I only made this second account to ask certain personal questions which I don't want those who can identify me who read the forums to know I asked.
Here goes.
I have this strange and deep connection to a woman who is a bit older than me, not too much just enough to be considered a babysitter if we were both younger.
The thing is I've never really had the chance to hang out with her in person but we've talked about plenty of her life, my own, the occult, our strangely similar mental patterns despite a different astrology (I'll explain synastry in a bit).
I think she is really genetically compatible for me and her temperament, behavior, and overall personality seem nearly exactly what I often tell friends I'd want in a woman, my own ideal woman for the long term.
She's extremely nurturing yet warrior like, has a water sign signature (it might surprise you which one considering how much of an endurant fighter she is), and we typically enjoy the intellectual conversation - her noting a few times in the past that she liked my expanded rhetoric and such.
We'd share our opinions on wanting to be young, vital, unique etc.
She definitely prefers to achieve the godhead if possible with her busy schedule.
It's been years of me not getting my shit together and dilly dallying on securing a means to meet her in person while I had this unseen connection brewing for her every time I'd look at her face and eyes..
Here is the thing, she has three kids, two from an ex husband who was too controlling, and now a toddler with the man she is presently engaged to...
I knew her just around the time she divorced her ex and before she met the guy she had a kid with and is now engaged too.
As I said about her and I bonding occult wise and achieving the godhead, you can probably see she is SS, and a long term one as an I at that.
As far as I know this guy is not exactly SS but is likely good to her.
It's been hurting me a lot since the Moon went into Scorpio and has been lasting long after it left.
She has her South node on a planet of mine in the 12th which I know implies karma for both the 12th and ones south node.
The planet is one of the major ones for relationships of any kind but for my particular make up gives me security and satisfaction others rarely give.
My moon is conjunct her Mercury and that is nearby her Venus.
Her Moon is conjunct my Jupiter, which is also near my Pluto.....
Her Mars is on my Saturn, but considering the sign this is in the energies seem to be more about my tempering affect on her rather than being controlling or anything.
I'm not the type to dictate a partners life, if I fall in love with them and it remains then obviously I don't want to change them, I want them to thrive as they are.
That's where the difficulty comes in, with some friends having suggested that the marriage might not last seeing as she already got rid of one unstable manipulator she had two kids with to begin with.
It's implied they think I should use magic to get her..but it scares me to think about using something like this when it is technically an unappreciated advance to alter her life, which in addition to it feeling fake may likely just make her life more unstable.
Her children are not my mine, yet I'm so close to her that I'd even risk myself for her and her children, I'd help her raise them, it's that serious for me.
I thought this was some minor crush I'd get over, but a couple years later and I still feel a painful longing and "home" with her.
Her extremely strong and motherly instincts coupled with our generally similar psychological handling on the occult and sensitive temperament just reel me in so deeply.
I doubt she has any idea Ive felt this way, but she like me does notice signs, non coincidental things etc.
There is implications through astrology that she is the primary attractor and me the persuant, with me having some beneficial affect on her because of my Jupiter to her moon.
Being a younger man with no present financial stability to support children (I would gladly step up for her and bond with her children), and her being engaged to this guy for about a month now, I'm just in a lot of pain and it's giving me this paradoxical weakness yet strength.
I have this morbid realization that I don't have much to offer her and her children practically speaking, so applying magic to break up something that is apparently working for her just smacks me around.
I do have a sensitive conscience for the obvious here, and I obviously prefer a genuine circumstance where we could be together if she understands where I come from with this connection.
I just feel like a loser and despite normally being a confident person in this phase of development, I just lose my gut when I see I can't do anything useful for her and I'm like this creep admiring her without her apparently knowing..
I don't know if I'll use magic on her, but this really hurts.
I don't want to remove the connection to her either, it just doesn't feel right to do so and if there was any chance we could be together we'd be a great team in SS...
I just can't take this it's driving me insane, though I have calmed down significantly enough to bear reason, this clearly is not going to just go away, and I'm acknowledging that I am actually wanting to maintain this connection.
We don't even talk that often because she is so busy, but when we do I lose the pain in the throat and feel at ease..
I feel weak yet strong here, my motivation to get shit done has gone way up, and my usual indifference to things dissipates when I think of developing myself for her..even though she's already with someone...
Thinking of doing life with her feels like personal purpose to me.
She has acknowledged a connection of sorts before but never really specified it like I am here.
I'd really appreciate any advice, from various perspectives on how to go about this, because I feel tossed around by it.
Here goes.
I have this strange and deep connection to a woman who is a bit older than me, not too much just enough to be considered a babysitter if we were both younger.
The thing is I've never really had the chance to hang out with her in person but we've talked about plenty of her life, my own, the occult, our strangely similar mental patterns despite a different astrology (I'll explain synastry in a bit).
I think she is really genetically compatible for me and her temperament, behavior, and overall personality seem nearly exactly what I often tell friends I'd want in a woman, my own ideal woman for the long term.
She's extremely nurturing yet warrior like, has a water sign signature (it might surprise you which one considering how much of an endurant fighter she is), and we typically enjoy the intellectual conversation - her noting a few times in the past that she liked my expanded rhetoric and such.
We'd share our opinions on wanting to be young, vital, unique etc.
She definitely prefers to achieve the godhead if possible with her busy schedule.
It's been years of me not getting my shit together and dilly dallying on securing a means to meet her in person while I had this unseen connection brewing for her every time I'd look at her face and eyes..
Here is the thing, she has three kids, two from an ex husband who was too controlling, and now a toddler with the man she is presently engaged to...
I knew her just around the time she divorced her ex and before she met the guy she had a kid with and is now engaged too.
As I said about her and I bonding occult wise and achieving the godhead, you can probably see she is SS, and a long term one as an I at that.
As far as I know this guy is not exactly SS but is likely good to her.
It's been hurting me a lot since the Moon went into Scorpio and has been lasting long after it left.
She has her South node on a planet of mine in the 12th which I know implies karma for both the 12th and ones south node.
The planet is one of the major ones for relationships of any kind but for my particular make up gives me security and satisfaction others rarely give.
My moon is conjunct her Mercury and that is nearby her Venus.
Her Moon is conjunct my Jupiter, which is also near my Pluto.....
Her Mars is on my Saturn, but considering the sign this is in the energies seem to be more about my tempering affect on her rather than being controlling or anything.
I'm not the type to dictate a partners life, if I fall in love with them and it remains then obviously I don't want to change them, I want them to thrive as they are.
That's where the difficulty comes in, with some friends having suggested that the marriage might not last seeing as she already got rid of one unstable manipulator she had two kids with to begin with.
It's implied they think I should use magic to get her..but it scares me to think about using something like this when it is technically an unappreciated advance to alter her life, which in addition to it feeling fake may likely just make her life more unstable.
Her children are not my mine, yet I'm so close to her that I'd even risk myself for her and her children, I'd help her raise them, it's that serious for me.
I thought this was some minor crush I'd get over, but a couple years later and I still feel a painful longing and "home" with her.
Her extremely strong and motherly instincts coupled with our generally similar psychological handling on the occult and sensitive temperament just reel me in so deeply.
I doubt she has any idea Ive felt this way, but she like me does notice signs, non coincidental things etc.
There is implications through astrology that she is the primary attractor and me the persuant, with me having some beneficial affect on her because of my Jupiter to her moon.
Being a younger man with no present financial stability to support children (I would gladly step up for her and bond with her children), and her being engaged to this guy for about a month now, I'm just in a lot of pain and it's giving me this paradoxical weakness yet strength.
I have this morbid realization that I don't have much to offer her and her children practically speaking, so applying magic to break up something that is apparently working for her just smacks me around.
I do have a sensitive conscience for the obvious here, and I obviously prefer a genuine circumstance where we could be together if she understands where I come from with this connection.
I just feel like a loser and despite normally being a confident person in this phase of development, I just lose my gut when I see I can't do anything useful for her and I'm like this creep admiring her without her apparently knowing..
I don't know if I'll use magic on her, but this really hurts.
I don't want to remove the connection to her either, it just doesn't feel right to do so and if there was any chance we could be together we'd be a great team in SS...
I just can't take this it's driving me insane, though I have calmed down significantly enough to bear reason, this clearly is not going to just go away, and I'm acknowledging that I am actually wanting to maintain this connection.
We don't even talk that often because she is so busy, but when we do I lose the pain in the throat and feel at ease..
I feel weak yet strong here, my motivation to get shit done has gone way up, and my usual indifference to things dissipates when I think of developing myself for her..even though she's already with someone...
Thinking of doing life with her feels like personal purpose to me.
She has acknowledged a connection of sorts before but never really specified it like I am here.
I'd really appreciate any advice, from various perspectives on how to go about this, because I feel tossed around by it.
(I introduced her to him, he was to shy)
![Blitzkreig [JG]](/data/avatars/s/21/21286.jpg?1704756304){kind=avatar}
