This is making me insane.

I didn’t want to open the forums for 2 days at all because I was hurt by the overall personal situation and also person that just pissed on my wounds insulting me thinking they know what I’m going through when they don’t understand shit and how much of this is so fucking complicated and painful. (They can’t, it’s an online forum)
And other people reacting fire emoji to their message so they show they’re edgy and cool and I’m just, whatever.

But I’m thankful that when I gathered the courage to open it again I was able to help other brothers and sisters to vent as well, who actually might understand how complex and painful this can be no matter how different our individual situations actually are.

And I’m thankful to brothers who showed care and good advice regardless like brother Blitz and others.

However this whole thread was to vent because the hurt and loneliness was unbearable. I understand now I should only talk about this to people who are understanding either way and are good friends.

Plus, this is my own path and I should solve my own problems and think about them I just wanted to vent and share for a bit which has both helped and hurt but it’s okay.

I do not know about you in deep but I read some of your posts and it seems you suffered from childhood, in some ways.
What others said is very supportive, rich of insights and helpful.
But - all we do with magick and meditation is done with our mind. So what if the mind has some "hidden fault" (programming) not allowing our workings to manifest for our own internal setback?

What I mean is. Have you been loved as a kid? How did you receive love, if any, have your caregivers been cold, warm, hating, loving... ?
Having been unloved as a child may reflect in the whole adult life. If deeply you feel you have not been love, you won't allow yourself to receive love as you have been trained not to be loved.
Idealistic idea of a partner may have its roots in the missing love of a mother/father.
I think, learning to love yourself, may be the key to open up to relationships.

I share this with you. I really cannot stand "normals" - each time they ever open their mouth to say something mainstream or idiot, I feel void and want to leave, I tried to correct and lead them to think too many times.

Show more...Show less...Show more...

Trauma is weird, and childhood is a whole situation.

Hope that you can be happy and heal as well.

I can also relate to you because I live in a country that is of a different subrace than me. So there is like actual no chance for me to get a fitting partner.

If you can find someone that’s similar to you (racially) that can be healing, it’s best to not get caught up on technicalities so if you find someone similar to you that should be good enough.

I don’t know of your situation and feeling like a foreigner in your country can definitely be tough and lonely, but there can be another way if you try to seek it. You would know how to solve this best though because I’m not aware of your whole situation.

What options do you have through Uni, for example? In your culture, how easy is to develop a relationship with a girl? I don't mean through tinder where person will just swipe no if you are not a supermodel, but what about in your classes or any friend groups? The first thing I can think of is talking to a girl in your class in a friendly way, then asking if they want to get food or study together. You can ask a group of people to do this with you in order to build up relationships, but mitigate any one-on-one awkwardness.

I have female friends and I made new ones too recently, however I haven’t met one yet that’s more of a friend or colleague.

But it’s okay regarding this I just need to be patient, I’m still young too.

The sex situation is the one that’s more of an urgent want and need but that’s okay too, when the time is right.

Same, at this point I'm not worried about the things I didn't do when I was in my 30s, I've made up a definitive decision about that.
And if others think it's too idealistic to only share my personal intimate life with someone who is also Zevism and just as dedicated to the cause as I am, I don't give a shit.
I've already experienced the difference between your loved one being another Zevism person instead of a unspiritual person and the difference is huge.

Even pagans or spiritual women would be nice. Some people have deep connection to the Gods in their soul and this shows with their obsession with Ancient Egypt, and all the other pantheons of the Gods.

Those people might not be fully Zevism as actually true Zevism are really a chosen few in this world and are building to be the elites of elites but just being spiritual and having the Gods in their memory or souls would be nice.

That’s my opinion at least. I know you’ve mentioned that you wanted someone who’s already dedicated Zevism.

I didn’t want to open the forums for 2 days at all because I was hurt by the overall personal situation and also person that just pissed on my wounds insulting me thinking they know what I’m going through when they don’t understand shit and how much of this is so fucking complicated and painful. (They can’t, it’s an online forum)
And other people reacting fire emoji to their message so they show they’re edgy and cool and I’m just, whatever.

But I’m thankful that when I gathered the courage to open it again I was able to help other brothers and sisters to vent as well, who actually might understand how complex and painful this can be no matter how different our individual situations actually are.

And I’m thankful to brothers who showed care and good advice regardless like brother Blitz and others.

Show more...Show less...Show more...

It's all good if you need to vent a bit. It has even been helpful to me to read some of the responses too as some of them really struck a chord with me, especially the one written by Alicia666.

Although the situations and circumstances are different, we are all going through some struggle in some shape or form. So you are by no means alone in that sense.

Do not worry about the detractors as not everyone in this community has the same level of empathy, patience and maturity.

As for my experience, when I was roughly around your age. I went through a somewhat similar situation, and went looking for a woman and i wasn't successful at all. Looking back on it, I reckon I must have been giving off weird vibes trying to force it and appearing somewhat desperate in the process (which I was). In the end I gave up looking and decided to just live a good life and when I wasn't actively looking opportunities then presented themselves.

So hang in there, brother. This too shall pass. I sincerely hope this helps.

I didn’t want to open the forums for 2 days at all because I was hurt by the overall personal situation and also person that just pissed on my wounds insulting me thinking they know what I’m going through when they don’t understand shit and how much of this is so fucking complicated and painful. (They can’t, it’s an online forum)
And other people reacting fire emoji to their message so they show they’re edgy and cool and I’m just, whatever.

But I’m thankful that when I gathered the courage to open it again I was able to help other brothers and sisters to vent as well, who actually might understand how complex and painful this can be no matter how different our individual situations actually are.

And I’m thankful to brothers who showed care and good advice regardless like brother Blitz and others.

Show more...Show less...Show more...

There are times when I had longstanding problems and I'd vent about them but never actually do anything to better my situation. It was only when friends gave me a reality check that I realized my errors, stopped "venting" and finally shifted from hyperfocusing on the problem/pain and started looking toward solutions.

My mind wasn't even open to the idea that things could improve, and being mentally closed off to things getting better doesn't exactly invite any sort of change from within or without. Venting kept my mind in a cycle of rumination over negativity, and focusing on negativity makes you lose sight of the positivity, which keeps your mind closed to the possibility that things can be better.

The reality check reminds you that responsibility is yours alone and things will not just get better on their own, you must direct your mind and will toward solutions. Recognizing the problem but also considering solutions.

Venting in addition to keeping one stuck in a negative thought loop, it can relieve stress, but in so doing dulls an important motivator for change, which is pain and discomfort and dissatisfaction. Taken to a toxic level it becomes emotional vampirism/parasitism where one uses his problems to bait for sympathy without taking action to solve them.

I'm telling you this just to give you my perspective and an understanding. Watch this if you want to learn more:

When I asked you about what you've done to improve things and got no answer except "I haven't met anybody"(your other posts weren't approved at the time so I interpreted this as ignoring the questions), I saw this as a contradiction among other things. I also know you've been stuck on these issues for a long time and venting about them for a long time with alot of wishy washy, woe is me type vibes yet there didn't seem to be alot of action being taken.

That's why I went the no nonsense route and spoke directly on what I saw and spoke plainly. Because that's what helped me in the past when I was in a similar spot. It was never meant to insult you, but I'm sorry it came across as insulting, it could have been worded better.

Men have to be problem solvers, we can't stay stuck.

I have female friends and I made new ones too recently, however I haven’t met one yet that’s more of a friend or colleague.

But it’s okay regarding this I just need to be patient, I’m still young too.

The sex situation is the one that’s more of an urgent want and need but that’s okay too, when the time is right.

What is the sexual situation at your Uni? I understand there is an Islamic influence, but surely there must be some hidden sex going on. Regardless of the environmental obstacles, it may still make sense to do a working aimed at a healthy or improved sexual expression. Now, I am not saying this would be easy, nor should it be framed as anything but something that is good, rather than going to get you in trouble, but it would also lead to an improvement in this area of life.

Probably Raidho, Kenaz, and other runes could be useful here for this, as well as consultation with your GD for ideas. I'm not sure if many people here can actually give specific advice if they do not know your situation too well.

There are times when I had longstanding problems and I'd vent about them but never actually do anything to better my situation. It was only when friends gave me a reality check that I realized my errors, stopped "venting" and finally shifted from hyperfocusing on the problem/pain and started looking toward solutions.

My mind wasn't even open to the idea that things could improve, and being mentally closed off to things getting better doesn't exactly invite any sort of change from within or without. Venting kept my mind in a cycle of rumination over negativity, and focusing on negativity makes you lose sight of the positivity, which keeps your mind closed to the possibility that things can be better.

The reality check reminds you that responsibility is yours alone and things will not just get better on their own, you must direct your mind and will toward solutions. Recognizing the problem but also considering solutions.

Show more...Show less...Show more...

I understand, and what you’re saying is true.

Good to know you understand that my other replies weren’t approved yet.

Venting/complaining too much can be a slippery slope, I understand what you’re saying and some reality checks have honestly changed my life to the better even if they hurt back then.

However, yes as you said you only replied on what you’ve seen (my other threads) but that is not the complete picture and I honestly hate when people reply or mention anything that I wrote before.

I’m at the time in my life where everything is extremely fast-paced, I’m not the same person I was a week ago, a year ago I had a completely different life I was in another city and working a full-time job that I think I’ll never work in again.

Two years ago I thought I met the love of my life, three years ago I fell in love for the first time with a colleague who we are now friends and now she is getting married soon, 4 years ago I thought I was a business owner or something. (I was barely a freelancer)

And these are just bits and pieces.
Life is tough and I’ve been longing for love ever since 6th grade but we actually had a boys-only school and high-school I met a female (other than relatives) for the first time 3 years ago or something.

So right now I’m still learning to deal with all of this, and the loneliness hurts, plus everything is so complicated I can’t explain it all in a couple of threads.

But anyways, thank you and it’s okay, and yes men are problem solvers and I trust I will find a way out of this and become better and stronger because of it.

Good luck.

It's all good if you need to vent a bit. It has even been helpful to me to read some of the responses too as some of them really struck a chord with me, especially the one written by Alicia666.

Although the situations and circumstances are different, we are all going through some struggle in some shape or form. So you are by no means alone in that sense.

Do not worry about the detractors as not everyone in this community has the same level of empathy, patience and maturity.

Show more...Show less...Show more...

Thank you

So right now I’m still learning to deal with all of this, and the loneliness hurts, plus everything is so complicated I can’t explain it all in a couple of threads.

What you say leads me to think, it is a sort of process happening, like something is coming to the surface from your subconscious. Have you been alone as a child?
I experienced something similar that culminated in hidden feelings that emerged, and slowly and with a bit of pain, resolved.

...

I totally get it - different lifestyles, world views, values and thus through these expectations result. My closest friend had a couple of divorces because of these things.

It takes in both patience and control over emotions to talk things out and it takes a willingness to admit fault and to allow one's self to seek change.

Perfection seems a destination to most all in our world but instead it should be seen as a never ending goal. This former idea often is why people project their beliefs and opinions to others rather than taking a bottom-up approach of starting from emotion/feeling and building up to logic. People feel triggered by facts and logic often because the things are built by-and-of emotional experience.

My advice is try making friends within an activity you enjoy and go from there. Keep meditating and also keep looking to the good. You have an exceptional mind simply by being here with us and your body no doubt is functioning where you can have these feelings and experiences.

It's not easy but I think it would help to always focus on the positive from the negative, have some more pride and confidently build towards your goal one day at a time. Emotions are powerful and you must seek for yourself to control them rather than let them take over your logic.

I wish you all the best and may the Gods be with you.