creation of these thought forms? Or could it be an enemy attack? Old karma?
For what it’s worth My intentions were to clear out old curses of the hebrew variety the day before I started feeling funky.
All of the above kinda thing? I know I can heal this issue, but it’s very confusing to be in.
I meditated on Monday, but missed Tuesday/Wednesday and the situation has worsened, but going to meditate tonight.