New to this...

[l3bekk]

I don't really want to type up a life story but all I know is that I'm done with Christianity after seeing from a clear view point what it has really done to my family, and usually those that I know that are really into Christianity all share the same characteristics being self-righteous, judge mental and occasionally pitying those who they feel "will suffer an eternal death in hell" because they don't want to change their ways and give their life to god. Christianity has cost me to become so confuse and lost, I wanted to find god and this all around warm feeling, but I ended up feeling either nothing there or "unwanted" and dirty and I really wanted to dedicate my time trying to be a devoted follower. This wasnt just the problem though. I hated the feeling of having to change who I was and give up traits of things that made me "ME" just to be obedient. I hated the feeling of secretly pitying my gay friends because homosexuality is "immoral" and wrong and god who supposedly loves his children so much will punish those who are to me, naturally attracted to the same sex and is not some "sin of man" and you will just burn for sin that your supposedly born in and can't help, unless you willingly give yourself to god and give up all your ways that truly makes you who you are, it was just alot of things that didn't add up to me in Christianity, I had a award time believing in Jesus, he sounded like a neat person and all but I just could not make the connections at all and I'VE tried! I'm looking for spiritual growth, as a matter of fact it's all I've been looking for all this time, I just want to be happy, and loved, and makes others happy and love them for who they really are without judgement and bias. I've read most of the stuff on JoS and to my surprise it made alot of sense to me, so much sense that it infuriated me that all this time this was the type of stuff I had needed to invest my time and most importantly my LIFE! Into. But what now? How do I even begin starting with this new religion while going through the process of rejecting lies, on top of confusing lies, that ive been born into I just want to fulfill my goals and feel positive all around.