I dont even know where to begin.. I started following our father Satan when i was around 14 maybe 15 cant remember anymore... im 28 now. The first fews years were amazing. Ended up getting into drugs around 18 completely screwed up my aura. May have even directed alot of negetive energy towards myself stupidly trying to curse an ex while completly messed up on drugs. Stopped doing drugs a little over 5 years ago and the effects of the negativity, hatred and depression started to wear off about a year ago. During that 5 year time no amount of healing meditation worked i couldnt even cocentrate long enough before being totally exhausted.
Everyday is getting better though the aura cleansing meditaion is helping a little.. im still being attacked when i try i can feel it. Im trying to heal myself up enough so i can concentrate harder and getting back to my formal self before drugs. Im honestly (not scared) but dont feel i deserve to ask for Satans help because i have said some nasty things to him throughout the years.... i feel horrible about it and i know he is forgiving but i can bring myself to ask for his help because ive asked for his help so much and let him down even more... i am lost.

I personally had disappointed Father very much, with drugs. First he helped me to get out, and when I was almost healthy and clean, somehow guy appeared with cocaine and beer, and I was enthusiastic about that because I was never tried it before, this was after more than 1 year after dedication, so I tried cocaine that night and did it all night while drinking alcohol and telling about Satan to that guy and a lot of revealing things about me. I knew that this was not good at all… and next day Satan talked with me very seriously, that I disappointed him very much that I broke my word and etc… these words was so touching me, that I was crying a lot few days, I was just cracking few weeks, because satanism is very important to me and it also was at that time deep in my heart. So I started to do spiritual practices alot and so much, that it was trough tears and pain, i did it so hardcore to get back on track I was doing almost 6 hours a day, at some occasions even 8 hours a day, 3-4 hours in morning and 3-4 hours in evening, and I didn’t stopped like that for about 1 year, until Satan contacted me one night, and sent his love to me, it was so amazing, feeling was too good, too good to describe. That evening before he talked to me I asked forgiveness with all my heart, and he said he forgives me… now while I remembering it I almost cry, this was around 1,5 years ago. What I mean by this is that if you truly sorry for that, Satan will acknowledge it, and will rethink about you, just show what it means for you to be part of this family and don’t stop until you will be sure that everything is getting better in fast way.

Start again. Start slow and at a comfortable pace, it's alright.

Satan doesn't want you to suffer or be endlessly punished for mistakes you've made. Satan wants you to be better. So calm down, relax and start again. Wash away these thoughts and just breathe. You know what you have to do, don't think too much about it, or the past, or even Satan.


Think about you and your current situation. Breathe, meditate and grow. People have done worse to themselves and picked back up and came back with a bang. You can do it too.

Satan knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what happened, why it happened and how you got to where you are today. It is life. It is in the past now. Don't dwell on it, instead embrace the new opportunity you now have, look forward to the future as the past is long gone, never to return.

Build a strong relationship with Satan and your Guardian, you will only benefit from this. Don't be ashamed. You successfully pulled yourself from degeneration. Be proud of your achievement. Connect with Father Satan everyday and never let go of that connection. If you are true to yourself and Satan, there is no need to be ashamed, focus on growing now.

dakotadickerson93 said:

I dont even know where to begin.. I started following our father Satan when i was around 14 maybe 15 cant remember anymore... im 28 now. The first fews years were amazing. Ended up getting into drugs around 18 completely screwed up my aura. May have even directed alot of negetive energy towards myself stupidly trying to curse an ex while completly messed up on drugs. Stopped doing drugs a little over 5 years ago and the effects of the negativity, hatred and depression started to wear off about a year ago. During that 5 year time no amount of healing meditation worked i couldnt even cocentrate long enough before being totally exhausted.
Everyday is getting better though the aura cleansing meditaion is helping a little.. im still being attacked when i try i can feel it. Im trying to heal myself up enough so i can concentrate harder and getting back to my formal self before drugs. Im honestly (not scared) but dont feel i deserve to ask for Satans help because i have said some nasty things to him throughout the years.... i feel horrible about it and i know he is forgiving but i can bring myself to ask for his help because ive asked for his help so much and let him down even more... i am lost.

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So, from 14-15 years old, you had an amazing 3-4 years following Satan, and then started using drugs at 18, until you were 23? So you spent 5 years taking drugs. What made you start taking drugs?

During those 5 years (18 - 23), you spiralled down, messed up your own aura, tried to curse your ex, said nasty things to Satan, asked for his help and let him down as well? At 23, you stopped taking drugs? What made you stop taking drugs?

You recognise now that you have concentration issues, and do not feel like your 'normal' self and have started to overcome self-hatred, negativity and depression. You've been meditating a little in the last 5 years, but do not seem to be making the progress you want to be making?

You come to the forum to seek forgiveness for letting Satan down. If that is your primary goal, then you should seek him out yourself, and demonstrate your dedication and commitment, without seeking anything in return.

My advice as a member of these forums, would be to start the 40 day self empowerment program: https://web.archive.org/web/20160614010104/https://dawn666blacksun.angelfire.com/Joy_of_Satan_Ministries_Meditation_Program_40_day.pdf

Go small, like a JoS beginner - relearn everything. You could even perform the dedication ritual again, if you feel it is appropriate.

There are so many people who pass through these forums like a wilted flower and we may not hear anything of them again. It would be nice to see someone who picks themselves up and becomes something great, make that person be you.

dakotadickerson93 said:

I dont even know where to begin.. I started following our father Satan when i was around 14 maybe 15 cant remember anymore... im 28 now. The first fews years were amazing. Ended up getting into drugs around 18 completely screwed up my aura. May have even directed alot of negetive energy towards myself stupidly trying to curse an ex while completly messed up on drugs. Stopped doing drugs a little over 5 years ago and the effects of the negativity, hatred and depression started to wear off about a year ago. During that 5 year time no amount of healing meditation worked i couldnt even cocentrate long enough before being totally exhausted.
Everyday is getting better though the aura cleansing meditaion is helping a little.. im still being attacked when i try i can feel it. Im trying to heal myself up enough so i can concentrate harder and getting back to my formal self before drugs. Im honestly (not scared) but dont feel i deserve to ask for Satans help because i have said some nasty things to him throughout the years.... i feel horrible about it and i know he is forgiving but i can bring myself to ask for his help because ive asked for his help so much and let him down even more... i am lost.

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Hail Brother!

I was doing drugs from 15 years old till about i hit 26(mostly weed but there were other drugs involved from time to time) i dedicated when i was 18 or 20 but never really got into SS because i was still indoctrinated and affraid of Father Satan(since i was a druggy I was very easy manipulated bt the enemy).

Looking back trough all the stuff i have done and stayed alive/had very little concequences, I belive the Gods were protecting me even in that period of time.

A few of the SS today have had perfect track records(no drugs no alcohol no xianty etc..) , those are mostly very advanced individuals, and the Gods know that.

My personal opinion is that you are probbably already heald of the negative energies from that time, but the "slow" progress that you expirience are blockages due to a form of selfhate and selfpunishing.

And the attacks are probbably from yourself(subconscious), you can have the strongest AOP in the whole universe but when you get attacked by yourself(from the inside) it does not protect you.

I know it sounds like a xian concept but you got to forgive yourself, acept what you have done and stop whipping yourself(metaphoricly). Only then will the self inflicted blockages go away and you will be able to move on.

Im telling you this out of expirience, and I hope it will help you I know its a very dark and lonley place to be.

And about Father Satan beeing mad at you I can't speak in his name, but i know him as the most loving and understandable God.

Try making a ritual to him, i think there is one on the JoS main site. But be sure to be alone in the house since it can get really emotional.

Stand strong Brother!

Hail Father Satan!
Hail Mother Lilith!
Hail Biffrons!
Hail Guardian!

If i may ask; which meditations helped you out the most?

The fuck is going on here? Having some weird conversation with yourself?

dakotadickerson93 said:

I dont even know where to begin.. I started following our father Satan when i was around 14 maybe 15 cant remember anymore... im 28 now. The first fews years were amazing. Ended up getting into drugs around 18 completely screwed up my aura. May have even directed alot of negetive energy towards myself stupidly trying to curse an ex while completly messed up on drugs. Stopped doing drugs a little over 5 years ago and the effects of the negativity, hatred and depression started to wear off about a year ago. During that 5 year time no amount of healing meditation worked i couldnt even cocentrate long enough before being totally exhausted.
Everyday is getting better though the aura cleansing meditaion is helping a little.. im still being attacked when i try i can feel it. Im trying to heal myself up enough so i can concentrate harder and getting back to my formal self before drugs. Im honestly (not scared) but dont feel i deserve to ask for Satans help because i have said some nasty things to him throughout the years.... i feel horrible about it and i know he is forgiving but i can bring myself to ask for his help because ive asked for his help so much and let him down even more... i am lost.

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Participate in the ritual schedule, connect with the Gods again

dakotadickerson93 said:

During that 5 year time no amount of healing meditation worked i couldnt even cocentrate long enough before being totally exhausted.

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dakotadickerson93 said:

Stopped doing drugs a little over 5 years ago and the effects of the negativity, hatred and depression started to wear off about a year ago.

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The above two sentence completely contradict themselves. Read the first sentence and then the second. Ponder for a moment, did the healing working really not work ? As far as I can see, it definitely worked both in itself and indirectly. HP Cobra once talked about how a healing working manifest in different ways. For eg a healing working might actually manifest in giving wealth to a person so that he can use the wealth to better take care of his health. In you case the direct effect was removing negativity, hatred and depression and much more that I can't describe in this post. The indirect effect was perhaps keeping the drug dealer off the bay and preventing you from relapsing.

Try to think of healing working as an actual healer from a game that really cares for you. He knows that no matter how many healing spells he casts on you, its ultimately futile if you touch that hideous substance again. Therefore, he casts many many different indirect spells to prevent you from nearing that substance before finally casting the ultimate healing spell that will heal your physical body. The healing working has worked wonders for you but its just that you can't see the many direct and indirect manifestations of it. Keep up the good work ! Do not stop the healing meditations. Continue doing them and stop only your Guardian Demon advises you to do so.

Also, do not let negative feelings of guilt hinder or prevent you from approaching your Guardian Demon. Apologize sincerely for your ignorance, be honest about your desire to improve and then work on making up for your wrongdoings. It is only more work for your guardian demon if you constantly let the guilt eat away at you and if you do not actually do actual work to make up for your actions. If you sincerely want to make up, be sincere about it to the Gods and start doing work for Satan which includes warfare and activism.

Im trying to heal myself up enough so i can concentrate harder and getting back to my formal self before drugs.

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Do a negative karmic working alongside the healing working. Download the Satanic Calendar and start on the next freeing the soul date. It should be marked on the calendar.

Raise your energies through power meditations given in the JoS
Vibrate the word 'MUNKA' 108 times. Imagine yourself in brilliant white gold light like that of the sun while you vibrate the word.

Then affirm x9:
I am now totally free to have a happy and fulfilling life filled with fruitful meditations.

I strongly recommend you to do so for 90 days straight. However, in the event you are unable to do for 90 days straight without interruptions,do it for at least 40 days straight.

im still being attacked when i try i can feel it. Im trying to heal myself up enough so i can concentrate harder and getting back to my formal self before drugs.

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Do aura of protection and aura of cleaning everyday. At least 40 reps in the morning for both aop and aoc and 40 reps again for both at night. Start doing Hatha yoga too as it will ultimately heal all of your being including but not limited to your soul, mind and body. This should help you a lot for healing. The instructions on how to do hatha yoga is found in the library section of JoS as a PDF.

Im honestly (not scared) but dont feel i deserve to ask for Satans help because i have said some nasty things to him throughout the years.... i feel horrible about it and i know he is forgiving but i can bring myself to ask for his help because ive asked for his help so much and let him down even more... i am lost.

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Satan doesn't expect you to only ask for forgiveness. If you sincerely want to make up to him for all the wrongdoings you have done, do work for him. Show him your dedication and intention to make up through actions, not words. Do FRTR everyday and extra if you feel the need to. Always join the schedules. Either way make up for your ignorance by actions, not words. Make it up by perseverance and by never giving up. Your goal is not to ask for Satan's forgiveness. It is to make up for your igorance by doing work for Satan and completely dedicating yourself towards it. Do your best and never give up along the way.