Joy Of Satan Forums

I have no clue what happened.. my messages got posted three times???

If someone can do it, could you please delete two of them? Thanks.

Dude!! Apologies, I have just found your message in the plethora of replies, didn't get a notification anywhere and I'm not even that familiar with this forum's system yet.

I'll reply as quickly as I can.

I never really heard of a nerve phenomenon that would trigger post mortem movement in a fish. I can tell it was definitely dead, unable to swim properly in any direction, not straight or aiming at something either, the guts where all out floating like hair.
To this day I still question what I saw and what I did, but even if it was in some way a sudden call for help to the Gods and they did it instead, I'm still glad that day I have decided my life would be entirely dedicated to learning magick, and all knowledge that came with it.
As I said, I tried to do it again willingly on any dead animal I could but to no avail. Don't know, I never felt that 'spark of power' again.

Thank you for sharing your experience too, I only ever heard a report of this kind from one more person but I felt like a lie, maybe mostly because she was a xtian. Your story resonates with mine, if it really was the Gods I am grateful as that single event gave me solid answers to some questions. Created many other questions but you're right, advancement will bring the missing answers.

Thanks for the advice, I have been feeling effects and seeing slight results over the past months. Proving to myself what level I am at is definitely among my first priorities. I see how others here, having had a brief and a first impression from me for the first time, came up with an understanding that I cannot deny. I know those who said I have skills from past life and that I am unused to my own level in this life are right. It all fits. I have simply re-begun this journey in this life without considering that I might have started the journey possibly long before now. I think I have as the conclusions I'm becoming able to draw now are starting to make sense and feel like the correct version of facts.

On the Flame exercise:
Your explanation seems possibly like the best and most to the point one I've ever read, to be honest. I will (once I feel at least slightly more proficien at feeling energy at will, not basing my feeling on 'occasional' occurrences and accidental success) give this a more serious try. True enough, HP Maxine does suggest to have a good control over one's aura, being able to direct and work with energy enough before attempting this as it can be dangerous (we all know Fire burns, but many times we may forget just how easy this can happen.)

Regarding Telekinesis:
same as what I already wrote, I don't think I've ever read something more perfectly described. I wouldn't be surprised if you had had success with it and mastered the ability. The whole idea of anchoring oneself to the object (and to all the rest of the surroundings) is something I've given some thought and practice before. Whenever I tried to "move an object" by only sheer will, I felt some kind of demand for connection from the environment, in an electromagnetic way if that makes sense. So yes, I strongly believe the heart chakra needs to be very powerful and that telekinesis requires more training than most usually think of. Personally, I always felt the greatest attraction to the telekinetic ability, and this climaxed since the day browsing online for "real Telekinesis" has brought me straight into the arms of the JoyofSatan website. Telekinesis was the very first page I ever read from it, and since then it took only a day to convince myself Spiritual Satanism was the only way for me.

Thanks again for the great advice, and sorry it took over a month to get back to you.

HAIL FATHER SATAN AND THE POWERS OF HELL!!!!

Apprentice wrote:

...

Brother, there are news I think.

I don't know what it is today, but I woke up in a mood. Not a bad mood, just a different one. Felt a difference in the air, so to speak. Yesterday and over the last couple of days, I have decided I do rely too much on the Elements in order to stimulate my senses and chakras, and that I will eventually only use them as HP Maxine suggests it can (Fire mostly) help opening the chakras. I do find Fire to be the most 'comfortable' in a way, when I don't overdo it and feel it takes up too much of my attention and tolerance.

That said, yesterday I managed to do the RTR from work. Supposedly had to finish my shift at midnight, then I was free at 10pm instead, so I tried to see if the paintable RTR worked on the device (ready to use visualization and Fire to destroy the letters should the device not allow me to blot them).

I felt that something again, now I'm feeling it every time I do the Final RTR. It's like a building up power. Like a workout, in a way, and I feel great satisfaction when I do the three affirmations, feeling the enemy rapidly dwindling down in power. I know Father Satan is pleased with this.

Today's "news" though are about something that EVERY FUCKING TIME I managed to think about and set my course so I can reach that, SOMETHING happens.

Explanation:
If you read my first post on this thread again (if you forgot about that detail I briefly explain), one of the abilities I mention I have is the so called Thoughtform (which I always called Astral Clone). I used it as an astral doppelganger for years, healing and cleaning people's auras, BUT super rarely have I ever used my own energy on myself (I remember only one episode in which I was late for work, had to run a distance, my legs hurt, and I put a regenerating aura around them so I wouldn't be tired when I finally got to work).

Someone here, in the first replies, suggested I try to use it on myself, stating I should feel at least that.

Thing is, I overlooked the advice, but just remembered this is something I thought of before. More than once.

Example: I thought of this back in January 2017. The month after that, my grandma ended up in a hospital with her back broken (for the stupidest reason) and died the year after. See what I mean? This happened other times, not with these tragic events, but always with something that prevented me from "making up my mind and starting this training".

Today I woke up, felt this odd but obvious way (I did ask Father Satan yesterday to help me understand what it is that I'm meant to do to open myself) and I feel this astral clone/thoughform idea forming quickly in my mind again. I lost count of the times I HAD thought of it before today, and ended up caught in some shit that would keep me busy.
Today, right when I was getting things in motion and embracing this idea again, there's a knock on the door. Fucking jew-looking like jehova witnesses!!!!
Dismissed them (a very old couple) quickly, closed the door, and cast AC and AoP on myself and the house. Then I put on our correct-allineation-of-chakras-cross (cuz THEIRS is the reversed/fake one, can't call this reversed if you pointed a gun at me), AoP again, and now I feel better.

More than "better".... I have absolute proof now that they don't want me to do this thing with the thoughtform (DID think of you saying "they probably want you to do more RTRs today"... I will do that too).

To be honest, the idea of thoughtforms has always intrigued me. I kind of think of them as 'pets' and 'friends' that I can feed with more and more energy and make sure they never dissipate. Also, and most importantly, by using MY own thoughtforms and programming them I think I can definitely feel them when I'll get them to help me activating/cleaning/unlocking blocked chakras. I'm just thinking of using an additional Element in order to feel more, but I don't even think that's absolutely necessary this time. My energy alone should suffice. Runes vibrated into them should resonate when they interact with my soul.

Another thing: (this is kind of a longer post than I intended but...)

There has been another feeling today, something definitely strong enough to get me thinking. Also, this might be the reason I don't think I have a succubus (other than my inability to feel energy well of course), or at least a monogamous one. Father wouldn't allow it because I think there is someone else from my past.

I was about to approach this thoughtform business again when I felt a deep nostalgy for someone from past lives. I am really not convinced it could be a human woman. It feels like she was an astral, that we were strongly linked by some force. Another succubus that I had no clue about due to the past life amnesia? A thoughtform that had become more than just a servant?

HP Maxine said that some witches/mages have kept their thoughtforms for more than one life, as they became close to them. Could they act as a.. you know, the way a succubus works with us? Cause that would explain a ton of things for me. Including my complete lack of interest in relationships with other humans.
I always feel like I'm not 'for them', like I'm previously engaged. I'm thinking I am for real. Succubus or thoughtform, I have no clue. I know it's all energetically very possible, so I'm not dismissing any threory here.

I'll eventually post a new topic about it, but I want to do a keyword search and see what I find out first.

Take care, Bro. Take your time, I've been typing like crazy lately.

HAIL FATHER SATAN AND THE POWERS OF HELL!!!!

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:Dude!! Apologies, I have just found your message in the plethora of replies, didn't get a notification anywhere and I'm not even that familiar with this forum's system yet.

You posted in the wrong thread, brother?

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:Absolutely. I learned that late but I did. Somewhere on the JoS HP Maxine states Satan values no one more than He does a warrior. I always thought of myself as one but it only helped me to forge myself as a person. Now, knowing I can actually do some good in the most important war humanity has ever faced, nothing makes more sense to me.

I'm happy for you. Try to keep the warfare going daily. This means don't overdo it like I did in the beginning.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:I do know that it's something we can do, though. If HP Maxine wrote about it in the JoS then I guess I can assume we all could experiment with it in our journey to Spiritual evolution. Maybe the lesson here is exactly this: learning how not to become hooked by an 'unethical' power, knowing that real love is only coming when we are fully ready, as it would be pointless and not lasting before that. Duly noted, then.

I like the direction you took. I just wanted to emphasize that we have to treat our fellow gentiles, NPC or not, with certain respect. (Unless someone has done something bad to you, that makes him/her an enemy.) We should never do what those filthy fat jewses do, that is to use people like toilet paper.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:I really don't know what horrors those fools who "were SS and then left Satan" might face. It's like choosing xtian hell, ffs. Who in their right mind would do that??

Remember the Matrix quote? Those kinds of people. Some are too lost in the smoke and mirrors created by them jewses.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:These motherfuckers are probably gathered in massive clouds where weak people gather like in pubs and public places. It's like feeding grounds and nobody bats an eye. Now I am glad I know. It took me a bit of suffering but, Hell, I know how to fight that shit!

Teste di cazzo! Fuck them.
I have had some encounters with xtians in my life. After my dedication they always keep their shit to themselves and do not try to recruit me. Please note that this religion is not very widespread over here. I haven't knowingly had any encounters with angels. Even before and after my dedication, there was no harassment.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:by the way, YES, I would find it ethical to mesmerize and even kill someone like the one whom I allowed to do that to me, lowering my guard and getting 'attacked'. People like that won't change, they might as well reincarnate and forget about the assholes they were. Am I wrong in your opinion?

Satan stands for justice. Retribution through magick is okay. I fucking love vengeance.
However, I also think that through reincarnation some of them will get a punishment for their deeds. Asshole in one life, underdog in the next. Maybe someone can chime in regarding that one?

C ya, brother.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:More than "better".... I have absolute proof now that they don't want me to do this thing with the thoughtform (DID think of you saying "they probably want you to do more RTRs today"... I will do that too).

Yup, sometimes, when you're really onto something, a distraction pops up, just like in The Truman Show (1998) movie.
Sadly, I'm not experienced enough to give you the go-ahead with the thoughtform but my inner feeling says that you are onto something good.
You just inspired me to explore this topic!

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:HP Maxine said that some witches/mages have kept their thoughtforms for more than one life, as they became close to them. Could they act as a.. you know, the way a succubus works with us? Cause that would explain a ton of things for me. Including my complete lack of interest in relationships with other humans.
I always feel like I'm not 'for them', like I'm previously engaged. I'm thinking I am for real. Succubus or thoughtform, I have no clue. I know it's all energetically very possible, so I'm not dismissing any threory here

You may be on the right tracks. However, based on the materials read, I think a thoughtform is a basic thing, programmed to do something whereas a succubus is a real being.
Play with the idea, meditate on it, dig some more and you'll get your answers. Also, ask Father Satan to advise you. I've done it many times and it works.

Wish you all the best, brother.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:I have just found your message in the plethora of replies

You posted in the wrong thread, brother?

No, the thread is correct, I was replying to 'nakedhill' who posted like a month ago. Just found his message as the system never notified me.

Apprentice wrote:

This means don't overdo it like I did in the beginning.

Overdoing RTRs? Can't really risk that as my time is already thin enough as it is. I'm keeping it at a minimum of one per day, two if I feel particularly energetic/positive about it not being a stretched effort. Also, I noticed I get more buzz if I do 3 repetitions instead of 9. Strange. The best one (Satan's approval) was with 3, so I'm doing 9 first and 3 after, to give me an edge in feeling the energy. Also I like to briefly meditate after I'm done, as I think there's a better chance for me to reach out astrally to the Gods.

I just wanted to emphasize that we have to treat our fellow gentiles, NPC or not, with certain respect.

Always have been more than enough respectful towards anyone around me. I just get in a murderous mood when someone chooses to piss on my bonfire with no excuses.

Some are too lost in the smoke and mirrors created by them jewses.

Yeah, it just baffles me how they ever managed to get closer to Satan. I'm not an High Priest, but I already know I'm never turning away from Father. To reach that much knowledge and power and THEN choosing to quit? Nonsense. Guess they deserve xtianity.

Teste di cazzo! Fuck them.

I have a feeling... where might you be from.... paesano.

Satan stands for justice. Retribution through magick is okay. I fucking love vengeance.

Vengence.. sweet vengence. "Delight in what you destroy", right? This is something I love about being a SS, we don't praise fake shit. Someone fucks with us, we can eliminate them. Not like I'm LOOKING for people to destroy, of course.. got so much to do already, I should make even more time to deal with a lowlife.
I much prefer creating though.

Talk soon, Brother.

HAIL FATHER SATAN AND THE POWERS OF HELL!!!!

Apprentice wrote:

a distraction pops up, just like in The Truman Show (1998) movie.

Thought of that too. It feels very familiar.. luckily, it's also something we can read, so when something tries to disrupt our effort we KNOW it was a damn good effort!

Sadly, I'm not experienced enough to give you the go-ahead with the thoughtform but my inner feeling says that you are onto something good.
You just inspired me to explore this topic!

I found out about "Thoughforms" a few years after I discovered I could use them. I can't say "started using them" because I never intended for this effect, but when healing/cleaning auras for other people over a distance I simply did it the one way it felt natural for me. [You know? This really resonates with my love for spirits. Be them animals, plants, insects, machines, or even created ones I can make. Think this is something I have to definitely work with.)
When I read the pages about Thoughtforms I did so for curiosity (as I read every page HP Maxine wrote in "Meditations" and "Satanic Witchcraft") I didn't even realize I was going to read something that described what I did already. It was a pleasant surprise to find out about it.]

These are probably all the pages that I know describe and teach about Thoughtforms (and Elementals, just to mention all there is to know on the subject):

https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfir ... tform.html

https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfir ... forms.html

https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfir ... forms.html

https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfir ... ntals.html

https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfir ... _Form.html

The first three regard the main idea of Thoughtform ("astral clone", servant/servitor, you name it). This is what I prefer to use as it takes me only my own bioelectricity and only seconds to form and direct (in the case I'm working on someone else for healing/cleaning), about a minute of so for myself (if I want to just experiment with shapes and sizes), but it took me a few minutes yesterday to choose an appropriate name (can't disclose that lol), form the ball in front of me, power it up, describe the purpose and impress it into the ball a few times, shape it/her into what I felt was easier and more appropriate for the job, and repeat the name several times to adapt it to the name (THIS IS WHERE I FELT THE PINEAL GLAND, AS I BEGUN TO LET IT ROAM THROUGH MY HEAD CHAKRAS!!).

To be perfectly honest I can't begin to explain how fascinating I find this ...ability? Power? Spell? Also, a couple years ago, before disaster struck my family and I had to drop everything to help out, I had just remembered that when I was a child (like 4 or 5 I think, hadn't started school yet) I was used to imagining these so called 'imaginary friends' and they felt real. Invisible, but FELT like they really existed. I'm thinking this could very well (not to say beyond the shadow of a doubt) an ability I developed in past lives and carried through to this one.

As for the Elementals, I haven't experimented a lot with them to be honest as I tend to perceive Elemental energy as merely destructive most of the time, so I go easy with it if I know it would be directed to others. Again, it doesn't concern motherfuckers, they can burn for all I care.
What I feel helps a lot in using Thoughtforms is that using your own emotions works REALLY well with them. They are an extension of you, but they're only dedicated to carry out the job you gave them. So if you imprint your emotion (relative to that job: love and care for healing someone, or hatred and feelings of destruction for eliminating an enemy) they will be much more efficient when doing what they exist to do.
Hope that helps, if you have any questions just ask, although HPs are probably the best ones to ask to.
Oh, about the programming and the 'end of the mission': I usually don't charge them again after the creation as I extremely rarely used them for more than a day or two, so I just give them enough to perform the task and then dissipate. Those I don't intend to keep I don't even find necessary to name (to me, naming them is a bother if it's only for a one time thing). The one I just made, I'm going to keep working with, so "she" has a name and two shapes, a primary one, and one that will help me recognize her in a dream should I manage to get lucid dreams to work. To be honest, I don't really know if they truly ever 'dissipate'. I feel that the smallest fragment of their essence somehow survives and can be 'restored to full power' if given enough care and energy. With this I'm not in any way talking about the damn xtian thoughtform as that is a creation that lives off something that is unwillingly given by ignorant people, it's more like a 'thing' than a 'being' if you catch my meaning. Thoughtforms are still spirits and I have reason to believe (at least the one that developed a good relationship with their maker) that they will survive and find their master again, like a pet coming back after he/she's lost.
BUT ENOUGH ROMANCE, let's move on...

You may be on the right tracks. However, based on the materials read, I think a thoughtform is a basic thing, programmed to do something whereas a succubus is a real being.
Play with the idea, meditate on it, dig some more and you'll get your answers. Also, ask Father Satan to advise you. I've done it many times and it works.

Theoretically, you're absolutely right. A succubus (for the little I understand, not being an expert on the subject) is a physical goddess who comes to you in astral projection(or whatever other energetical/spiritual method) and mingles with your astral body, but she's an individual with a consciousness and a history and everything that makes her who she is; while a thoughtform has no history whatsoever, no memory of before, no other skills other than what you teach it to do. Yet, I feel there's something deeper here. It's very probably uncharted territory so I'll stop before I say something too far fetched....
Somehow, I think thoughtforms (those that last and get periodically recharged) develop some sort of 'existence' other than the little the creator gave them, perhaps absorbing information on who we are as in osmosis, vicinity and working together being the main triggers. I can't say for sure, however, I'm only speculating now.
I'll ask Father Satan for help in understanding and working with this ability. When I'll be ready, answers will become more and more apparent and obvious.

Best of luck if you want to give it a try, Brother.

HAIL FATHER SATAN AND THE POWERS OF HELL!!!!

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:Overdoing RTRs? Can't really risk that as my time is already thin enough as it is. I'm keeping it at a minimum of one per day, two if I feel particularly energetic/positive about it not being a stretched effort.

I had asked Satan if I could help and the very next day the Clergy launched the Final RTR. This wasn't a random coincidence. So it is only normal that I have always felt an enormous sense of duty. When I started out, sometimes I was so tired that I basically drifted into sleep when doing my AC+AoP around midnight after the RTRs. I used to push the envelope. Once or twice I pushed it too far, resulting in me being exhausted and skipping some days. The Clergy warned us about doing too much. Consistency is the key here. Pick a level of 1 RTR per day and sustain it. After some time, try doing 2 on a regular basis. This way you can taper up your contribution (if you want to) and be comfortable with it. To me, warfare is very important. There is no point in evolving myself if I don't do the warfare. If everyone here would just focus on developing their personal senses and powers only, then soon we would all be in a pretty shitty situation because of the fucking enemy.
At some point I started doing RTRs with 18 reps for every word. At first it took an eternity to get it all done. After a while it got easier and now it feels totally awkward to do an RTR with just 9 reps. I have also experimented with pronunciation speed. I started out slow, then gradually became fast, finally tapered the speed down a bit. I haven't done full rune-style vibration just because this would obviously take a very long time to complete even at 9 reps AND according to the Clergy, we don't have to exactly vibrate these words. Also, I always try to make sure there are clear breaks between the words.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:I just get in a murderous mood when someone chooses to piss on my bonfire with no excuses.

Delight in what you destroy
I can get extremely angry when someone behaves badly or disrespects me and/or my family members.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:I have a feeling... where might you be from.... paesano.

Ha ha ha. Actually, I don't think so. I just have a talent for languages, especially cursing words. LOL.
Maybe if you read some of my first posts, you will get an idea where I'm from.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:got so much to do already, I should make even more time to deal with a lowlife.

You can always ask your GD to take care of your enemies. I'm willing to go the extra mile and do the dirty energy work myself because I enjoy destruction as much as I enjoy creation.

It was interesting to read about your experiences with thoughtforms. I'm definitely gonna explore the topic and see what comes out of it. Thank you, brother.

Apprentice wrote:

Consistency is the key here. ... There is no point in evolving myself if I don't do the warfare. If everyone here would just focus on developing their personal senses and powers only, then soon we would all be in a pretty shitty situation because of the fucking enemy. ... Also, I always try to make sure there are clear breaks between the words.

Agreed. Self betterment and warfare together. I guess those that even have some skills but don't fight for it or even drift away from Satan end up with poor souls and lose whatever they had.
I need a better routine, the obvious things I manage to do but I need to really do the supporting things that help us unlock, the enough Yoga enough Runes vibration and so on. I need to make more time, especially now since it's a moment in which I feel I'm being tested. Gotta pull it together and do all I must.

I just have a talent for languages, especially cursing words. LOL.
Maybe if you read some of my first posts, you will get an idea where I'm from.

No worries, Brother, the least we know about each other in here the safer it'll be from those that hate us. We already reveal enough information about ourselves as it is.

You can always ask your GD to take care of your enemies. I'm willing to go the extra mile and do the dirty energy work myself because I enjoy destruction as much as I enjoy creation.

I prefer not to ask for anything other than help understanding myself and how to open up. Always feel disrespectful about asking more, when I'll be ready I'll accomplish those things myself. What can a say, I'm the sin of pride lol.

It was interesting to read about your experiences with thoughtforms. I'm definitely gonna explore the topic and see what comes out of it. Thank you, brother.

It's a fascinating subject, not very simple to explain perhaps and I'm not a master of it either. To tell you the truth I'm thinking long term thoughtform are way harder than those meant to dissipate within like minutes of work, hours tops. It's probably the fact that I can't constantly focus on them and nourish them, so the lack of attention allows it to dissipate quicker.

I'm thinking about this scent thing I explained in the other post.

HAIL FATHER SATAN AND THE POWERS OF HELL!!!!

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:I need to make more time, especially now since it's a moment in which I feel I'm being tested. Gotta pull it together and do all I must.

And yet again I arrive at the same idea: wouldn't it be wonderful if I could spend half of my daytime meditating, performing personal workings, doing yoga etc. If we could only solve the equation of income, right?

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:Always feel disrespectful about asking more, when I'll be ready I'll accomplish those things myself.

Are you sure this attitude isn't xtian? Respect is of utmost importance, this goes without saying. You don't seem to suffer from entitlement syndrome. Respectfully asking for any help isn't disrespectful.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:To tell you the truth I'm thinking long term thoughtform are way harder than those meant to dissipate within like minutes of work, hours tops. It's probably the fact that I can't constantly focus on them and nourish them, so the lack of attention allows it to dissipate quicker.

There you go, you said it yourself. I don't mean to rain on your parade. Also, please read this thread
https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=36384

Keep up the good fight!

Apprentice wrote:

And yet again I arrive at the same idea: wouldn't it be wonderful if I could spend half of my daytime meditating

It would be. This is why a lot of the time I take even the spare minute I have at work to vibrate mantras and focus on my chakras trying to feel them. What I do in the time I make up for Spiritual Satanism isn't nearly enough. I'm trying to either limit sleep to the minimal required (in a healthy way) and trying to pull all the lucid dream methods as I can. First, because I know it would allow me to train at night, meet the Gods and ask them to help me learn, and secondly because I'm sick of wasting my time with pointless dreams. In my opinion, dreams should be everyday (or "everynight's") training. Re-living stressful times, or new situations that can't be solved and mean nothing is something I just abhor. Besides, I'm pretty sure that the dream itself can be used as something prophetic/training/a base to develop one's skills in order to reflect them with confidence and more understanding after regaining wakefulness.

Are you sure this attitude isn't xtian? Respect is of utmost importance, this goes without saying. You don't seem to suffer from entitlement syndrome. Respectfully asking for any help isn't disrespectful.

I never had a xtian indoctrination and I was always thinking against it even the Sundays I was "forced" to go to church (as my parents thought of it as a normal thing to do.. wasting my only day off school to go sleepwalking in a fucking church).
When I say I feel disrespectful I mean that I feel Satan doesn't want us to become too demanding of favors and "shortcuts" by asking a Demon (who's already done His/Her job BECOMING a God/Goddess) to take care of my bullshit problems. Not to seem too proud or stubborn, but I think we should only rely on the Gods for the knowledge, and everything else (maybe only up to the point where we can do energy work WITH the Gods and work together like I imagine an HP or someone truly very experienced does) we have to work our way up to. Yes, maybe I'm stubborn, but I don't want to reach Godhood by asking everyone else to deal with my shit just because I can't right now or don't understand how yet. I believe one NEEDS to learn how to do it, and when he/she does it it will work like a charm. Even if it takes an excruciating training and way larger amounts of self-dedication than one initially thinks will be enough.
Then, when I know I can do something FOR the Gods (other than RTRs) sure.. I can ask them for hints and guidance in a more practical way, because I'll be either sure that they'll be proud of my work so far, ready to understand their explanation and help, and because I'll know I deserve some help.
Right now, I'm something like a larvae. I am not experienced, have limited knowledge and not even all the knowledge I have been given have I managed to confirm by learning by myself. So I keep training to open myself by doing all that I can do, digging in my self for answers and understanding ("within" then, not outside, this is the greatest goal of Void meditation if you ask me) until I'll find that broken lock, tweak it, open the doors to my soul and then I'll feel without a problem.

To be honest, I haven't got a clue what other SS do after they dedicate. I was always under the impression that HP Maxine would suggest to steadily work on one's self in order to open up without expecting too much from the Gods until a good feel for energy was developed (in order to work WITH them, not having them do our job). In my own personal experience, I think I have done pretty good for having started this life in a damn xtian environment, with no internet (so no JoS) until I was 18, and coming by myself to the conclusion that xtianity was bollocks and Satan was "very probably the guy to go to".
If I don't make it to Godhood in this life (as I don't feel slightly close to it yet of course) I hope in the next life I'll be born in an environment that will greatly benefit my learning and evolution.

And yes, I'm still fucking confused by the fact that I seem to have unbelievable control on some skills, occasionally. Which means I must be strong, but which also means I have no control.

Therefore, Void meditation. "Everything is within", (Musashi Miyamoto). After the shit I've been through, I live by this concept.

the fact that I can't constantly focus on them and nourish them, so the lack of attention allows it to dissipate quicker.

There you go, you said it yourself. I don't mean to rain on your parade.

You don't rain on my parade by starting a fact. You were right. And I think I gave my short term clones/thoughtforms too much credit to be able to make a long term one (first time I tried, this one). I'm thinking the best 'line of work' with energy for me is short term with a lot of repetition. Same with the Elements. I have success using magick 'immediately', but long term shit won't hold for long, hence energy dissipates and weakens, becoming quickly unable to perform the intended task.

Again, I think this is all solvable through intense (excruciating, more like) Void meditation. Possibly multiple 'kinds' of Void, like channeling the flame, open AND closed eyes, focusing exercises, visualization and holding a mental picture or sound or else for longer and longer, all that. So "Void" as complete absence of thought (to let energy be perceived and interpreted as vision and so on) but also as "limited attention" by using something to focus on other than the Void, to repel unnecessary thoughts. I've have more success with this than actual Void so I don't consider it a bad technique. I just guess everyone has a different something that will work for them.

Now let's see if my signature works this time...