So today I moved in a new apartment mixed with gays. I feel so uncomfortable around them. I mean no offense to our gay brothers out here. Its just that they are xian and doing dirty talks about men in front of me. I am a straight dude and I feel disgusted in that way.

I don't want to be with other people but I really thought that I have no other choice since owning the apartment on my own would cost me much more money. Now I am full of regrets because I should have just chosen an apartment where I can live solo even if it would cost me much up to the point of borrowing someone else's money and go in debt for the time being.

And now I have almost no privacy to meditate and do rtrs in a very effective way. I can still do yoga but that's it. I don't want to waste my day. Please give me an advice. I still have a lot of things to do. I don't want to delay my progress because of this.

Even at the age of 25, Some of my decisions gave me a complicated situation. My personality being too good in others is giving me difficulties. On the outside I'm saying its okay but what really happening on the inside is the exact opposite. I thought I can freely express myself but I'm still being shackled by my own character. I am still afraid to hurt someone. I really hate this character but I can't get out of this moment. I AM A COWARD.

Actually I already have a solution but still there's still a guilt in me. I was planning to talk with the owner and talk to my roommates about what I really felt and I would just move out. But again my cowardice is killing me.

Thousahll said:

So today I moved in a new apartment mixed with gays. I feel so uncomfortable around them. I mean no offense to our gay brothers out here. Its just that they are xian and doing dirty talks about men in front of me. I am a straight dude and I feel disgusted in that way.

I don't want to be with other people but I really thought that I have no other choice since owning the apartment on my own would cost me much more money. Now I am full of regrets because I should have just chosen an apartment where I can live solo even if it would cost me much up to the point of borrowing someone else's money and go in debt for the time being.

And now I have almost no privacy to meditate and do rtrs in a very effective way. I can still do yoga but that's it. I don't want to waste my day. Please give me an advice. I still have a lot of things to do. I don't want to delay my progress because of this.

Even at the age of 25, Some of my decisions gave me a complicated situation. My personality being too good in others is giving me difficulties. On the outside I'm saying its okay but what really happening on the inside is the exact opposite. I thought I can freely express myself but I'm still being shackled by my own character. I am still afraid to hurt someone. I really hate this character but I can't get out of this moment. I AM A COWARD.

Actually I already have a solution but still there's still a guilt in me. I was planning to talk with the owner and talk to my roommates about what I really felt and I would just move out. But again my cowardice is killing me.

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I don´t like your signature, it is so new age.

Aside just tell them what you don´t like. Or you could bind them with isa from doing things. Or just ignore them.

Thousahll said:

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You said it yourself. You know the solution, but you act like a coward. The step to take is to prioritize yourself, and stop making bullshit excuses like a little soy boy. Don't be some guilt ridden dumbass that spreads their cheeks to the people around you and gives everyone a free ride.

Make decisions for yourself, and help yourself. Ask yourself this: Why do you need to feel guilty towards those fools who are making your life difficult? What do you owe them?

To help you on the right path, the answer is, there's no damn reason, and you don't owe anybody anything. So get yourself together, man up a little, and make the right choice, or remain stuck in the sewer you jumped in yourself, swamped by the shit of other useless individuals which you willingly shower yourself in.

There's no meditation needed for this. Just a little bit of courage and willpower.

Well you don’t even have to tell them all of the exact truth. Sometimes, it’s best to tell people what they want to hear in certain situations. In this case it may be better to come up with something that wouldn’t hurt anyone, but would allow you to leave. It’s not like you know them that well and they would know any different.

I'm sorry for being a crybaby. I'm all good now. Sometimes I can't stabilize my emotion because I can't handle my element well. I am both air and water. I am learning new things because of this. Thank you.

As for the signature. What I'm talking about is the heart chakra. "It's all in the heart"...For me personally the heart chakra is the key since it handles the emotion. It's one of my struggle but I'm starting to conquer it and make it my strength.

Thousahll said:

So today I moved in a new apartment mixed with gays. I feel so uncomfortable around them. I mean no offense to our gay brothers out here. Its just that they are xian and doing dirty talks about men in front of me. I am a straight dude and I feel disgusted in that way.

I don't want to be with other people but I really thought that I have no other choice since owning the apartment on my own would cost me much more money. Now I am full of regrets because I should have just chosen an apartment where I can live solo even if it would cost me much up to the point of borrowing someone else's money and go in debt for the time being.

And now I have almost no privacy to meditate and do rtrs in a very effective way. I can still do yoga but that's it. I don't want to waste my day. Please give me an advice. I still have a lot of things to do. I don't want to delay my progress because of this.

Even at the age of 25, Some of my decisions gave me a complicated situation. My personality being too good in others is giving me difficulties. On the outside I'm saying its okay but what really happening on the inside is the exact opposite. I thought I can freely express myself but I'm still being shackled by my own character. I am still afraid to hurt someone. I really hate this character but I can't get out of this moment. I AM A COWARD.

Actually I already have a solution but still there's still a guilt in me. I was planning to talk with the owner and talk to my roommates about what I really felt and I would just move out. But again my cowardice is killing me.

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Why can't you do rtrs and meditation? Are you sharing your bedroom too? I have 3 roommates and 1 of them is gay but she doesn't really go into explicit detail of her sex life as most people don't. You could tell them you don't want to keep discussing intimate details and that it makes you uncomfortable and if they get offended you could just say talking to anyone about their sex life makes you uncomfortable to save face a little bit. I mostly just do meditations in my room and no one has to know and really it's none of their business. The fact that they are Christians though, is disgusting and may attract negative energies. When I used to live with my mom (a Christian) I had enemy attacks and now I never have them and it's because none of my roommates are Christians. I hope your situation improves. Also remember this is your home too and you don't owe them the time of day to listen to them talk about dirty things, this is your life.

Hail Satan!

At some point in your life you'll have to make a conscious decision whether you want to be a little bitch forever or become a man who stands up for himself and his values. People don't take kindly when people around them start acting differently from what they've always acted like. But that discomfort is insignificant before your pride. You aren't alive to pander and comply with everything and everyone. You are a fucking person with feelings, ideas and values. Not some worthless slave who can be treated like shit and yet he doesn't resist. It's time to stand up for yourself.

Thousahll said:

As for the signature. What I'm talking about is the heart chakra. "It's all in the heart"...For me personally the heart chakra is the key since it handles the emotion. It's one of my struggle but I'm starting to conquer it and make it my strength.

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That's probably why that person didn't like the signature. That's new age stuff. The heart chakra does not rule emotions. That is the throat chakra. The heart is similar to the physical heart and helps with flow of energy and connects the upper and lower chakras.

Thousahll said:

So today I moved in a new apartment mixed with gays. I feel so uncomfortable around them. I mean no offense to our gay brothers out here. Its just that they are xian and doing dirty talks about men in front of me. I am a straight dude and I feel disgusted in that way.

I don't want to be with other people but I really thought that I have no other choice since owning the apartment on my own would cost me much more money. Now I am full of regrets because I should have just chosen an apartment where I can live solo even if it would cost me much up to the point of borrowing someone else's money and go in debt for the time being.

And now I have almost no privacy to meditate and do rtrs in a very effective way. I can still do yoga but that's it. I don't want to waste my day. Please give me an advice. I still have a lot of things to do. I don't want to delay my progress because of this.

Even at the age of 25, Some of my decisions gave me a complicated situation. My personality being too good in others is giving me difficulties. On the outside I'm saying its okay but what really happening on the inside is the exact opposite. I thought I can freely express myself but I'm still being shackled by my own character. I am still afraid to hurt someone. I really hate this character but I can't get out of this moment. I AM A COWARD.

Actually I already have a solution but still there's still a guilt in me. I was planning to talk with the owner and talk to my roommates about what I really felt and I would just move out. But again my cowardice is killing me.

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Thanks for posting. When we come to Satan, we get to face our cowardice and learn new things about ourselves. We also learn to reprogram/deprogram ourselves where Abrahamic religion is concerned, and jewish societal ideology.

I believe your discomfort around gays is completely related to christian programming. We’ve heard it’s wrong and disgusting and unnatural our whole lives. Feeling this way towards others, you will never truly be comfortable with yourself either. It’s true, none of us are 100000% straight or 1000000% gay. Everyone has a preference though. When you work on freeing your soul, which won’t be as hard as it would be if you were in your thirties, you’ll really learn to love things you never thought you would. I don’t mean sexually, I mean you’ll find a love for everything about life. Everything good and natural. It’s good to be straight, good to be gay, just good to be YOU. Good to promote others being THEM. Especially where sexuality is concerned. Being free of hang ups is essential and you can’t rise without being free of hang ups.

Personal experience - don’t have to read if it’s too long - met a guy the other day, this one in particular was a hot buff chad bro. You’d think he would be anti-gay. Without any shame or guilt he knows he’s straight, he has a great time with gays, and he even enjoys being complimented by gays because it’s like receiving a compliment from anyone else. Like a girl you weren’t attracted to. Or your friends grandma telling you she’d ride it like a freight train if she were in her twenties (that might actually be worse) it made him so much hotter. He was really free-minded.

I work in an environment with lesbians and they’re some of the best people I’ve met. They managed to stay away from jew lgbt brainwashing. Get hit on all the time and it doesn’t bother me at all. One she wasn’t my type, two it was just as if a man I wasn’t into was hitting on me. Just accepted the compliment and was like “yeah if I were more gay.. I’d hit it. sorry mate. Love u anyway.” I use to be very uncomfortable with gays before coming to Satan. I was disgusted at the thought as a young teen too. Now I’m in my twenties and I’m definitely into a girl here and then. Glad I didn’t maintain that mindset or I would be struggling with shame and guilt right now. For the most part though I’m on the straight end of things.

Thousahll said:

I'm sorry for being a crybaby. I'm all good now. Sometimes I can't stabilize my emotion because I can't handle my element well. I am both air and water. I am learning new things because of this. Thank you.

As for the signature. What I'm talking about is the heart chakra. "It's all in the heart"...For me personally the heart chakra is the key since it handles the emotion. It's one of my struggle but I'm starting to conquer it and make it my strength.

Click to expand...

Eric13 said:

Thousahll said:

As for the signature. What I'm talking about is the heart chakra. "It's all in the heart"...For me personally the heart chakra is the key since it handles the emotion. It's one of my struggle but I'm starting to conquer it and make it my strength.

Click to expand...

That's probably why that person didn't like the signature. That's new age stuff. The heart chakra does not rule emotions. That is the throat chakra. The heart is similar to the physical heart and helps with flow of energy and connects the upper and lower chakras.

Click to expand...

GG Allin said:

Thousahll said:

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I don´t like your signature, it is so new age.

Aside just tell them what you don´t like. Or you could bind them with isa from doing things. Or just ignore them.

Click to expand...

Just like the physical heart circulates blood through the physical body, the astral heart chakra circulates energy through the spiritual body, so technically it is all in the heart in that aspect and with this context I personally see nothing wrong with the signature.

Emotions vary depending on what chakra it rules over, the throat chakra is the seat of emotions in love, sadness and related. Anger and hatred is mostly felt from the base chakra. Happiness and bliss are mostly the solar chakra and 6th chakra respectively, the throat chakra is not the seat of every emotion in that it does not conjure them all because different emotions are ruled by different chakras. The throat chakra is one of the psychic chakras that interprets the emotions as energies manifested in the form of an experience in the upper psychic region of the soul.

As for the OP's situation, it is very easy to feel hopeless in this situation, especially when you see the problem so blatantly but don't have a solution. The influences of cowardice are in the character of your planetary impressions of what is a ruling force over your personality in your natal chart. This requires direct 'reprogramming' of the energy influences in that you need to essentially override it.

This can be done without the use of mantras, speaking out loud or anything of the sort since you're dealing with privacy issues. What's going to be important here though is belief and intent, you must do it as strongly as you can in these programmed energies.

Use red and gold energy together, both rule over confidence, authority, personal power and strength both literally and figuratively. You can have them swirling together as separate colours, merged layers overlapping one another or even as a merging of the two, whatever visual works best for you, just will with directive that you are utilizing red and gold energy specifically, this is white magic for a positive outcome so visualize them as vibrant, healthy, clean and shimmering with brilliance and positive power.

Breathe in these energy colours into your head, your 'personality' if you will just as you would breathe in energy with the foundation meditation or even the aura of protection. As you breathe out, retain these energies within your head and allow them to glow brighter and more stronger and positive in colour and brilliance. Repeat this several times for at least 2 minutes and only 2 minutes, don't push things like this and respect limitations; everything in moderation over time with patience is key.

Now while focusing on the buildup of these energies in your head, recite an affirmation in your mind and really intend and believe it is actually happening, and always add "In a safe, healthy and positive way for me...". Such an affirmation you could potentially use could be something along the lines of:

"In a safe, healthy and positive way for me, I now have the complete and total confidence and bravery to do what is necessary to achieve my total happiness."

Whatever affirmation you come up with or if you choose the example given here, recite it in your head to program into the energy as many times as you feel is needed until you feel it's really 'in there'. Know that the energy will work in a safe, healthy and positive way to program your psyche to enable the confidence you need. You can even visualize the "cowardice" as a puzzle in your brain being removed and the new energy of "confidence" is being put in it's place, whatever visual works best for you.

Emotions and everything we feel is all a matter of energy on the astral that is manifested as an interpreted experience, and since it is energy we can direct and change it accordingly through our spiritual potential and powers within our soul. Entire personalities can be and have been changed for the better this way. It's a matter of power, knowing, time and effort.

Thank you brothers and sisters.

I really learned a lot from this experience and also from your comments. I thought that the heart chakra's function is emotion and all about inner feelings according to what I read on full chakra meditation. I am sorry if I understood it wrongly.

I am good now. Meditation really works wonder in our lives. I felt that things move around me in convenience. After finishing my RTR last night, I got a few tingling sensations and as always I felt a pressure in my 3 upper chakras in a good sense.

I am really blessed and thankful that I have discovered Satanism. I'm sure that I am also a Satanist in my past lives. A few days after my dedication, He showed Himself to me. Once his presence arrived, from the inner seat of my consciousness I felt so....so proud. He has been already waiting for me in a long time to awaken and I promise that I will finish it in this lifetime. I will make you proud 'Mè' . And to those who have known me in my past, I hope to see you all in the future.

I'm sorry for this long post. I am really really so happy because of Satanism. No words can express how happy I am. I'll just show it with my actions and result.

Hail Father Satan!
Hail to my Guardian!
Hail 'Mè'!
Hail to all the Gods of Duat!
Hail to those who are in Duat!
Hail to my brothers and sisters!

Let's make it a reality!