Healing and Negative Emotions.

magus.immortalis · Oct 30, 2019

I am going through the process of healing right now. It is difficult, to say the least.

I am going through the 9th year of an active kundalini awakening process, since I became a spiritual Satanist.
I think and feel strongly that this has something to do with it. The healing process is really intense now because there are some factors that came into play that would make this a good time for me to heal, from past life and present life issues.

Before, I just wasn't ready. I guess Satan thinks I am now.

To put it bluntly, to borrow from a meme I saw on social media, I am bleeding over everyone who didn't cut me.

And to those infiltrators and other enemies of Satan who think this is a good time to come at me, I can guarantee you your asses will be handed to you on a silver platter if you try anything stupid.

I find myself hardening my heart and putting up mental and emotional walls to everyone who tries to help me. Who love me and want only the best for me.

I am sensitive enough that I can feel these "walls" pop up like weeds with the density and height of castle walls and towers. It's not my imagination. It's been commented on a few times, actually.

They tell me I am hurting, that's why I say and do hurtful things. They understand, and want to help but I feel like I am emotionally pushing them away and distancing myself from their hurt feelings (because of me). I feel like I am getting colder and harder by the day. Sometimes I cry and express myself. I feel like I am repressing emotions and what I want to say in my heart.

I have an issue with trusting others. That's a big one.

Also, just mundane shit in general. Along with psychic harassment. They are ongoing commentary throughout the day except when I am sleeping or showering, for the most part, and that take low blows at me but I just accept that it's psychic harassment. I ignore it mostly but sometimes it slips through. It chips at me but I suck it up and carry on.

And yes, my mind is in void most of the time. I clean my soul at least twice daily. More if needed.

I was just wondering what suggestions you have that would help me along to heal.

Most importantly, how I can stop putting up walls towards those who love me and want to help. I have very strong resistance to taking down these walls.

I feel the hurt and pain sometimes. I understand and have been told that the wound needs to be cleaned thoroughly before it can heal. I don't know how long that will be, though. Years I think.

Thanks for reading.

Azorm · Oct 30, 2019

Lol, I feel you.

I'm gaining traumas now faster I can heal them, idk how everything must hurt so much, but I'm also growing and maturing a lot. The more mature and cleaner you are the easier is to avoid bullshit.

Well, at this point I guess it's suprising to find someone who is not having trust issues. Situation is that bad. I have trust issues, almost everybody I knew and know now has trust issues, but I'm much much more relaxed than I was before.

Basically..you can't trust others if you don't trust yourself. Let's say you gain lot of experience and become really good at determining who can be good for you and you are confident and positive it will be okay in the end. Not "okay" in a way how you imagined, but okay in a sense your world will not end if things take another direction... To be confident that you can heal and to be well no matter what, and that you can survive it all.

It takes a lot of time to heal some traumas and to correct flawed mindset. With flawed mindset and wrong understanding of things you are like a machine that is doomed to break apart again and to have to be fixed over and over again getting nowhere so often. I think what is most dangerous is that wrong mindset that can ruin people even here who are trying to advance, because with more energy and powerful soul it might create them even nastier problems they would have before. But I guess you noticed, so it's good to work on it always as we are growing and becoming the Gods.

Usually people have intense fears and paranoia that is ruining their life and blocking them in some way. They feel insecure but also they can't or don't want to understand others, so bigger picture is missing. Most people are trapped inside of their own head with negativity and flawed understanding of situation, and their fears are just inviting even more bullshit into their life, so they are more trapped inside and more hurt every day.

I had one bad break-up and I'm still recovering and trying to figure out wtf now. Before I would try to even kill myself or something, but now I'm not that butthurt, I actually managed to understand he has his own reasons and issues that led him to some behaviour that ruined us in the end. It does hurt, I never actually felt this way, but hey, let's not be too big asshole or something, I'm actually not dying around, no need for drama or to be angry fucktard, we all have our own reasons for doing some things. Not everything is about me and not everything is so bad as I think. Maybe it's even better this way. And after all who says I'm perfect. Nobody is perfect. I ruined it too.
I realized I need to learn to understand others as well and to not be trapped all the time, after it it's easier somehow. Some people are more jerks than others, but with experience and with maturity you learn who to avoid completely. Don't waste your time on everyone, learn when to back off, know what you want and need, and always have in mind even what looks to you as biggest betrayal sometimes when you look from another perspective is not betrayal at all. Everybody hates betrayals and similar, and they are so fearful they can't see anything else. I believe most Gentiles actually aren't even that rotten as we see each other. Stupid? Yes, so much rotten and evil ? No that much. Stupidity tho in the end can breed evil, but that's why we can't affort to be stupid, cause we will breed so much evil even where there is none of it.

Stupid fears are like stains on our glasses and some bad cheap filters on our cameras, you think something is there and you put your energy by focusing on that, and when you try to snap back you realize you actually just created that cause that's how our mind and energy works. Delusions, delusions everywhere..

So yeah, it's mostly about cleaning that shit, gaining mental and emotional fortitude and gaining trust in yourself. Paranoia must be banished always.

But let's be honest now. Everybody is your enemy. But everybody is your friend too (not jews and that filth tho lol). Everybody can damage you even if they were nice to you all your life, and enemy might help you in some weird way sometimes. Also, in every bad situation you might find something good. We are in control of this. We need to find our inner god and to nurture it.

We are supposed to control our lives and what will come to us. When your karma and your fears want to bring you some trouble in your life you stop it. It might strike you from every direction, through anyone and anything, so cleaning soul and having positive attitude helps a tons. Try gaining more control and trusting yourself more, then others will be of less and less danger to you.

Most intensive fears usually are stored somewhere in root chakra and it affects the mind a lot, creating tons of mental barriers and delusions, severe paranoia and blockages. Some other fears just connect to it all then you have fun time. You want to relax and open up, but you can't no matter what you try... oh well, sometimes it all takes some time. People are reporting visuddhi helped them and as usually wunjo. Try to learn more about yourself and about your fears, talk to your guardians. Wish you luck

Shael · Oct 30, 2019

magus.immortalis said:
Most importantly, how I can stop putting up walls towards those who love me and want to help. I have very strong resistance to taking down these walls.

As someone who had something similar to this - for me these walls appeared because of two things. A lack of knowledge, and fear.
If you do not understand why they want to help you and what their innermost intentions are, chances are you will become afraid. This is especially true when you have a lot of traumas in those areas, which you said you do indeed have. For me those issues were rooted in my Sacral chakra. If you figure out where yours are most centered (usually this is indicated by an unpleasant feeling in that area, like a cold constricting one), then you can start focusing on that area specifically with a working to deep-clean these issues. I used Visuddhi there.
Good luck

Lunar Dance 666 · Oct 31, 2019

It is fine to not tell everything to everyone. And sometimes you just simply don't have anything else to say.

I decided to work more on freeing some chakra's.. I wonder if it'd increase flexibility too in that area.. and I think so far.. that one of the things that seem to be near total absence of something whilst chart says otherwise.. may be a result from a blockage.

Kind of interesting to see this topic pop up now. Just saying.

magus.immortalis · Nov 18, 2019

Azorm said:
Lol, I feel you.

I'm gaining traumas now faster I can heal them, idk how everything must hurt so much, but I'm also growing and maturing a lot. The more mature and cleaner you are the easier is to avoid bullshit.

Well, at this point I guess it's suprising to find someone who is not having trust issues. Situation is that bad. I have trust issues, almost everybody I knew and know now has trust issues, but I'm much much more relaxed than I was before.

Basically..you can't trust others if you don't trust yourself. Let's say you gain lot of experience and become really good at determining who can be good for you and you are confident and positive it will be okay in the end. Not "okay" in a way how you imagined, but okay in a sense your world will not end if things take another direction... To be confident that you can heal and to be well no matter what, and that you can survive it all.

It takes a lot of time to heal some traumas and to correct flawed mindset. With flawed mindset and wrong understanding of things you are like a machine that is doomed to break apart again and to have to be fixed over and over again getting nowhere so often. I think what is most dangerous is that wrong mindset that can ruin people even here who are trying to advance, because with more energy and powerful soul it might create them even nastier problems they would have before. But I guess you noticed, so it's good to work on it always as we are growing and becoming the Gods.

Usually people have intense fears and paranoia that is ruining their life and blocking them in some way. They feel insecure but also they can't or don't want to understand others, so bigger picture is missing. Most people are trapped inside of their own head with negativity and flawed understanding of situation, and their fears are just inviting even more bullshit into their life, so they are more trapped inside and more hurt every day.

I had one bad break-up and I'm still recovering and trying to figure out wtf now. Before I would try to even kill myself or something, but now I'm not that butthurt, I actually managed to understand he has his own reasons and issues that led him to some behaviour that ruined us in the end. It does hurt, I never actually felt this way, but hey, let's not be too big asshole or something, I'm actually not dying around, no need for drama or to be angry fucktard, we all have our own reasons for doing some things. Not everything is about me and not everything is so bad as I think. Maybe it's even better this way. And after all who says I'm perfect. Nobody is perfect. I ruined it too.
I realized I need to learn to understand others as well and to not be trapped all the time, after it it's easier somehow. Some people are more jerks than others, but with experience and with maturity you learn who to avoid completely. Don't waste your time on everyone, learn when to back off, know what you want and need, and always have in mind even what looks to you as biggest betrayal sometimes when you look from another perspective is not betrayal at all. Everybody hates betrayals and similar, and they are so fearful they can't see anything else. I believe most Gentiles actually aren't even that rotten as we see each other. Stupid? Yes, so much rotten and evil ? No that much. Stupidity tho in the end can breed evil, but that's why we can't affort to be stupid, cause we will breed so much evil even where there is none of it.

Stupid fears are like stains on our glasses and some bad cheap filters on our cameras, you think something is there and you put your energy by focusing on that, and when you try to snap back you realize you actually just created that cause that's how our mind and energy works. Delusions, delusions everywhere..

So yeah, it's mostly about cleaning that shit, gaining mental and emotional fortitude and gaining trust in yourself. Paranoia must be banished always.

But let's be honest now. Everybody is your enemy. But everybody is your friend too (not jews and that filth tho lol). Everybody can damage you even if they were nice to you all your life, and enemy might help you in some weird way sometimes. Also, in every bad situation you might find something good. We are in control of this. We need to find our inner god and to nurture it.

We are supposed to control our lives and what will come to us. When your karma and your fears want to bring you some trouble in your life you stop it. It might strike you from every direction, through anyone and anything, so cleaning soul and having positive attitude helps a tons. Try gaining more control and trusting yourself more, then others will be of less and less danger to you.

Most intensive fears usually are stored somewhere in root chakra and it affects the mind a lot, creating tons of mental barriers and delusions, severe paranoia and blockages. Some other fears just connect to it all then you have fun time. You want to relax and open up, but you can't no matter what you try... oh well, sometimes it all takes some time. People are reporting visuddhi helped them and as usually wunjo. Try to learn more about yourself and about your fears, talk to your guardians. Wish you luck

Your reply really helped. Thanks for writing it out. I can sense you put a lot of time and thought into your answer.
Much of it rang true and hit me in the gut. I needed to hear it.

magus.immortalis · Nov 18, 2019

Shael said:
magus.immortalis said:

Most importantly, how I can stop putting up walls towards those who love me and want to help. I have very strong resistance to taking down these walls.

Click to expand...

As someone who had something similar to this - for me these walls appeared because of two things. A lack of knowledge, and fear.
If you do not understand why they want to help you and what their innermost intentions are, chances are you will become afraid. This is especially true when you have a lot of traumas in those areas, which you said you do indeed have. For me those issues were rooted in my Sacral chakra. If you figure out where yours are most centered (usually this is indicated by an unpleasant feeling in that area, like a cold constricting one), then you can start focusing on that area specifically with a working to deep-clean these issues. I used Visuddhi there.
Good luck

That's it exactly: a lack of knowledge and fear. There are a lot of hang-ups I have, but since I wrote the original post, I have been doing a bit better with trusting others who want to help me. I learned that it cannot be forced, only nurtured (trust-building, that is) and it takes years to build. And moments to fall apart like a house of cards.

I guess I just don't want to be disappointed and hurt, yet again, and I put up the walls to protect myself.

Thanks for your reply.

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