Peter said:
This happened to me recently so I know how you feel, although my case was a little hardcore. And since it's close to my heart I'll give you my heartfelt understanding.
Understand this - in emotionally charged situations where you feel
compelled or confused,
you are being a slave to your emotions and you have to step back and take back your conscious control.
In this situation, you have to see what language you use to describe your situation. You say,
Now this is the biggest problem of my life, but so much so that it practically ruins my everyday life.
You're elevating a situation that is everyday common experience into something that is absurdly important. Everyone wants to be with everyone, sometimes they do sometimes they don't. Who gives a fuck it's not a big deal. Imagine your a 17 year old soldier in WW1 whose fought and killed for his country and you come back home and try proposing to a girl and she rejects you. Do you think this guy is going to give an iota of a fuck ? He's gone through situations where he could possibly be killed and he understands the true reality of life. This rejection shit doesn't phase him at all. He knows what value this plays in his life ,which is very very low.
You are afraid of rejection,
because of a lack of character. To build your character you need to accept reality and start living in it rather than living in lala land and getting pissed when lala land doesn't manifest in reality. You need to take situations as it is, rather than making weird abstractions about it and wasting your mental energy.
Also notice that You are in love with the girl and shes not in love with you, and yet your the one confused and angry. "
This woman probably isn't even thinking about you. She doesn't give a fuck . "
All of this comes down to the misuse of the human tendency of Projection and anchoring which is the root cause of all emotional pain.
Guys tend to fantasize a lot and create mental abstractions about a woman that is not relevant to the actual woman herself. The mind having the power to make or break a person then tries to project the fantasy onto other people. When the fantasy doesn't match reality, you get confused and angry because of Cognitive Dissonance. The idea your brain created and the idea you recieved from the real world does not match.
Some mental abstractions guys might think about a woman which might or might not be true ,
"This woman behaves this way,so she might be this type of woman."
"Shes so hot. I wish I was her bf."
"She will make me happy.All my problems will be solved if she like me. I'll finally love myself. "
"All the guys who made fun of me will be proven wrong when I get a gf."
"She seems the kind who will nurture me. I'll feel contended and receive the love which was due me from my mother who never loved me." (Happened to me.)
And etc etc.
The thing about this is you just assumed all this shit and your coming from a place of weakness and scarcity. It might or might not be true and more importantly you can only know if it's TRUE if you judge her by spending time with her.You have a lack of choice. You can't help but feel Compelled to want to be with her I.e you have no conscious choice. This is due to a lack of power and control in general. Falling in love wasn't a choice for you, which should have been. You should have spent extended amounts of time with her to determine if she satisfies your emotional needs or if she is qualified for being your gf and then you select her accordingly.
Instead your acting like a beggar ,
"I hope she likes me. Please just like me. I'll do anything for you to like me. "
All the power is in her hands already. She is already the selector and she can select based on her desire. You are weak because you do not have choice. Imagine if you have 5 to 6 girls interested in you. And then you could choose among them to suit YOUR interest, coming from a place of abundance and power not from weakness and scarcity.
Understand this - Anything that takes away your choice, is a lack of power and that is weakness. Reject everything that is weak.
The only way you can actually love someone is to compare them with OTHER people. When you compare a woman with another woman and you see that youd spend more time with her because she makes you feel better or you generally feel better around her, then is she special. Just because she caught your eye and you got infatuated with her doesn't make her special. Try to see if shes still special while you have other women wanting you. Then can you truly see because then you will have the power and the control of the situation.
I recommend Increasing your spiritual power with rigorous meditation and trying to attract multiple women as sexual partners in a healthy and positive way. Once you've had sex with a variety of women at the same time ,you can then choose among them. You don't even need to have sex with them, just have them chasing you romantically is fine. All of this will be learnt from reference experience of talking with a plethora of women while your under the influence of the spiritual workings your doing. The energy will learn and calibrate your response with each interaction so that you get better and better. You should approach every single woman you find attractive and try to talk with them which will give you countless references. Just do it in a smart way so you don't get beat up. Live in reality not fantasy.
This is your life and your living in it. The woman your infatuated with is getting fucked doggstyle moaning her partners name while your at your home infatuated and thinking how unfair this world is, angry and confused about wtf is happening. Detach, heal and get on with life. Gain power and choice which will help you judge and womans character and you'll know what you want and you can consciously choose to be with a woman rather than unconsciously getting in love with one.
Use your anger ,confusion and hatred as a catalyst for change. Reject weakness and gain power ,that is gain Choice.
