Astrology #79161 Astrology

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Hello, I would like to understand an aspect of astrology. I have a fire stellium in Leo in the 11th house formed by the moon, mercury and chiron. I am Cancer and my ascendant is Virgo. I often find it difficult to express my creativity and self-expression in front of the public and I feel an enormous blockage in progress. Although I really want to advance in meditation and use art to develop myself, all kinds of blockages appear. How could I use these energies and imbue this aspect so that I am not afraid of how I am seen and how I express myself and have continuity in meditation? I have been dedicated to our father Satan for 4 years. I do work and participate in rituals, but in most of the personal meditations that I start, I fail to have continuity. I only succeed if I make great mental efforts. I also have four planets in retrograde: Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto.