Smaller Saturn return?

I got the result, and since I got diagnosed my pancreas insuline production decreased by 60 percent. Just as it medically should. There is barely any chance of this ever getting healed. Its a fitting end for this transit

I got the result, and since I got diagnosed my pancreas insuline production decreased by 60 percent. Just as it medically should. There is barely any chance of this ever getting healed. Its a fitting end for this transit

In other words, my past two years of nearly endless workings to heal dibetes did basically nothing.

Are you in your Saturn return? If I'm not wrong the effects of it can be felt from 27 to 31 years old. I think the Meditations book from Marcus Aurelius has many thoughts that is related to your problems, perhaps read it or read it again if you have already.

All in all it looks like you are doing very well actually, you are reflecting on your situation, trying to learn something from it, but ultimately you have to focus on the now, as Marcus Aurelius says many times, and move on, especially when you are over with these transits.

In other words, my past two years of nearly endless workings to heal dibetes did basically nothing.

And I likely never be healthy again

Yes.
You cant save someone who dont want to be saved - I learned that on my friends death. A cruel lesson he left me with, but cruel lessons stays the longest.
Ill just keep up, since not much more to go now. I would be even ahsamed just writing down how much time of this painful transit remained, since I could have just waited it out. Im making a few plans to get better once its done, after that Im sure I could see it in a much more positive way. Afterall, it seems this transit took away a habit from me, one particually bad habit, which I fighted against for so, so damn long. Its too early to say for sure, but it seems promising so far.
And it took away illusions as well. Thats very painful, since I saw myself as something smaller, something weaker what I imagined. But also, something real. That what I achived is true, and truly mine. And maybe my old ideal had to die out. That old ideal I made, of what I want to be seems too stranger now. It was something like an old and all powerful hermit living in the forest and meditating half days. A rather shallow ideal I had.
This also forced me to a much slower, much more mindful way of taking life and advancing. Guess I can no longer can be called impatient, wich I heard as long as I can remember. Its a lot less exciting, doesnt feel as powerful, but this will be the way.

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Saturn’s lessons are appreciated after time, and after the dark days are over, they shape you and discipline you so you can build something concrete, not just fantasy.

It’s tough as fuck and I fucking hate it, I’m going through it as well, I lost all my dreams and a girl and stuff I wished for and dreamed of, only to be raped with reality, amd get back to the vision board and learn that I still need to be alone, even if I want her and miss her and I want our dreams together and I want it now! I don’t want to wait, I can’t wait, it hurts to wait.

But then reality fucking hits, and what can you do? Only what you can, your best and I just leave the rest to the Gods, it hurts and it broke me, I always end up like this, but this one is worst I got everything I wanted and then got separated from it in the worst possible way, the girl who said she wants me, told me to never leave her, to marry her, and we named our child together, and imagined our home together, meditating together, grow old together, last message I got from her that she never wants to know me again and I should never contact her again…

Then I go to the vision board and try again, what else can I do?

This whole time have a strong feeling to the tower card. In fact, in the past few years I had different events, all following the cards of the great arcanum. And now comes the stars, seems fitting to me. After that, the Sun, when I can rebuild myself from the ruins. Because of what remained from this dark time, what it couldnt destroy, is unbreakable

I once got The Star card when I felt similar feelings to you and everything breaking down, was really just dying honestly. It was when I asked my Guardian Goddess Astarte for a reading and vented and pulled one card it was The Star it clicked and felt healing, also The Star is symbolic of Astarte (A Star).

Another quote I’ve learned from Astarte about tough times.
Per Aspera ad Astra. Search it up.

Best of luck to you.🙏🏼

Are you in your Saturn return? If I'm not wrong the effects of it can be felt from 27 to 31 years old. I think the Meditations book from Marcus Aurelius has many thoughts that is related to your problems, perhaps read it or read it again if you have already.

All in all it looks like you are doing very well actually, you are reflecting on your situation, trying to learn something from it, but ultimately you have to focus on the now, as Marcus Aurelius says many times, and move on, especially when you are over with these transits.

Not yet, its just a saturn transit with one of my natal planet(dont know if I should or should share that). It should end soon, yet it devastating.
And yeah, I dont just have it but read it through so many times the book looks ancient and almost falling apart. But I like Nietzsche more

And I likely never be healthy again

In other words, my past two years of nearly endless workings to heal dibetes did basically nothing.

These are not necessarily true. Fated or elementally-likely illnesses can take time to fully resolve, because you are trying to create a state within yourself where the symptoms do not persist on a daily basis, including under stress, and so on. The physical manifestations of a small health working could be something like a 20% gain in daily energy, and even though this may seem small both numerically or by our immediate perception, achieving this degree of permanent difference is still significant.

Because certain conditions can involve a confluence of factors that result in the disease, we may have to fix various parts of our soul to achieve full healing. Although general healing energies like Uruz, Wunjo, or solar energy can do this, it will not always be simple in this sense.

For example, we know conditions of dampness and phlegm in the body can be the result of yang deficiency, as the digestive fire breaks these components down. Yet, inflammation in the body, which may result from a weak Moon or Venus, results in the coagulation of dampness and increased difficulty of removal. Further, the movement of water in the body, driven by Mars and Mercury and their influence on the kidneys and lungs, help break up and dissolve accumulations of water and phlegm.

In addition, the presence of a bad transit can put additional pressure on us. Further, as Zevists, we have to handle an increased workload of spiritual work. Even though our work results in increased health over time, on a daily basis we are expending energy on transforming our soul, such as in our rituals or workings. These are ongoing transformations that we both fuel and have to handle any backlash which occur. All of this can create a perception of lack of progress.