AokiJ
New member
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2018
- Messages
- 36
Well, I've thought a lot about whether to do this post or not but I'm already desperate.For a few years I have experienced real torments, all with its good and bad parts, but among many things, I had to go through very big family fights, I had to endure my alcoholic uncle and my grandmother with senile dementia, my mother wasfed up with them, life with them was impossible, it happened that he got tired of fighting and turned to drugs, more specifically cocaine, because of this we ran out of money, we had no money to buy clothes, for almost nothing, he also did thingsvery ugly because of the drug, on the other hand I had to take care of the house by myself, my uncle, my grandmother (who at that time was with breast cancer) and my little sister since my mother, my father and my older brother went toliving somewhere else because my grandmother and uncle kicked them out, at that time they did not take us with them because there was no more space in that place for more people, apart from the fact that it was also difficult there. With my and my father's help, my mother managed to get off drugs and everything returned to "normal"a few months ago, my uncle was diagnosed with cancer too and in one last gesture of evil, envy and disgust at my mother, he manipulated my grandmother and the whole family, made them think that my mother was a bad person, who was still in the drugs and what hadto disinherit her, my mother got fed up with this humiliation (My mother was out of drugs by then, also my uncle and my grandmother did very bad things to her and us) so she grabbed the suitcases and we all had to leave toa ground floor that my father's boss left us, it is a ground floor, like a garage, it has no windows or anything, there is no light, it is not a house or a habitable place, it is not ours, it does not have an owner but since it is not livable the neighbors cannotKnow that there are people here living what it means, no noise, not going out when you want, not freedom. but hey, better that than the street directly. We are trying to rent an apartment but it is very complicated because they are very expensive and many papers are needed. It is a very difficult situation, I have been in Satanism for 3 years but I still consider myself totally a beginner, not everything has been bad, I have had very good times but thanks to the quarantine it also made everything worse, I try to stay strong alwaysI never give up, but sometimes it is impossible for me not to collapse or get bad for all this spiral of misfortunes. Being locked up here I can't do many things that I used to do, I can't go for a walk, I can't exercise, I can't make noise, I don't have privacy, I don't have anything, I can't say things out loud, I still try to do the RtR and everythingWhat touches me daily, my sex life is the same, I try to be intimate when I bathe too, it really is my only intimate moment, I try to do my best, I make affirmations, I pray to Satan, I vibrate runes, I do everything I can but still not that wayI can avoid despair.sometimes I get frustrated because I try to summon or call my guardian demon but then I think, how is my guardian going to come here, to this filthy place, when I'm not even comfortable? It is difficult, I hope someone can advise me, seriously, thank you very much to everyone who answers this post.
HAIL SATAN!
HAIL SATAN!
![Blitzkreig [JG]](/data/avatars/s/21/21286.jpg?1704756304){kind=avatar}
