vintageheart
New member
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2021
- Messages
- 6
I strongly recommend you don’t read if you don’t like vents. There is no pressure to reply whatsoever I just need somewhere to get my feelings off my chest.
My life has been utterly horrible lately. With quarantine in place, I feel like all of my humanity has been taken from me. Over quarantine, I graduated from high school, missed the prom I was supposed to have, and am now stuck at home taking college everyday. I have nobody to talk to anymore whatsoever, I lost all of my friends and can’t make anymore. I need to get a driver’s license and I know this is entirely on me/my fault but I can’t motivate myself to whatsoever. I can’t motivate myself to do anything. My room has become a disaster, I can barely be productive, and I have become addicted to video games when in the past I’d play them moderately. It’s a miserable existence. I used to go on walks everyday and I’m still dieting, but I stopped walks for awhile because my depression just consistently worsens and the pain is unbearable.
Over quarantine I have developed a severe case of body dysmorphia and have engaged in self harm. I’m slightly overweight for my height and age. I’m not fat, but my thighs are a little too thick and I have a small belly. My weight and body type bother me a very great deal even if my dad and others say it’s not that bad when I confront them about my feelings. I’m very self conscious and thankfully I have been dieting (even if I have cheated on occasions like my birthday, holidays, etc.), but I feel like I’ll never get anywhere. I always feel like I don’t even look human and like my worth is defined by my thinness; it’s especially bad as a woman society expects you to be beautiful 24/7 or else you’re worth nothing. On one occasion I posted a picture of myself on instagram and somebody made fun of my body. I felt horrible and took it down. I cried a lot and self harmed that night. I want to love myself or fix the problem or both but I just feel so worthless. What that person commented really deeply bothered me because, to me, it’s proving my insecurities true if somebody else can see it too. I’m 180 pounds and 5’7; about 35 pounds overweight or so, I think. My goal is to be 140 but I can barely motivate myself to work for it because I feel such a deep worthlessness.
I feel like my life has become so soulless, nothing excites me, nothing makes me happy, I’ve become such a numb version of myself, and I have lost all of my faith in the world. All over a fake virus and some Hebrew communist propaganda. I hate it all so much. All I even do is sit in a house anymore. I know it’s my fault because I can get my license any time but I have become so depressed and lazy. I just want to stop being so lazy because, before all of this started, I was so organized and hardworking. I was very happy with myself and life in general. Now I feel like I have nothing to live for and like all hope is gone.
My life has been utterly horrible lately. With quarantine in place, I feel like all of my humanity has been taken from me. Over quarantine, I graduated from high school, missed the prom I was supposed to have, and am now stuck at home taking college everyday. I have nobody to talk to anymore whatsoever, I lost all of my friends and can’t make anymore. I need to get a driver’s license and I know this is entirely on me/my fault but I can’t motivate myself to whatsoever. I can’t motivate myself to do anything. My room has become a disaster, I can barely be productive, and I have become addicted to video games when in the past I’d play them moderately. It’s a miserable existence. I used to go on walks everyday and I’m still dieting, but I stopped walks for awhile because my depression just consistently worsens and the pain is unbearable.
Over quarantine I have developed a severe case of body dysmorphia and have engaged in self harm. I’m slightly overweight for my height and age. I’m not fat, but my thighs are a little too thick and I have a small belly. My weight and body type bother me a very great deal even if my dad and others say it’s not that bad when I confront them about my feelings. I’m very self conscious and thankfully I have been dieting (even if I have cheated on occasions like my birthday, holidays, etc.), but I feel like I’ll never get anywhere. I always feel like I don’t even look human and like my worth is defined by my thinness; it’s especially bad as a woman society expects you to be beautiful 24/7 or else you’re worth nothing. On one occasion I posted a picture of myself on instagram and somebody made fun of my body. I felt horrible and took it down. I cried a lot and self harmed that night. I want to love myself or fix the problem or both but I just feel so worthless. What that person commented really deeply bothered me because, to me, it’s proving my insecurities true if somebody else can see it too. I’m 180 pounds and 5’7; about 35 pounds overweight or so, I think. My goal is to be 140 but I can barely motivate myself to work for it because I feel such a deep worthlessness.
I feel like my life has become so soulless, nothing excites me, nothing makes me happy, I’ve become such a numb version of myself, and I have lost all of my faith in the world. All over a fake virus and some Hebrew communist propaganda. I hate it all so much. All I even do is sit in a house anymore. I know it’s my fault because I can get my license any time but I have become so depressed and lazy. I just want to stop being so lazy because, before all of this started, I was so organized and hardworking. I was very happy with myself and life in general. Now I feel like I have nothing to live for and like all hope is gone.