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Question #4682: Mental and Spiritual burnout

AskSatanOperator

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I've been practicing this path for nearly six years now.
I've been doing an average of 5 hours of meditations every day since dedication (up to 6 and 7 hours daily if I add scheduled warfare).
I still can't void properly, i still can't fall into a trance no matter how hard i try. I feel nothing, I can't feel the gods, still.
I don't even know if my rituals are even helping anyone or anything.
I have a hard time trusting anyone in this community or the people around me.
I do not believe that I have the support that I need. I give my own, regardless.
I still don't know who my guardian demon is.
I already tried to ask for guardian's name and it was a disaster of me just resenting them because they gave up.
Because I've felt this intense resentment because they gave up; I haven't done another standard ritual asking for anything else since because I am scared to reproduce this result.
It also doesn't help that I make it harder for them because i cant see or hear them anyways.
I don't want to feel this anger, I know they care about me, but sometimes that feels hard to believe, despite the numerous signs i've been given.
I'm tired of that doubt, too.
I'm exhausted, and I'm worried I can't do it anymore.
 
Suppose your situation is really as described and you have been meditating for six years.

During this time, you could raise a tremendous amount of psychic power, if you try new power meditations and are regular in your exercises.

But you realise, you have convinced yourself that you are unfit. That's a fatal mistake. You may be stifled by your own mistaken effort.

You should believe that you are growing above yourself, with faith there will only be an opportunity to put strength into realisation.

You should not doubt, doubt is what keeps you locked in failure.

Change the way you think about yourself. Increase your self-esteem.
 
You could be falsely applying onto the Gods the same feelings of resentment or anger which you may have experienced towards humans in your past, even a past life. Just as a further assumption, as you mention not feeling supported, this could be a Moon problem, which deals with feelings of support, but also sensitivity and relaxation.

In my personal experience when upset, it is not that the Gods have "given up", but it could be that they are waiting for a better time to contact you or give signs.

For you to resolve these feelings, you have to find ways to re-establish the relationships. Regardless of whether you feel resentment or not, ask them for advice on the matter or anything else. When they return your request for help, this creates a memory of being supported, which helps you to resolve underlying feelings of this not occurring. It will take time, but this is the process of creating positivity here.

If the problem is big enough, you should certainly put effort into a working perhaps with Wunjo, or maybe use this ongoing Venus Square, then program this for a positive relationship with the Gods. Even without this, you can also meditate on the sigil of a God and feel their energy in your heart chakra, and this will stimulate feelings of a connection.

All of the above are options of which to progress, because there is certainly a way forward here. Don't feel hopeless or like there is no way forward.

Just briefly, if you are having problems with energy sensitivity, then use Laguz. If you need help with magickal willpower (knowing your rituals do something), then use Eihwaz. If your mind is really out of control, then use Isa, and so on. There are options for you here that you can certainly manifest with your 6 years of training.
 
I can't give a good solution, but I used to have the same problem, so I'll relate my experiences. I want to focus on helping more than on my own problems, so this is just for information purposes.

My early time as a Satanist was full of suffering, and I had a hard life and couldn't seem to advance no matter what I did.

The only time I was ever able to make progress in communicating with the gods was when we started doing the god rituals. I also felt like I was abandoned by them and hated them. It turned out in the end that, since I was tied into enemy curses (I had a very damaged, abused soul), I was channeling jewish hatred toward the gods. With time, my resentment toward them eventually dissipated. Whenever the jews curse the gods, I'm still easily affected by it, and I lose contact with them, though I don't feel resentment anymore. So, for me, the God rituals helped, mostly during the schedules, since many people were doing them all at once.

The advice I got from Thoth was to target my solar chakra, which was the damaged focal point of communication for me. Ab exercises, breath of fire, sowilo, disconnecting an abuser, yoga that targets the chakra are what I do. Not that it is guaranteed to be the same for you, but it helped me.

It's painful to see other people going through this. I hope you find a solution.
 
Another thing I wanted to add is you don't have to be doing your meditations in such excess. Take care of yourself, part of advancing is actually being able to be happy and enjoy life. Meditation is supposed to be a feminine activity and making it like grueling labor defeats the purpose of it.

The only way for it to work is to apply it with the intention of steady, consistent growth. It's like "nurturing" yourself. The way you're going about it is like you're setting yourself up for some bad hang-ups regarding spiritual activity.

If it hasn't been working for you with the amounts you were doing it won't hurt you to slow down. You might being doing more harm than good by forcing yourself. This is also something I experienced in the past and I've been making progress by allowing myself to do it in smaller amounts.

Just know that your negativity and bad experiences get stored in your soul and will cause problems down the line. So please do yourself a favor and relax.
 
Might help to know which meditations your doing if you could do an updated post to describe your schedule, I find if I keep doing the same thing I simply dont progress past a certain point, as for the lack of contact with the Gods I find its very hard to communicate with the Gods or even feel their energy when your at a low point or feeling that way even subconciously, thats the issue with only contacting the Gods when you need it, its a bad habit I had to unlearn, because if you wait that long and wait until the Gods are your last option in some ways your making a demand of them and they dont tend to appreciate that, have you tried praying just to talk, just to be heard? The Gods arent really interested in proving their existance from my experience but they are always interested in helping Dedicated Satanists.

Also you say you feel nothing? Not even foundation meditation? If so im sorry but you may have just been doing things wrong this entire time, it happens, I didnt realise you should affirm energy until like after 8 years of consistent meditation, I just somehow missed it on Joy of Satan, from now on how about focusing soley on foundation meditation until you are 100% sure you can feel it, and your doing it correctly once your sure you can feel energy do Satans Absoloution Ritual and focus on his sigil and see if you can feel his energy.

Also you say you feel that your giving to the cause but not recieving, your almost certainly wrong about the lack of blessings and signs you have recieved but you are aware breaks are allowed, if you feel overwhelmed you can take some time focus yourself have "me time" as it were.

Also I never noticed any signs from the Standard ritual either, perhaps I lack the power or perhaps the new Gods rituals are just stronger but you shouldnt feel resentment for not getting an answer from the standard ritual, are you actually focusing on the sigil at the end of a God ritual? Because you literally have to in order to feel their energy, its not something that just happens, that was another mistake I used to make.

I would reccomend the ritual of Baalzebul or Satan their energy is overwhelmingly noticable, but make sure you do your foundation meditation first, you have given this 6 years, give just one month of solid focused foundation meditation really feel the energy and then do the Satan or Baalzebul ritual.

I hope this helps it took me years before I could feel the energy of the Gods but looking back that was mostly due to me not really putting the effort it when it came to doing things propely I just kinda did them but didnt pay attention to the all important details and thus slowed my advancement.
 
I've been practicing this path for nearly six years now.
I've been doing an average of 5 hours of meditations every day since dedication (up to 6 and 7 hours daily if I add scheduled warfare).
I still can't void properly, i still can't fall into a trance no matter how hard i try. I feel nothing, I can't feel the gods, still.
I don't even know if my rituals are even helping anyone or anything.
I have a hard time trusting anyone in this community or the people around me.
I do not believe that I have the support that I need. I give my own, regardless.
I still don't know who my guardian demon is.
I already tried to ask for guardian's name and it was a disaster of me just resenting them because they gave up.
Because I've felt this intense resentment because they gave up; I haven't done another standard ritual asking for anything else since because I am scared to reproduce this result.
It also doesn't help that I make it harder for them because i cant see or hear them anyways.
I don't want to feel this anger, I know they care about me, but sometimes that feels hard to believe, despite the numerous signs i've been given.
I'm tired of that doubt, too.
I'm exhausted, and I'm worried I can't do it anymore.
Results come over time, it takes consistency and patience, and over time you will achieve results.
 

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Satan

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