Ive been wondering why I feel strange on Saturdays. Ive noticed for a while now that every Saturday I stay awake a lot longer than I usually do, long past the time when I usually go to sleep. And its hard for me to go to sleep on Saturdays. I don't know if its just the positive side of Saturn's energy that gives endurance and stability that keeps me awake longer or if its something else.
I know that Saturday is the day of choice that the enemy uses to curse us, and I have noticed a lot of stress, anger and nasty things happen on Saturdays too. A lot of rage outbursts happen in my home and family, over stupid and retarded things not worth arguing about.
My mom lives with me right now and shes a heavy drug user, and shes a very weak soul, and this will probably be the last life she lives from the look of it. She has caused me so much pain and stress over the years, and my childhood was ruined and nonexistent because of her. In my birth chart my moon is squared by Saturn, and I also have pluto in my 4th house, but that's going off topic a bit.

Has anyone else noticed odd feelings and things happening on Saturdays like I have?

Id like to add that here recently ive been put under complete heavy siege by enemy attacks and ive felt the worst negative emotions that I ever have felt in the past. Ive felt so much sadness and depression that its starting to make me turn on Satan and blame him for all the things I go through. I try my best to keep my mind clear from these emotions, but because of the horrible life Ive lived up to this point, its next to impossible to control these awful feelings. I hope someday that i'll be able to have an actual conversation with Satan and not just sit in my room and talk into the air hoping that Satan can hear me, but most of the time, it feels like he doesn't hear me. Maybe its just the area and home I live in, and the enemy energies that is plaguing this place its making it hard for the gods to contact me.
I have a lot of violent outbursts at Satan and the gods, but I don't really mean it, and most of it comes from the chaos and horrible life I live which causes me to feel hopeless and powerless.
I just wish Satan would help a little with my life, and do something with my mom so I don't have to deal with her anymore. I have no love for her at all, and I wish she would just die most of the time. Im a grown ass man but I still have issues and most of the time I feel childlike because I never had a good childhood. The home I live in right now is the same house I grew up in, and my room is full of holes in the walls and my bedroom door is nearly busted down from my teenage years when my mom got drunk and attacks me for no reason. Its hard for me to control my anger and I live in a constant state of rage most of the time.
I try to make Satan and Satanism the center of my life because I don't have anything else. A lot of times I sit in complete poverty and near starvation. Ive been really lucky the past 2 months, my grandmother is helping us pay our bills, but that's ending soon. Most of the time I don't have internet or electricity, and living off of food stamps that my mom has control over, and sells food to people every month to feed her addiction instead of feeding the family. I don't have a job or any type of income, and I sit here and stagnate in constant rage and misery, and I think about suicide a lot. I just want to escape, and in my mid teens I started to get into paganism and witchcraft as my personal escape from problems in life, which later on led me to Satanism.

But I feel left out and abandoned by Satan and I cant tell if he hears my prayers or not, and that just leads to more and more depression since I cant even tell if the gods and Satan are with me in my times of need and the person I try to make the center of my life is ignoring me. I truly feel alone most of the time, and its a loneliness that I can feel in my soul and it hurts with so much unimageable pain and panic that you people with stable homes, money, and happiness will never understand. I wish none of you guys ever feel that kind of pain. Its the worst that words cant even describe. Im still here after all the things I go through and still standing proud to be a Satanist. Most of the people that would have been through all the things ive been through would have given up and killed themselves by now. But im still here and still trying to advance. Ive noticed that even though the depression ive been through was bad, it made me develop powerful endurance and resistance to these types of things. Nothing has ever made me go completely insane, and nothing has been able to drive me to suicide, even though its on my mind a lot. Im able to outlast most people that are in this type of situation, and that is one of my biggest strengths. But I only wish that Satan or any of the gods would visit me in some way, that would make me so happy, but right now I feel so lonely and unhappy.
I don't post much on the forums, and I really need to start posting and communicating a lot more with other members, but im naturally a shy and quiet person and im trying to stop being that way, but its hard. I am on the forums a lot and I read most of the posts on here, even though I don't make many posts myself.
Im feeling really tired and im going to sleep now, since ive been awake for like 20 hours. I wish you guys the best of luck in life, and don't let this type of loneliness and depression ever get to you, because it'll eat at you until you are nothing but a complete evil monster inside.

I can partly relate to you, but thankfully my life doesn't have as many issues and I'm not under consistent attacks. I've yet to notice a completely clear sign of Satan or the Gods in my life that's not just an assumption (I'm sure they helped more than once though). I had moments where I felt lonely and abandoned, thoughts that maybe I'm a Jew or something and that's why they ignore me (Classic enemy tactic)
I've managed to overcome those thoughts by realizing that this is way bigger than myself, that I have to progress and carry on with the RTRs no matter what. Seeing and feeling the effects, are my driving force.

Ignisalas said:

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If you are not Dedicated to Satan by blood, you are not protected. If you do not fight the enemy on behalf of Satan, you are not protected. If you don't protect yourself, you are not protected.

I've been dedicated to Satan for many, many years, and although I was protected from major enemy attacks, I was not protected from the negative circumstances of my living situation, of which I managed to endure my way out of 4 months ago, and I'm 21. If you are dedicated and you work relentlessly for Satan, then you are receiving no help because you are fully capable of fixing the situation for yourself, and you need to wake up and realize this; this was how it was for me.

You need to know that enough is enough and you are going to take control of your life. Do intense research, look into a thousand healthy and reasonable opportunities. A roommate, a homeless shelter, whatever financial support you can receive. Go out there and fight for the acquiring of a job, it doesn't matter if you go to a hundred different employers and if they reject you one by one, if you keep fighting and know in your heart that you will get a job you will find one.

Clean your aura fiercely and build an insurmountable Aura of Protection. With a clean and healthy aura this is where you can passively influence those around you to like you and do favours for you and increase the likelihood of getting hired somewhere, as your aura can subtly influence those around you. In the situation I broke free from, the sheer negativity was counteracting the positive outcomes I would've had for myself if I wasn't surrounded by the negativity.

You need to fight against the negative energy so the positive workings you do on yourself overpower the negative energy around you, that means working hard and relentlessly. Then good things will start happening to you. Because in your situation and the situation I was in as well the situations similar to others where Saturn is prominent in our life, the regular workings of protection and cleaning on the website is not enough. You need to do more, way more, a thousand fold if you must, because those workings are for your typical individual and we are a different case. The negativity wears down your aura of protection and aura in general after a working before it can even be given the chance to do anything good for you, so you need to push hard against it and build up against it relentlessly every day.

I'll refer you to this topic which is more efficient for an Aura of Protection and remember, the bare minimum will not be enough, if you want out of your situation you're going to have to go the extra mile. I'm not telling you to vibrate a rune 333 times, just do the most you think you can push for in a day. Also you must keep your energy levels up to make these workings powerful, this means doing the Foundation Meditation to keep an energy buzz going when doing the workings. Raise your vril/witchpower once every day, this is where I will tell you NOT to push it, heed the warning on this page and only do one or two different breathing exercises ONCE EACH in a single day - this means the 5 rounds for one and the 5 rounds for the other. I also recommend you start doing Hatha Yoga in your daily routine, even if only for 10 or 15 minutes.

If at any point of the day you feel an energy buzz out of no where, a demon or powerful entity has given you excess bio-electricity, use this energy for your workings every single time it happens and clean your aura before and after doing so. I'm going to let you know that when working hard to clean your soul you will find a lot of emotions come pouring out or 'negative' feelings will come out of no where; these are not from the enemy but are in fact the buried negativity you are cleaning from your soul coming to the surface before it leaves you and you are free of them, these feelings are temporary and will pass and you may or may not feel a huge wave of relief afterwords.

I have given you the means to fix your situation, now use it and don't stop until you are fully free of it. Don't be satisfied or settle with just 'little miracles' or the mere moments of respite you will get, you're going for something long-term, very long-term, be it your own place or in another country. We take control of our own lives, you should too.

Ignisalas said:

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I doubt it's Saturn's energy or the enemy that's messing with you.
Our enemies are losing a lot of battles right now, so if they're dedicating time and energy to mess with your life then you must really be doing a lot of work against them.

I've seen some of your old posts about suicide and such.
From the looks of it, the only thing that's working against you, is yourself.

You need to calm down and re-evaluate the way you think about things, as your negative mindset is ruining your life.
The enemy isn't working against you, get that paranoia out of your head and don't play victim or you'll only become more of a victim.

Yes i'm aware that your life is a disaster, i can relate to it a lot, and i know changing your mindset seems near impossible right now, but you're going to have to do it.
Try to find a hobby, job or anything to keep you occupied and stop thinking about all the bad stuff that's happening in your life.

You don't need to have your senses open for the gods to guide you, there's always another way to do a thing, besides the enemy are masters of deception, you'll most likely be opening up another door to get bamboolzed.
And honestly i'm sure the gods are trying to assist you, your negative mindset is most likely getting in the way of that.

It sounds like you're trying really hard to open your astral senses up, thing is you can't brute force meditations, the other thing is, energy goes where the mind is, you may be meditating and raising energy, but with that negative mindset, that energy simply goes towards ruining your life more.
So fix your head 1st.

Also stop wishing death on your mother, i'm aware of the pain she caused.
But while it's true that disaster can happen in any moment and someone can die instantly, you wishing death of your mother is most likely killing her slowly instead, making her more miserable, and thus this would affect you as well.
When you're done fixing your head, try to also fix your environment, perhaps fix the issues that your mother has, as i said your environment also affects you a lot, so fix it not destroy it.

This title is a clickbait and your attitude is shit. Yeah I'm sure raging at the Gods is gonna lead you to places.
The poor Lady Bune is the one who has to endure your senseless fits of rage and abusive behaviour ?

Sinistra said:

This title is a clickbait and your attitude is shit. Yeah I'm sure raging at the Gods is gonna lead you to places.
The poor Lady Bune is the one who has to endure your senseless fits of rage and abusive behaviour ?

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I think you read my post and took it the wrong way...

Ignisalas said:

Sinistra said:

This title is a clickbait and your attitude is shit. Yeah I'm sure raging at the Gods is gonna lead you to places.
The poor Lady Bune is the one who has to endure your senseless fits of rage and abusive behaviour ?

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I think you read my post and took it the wrong way...

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I don't think so, Sinistra is one of the greatest ever! Just look at your signature "Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret." That really says it all right there. All your focus is constantly on pain and suffering, then you come here and ask us why your life is so sufferable and painful. :roll: Well it isn't really because of Saturn or Saturday. What about instead something like "Constantly continuously improving in the greatest and happiest ways for me in every way" this will give you a much happier life. Your thoughts and affirmations are the most important thing so control them and use them to help yourself. Every moment you are either making your life better or worse and your thoughts are what direct this. Don't blame your mother or any planets, if you are making your soul more powerful you are surely having a stronger effect on the world than you realize so what are you really doing with that power?