ess said:
Sundara said:
Believe me, without Satan and my Guardian, and without the occult knowledge found on the JoS, I would in fact be completely and utterly fucked. I owe my life to them.
Ah reading further I see your frustrations with the opposite sex are actually your own issues that you're projecting out.
I've actually struggled with mother issues and porn addiction as well.
A child is not asked to be born. And it's a parents duty to try their best to bring their child up the best they could. Having children is something that's paid forwards, not backwards.
So if the relationship with your mother is toxic it might be the healthiest option to reduce contact and create distance.
Especially if you feel you're not getting the support you need. I know it's difficult as you feel you owe them for supporting you when you were young and unable to support yourself.
I have a lot of bad energy with my mom. Now that is something people don't understand. I see my mother is fake and manipulative and her energy makes me sick in my stomach.
Not something anyone would want but that's how it is and its reality so I've got to deal with it. I also have a problem with her being a totally unsalvageable xtard. Totally filled and controlled by the enemy.
That's probably in my case where a lot of the energy clash is. I'm a Satanic Soul and she's opened herself up to be filled with the enemy. And the enemy tries to attack me through her as their vessel.
You know I was brought up as a xtard. And never no matter how hard I tried to open myself and receive the spirit of yhvh it never entered me.
It was so strange how others could open themselves to receive the spirit and collapse on the floor and lie there crying and laughing but I couldn't.
Oh it would drain me and I'd sway a bit but it never took me down. Okay I faked it a couple times because the guy is standing behind you to catch you as you go down. So I faked being filled with the spirit and falling down. It was shameful and painful in the day to remain standing and have to do the walk of shame. Besides you go up front for them to pray for you but then you don't get filled with the spirit and fall down. Embarrassing at the time very good now that it couldn't enter me.
Subsequently I could never speak in tongues because their spirit was not able to enter and possess me.
I belong to Satan even if I didn't know it. And I couldn't give my soul away even if I wanted to because I'm protected from that filth at my soul. My soul has a strong aversion and rejection automatically to xtianity.
Anyway, and back to women troubles.
Then others were lucky to have moms that bonded with them and weren't narcisstic parents.
Our mothers were abusive and didn't give any emotional support or mother son bonding by virtue of their selfish and self absorbed nature.
Now that does create subconscious scars that we carry over to other women.
I'm sure I noticed the guys that had proper mothers that bonded with them. And who cared to listen and support their sons went on to have the healthiest relationships and families with the opposite sex.
Yes mother son issues are big to the son involved but others don't understand. It's not their reality. It's not their problem to deal with. And they cannot comprehend or grasp it. But it carries forward the consequences.
You said you waste time and energy on porn.
I won't go into that but stop that nonsense right now. That not only causes problems with the opposite sex but with yourself. It's like a dopamine fix addiction that drug addicts suffer from.