Amazing experience

[Heath83]

For nearly a month now I been meditating and oh my Satanas! I know who Satan is now, he was always with me.... I am 34 years old. When I was 15 I was going to New Beginnings Christian School in Wildwood Texas. When I thought I was a woman ( I am a trans. Man) and they played videos of same-sex relationships and I am attracted to women, they said it wAs sinful and I would have God to answer to.... That was they day I felt rejected, that's when I explored Wicca, I couldn't let go of Christianity because I was hurt, then I was daring myself to explore Satanism, (LeVay) then I hound JoS at 19 years old but still unsure I continue exploring then I kept going back to Satan after gaining knowledge of every path, I was seeking a religion or path to connect to the Infinite aka Satan who... All, this time I realized why I had trouble with people and intimate relationships because I was still hurt and angry from the past. I spoke to Satanas as God Because before when I prayed to Him , it was as if I was in duality Satan good and Xian God bad and I held onto it, it has caused me problems in communications with Satan.

But that changed, he is beyond good and evil. When I prayed to "God" aka Satanas, the mystery was revealed, he was not of Xianity, Satanas was there all my life, I didn't know, I was holding onto the past, I had to face my fear of rejection of when it began the cycle of pain, it was Satanas who was there because no Xian teaching ever really programmed me. God/Satan responded when I made a heartfelt prayer, about healing the wounds of my past.

I was meditating and using mantras
Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo

And

Ek Ong Kaar Sat Nam Siri Whahe Guru

Those two opened me up to light and wham that's when I realized who God was, Satan, TRUTH and it had to do with myself. I cry tears of joy because I am finally at home.

Hail Satan!!!

[Illuminated]

I can understand this phase you've been through, external sources sometimes can confuse us too deeply and make us 'assume' things as we see fit, but in reality we just misinterpret them.

Thinking Satan as a duality counterpart to the xian God is a delusion, because the xian God is fake. I've personally felt it that the Thought Form of Jewsus is too weak and almost erased in astral.
Besides, Satan was there far before the lie of xian God came to earth by the Jewish cave writers.

Satan never leaves anyone once you get to know him by heart, I personally think this is where many peoples fail in Satanism, because they never really felt Satan as one and only God as is the meaning of Ek Ong kaar Sat Naam.

Keeping up strict with the meditations helps one open up more, following the RTRs that erase enemy influences over us and the world, making our progression better.