Honorary TranslatorGood day to all of you.
Please excuse the long post.
There is a sound problem it seems I am unable to fix since time. I got any kind of help from my GD but I feel like I need some human confrontation on this, as I am still barely stuck at ground zero, most likely the problem is somewhere in myself.
I grew in a christian family with a old-style pattern, where father was the only worker and bringer/administrator of wealth, while mother was the typical housewife. I am the first male, so I built a strong bond with my father and unconsciously hated my mother for some reasons and medioeval pattern instructions too. When my mother dead, it has been easy to detach my chakras and break any link/bond, as I have been mentally hostile to her so did not really build a spiritual deep relationship.
The problem is, I acknowlegded I have always been deeply in connection with my father, too much. Now that my mother is dead, he is alone and he is (as a christian) using guilt, pain and victim attitude to attract my energies. This has intensified chakra links. Let me explain.
I have always been a kind of rebel. When I was 17, something happened that caused to me big shame with my father to the point I pissed in my trousers, because of fear. No true danger, just shame. Since then my life has never been the same again. Now I can understand some "external" will started to took control of my life, so I began not doing what I really wanted to. I tried to move out at 19, to a foreign country, to be independent. The 2nd day I just found out the job was not real, everything went odds, just went back to home pennyless.
I lost self esteem and ruined my sexual life by bad choiches, that I stronly suspect are the same as my father did. Today I understand, there is a deep link at the 2nd chakra with my father, who is draining me constantly, to the point I sometimes feel a pain around the chakra (right testicle) when I do or even think something against him (not always, still trying to understand when it happens). I identified this as the key episode, that triggered most of the mental slavery I experience.
When my father is upset, I get nervous and can get upset too.
He goes to the supermarket to buy 2 things, the next day I found out I bought the same (we live far from each other so I did not consciously know that).
He is worried about car's tires, I get compelled to fix my car's tires.
Now the worst. He is over anxious about having a shoulder problem? I get injured to my shoulder. He is worried to spend too much money? I find I spend my money too much. Years ago, my mother wanted to divorce. My father managed to keep her with him (possibly psychological pressure), in the meantime I just divorced in a hurry, out of the blue. It seems, his problems or fears in a way are discharged on me. I can even be consciously unaware of that, I discover weeks later the common pattern. We live far from each other (over 2 hours drive distance).
I know this may sound strange but I am barely sure many of my actions are the result of his thought. I recently discovered this, I am still able to take decisions (being with Satan, for example) but when I am weak, this is most evident. Seems like a progress but, sounds like a person finding out a cancer. OK now I know the problem, but I found no cure. I tried many Munka sessions (40 days, repeated), chakra link break meditation (several times), this goes on since years. My GD helped me but it seems there is some deep rooted mental process that re-creates the bond perpetually.
Each time I perform a ritual to break free, my mind is attacked by images of my father, feeling he is sad, a poor good old man... so on. So I need to struggle, void meditation helps but not solving situation.
He is clearly a vampire, as his behaviours with people is always aimed to emotional touch and draining attention, pity and every kind of emotion to his advantage. Typical christian victiam attitude. He is very skilled to manipulate others and got success in life somehow. Until his old mother got ill (Alzheimer) and lived for barely 10 years in a bed with barely no consciousness, into a christian hospice (montly paid). He was draining energies from others to transfer those energies to his barely dead mother, to the poin I suspect he prolonged her life (my father's soul is not that weak, he seems to have some hidden abilities, like a strong intuition).
Did anyone experience a similar problem before? Any idea?
I am stuck, and I fear this "family karma" that seems to manipulate my father before, and now me, will be tranferred to me upon his death.
Also, he is old and christian, so he is increasing his prayers and this infests my life to the point very christian people harass me more often. Not a big problem, just a waste of energies to keep them far.
Thanks for reading this.