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The "i am a new?" kind of thread but i need help ending once and for all.

Weasel

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2017
Messages
549
Sorry if the title it's uninspired i really didn't had many ideas for it.
Yes, i know there are many threads like this and what is the difference between mine and others but still, now i am, chill i guess but there are times when this hit like a truck on turbo and i feared talking about this for quite a long time, not only there are some aspects on my fathers side but i had a thing, ever since I was a little pup.

Hmmm where to start... well to play some neutral part with my self i want to say first that the family and environment i am coming from is typical eastern european stereotype style (alcoholic lazy father in a zone full o retarded people or kikes) i don't think that there is a need to explain more, i didn't understanded it at first when I was young only with age and when my mother tried so hard to push her problem into me like I could help her with something, this could explain some damaged mentality i have.

Since I was kindergarden I was passioned about... death and everything that has to do with negativity (and not the edgy teen type, it's just is like that), i don't know why, i read here that could mean I have Saturn in my astrological chart and i had criminal impulses, like there were time when I left with my mother and in the stairs i had a tentation to push her down the stairs... It was not just with her, but with everyone, i had tentations to kill (this i had even on animals even if I loved animals much more than humans all my life).. like it was some kind of morbid curiosity (look i didn't do anything illegal I promise), it was in the back of my head for some reason but now it's much better, passed with age, most of the life was made up of heavy bullying from my bigger brother, neighbors kids, school, high school (oh gods especially that) and quite a joke of a family (well i don't know if I could say that, i seen people here had it worse so who i am to cry here)
From what I can say about jewish features, i don't think I look like one, the only one is a bigger nose but from what I seen from "how to see who is a jew" the nose i have is an english nose (the one with the skin "blob" at the tip or how to say, it's not hooked) the nose bridge has a "swelling" (the romanic nose was called i think) more like from a fracture because of an idiot gypsy who hitted me with a door like he was charging into the Stalingrad and by mistake, i also the lower parts of my teeth are sharp and small, like the ones of a rat (idk if it's like the ones of a rat but you got the ideea).
My father on other hand has a bit of a hooked nose but there are mixed feelings about this because quite few years ago when he was drunk that he barely could walk the streets (sadly many times was this drunk) he fell and his face hitted the street coming home with all of his nose bloody, my mother tell me that he has curved nose bridge because of that falling but my joke of a father says he was always like that, he also those eyes, not empty or something you know those "sad eyes" but it's not like i seen in others, maybe it's because he is old or i am projecting, can't really be sure on that.
He is also very... Fucking lazy... Like my father know what a true jew is because he worked in their shitty bandit state when communism fell, it was the most easy to get country with some bribes if you wanted some quick money, i could make another topic how an arab colleague of his was a victim of the jewish torah curses when they annoyed them at synagogue (my father had a construction job there) and how fucking ultra lazy and disgusting they are.
Both of my parents said that they don't think they had jews or gyppos in ther family tree.

Now... When I dedicated, well the ritual was a bit of a fail but it worked in the end? Like i burned the paper and i was like "HOLY SHIT WHY ITS BURNING SO FAST" then i put the flame down with a glass of water, the blood barely could get some timidditly with a needle. How to throw the paper in some balcony then coming back in the room realizing i forgot to say the "hail Satan" well of course after that i was hurting my self mentally and tried cried my self to sleep after that while i felt a weird "electro-radioactive" palm and some chicken size of wings flapping on the back of my chest (they truly felt so real in comparation with the palm that was a more of force type thing, of course only barely now i could actually meditate given the fact that i lived in one size room all the family (poverty will do that to you) and now i am in a bigger house finally having room and intimacy to meditate (it didn't took much, only 4 years to actually do something for Satan now eating me everyday from inside because I was so useless all those years doing nothing only just bitching to Satan if i was accepted..), well if i remember i do.. did the reversing letter from the day it was posted because it was easy, well of course this is very offtopic and didn't had the place here and sorry for wasting you time with my crappy monologue but if this should be the proof that i am gentile then why i had that weird lust for killing and hurting others, it was because of that Saturn or it was some psychological mechanism that wanted me to hurt others until they do not reach me?
Also there was also that Alin half jew guy, didn't he said that was accepted by Satan and you guys came to the conclusion that he was manipulated by the enemies, i do had many moments where i thought that i could be in the same situation like his, love was always so alien to me because I rarely received and when I received i pushed away out of spite.

Still i know this is more like a rant, i did this to use this topic in case I have "i am a jew" questions in the future and yes i started meditating using raum and protection meditation with algiz, cleaning the aura with ball of light and kundalini yoga soon, i know that even jews can enjoy satanic meditation for a period of time because it's a new flux of energy and the energy start to truly clash with their soul.

Sorry if the post didn't had any sense, i just want to be done with this crap, and i am feeling much better because I was able to finally said these.
 
Fuck i wanted to write "i am a jew" not "new" crap, and i can't edit my title!
 
Hey,
I am not sure if you are part jew or not. Try talking to the Gods about it. They will show you signs or feelings which you'll understand.

Also about your dedication it doesn't have to be perfect at all. What matters most is your intent. Was your intent to become a satanist and dedicate yourself to father Satan? If yes, then you are accepted no matter what happened to the paper or you didn't get enough blood or whatever.

Quit stressing yourself and feeling guilty about petty stuff like that.

Are you guilty that you haven't advanced much or helped Satan with spiritual warfare? Believe me when I tell you that this is totally normal.

This path is a journey and all of us carry a different bag. I couldn't meditate for almost 4 years because of lack of privacy, really negative transits and lack of knowledge and wisdom.

What absolutely matters is not what you didn't do. What matters the most is since now you have privacy and you are more mature, what will you do?

Now you should stick to a meditation schedule and do spiritual warfare and RTRs daily. Father Satan will appreciate this and you will be rewarded by your own positive actions.

Also know that the enemy does mental warfare on us and they try to put negative thoughts, anxiety, and disturbing emotions to keep us down because if we rise we will completely destroy them. They are afraid of us. Keep this in mind when you get the "Am I a jew?" Thoughts again.

A lot of SS experienced this kind of attack the weak will leave Satan and the strong will overcome this phase.

I remember being scared shitless of being a jew and thinking that I am actually a jew so I should give up when I was younger and naive this was nothing but delusions and enemy attacks I know this now more than ever after experiencing the wonderful gifts of the Gods especially father Satan.

Also it's okay for you to experience having murderous thoughts. It doesn't mean you are a psychopath. It is a result of so much repressed hate and anger that you can't vent in anyway.

When your emotions get repressed they become ugly and unnatural. The same with your sexual drive. If you repress your libido you might want to rape. If you repress your anger you might feel like you want to kill. This is how nature works.

This is why Satan is the best God because he doesn't in anyway try to repress your feeling or individuality unlike the xian and especially mudslime "god".

I've experienced getting murderous thoughts before even with people close to me because I was so angry and couldn't vent this anger. So don't worry my friend this is natural. You went through so much bullying and feeling so much anger that you can't vent this is why your thoughts went this way.

Let go of all of this now because you have met Satan. Start advancing, learning, growing, fighting for Satan's cause and overcoming your weaknesses and believe me when I say you will be the happiest man alive.

I hope my words comforted you, guided you or helped you on this satanic path.

Wishing you best of luck!

Hail Satan Forever!!
 
mercury_wisdom said:
Hey,
I am not sure if you are part jew or not. Try talking to the Gods about it. They will show you signs or feelings which you'll understand.

Also about your dedication it doesn't have to be perfect at all. What matters most is your intent. Was your intent to become a satanist and dedicate yourself to father Satan? If yes, then you are accepted no matter what happened to the paper or you didn't get enough blood or whatever.

Quit stressing yourself and feeling guilty about petty stuff like that.

Are you guilty that you haven't advanced much or helped Satan with spiritual warfare? Believe me when I tell you that this is totally normal.

This path is a journey and all of us carry a different bag. I couldn't meditate for almost 4 years because of lack of privacy, really negative transits and lack of knowledge and wisdom.

What absolutely matters is not what you didn't do. What matters the most is since now you have privacy and you are more mature, what will you do?

Now you should stick to a meditation schedule and do spiritual warfare and RTRs daily. Father Satan will appreciate this and you will be rewarded by your own positive actions.

Also know that the enemy does mental warfare on us and they try to put negative thoughts, anxiety, and disturbing emotions to keep us down because if we rise we will completely destroy them. They are afraid of us. Keep this in mind when you get the "Am I a jew?" Thoughts again.

A lot of SS experienced this kind of attack the weak will leave Satan and the strong will overcome this phase.

I remember being scared shitless of being a jew and thinking that I am actually a jew so I should give up when I was younger and naive this was nothing but delusions and enemy attacks I know this now more than ever after experiencing the wonderful gifts of the Gods especially father Satan.

Also it's okay for you to experience having murderous thoughts. It doesn't mean you are a psychopath. It is a result of so much repressed hate and anger that you can't vent in anyway.

When your emotions get repressed they become ugly and unnatural. The same with your sexual drive. If you repress your libido you might want to rape. If you repress your anger you might feel like you want to kill. This is how nature works.

This is why Satan is the best God because he doesn't in anyway try to repress your feeling or individuality unlike the xian and especially mudslime "god".

I've experienced getting murderous thoughts before even with people close to me because I was so angry and couldn't vent this anger. So don't worry my friend this is natural. You went through so much bullying and feeling so much anger that you can't vent this is why your thoughts went this way.

Let go of all of this now because you have met Satan. Start advancing, learning, growing, fighting for Satan's cause and overcoming your weaknesses and believe me when I say you will be the happiest man alive.

I hope my words comforted you, guided you or helped you on this satanic path.

Wishing you best of luck!

Hail Satan Forever!!

Thank you for your encouraging words, they do really help :)
I will still continue with the meditation schelude and i will make it bigger, i need to see how i can manage the best of my time and about if i feel bad for not advancing and not helping Satan, i think it was the Satan one, that's the true reason i felt during the dedication but i was embarrassed about doing dedication only to meet the demons so i tried to hide that mentally or something like that, now i cant say if i trully been attracted around satanism from before dedication.. like for a long time i felt a powerful attraction toward it but at that it also could be the edgy teen that felt cool about goat headed idols and soccery, it was weird to actually know that the demons look like humans but taller and a bit of let down? (i was an edgy teen at that time).

Well, let's see where this path trully will take me, now for real :D

I do still hope another person will respond about those features from my dad and me.
 

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Satan

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