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Sorry

T

TheWhiteGiant

Guest
I dont know what came over me.

Sorry.

I dont like pity parties, but I guess the reason for my behavior could be trauma from my past. I hope you understand.

I guess everybody hates me now. That's fine though.

I just hope the gods don't start hating me one day.

Goodbye.
 
Most of us have made similar mistakes before. You will be fine. The important thing is that you learn from it and that you continue working for your growth and advancement.
 
I dont know what came over me.

Sorry.

I dont like pity parties, but I guess the reason for my behavior could be trauma from my past. I hope you understand.

I guess everybody hates me now. That's fine though.

I just hope the gods don't start hating me one day.

Goodbye.

All of this is normal, and everyone has their own trigger points and fears. On this path of advancement, we confront these and sometimes it can be ugly, especially during a bad context (like aggravated by enemy curses). In fact, if someone does not report ever having an event like this (releasing repressed anger or fear), then I would question their advancement path.

I don't believe anyone hates you, and if they do, then they are misunderstanding what happened. The Gods certainly don't. You can see the replies from HPHC where he clearly identified it as an oversensitive reaction.

The fact that you have calmed down and took notes on the events (what triggered you, what emotions you had felt, what you were trying to prevent and why, etc) shows you are building awareness of a likely trauma point. This helps you on the path of healing, as if you are confronted by the fear again, then your brain will recall the past experience and have an easier time realizing the correct course of action.
 
Hello!

I don't think anything's that bad. We've all made mistakes. I've made mistakes too. I think the gods love JoS.
We will grow and we will learn.

This is my email if you want to chat about meditations;
[email protected]

There is also a war program until the end of this month.
 
I dont know what came over me.

Sorry.

I dont like pity parties, but I guess the reason for my behavior could be trauma from my past. I hope you understand.

I guess everybody hates me now. That's fine though.

I just hope the gods don't start hating me one day.

Goodbye.

I would suggest writing an apology to HPS Lydia and anyone else that you had directed anger at, then just take a small break and try to calm down. After, return to the community when you are ready, and the bonds will heal and life will continue on.

It is not the end of the world or anything; and people will have likely forgotten about this after a week or less.
 
All of this is normal, and everyone has their own trigger points and fears. On this path of advancement, we confront these and sometimes it can be ugly, especially during a bad context (like aggravated by enemy curses). In fact, if someone does not report ever having an event like this (releasing repressed anger or fear), then I would question their advancement path.

I don't believe anyone hates you, and if they do, then they are misunderstanding what happened. The Gods certainly don't. You can see the replies from HPHC where he clearly identified it as an oversensitive reaction.

The fact that you have calmed down and took notes on the events (what triggered you, what emotions you had felt, what you were trying to prevent and why, etc) shows you are building awareness of a likely trauma point. This helps you on the path of healing, as if you are confronted by the fear again, then your brain will recall the past experience and have an easier time realizing the correct course of action.
I guess... I need to calm down more and stop taking everything personally.

I really, genuinely freaked the fuck out when I saw that warnings were given, and things were deleted... so I dunno I just felt like, okay everybody thinks of me differently from what I thought they were, and I was like fuck it, these ppl aren't much different from those outside, so might as well go all in. I'm not very emotionally resilient.

I used to get bullied a lot back in elementary and middle school. I had to be friends with someone at some point, just do they dont feel jealous and beat me up.
Most times. Where I feel angry or have to confront someone and defend myself, I feel very weak in the knees. My stomach starts burning like crazy, and I always feel afraid and resentful of other more powerful ppl.

Not to mention, having an abusive, childish, narcissistic father, who punished me for literally the stupidest most minor things, and threatened me with lack of financial support every time I protested, didn't really help either. He does the same with my younger siblings, although my siblings is much more brave and stubborn than I am...

It takes every cell in my being to not curse him to death. The fucker literally had demons visiting him in his dream and telling him to stop abusing me.

I have done I think, 3 munka working cycles to heal my self esteem, and 2 mars square and 1 sun square.... but the problem still persists.

I went to an MMA gym for eight months, so I can grow better and become better, but it didn't help much. Except for the physical development. But mental development didn't happen.

I try really my hardest every day to make sure I do my rather heavy spiritual routine everyday. Sometimes I lose time and sometimes I just don't have energy for anything else. There's this all called Habitica... I use it to track my progress. Not just for spirituality but for other tasks... but I usually miss a lot of stuff. And then there are days when I have a lot of time and energy and i complete most stuff.

There are many sources of stress in my life. Many life threatening things have happened, and I have had many enemies and sooooo many people who wanted to abuse me in some way... its like im a fucking magnet.... even relatives in some cases literally wanted to beat me up......

As I grow older, I keep feeling more and more that nobody cares, and that this world is a literal inferno that I have to keep suffering in. Alone, too. I'm very solitary when it comes to most things....



like the rule of the jungle: eat or be eaten.

I dont know. I seriously don't know the answer and when the pain is gonna end. I don't have much confidence in my resolve to heal myself and to reach my desired future.

whenever I do magick I get distracted, and then I hate it when I do, but that's another distraction, and then I just try to visualize everything perfectly, feel the desired outcome as if it has already happened, try hard to feel the energy raised...

But no matter what I do, I always feel huge doubt in my workings.

I constantly feel that the gods are disappointed in me for not doing as much as h can. I dont know.
 
I dont know what came over me.

Sorry.

I dont like pity parties, but I guess the reason for my behavior could be trauma from my past. I hope you understand.

I guess everybody hates me now. That's fine though.

I just hope the gods don't start hating me one day.

Goodbye.
I didn't follow the whole thing, I just reviewed the various posts.

I can tell you that everyone makes mistakes, but the important thing is to understand your mistakes and learn from them.

I hope you have realised that certain positions and roles carry a great deal of responsibility, as in the case of a person who makes divinations for others. And I hope you have understood that the purpose of the clergy is also to protect the community and to prevent situations that can lead to harm. And in serious matters, emotions do not count, so it was nothing personal.

Achieving certain positions requires more experience and skill than you think, but if that is your dream, you can start training now, and with perseverance and commitment you will one day succeed.

I invite you to re-read the entire discussion, it may make you realise many things that you didn't see before due to an emotional 'fog', anger or whatever it was.
 
I don't think anyone hates you. You let your emotions take control over you, but that could happen to anyone at some point. The damage from unchecked emotions can have much, much worse impact. What you have written here is a minor episode and while it was an overreaction, I understood your point. Mistakes were made, but the lesson is what matters. I think you will be fine, brother.
 
Every mistake helps us to understand ourselves better. There is not only empowerment and meditation in this path, there is also this, and winning against oneself and one's past is definitely the hard part. It is something we all have to face.

One step back today and one step forward tomorrow. ♥️
 
A mistake cannot make you attract everyone's hatred, if you demonstrate that you have real interest in other people's feelings and are willing to admit a misunderstanding and your responsibility. This is how life goes, in the relationships and exchanges between humans and in the with the Gods.

I guess everybody hates me now. That's fine though.
Human contact can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. The important thing is to create the opportunity to clarify one's real intentions. A misunderstanding will never be a fatal mistake.
HPS Lydia is a meticulous and caring presence. She really deserves you to clarify with her your actions.
 
Hello!

I don't think anything's that bad. We've all made mistakes. I've made mistakes too. I think the gods love JoS.
We will grow and we will learn.

This is my email if you want to chat about meditations;
[email protected]

There is also a war program until the end of this month.
Hi... yeah I've been almost every day doing the current spiritual warfare schedule up until today, I read most things on the forum and I spend some of my free time here...

Thanks so much, I will definitely contact you💙
 
Look we are here to actually help and improve, yet at the same time to maintain an order. Order means certain things happen in a certain way.

As you would understand, things have happened in the past from people showing up and requesting certain things from the community. We know this. I have seen a lot after many years, others too.

I explained further this was not really personal, it has happened to others before.

However I believe this situation triggered all the things you write about here, and you thinking you were being blocked, dismissed, ridiculed and thought of as useless.

Yet you did the same to others essentially calling them a zero, just because you assume others think you were zero.

There is a stop on 3 people per week in my e-mail from doing what you done and I explain when the formal ground is made, then, there will be a due process that will be very firm, and then they could participate in these things.

That doesn't mean I judge them as Satanists, want them out of the forum, or have anything personally against them. I have only faith in them. When they grow they will have their place. This growth is not demand based however.

That is not the case the case is that we are have to follow strict protocol. The protocol would be the same for a Guardian or anyone else when requesting these things. That's to avoid problems which were explained (explaining them is also a courteous move and shows that there is no blind dismissal).

I cannot hate anyone when I see what they are experiencing, only if I or we are attacked I can be motivated to respond. Other than that I don't hate you because you had a bad moment, every person can have this.
 

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Satan

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