Regarding Elements ( questioning my experience)

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

for a couple of days I've been worried about my job, but I think it's safe to say it was a plain scare tactic with nothing to be used against me

Keep your cool, dear Brother. Remain polite if possible. If not, inform the other party calmly that such an attitude is not acceptable and carry on. The crucial point here is to keep your inner self calm and balanced. "Trying to find a fuck to give..." is a good description, lol. (OK, I know it's easier said than done, especially if their attack hits a nerve.)

Just a question: how do you vibrate SATANAS? Do you do it like HPS Pythia does in her audio file, letter by letter? I did it in one breath earlier but with this offensive I stick to the protocol.

Did you notice my post in your 444 thread? Nowadays I'm seeing this number and 555 more than 666. I don't have the slightest clue what this all means. I read Brother GitM post that 444 means the need for balance.

Thank you for your kind words. I'm more than confident that you will weather this shitshow at your workplace like a champ. I have no bosses or managers but I was too connected with my immediate family. After I loosened the connections up a bit (adopted the "I don't give a fuck" attitude), the attacks ceased. I found this inner anger that helped me do it. It is a major driving force even when performing warfare rituals.

Yes, we are a family. Small world after all. I'd suggest you read this post if you haven't already:
https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=45866
Too many people feel the same, think the same. This is no fucking coincidence.

Stay frosty, dear Brother. Warm Regards to you.

Apprentice wrote:

....

The work situation burst into a bubble of nothing. I haven't even been able to let my supervisor hear about it (just mentioned it in a text, then he had family issues so I didn't want to bother him for this) but the thing pretty much vanished into thin air. I suppose it still has been useful to me in one aspect though: I always strived with really drilling into my head the concept of Destruction being as just as Creation, so events like these make me think harder and realize I have the right to fuck with someone's life when needed. I think this is one of the main reason Haures came to my mind again. She's probably to me what Leraje is to Brother Ghost in the Machine, only he needs to learn to calm down, I need to learn to focus murderous thoughts.

Apprentice wrote:

Just a question: how do you vibrate SATANAS? Do you do it like HPS Pythia does in her audio file, letter by letter? I did it in one breath earlier but with this offensive I stick to the protocol.

I'm pretty sure I follow HPS Pythia's audio example. I do it all on one breath: the S is hissed like a cat, the A is open and vibrates in my chest, the T is the TH sound form the Third Eye Awakening (like TH-A-U-M) and the N is a simple N sound that I feel in my chest, throat and head.
I don't know if you referred to another version where you (probably) vibrate each sound for an entire breath, so doing 7 breaths for the whole SATANAS.. I've been thinking about it though, as I found I have problems 'dosing' the breath in equal parts in order to comfortably reach the end of the Demon's name/Rune/Mantra. This of course comes harder with names like DANTALIAN, who has 9 letters in the name compared to RAUM, for instance.
Speaking of Haures... how do you vibrate the H? The R should be rolled (I do one version that gets really close to Pythia's rolled R as I can't roll it the way Italians and Spanish do) and the S should be hissed, but the H ..is it like a constricted exhale? A bit like wheezing?
I need to take up training with her again. I've been feeling this urge. As for Leraje, I'm going to say this.. I don't think I am as advanced as I need to be to fully comprehend why she's my Guardian. I know there's a connection, that much is clear. I felt this the moment I tried to check if there was one, and there was. But every time I tried to contact her, focus on her or anything, the communication seems impossible. It's like she's on another completely different level and I can't reach her. And I find it crazy that I can communicate better with other Demons that I have never met before than my Guardian. :/ It might be that there's also a lot of interference, very possibly caused by the enemy in order to get me to question this relationship and believe less in it, resulting in my own weakening. This would be logic, I guess.

Actually... now that I think about it more and remember visions, I know it is so. -_- Shit.. see? A little introspection and I can find the problem right away, but only when I write it down (usually). This exact thing happened yesterday as well: I asked myself what I truly wanted for myself, as I decided what I thought I wanted for all my life was just garbage that the enemy 'instructed' me to want, so I would create my own mind prison. So I wrote three pages of things and asked myself what I want. I couldn't answer for the life of me.
In the end I made a list of three things, the first two I had to trick my head into getting there. They aren't 'things I want' but problems I want to fix, one of them being exactly the problem we deal with every time we do an Ritual and fight for our Satan given right to evolve and be free. The other one I will solve when I can easily access the astral and stop mentally separating realities that co-exist.
The third one was the first of the three that I could state straight away, without it having to be the opposite of something else, and it concerned my love life.
When I read them all again it all made sense and I realized how my thoughts have been tampered with during my entire life, since I have memory.

On the 444 post... I thought I hadn't received the notification because you didn't quote me (without the quote I rarely notice posts, sometimes it took two months), but the post was there, first one posted.. and it simply wasn't before.

Apprentice wrote:

Read it. It makes a world of sense. We are Family.

"Stay frosty" ... "Warm Regards" ... someone's been playing with Fire and Ice? XD

Take care, Brother. Talk soon. :)

Hail Father Zeus Forever!

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

The work situation burst into a bubble of nothing.

I had a feeling this would end in a pile of nothing. When my wife said she's about to dump me, it also ended in a pile of nothing (and steamy bed wrestling).

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

I have the right to fuck with someone's life when needed

But then again you see the situation clearer than anyone else involved and you comprehend that these attacks on you are orchestrated from an invisible realm. The genesis of this idea didn't happen within the mind of your manager or whoever. It was injected into their minds. Sometimes, a binding is all you need. It all depends on the situation. We need to deal with the root of the problem. Retribution to every gawd-damn meaningless, remotely operated NPC out there means that you're spreading yourself way too thin. The way I see it, one has to keep up a strong AoP, warrior mentality and nothing-to-lose attitude. Unleash and enjoy the destruction when it is warranted and the situation calls for it.
Just a rhetorical discussion from my side.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

I'm pretty sure I follow HPS Pythia's audio example.

I was just being curious. I was under the impression that one breath is one letter. I've done the whole SATANAS in one breath if time is tight but this time I used the long version.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Speaking of Haures... how do you vibrate the H?

In my language the H is not exactly the cats hiss but close (like the H in the word 'have'). Yes, basically a constricted exhale.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

I don't think I am as advanced as I need to be to fully comprehend why she's my Guardian.

Actually, I decided to postpone dealing with these matters for now. They are busy and so are we plus the astral is littered with enemy dung scavengers. Don't vex yourself. Keep your eyes and ears open for any signs, build strong faith+trust and do your part (meaning warfare + personal evolution). It will all fall into place eventually when the time is right.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

"Stay frosty" ... "Warm Regards" ... someone's been playing with Fire and Ice? XD

I had a feeling you are going to crack a joke about this even before I submitted the post :D
Anyhow, back then after experimenting with Fire and Earth, I decided not to upset my Elemental balance further. Been hitting Quintessence ever since.
A funny thing happened during this military excercise we had. The weather was cool, about 40°F. I was wearing a light summer uniform, a tactical plate carrier vest + harness + backpack. So far in my life it has been extremely easy for me to catch a cold. When we moved out in the morning, I mentally focused on the Fire already inside me and just fanned the flames. It worked - I felt warm and okay all the time. Fucking awesome.

Respect & love to you, stay strong.

Apprentice wrote:

I had a feeling this would end in a pile of nothing

Today I had another run in with the idiot who asked for my details to write a report... fucking clown. I called my boss and finally managed to explain the whole thing, he suggested I wrote a report to him myself so I did. Haven't heard back but I'm pretty sure no one's got any dirt on me, I'm a freaking saint at work.

Apprentice wrote:

Retribution to every gawd-damn meaningless, remotely operated NPC out there means that you're spreading yourself way too thin

True, I see what you're saying. Yet again, if I let those that abuse their little power on others without ever doing anything about it I'm just letting them rule while they shouldn't. I guess in the end it all comes down to the nature of one's attack, whether they were piloted from the enemy or not.. this guy, from what I heard from others, has been harassing workers left and right and even got physical once. Not a good person that can play the "I'm innocent, I just got manipulated" card many others can play, then. I'll see what this leads to, I could always use the "Elemental overload" practice. I've been dying to try "Airing" someone out of their mind, I'm just too compassionate and always chose to let things go.... so far.

Ever thought of ways you could use your Air as a weapon? It used to be the one Element I didn't think could possibly be dangerous, then this year I realized there's at least three ways to use it like that.

Apprentice wrote:

Yeah, I've been doing it the same way then.

Couldn't resist. Almost felt like you did it on purpose lol. I'm trying to work with Quintessence as much as I can, but I noticed when I do something for more than I'm possibly meant to (for the moment) I tend not to see other results, so I change strategy. This obviously has happened with the 4 Element A LOT in the past. I'm sticking with my Air for now though. I feel I still have to grasp its true gifts, like the peace it offers, and the senses. Thanks to Air I felt my third eye "throbbing" like a physical organ. Haven't done that again for a while due to the amount of warfare and little time left, but I will soon.
I've also been stimulated to use more Air in my meditations, in ways that would probably agree with GitM's words on Air being the Element that frees and unblocks. I've been feeling an attraction to Air that suggests that's what I'm aiming for, possibly something very related with Leraje's peace bringing.

And great work with your Fire keeping yourself warm. I've done that too sometime when I felt particularly fond of this Element, it's truly fascinating how it seems to make a sweater totally useless. I'm glad you took up the Elements this year, you've been learning a lot, haven't you?

Talk to you soon, Brother. Three more days of offensive and then I'll use the time to work on myself more. There's much I need to do yet.

HAIL ZEUS!

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

I remember months ago when I mentioned using magick to manipulate others and you disagreed with this being an honorable thing to do.

It is your actions using this magick that define the honorability or ethicality of it. I even don't know how to formulate it exactly. I only know that I must respect the free will of others. If I can't talk someone to do something, then that's it. Of course, all limits are off for someone who is out to harm me, my family or my property.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Living like this sounds too hard to keep doing after the breaking point, I've seen people seriously collapse and you're Family. Don't want to see you getting crushed by this slavery system, besides, the more time you have the more you can improve yourself and be fighting in our war, making the world a safer place to be as well.

Exactly. And I've been beyond boiling/breaking point several times. If it were an underpaid job somewhere, I would have quit a long time ago. The reality is a bit more complicated because we are talking about a family business. And because you really work for yourself as an owner, then you are willing to go the extra mile almost daily. Some days you have a choice, other days not really. I totally get the importance of meditations and Zevism work but I also see that if I don't do what I gotta do then we will soon be in a bad place financially. I can't just say that "fuck, today I'm not going to deliver the products to customers". So I'm in a bit of a predicament work-wise. I hope you get my point.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

I know you're extremely gifted, I suppose that's one reason you're so often being targeted and attacked. I've seen this happening to me a lot since I joined the spiritual warfare, and I know it means I am a danger to them.

The Powers of Hell have always shielded me from the worst, I guess. I am deeply grateful for that and thank them every day. So the only thing the enemy fucktards succeed in lately is tormenting me emotionally through my immediate family.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

It's like you're asking for me to say "absorb Earth" lol. I lately re-read about the chakras and their Elements and realized I had forgot both the 1st and 2nd chakras have Earth. I guess I shouldn't be surprised as they provide grounding for the Soul, the first especially being 'the root' and all.

I tried that today. It's wait-and-see now. Every electrical circuit will have problems if the ground is not there or is intermittent.
As for the grey attacks, guess they're out of tricks with me. About 2 months ago they tried to pull that sympathy towards Poos thing on me. Didn't work as I sensed it coming. Then they manipulated my family members. That didn't keep me away from offensive action either.
Besides, I've really got nothing to lose. I'm not going to become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone.
As for the Elemental (im)balance, according to one astrology site, I have everything in equal proportions except Air of course. Other sites give different results. I'm going to work on it more seriously and we'll see. The problem is, just like Brother GitM pointed out, lack of guidance and information. I just can't talk to my GD yet so this is a bit like instrument flight. The 444 is currently my only blinking warning light (if the need for ground is what it means).

Are you getting your job back? Hope everything is running fine for you.
Over here, this 'ronacircus is getting a bit more serious. Our PM officially said that there will be vaccination ID-s required and the police are harassing people who don't wear face diapers. I'm not getting any of this alien shit pumped into me because frankly I don't believe it is something you can just Satanama yourself out of later. Also, people are waking up to this circus en masse.

Thank you, dear Brother. Keep your protection up. See you in the trenches!

Apprentice wrote:

Also, keeping a balance is hard if your partner can work like a machine. Makes you feel you have to do the same.
I have asked the Powers for any hints about how to restore balance and feel good, positive and energized because, honestly, I don't remember that feeling. Maybe this is why they show me the ’444’ all the time. Maybe it’s not about the Elemental balance but the physical balance of my life. Kinda „eureka“ moment for me right now.

Satanama for 5-15 minutes a day, and physical yoga for however much you can squeeze in is pretty good for that.

Henu the Great wrote:

Satanama for 5-15 minutes a day, and physical yoga for however much you can squeeze in is pretty good for that.

Thanks Bro.
I feel that I spend too much time working/thinking about work-related issues. I don't allow myself to just enjoy the day every now and then, to maintain balance. This aspect of my life needs serious overhaul.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

PING

Miss you, dear Brother. You are obviously busy... Don't forget to read my previous reply to you in this thread.

The working to obliterate bad planetary influences obviously caused some of these bad things to flare up. During the last week I've been under serious anxiety/scatterbrain syndrome. Did Void and Returning Curses to help keep it at bay. Yesterday I felt it getting weaker. Oh boy, whatta mindjob. It almost feels like an enemy attack with the exception that Returning Curses doesn't do much. Somehow I felt that I have to see this through. So here I am, watching the situation in the world and trying to get myself back on track.
How are things down under?

It's already late but I still want to take the time to reply to your post, dear Brother.

Awesome, Brother. You reminded me of something! As a child, I used to play for days in thick forests. These days seemed like endless. I played with the Water! Small creeks, larger puddles of Water from all the snow melting in the spring etc. There was a natural spring surrounded by vertical sandstone walls. I spent days there, playing. I even didn't feel any hunger. Once I cleaned a very small rivulet in a valley from leaves and twigs, during spring time. The snow was melting and the Water was finding a way. The Water was freezing cold but I felt none! All this took place not even a mile from my parents country cottage.
Water! And charming scenery on top of that. Amazing. BTW, I have no issues or fears towards Water.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

I felt again that 'hum' I had been feeling a lot in November/December. This MIGHT have something to do with this... :/ could this possibly be my Soul telling me with CAPS that I need to go for cryo and Water/cold related skills?

Dunno, Bro, you have to look inside yourself. No one outside of you can tell you this, except the Gods of course, I guess.
I myself liked the movie character Frozone from The Incredibles (2004).
BTW, for some years now, I can not sleep under the same blanket my missus is using because I feel it's just too damn hot! I'm using much thinner blanket.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

No police is a good deal indeed. I'd like to hear more on how you did that one

This was just a powerful wish and energy from inside me (before even dedicating and becoming a Zevist). No rituals involved. Just a strong wish, pure intent. I wished that me and the police would forever be in opposing phases: I'm not where they are and vice versa. So far it has worked wonders. Traffic cops do not stop me (I see them rarely) and I always seem to drive within limit when they stalk. Even some weeks ago, I was at a supermarket buying something at a counter when the so-called covid patrol (police) walked in. My back was turned towards them and I walked out without them seeing me. I didn't see them. My missus was the one who noticed them and told me about it later. I wasn't wearing a face diaper and this is why they harass and humiliate people over here (and everywhere, I guess).

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Where the fuck do you live? Siberia??

Not even remotely. If you read some of my first posts, you'll get a pretty good idea where I'm from.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

The moment you say you can't, you can't.

Good reminder. Many of our abilities are uncharted but then again it is really easy to become delusional. I feel that you are right in that I'm limiting myself, every now and then, out of inability to acknowledge my real abilities (even I don't know what they are to begin with).

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

don't just TALK to your Serpent... LOVE it.

Long time ago, when the Ritual was published and I started doing it seriously, my missus had visions of snakes before falling asleep. Lots of snakes. She had this strong feeling like there are snakes under our bed or house floor or smth. She said that she is afraid of the snakes in real life but these visions weren't exactly frightening. Go figure.

I guess it's finally time for me to try out the Water. I've never invoked it before, only into the Sacral so far. The reason I postponed it was that Water can cause depression. Not long ago I was already experiencing it so... it's only natural, I guess, that I'm a bit wary.

Looking forward to your posts, dear Brother.

Apprentice wrote:

Water! And charming scenery on top of that. Amazing. BTW, I have no issues or fears towards Water.

That is VERY much like I always felt about Water. I can't stress enough how close I've always felt to the Element, let it suffice to say that when I discovered I was an Air person I was very surprised.. even now part of me screams "investigate more" as there's something that clearly tells me I have to get to the bottom of this. I'm also a Water sign (and as far as I can say it's THE most water sign of the zodiac.. I feel Scorpio's got too much fire in it and Cancer too much Earth perhaps.. only one left), so I've always thought this Element was my Element for more than a couple reasons. Maybe you and I are supposed to go down this path and see what it holds in store for us?
As you know, I've always "chosen" one Element and stuck with it for as long as I could before changing either my mind about it or how I felt about it. Say I chose Fire, I'd be super confident about it.. until I would feel it as I was just pushing myself to get higher and would end up feeling the Element itself as kind of 'dull', therefore looking immediately for something else, not necessarily its opposite every time.

With Water, I know very well my limit. I, perhaps stupidly, always found that Invoking Water MUST lead one to cryokinesis, so Ice.. but 'Ice' doesn't equal 'Water', does it? I assume it's about the cold, but Water is more than just that. Emotions, flow, ability to adapt, sexual drive even... and fears. Irrational fears, more like, stuff we have to deal with at some people for sure, whether the fears one has within come from Water or anything else.
With the 'cold in mind', I know that my limit with Water arrives when I start feeling something like a quite literal brain freeze effect. I feel like the Element starts inhabiting the limbs, then the torso, chest, neck, but the head is almost like it's off limits territory. When I feel this effect, I fear my Water training isn't going to last long...

Over the last few days, I've decided to push this more and forget about my fears. Not in the obvious overcharged irresponsible way, but in the sense that I know I can overcome my limit by adapting myself to the Element like I haven't done before.

Yesterday I had a weird effect again...
I was starting to go through with this mentality, determined to prove myself that I can do this, when I felt something like a brain surge. It was almost like all my spine's bioelectricity was suddenly conveyed in my head and it felt pretty discomforting, to say the least.
Thinking in hindsight, I know that earlier in the same day I had felt 'moments' in which this was strong enough to make me alert... not so intense, but enough to alert me of something about to happen to me.

This 'surge' lasted only a few seconds, but the overall impression I got from it was that it was something 'Airy'. Electrical, even.
Let me put it this way... it was almost as if Air wanted to let me know it can be just as dangerous as Water and Ice. Makes sense?

Immediately I thought of Leraje and how she's said to be dangerous thanks to Air, and even though I normally think of this as something difficult to understand, that "Air can't be THAT powerful" UNLESS the Air creates Electricity, I received somehow the answer.
Air is known to create overthinking, which in turn comes from an unstable ability to focus and calm the energy down (like Earth people who seem better than others at astral senses and divination, in my opinion at least).. too much Air creates overloaded brain, overwhelming bioelectricity, it unbinds blockages, it stimulates and excites, and ultimately it creates 'bioelectrical surges'.

The point here is (or at least the lesson I learned): Air can be fucking dangerous. Fire burns, Water messes with emotion and sickness even, Ice freezes, Earth slows down and theoretically causes the heart to stop... but Air in good enough amount can 'zap one senseless'. I'm not finding the exact medical term right now.. but I think that "bio-shock" is pretty close to the effect Air can have on a target.

Now, why did I feel this while mingling with Water (in a serious enough way)? :/

I remember the early months of last year when I was at work and felt kinda the same type of surge while I was determined to go all the way with Earth.
Honestly, I can't think of a reason other than my Soul or the Gods themselves telling my in a way I can understand that I'm going in a wrong direction and need to change the course ASAP. Pretty sure by now that if I did this with Fire I would meet the same even once again.

The "need" for more air that I had lately (not cold, just air on my skin, to the point of taking off almost all clothes during the day) made me realize the moment the surge had gone that I wasn't 'needing' Water, I just needed to embrace Air.

Noteworthy... (and now that I'm done writing it and coming back I feel so stupid for not noticing this before lol)... that same morning I had (after a too long time) another one of those "sudden heat" energy on my left foot while driving, and I learned to associate this to Leraje trying to make me aware of her. This has been happening like 20 times already, but yesterday I decided to doubt this and asked her to give me a stronger sign, I clearly stated "even if it is painful, I need to know this is you". Hours later, this happens and here I was wondering whether or not Water was the way to go.... fuck my stupidity.

Soooo.....

Long story short, Brother, I had a VERY clear demonstration (haha! "Demon"-stration... :lol: ) of how my dominant Element (and yours) CAN be used against someone else. How overcharging someone with Air can have a really crazy effect... no different at all than literally giving them an electrical shock. I have to keep this in mind very well... tattoo it on my skin if necessary.

I can almost hear Brother GitM's voice telling me I'm obsessed with electricity lol. Guess it was for a good reason that I started getting so into it.

_______________________________

Another thing that I really feel like sharing after this last couple of days, and it's something that (as I just learned) has a lot to do with the concept of having a 'dominant' Element. I don't know how it works for the Gods, how they can have an Element when their Souls are perfectly balanced already, I just assume that the Element is their personal choice, possibly much like someone's favorite Element... can't be sure, but maybe it's not so important right now and it will make sense later.

After deciding to go all the way with an Element (in the case of Water and me becoming very tolerant of the cold, which I normally really can't stand) something became very obvious:
when we learn from the Elements and have in mind to become 'Elementalists', we probably often think that we can just summon an Element outside of our body and direct it to someone else, a target. HP Pythia stated that the more we become capable of tolerating the Element ourselves, the more of that Element we can direct and (in the case of Fire, as that's what she made the example with) even incinerating a victim of a black magick spell.

After I became tolerant of the cold in a measure I had never felt, I became very aware of the fact that when our bodies don't feel fearful/submissive/endangered by an Element anymore, we can use it simply by putting it (enough of it and long enough) into an enemy and know that a result will be accomplished. What I now know, is that HOLDING that Element for us is supposed to be a joke, easy as fuck, so much that we feel absolutely normal, but the trick is that we apply OUR NORMAL to the VICTIM'S NORMAL. This causes a rather noticeable change and the victim suffers from whatever it is we're causing them to feel (in the case of an Air Elementalist, the victim will more than likely be "bio-shocked").

My mistake for all this time was to consider an Elementalist as someone who can not hold their Element, and only tries to manipulate it with a very limited capacity to hold it himself/herself, ultimately causing the only damage to himself/herself in the attempt of damaging someone else. (Think "shooting someone with a gun held by the toes and shooting yourself in the foot as a result".)

Brother, I have a feeling I messed that up badly enough to make it difficult to understand.. I hope you get the meaning of this because now that I realize it I know it's really going to help me when I do Elementalist shit. If you don't get it, tell me and I'll try to re-explain it differently.

In my particular case, it seems the only Element I really suck at using is Earth (so lots of rebalancing meditation is needed, Quintessence primarily), but even so, the one I feel strongest in my Soul is Air. So fucking glad now I know how to use it. Suddenly a lot makes more sense.

I myself liked the movie character Frozone from The Incredibles (2004).
BTW, for some years now, I can not sleep under the same blanket my missus is using because I feel it's just too damn hot! I'm using much thinner blanket.

I loved Frozone too. :P Cryokinetic characters always fascinated me.. too bad there's never too many who manipulate Air. Thankfully a couple years back I finally made up my mind and said "fuck it, I'm gonna watch the Avatar series and see what it's all about", and that was it.. fell in love with "Airbending" lol. Too bad it was also the one art I felt I wouldn't be able to replicate in this reality. Felt too damn advanced... also, they imply Firebenders can evolve their skills into shooting electricity, but in truth lightning comes from Air manipulation.. Fire I use for healing, Water for emotions and dealing with fears.. and now to deal with cold weather.
By the way, I read your first posts... shiiiit, that's gotta be cold! :D Pretty sure I'd love to live in that country though. I'd also love to hear what your English accent sounds like. ;)

Good reminder. Many of our abilities are uncharted but then again it is really easy to become delusional. I feel that you are right in that I'm limiting myself, every now and then, out of inability to acknowledge my real abilities (even I don't know what they are to begin with).

This whole Water and Air experience has taught me something related, I think. This is also something that HP HC pointed out in one of his last posts on people that feel like gods when they're not so advanced at all. In brief, you have to bang your head against your own limits. If you asked me to take a cold shower two weeks ago, I'd have said 'fuck that thought', now I have no problems with it, because I raised my ability to stand the cold. I pushed the limit further and can do something I couldn't before. I think in the case of all four Elements, if one didn't want to use Quintessence not wanting to limit the ability to learn from each, one at a time, I'd say it probably works by pushing the limit one Element at a time, further away from you, until you can manage to hold them all in a decent way, EACH MORE than you can normally/averagely hold your current dominating one. That sounds to me like a decent goal to start with, and probably you should test your abilities once you're that much freer from your limits. Personally, I'm going to start using Air skills and even (as Brother GitM did in one of his last reported sessions here) 'measure' my electrical charge. This is where appliances and Volt counters can be useful. Think of the "potato battery clock" thing.. use yourself to charge a clock. I think GitM was doing the opposite, holding the charge of a charging phone at the same level. You're good with machines, that should easily give you ideas.

And yeah, you did mention your partner seeing snakes before.. I don't know if you visualize Kundalini the same as I do, but I think you should definitely use snakes as a very useful image to prompt your Serpent to rise. Question: what's your missus' dominant Element? Earth by any chance? If she's able to see to a degree she should definitely work on it and cleanse her Soul... I find the "Removing the curse from the Serpent" Ritual to be probably the best I could feel.

I guess it's finally time for me to try out the Water. I've never invoked it before, only into the Sacral so far. The reason I postponed it was that Water can cause depression. Not long ago I was already experiencing it so... it's only natural, I guess, that I'm a bit wary.

I think you really should, yes. Just go slowly, as always. Overcharging really doesn't help, I can tell you that by now. Besides, chances are you'll unawarely absorb the Element even just 'because you made your mind up about it', and will have unawarely programmed yourself to do so, so go more than slowly just in case.

Best of luck, my Brother, let me know how it goes!

Ave Zeus!

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

Dear Brother, you sound so much more experienced concerning the Elements. I'm still a total n00b. I'm an Air person under an Air sign.
Anyway, yesterday I went for a swim and while hanging onto a rail, invoked Water. Today I don't feel anything out of the ordinary/different, except that I'm trying to recover from intensive working days and don't exactly appreciate the fact that the working to obliterate bad planetary influences is causing them to actually flare up. Totally fucktarded clusterfuck of a chart I have, I kid you not. I must've been a real asshole in the previous life to get such a chart. This is seriously fucked up. Anyhow, I'll get over it in the end.

I've had these brain surges you talk about. Many times it happened right before I was about to fall asleep. I'm floating around somewhere almost in the dreamland and ZAP - I feel an electrical charge within my brain AND hear a sound of long arc (like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMbN9nb3qyk) at the same time. Intimidating. It shocked me back to the awake state every single time. This was years ago, before dedicating.

I love reading your reply. To me it seems that you're full of optimism, eager to try out new approaches. Don't lose that attitude, no matter what.
ATM I feel frustrated, disappointed. I'm looking to solve some problems like a bad birth chart. I feel that this is the master key to every good thing that is to come in my life. This disappointedness is limiting my good mood and optimism ATM.
It's actually harassing that I can't share much more information with you because of obvious security reasons.

To experiment with the Elements, to learn and measure things in a nearly scientific way, this sounds like an really exciting project.

I'm still trying to figure out what did the Powers have in mind showing me 444 all the time. If this number means balance, then what balance? Work/play balance? Elemental balance? In my life, so many things are far from being optimal.

With the Serpent Rituals I once felt an area around my tailbone get hot. After that, nothing.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Question: what's your missus' dominant Element?

According to those astrology sites that calculate Elements, my missus is even more Air than me despite being Earth sign! This sounds like un-fucking-believable. Earth is her second. Fire and Water can be found in trace amounts. If I'm passionately agitated, emotional or angry about something, she usually finds it overwhelming.

So, it's 10 p.m. now, gotta hit the sack. It seems that tomorrow is another "do or die" working day.

Wish you all the best, mein Brother. Talk 2 U soon.

Apprentice wrote:

Whatta week it's been, dear Brother. Finally I have the time AND the energy to finally answer you properly.

Yeah, same here, been postponing my reply for two days but now I feel lighter. Got at least some answers from my former employer and this stressful shit is over, I had been thinking about it for too long without being able to put a stop to it due to the 'conciliation' having been set only this month. Now it's gone and I can focus on things that I want and need to do.

I suggest you use the astrology pages on ToZ online because I discovered that the astrology pdf file in library is missing some chapters.

I'll have to make more time and understand this thing properly as I know that if you misread something it could mean something completely different and that would take me a step backwards, last thing I need right now.

This is exactly the reason I undertook the Munka working. After getting some clarity I felt the push from the Powers that this is the only way. The situation with my chart is complicated enough, no wishful thinking nor therapist can help here.

That makes a lot of sense. Personally, I have chosen to try a 'different approach' to things. For one thing, I know that if I get stuck with the "MUST choose Element" mentality, I'll never be truly satisfied with my choice or training, as I'll always lack that either opposite or balancing half (or three quarters, or more, of it) to be really done finding what I seek.
I'm stepping back a little from meditations too specific and focusing on the 'easy and basic', so to speak. Like when a meditation says something like "Ok, now first relax until you can't feel your body, than imagine yourself in light, now move the light up your spine, done? Ok, now circle it back. Next add this mudra. Next add this mantra. Next focus on this sigil. Etc" ..and I'm still TRYING to relax my body and not being overrun with involuntary thoughts and memories of the day or stressful problems that I can't get rid of.
Meaning: it's pointless to run and trying and to acrobats when I'm not even able to stand up from the ground. I HAVE to sharpen my mind to the point that my relaxation will simply be the easiest of consequences from my training. With this I'm not saying I will occupy my mind harder with heavier thoughts, quite the opposite.. I'm focusing on the easiest possible relaxation and visualization techniques ('visualization' referring also to the summoning of sensations, like tactile ones, which have helped before when average attempts have failed miserably... told you about that time while using one of these I nearly astral projected.. that would be something phenomenal for me, been dreaming and daydreaming of it so many times).

Your kind words actually made me feel a bit better. Thank you.

Glad I could help, Brother. The only thing that's ultimately going to do every trick for you is 'you doing the trick yourself'. Sometimes the mind won't 'get it' no matter what you say to it. It just has to decide that it's ready by itself. In other words, unless you make up your mind and decide you're ready for something (an example being "ready to open up your astral eyes enough to see visions on command") you never will. So choose to do it. ;)

Of course we have to be smart about our development. Every flower blossoms in due time. I've been contemplating a lot about it. Like why on Earth didn't I discover this path like 20 years ago? I also keep forgetting that I'm in a middle of a serious personal working that has really nasty side effects and I feel that I'm not moving forward. Too much Air, I guess, lol.

Too much Air thinking there indeed, Brother. You know how it is. When (Air) people like us start worrying about something and overthinking it, there's almost guaranteed no need for that in the first place. Like you said, every flower blossoms in due time. So just erase from your mind the concept of time constantly ticking away and you not accomplishing what you wish to. The more you focus on that the more you'll make it into your own little reality, and you don't want that, of course.
Think the Gods worry about what skills they still need to master that other Gods have already as part of their office? No, they are confident of their own skills and understand that their long life and experiences brought them to understand better than anything THAT particular office (which still must have taken its own time to understand, experience and master).
And just to give you a pretty depressing example: I DID discover this path 20 years ago (well, 19, technically.. I wouldn't be that surprised if one day HP Pythia told me that I was among the first 10 people to ever find the ToZ website in 2002), and look where I am. It took me pretty much 18 years JUST to learn who my Guardian Daemon was (I had been almost sure one year before Brother GitM would be contacted my Leraje and used him to give me the confirmation that she was the one), I have JUST now started to be aware of and feel a little energy, I have JUST now used one of my skills in a decent enough way that I managed to stimulate my pineal gland and feel it, and so on and on. Not to mention how just one year ago I learned I was Air dominant and that my Earth was absolute nil, so that's where many problems I hadn't been aware of started to be more obvious to me.

20 years is a long time for us, but sometimes I feel like a total freaking failure in the eyes of Satan. Only now I have only just begun to grow a little...

From ToZ: In truth, the Eight-Fold Path is the observance and practice of the following, which greatly amplifies the powers of the mind and soul:

1. Asanas - Physical positions of the body such as in Hatha Yoga, Kundalini Yoga, the Five Tibetans, and Tai Chi. One must work on and strengthen the physical self through gentle stretching, and manipulation of the spine to facilitate the safe ascension of the serpent. The physical body must be free and flexible, otherwise energy may become trapped. When one consistently performs power meditations, one raises extreme amounts of energy that must be properly directed and above all, free.

2. Pranayama - Breathing Exercises

3. Dhyana - Meditation

4. Mantras - Vibration of words of power to obtain certain goals and/or personal powers

5. Yantras - meditation upon sigils and certain symbols [used along with vibration of mantra for maximum effectiveness]

6. Mudras - Certain seals such as hand positions which activate the vril [chi/witchpower]

7. Bandhas - Energy locks which stimulate and direct the serpent

8. Maithuna - Sexual activity, either with a partner/s or alone. Orgasm is very necessary in both activating and in amplifying the life force. This is why the Christian Church and Muslim program, in an attempt to remove all spiritual knowledge and power, are always condemning, and placing restrictions on sexual activity.

By practicing all of the above, one will greatly enhance and amplify his/her powers and shorten the time in achieving the godhead.

Dude, I love you. Can you link me the page? I've been looking everywhere, and I suspect it's somewhere so easy to find I must have overlooked it entirely somehow. I am not even too sure that I have ever seen a page with this stuff on it, that's way when HP HC mentioned it I felt completely ignorant about it.

At least I have to say I have been keeping up with almost everything in there, regardless of knowing what the list included.
The only one I haven't really used much are the Mudras. Perhaps because HP Pythia made them an optional part in the chakra awakening exercises, or because I never felt that damn sensation in the thumb for the Third Eye mudra (the very first one) and decided it simply wasn't for me. I don't really know how much they help, haven't memorized the names, but the only one I use is the one to calm your mind, the "right hand inside the left hand, palms up, tip of the thumbs touching, perfect for the simple crossed legs or the butterfly asana.

The others I have almost all figured out by myself... only the Yantras I never used much in the years before, I started it when I found out the name of my GD and anyway I used Satan's sigil.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

You asked about Thoughtforms a short while ago, Brother, didn't you? Ever tried working with them?

The answer is a sad No. Because of time constraints, I haven't been able to practice it yet.

So far I have pondered using them again but haven't really had the time to focus on that. I will these days for sure though. I was pretty surprised with the effect I had last time, and want to make sure it wasn't just a one off. Thing is, I'm trying to give proper time to all 8 Fold Paths (now that I realize this branching) and I hope that doing so I will progress faster, covering all the basis and skipping nothing important.

Also, I restarted including martial arts in the physical path as I feel I let my body soften up too much.

On that matter... I don't remember if I told you already, I think not.
Ever since restarting daily Yoga (not even as much as I promised myself, gotta fix that) but more than anything Kundalini Yoga, I have observed a strange change in my body. First of all, my back is slightly larger. You know those guys who crowd gyms thinking they got the biggest biceps ever? Yeah, suddenly I feel like I have a similar body. Don't know how or why... it's actually been pretty sudden, last week I think. I wonder if the little Wing Chun training I've been doing (way too little for THESE results) had a way of adapting my muscles for a faster "chain fist" (it's one of the trademark moves).
Also, the other thing is speed. I was training this "chain fist" and made a short video of it to see what it looked like and how to improve it, but I couldn't count the number of fists I threw to the bag. I did the same again but had to lower the speed to 1/10th just to count them. Turns out my "upgraded" back came with a gift in speed, and I threw 55 fists in 10 seconds.

I've been doing martial arts all my life, but I was never big or THAT fast. I also find it strange how I'm picking up skills I didn't have with more ease than ever before, not that I didn't already learn quickly, it's always been a perk for me, but this level of absorbing information and being so much stronger and faster than before kinda feel like "cheating" in a way.

Long story short, I came to believe that this ...whatever this 'transformation' is, is due to my Earth finally being displayed in my Soul. I don't know if that's the best or only explanation I can give to what happened, but it does feel pretty legit so for now I'll ride with it.
I'll see if my body reacts to the training I just started as quick as the back and arms.

Ever noticed something like that before? A sudden physical change? :/

To be honest, this week I barely managed a personal working, AC+AoP and a couple of times the Ritual pair. Couldn't do the group rituals because I just had tons of work to do from am to pm.

Well, don't feel too bad, Brother, because I've been reading a few other times on the forum of people who had a seriously hard time doing the rituals and focusing, being harassed etc. I'm pretty sure the fucking astral leeches have been more active, there's also been again videos on people who saw ufos left and right. They know they are losing the war and are obviously trying to fuck with us harder.
I had the hardest time too doing rituals this time. Some days I would do one more just because I felt like I had to get back at them after making me skip the day before.

PLUS, now it seems we're entering (or already entered) retrograde Mercury, which isn't good news, so there's new shit to be aware of.
Truth be told, however, I feel pretty positive now.
I got rid of this work stress that was haunting me, I feel physically stronger and better, I'm pretty confident I am slowing things down with good reason and that by doing so I will definitely succeed.
Also, I'm still seeing 444 but it feels more like a confirmation... maybe a confirmation that says I have connected with Earth and must nourish this slowly, with time and practice.

As for the 108 number (from the Tibetan rosary), I never really had a bad vibe from this number.. read something before but I haven't felt anything bad from it, plus it is associated with a lot of examples in martial arts history, being usually the number of 'branches' in which a school or art developed, so it's been a familiar number so far.

I also made a stone rosary but the energy felt a little too stagnant for the moment, so I kept using the smaller wooden one, just as I am getting started for the first time in forever with so many repetitions.

BTW, I just feel that you should really relax and void yourself concerning the Elements. Give it some time to settle, a month or so. Then try probing the topic again mentally, try to feel, making yourself void (without our typical, left-brain Airy blabber).

You're not wrong, and I have done so. There are obviously periods in which I feel a stronger connection with the Elements and analyzing this feels either more natural and right, but then there are other periods in which I feel the Elements are kind of a prison and that I will be stuck doing the same mistakes over and over unless I get rid of this closed-box mentality.
It's probably always better to just use Akasha instead, and feeling them all at once.

It probably pays off more to listen to them as a song than 4 single notes.

Alright, a quick Yoga routine and I gotta go to sleep now. Talk to you soon Brother, take it easy and when in doubt, pay attention to the feeling of your breathing. :) Usually helped me more than anything else in Void meditation.

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

Apprentice wrote:

Oh my, dear Brother. Another crazy week. I'm not even sure anymore what is wrong with me. Am I being harassed by the enemy or is it just me (the greatest enemy of all).

Not surprised, Brother, I don't know how much exactly they're constantly muttering against us but the leeches must be working like crazy for this 'feeling of something being wrong' being so constant over the last ..month? Do keep up the FRTRs and of course do include the Tetragrammaton destruction as it really doesn't make it much longer. I finally memorized also the three last affirmations, I had to read them before.

I'll try to keep this reply shorter as I have little time today and not much to say honestly, although I had a familiar breakthrough.

Apprentice wrote:

Well, I finally felt the push to get myself into trance and invoke Water. After that, the same night I saw a dream in my sleep. There was this beautiful big pond surrounded with trees. Above that pond was a thunder cloud and several arcs resembling spider lightning were hitting that pond rapidly. There was also a man swimming in that pond. Nothing seemed dangerous or frightening, though.
The next day I felt great but after that, Fire came back with a revenge. Irritability, restlessness, verbal outbursts of rage while working alone, severe dislike of routine chores etc.

I'm thinking you're onto something working with Water in your sacral chakra, like when you were in the pool. The lightning may signify that Water stimulated your spark in order to help raise Kundalini. This is how I see it at least.
The Fire coming back after that tells me you've actually done Water absorption and it was simply reacting to that Water abundance. I'm not saying "overflow yourself with Water Element" of course, but do work with it. Find a gentleness about it and make it your own. I'm thinking Water is possibly the key you need to undo your bonds. ....Just had to go back and find the reply where you explain your Elemental situation. Water doesn't seem to be an Element you lack, Fire is.. yet it seems you work well with Water instead, Fire being more or a nuisance.
This reminds me of my situation with Earth.. I have no problem with Air, and Water and Fire seem to attract me in similar quantities, but Earth has been the 'silent one' for so very long.

I'll just be as brief as I can be on this, but I want to tell you about this week's experimenting.

YES, I did say I was laying low with the Elements, and I did start off with the right foot, but when I did do a...'comprehensive check', getting reacquainted with each Element one at a time, something amazing happened when I reached Earth.

I was merely testing my Soul's reaction to each one, and the idea of 'filling the room with the Element' (I was reading something on Evoking them on the ToZ as I was unsure about the right color for visualization) I 'IMMEDIATELY FELT' the connection with Earth.
Or better yet, the connection Earth provided.

The color/substance suggested in the ToZ is some clay like substance, grayish, clay colored. I believe because of how much Earth is needed in my Soul, that explains how much and immediate I felt it either filling the room and, for a lack of better word, 'bridging me outward'.

This happened before and the thought/idea repeated itself in the form of easy signs later. It was a few years back, I had felt the "kindgom of plants" (I guess it's easier to think of this as a dimension where plant life exists in all forms) and it was inviting me to join it. I can't really describe it better than this. It was almost as if this dimension of bountiful connection with the spirits was a bubble that MIGHT have absorbed me IF I had let it.

In the example of a couple days ago instead, the 'filling the room' provided my Soul with plenty of roots, almost infinite tendrils, that reached out and I just knew that I could mingle with the astral. I just know that Earth is the key here, not for nothing I wrote about Earth being "the most spiritual of the Elements". It's not that it is the most spiritual, it's that it can bridge me.

Honestly, I have no idea why this only happens on very rare occasion. I assume it could be that we naturally tend to avoid the lacking Element, not knowing what to expect or fearing it will cause too much turmoil or difference, but it's really a necessity. The surge I felt when setting my mind on Water/Ice, and me feeling Air/Electricity as something powerful and negative in some (comfortable) measure might have been Leraje's answer, telling me I was not to follow Water and cold at all. She's not mad at me, as far as I can say, when I dwell with Air, but I have a pretty clear idea that she's pulling me towards this bridging Element, so I can finally start a strong spiritual relationship with our Gods.

I hope that something can inspire you to understand what your best options are in your Elemental situation. I know that Akasha is great and all, but I still feel it can't let me obtain that extreme I need. I just have to go for Earth. Actually, today I even felt that raising my Earth is severely needed if I want my magick to be manifested in a serious way (and I know I've had this limit for as long as I can remember, so I need to fix this).

One thing I'll definitely do, like Brother GitM suggested and explained (I should re-read that post tomorrow), is take my time in SERIOUSLY creating my astral temple, a very natural looking, earthy one inside a huge forest. Leraje has indirectly been guiding me enough, now the next step is up to me. I'm just glad I realized this in time before I'd lose my mind in some useless pattern of thought, as I often have done. Maybe you should try that too, building an astral "niche" where you can go whenever you want?

Apprentice wrote:

Did you get your job back or at least a fat cheque?

Nope, I just got an explanation and the name of the actual culprit for this fucked up situation, so when I'm ready to strike, I know EXACTLY who I'll experiment on (one of many that seriously deserve it, at least).

Apprentice wrote:

That seems a reasonable thing to do. Master the basics first. I really should do the same but lately I'm having a hard time finding enough energy to do the Ritual.

I've been reading that late post on Void meditation and it actually inspired me to want to give my very best. To me, that is the hardest meditation there is and I intend to master it before I excel in anything else. Coupling that with the astral temple creation will be a magnificent thing, when I get the hang of it. I'm sure this will give me A LOT. :)

Apprentice wrote:

I'd love to finally feel at peace with myself and my life, some quiet happiness and contentment, proudly engaging in warfare for our Zevism party.

Other than "try to get a lesser workload and make time for yourself" I can't suggest much more that will work. In this life we have the choice to create what we need with the spare time (any time that we're not doing something merely material, eating, working, etc), so the more you make of that the better the chance to make it big spiritually. Maybe you should focus part of your time by working on bettering your current lifestyle, using spirituality to make your life freer to be more spiritual? I'm not nearly as good as others who can "produce a wad of cash in a day or two", so I don't know how to really help you there, but you seem more experienced in this kind of thing.

Apprentice wrote:

Here you go, dear Brother:
https://templeofzeus.org/ASHTAR.php

Thank you so much. I don't know how I managed to skip that page for so long. Sure I read it at some point, but I wasn't easily getting that far down in the ToZ Homepage, I often get stuck in the Demons, Sorcery and Meditations pages, and they are VERY time consuming.

Apprentice wrote:

LOL, I didn't feel that damn sensation either but it didn't keep me from using them. Just because you don't feel anything from them, doesn't mean these aren't helpful.

"When I want something I want it yesterday" to quote a certain someone. :P So when I noticed I wasn't feeling a thing with that mudra I just didn't use them much anymore. I guess I should periodically re-test everything I've done as things MAY give unexpected results (like the Earth feeling).

Regarding the physical change... yes, very familiar thing. I noticed the back pain was completely gone only after I asked myself about it many weeks after. Yoga is bloody fantastic, it helps on so many levels it's unbelievable. Also, don't forget your great physical strength means your body is more capable than most people to work on higher energy levels, meaning stronger aura and spiritual defense. I'd try some TK if I were you, just to test yourself every few days, see if you feel anything you didn't feel before.

Apprentice wrote:

And then, when I have some free time, like today (Saturday), I like to do nothing. Really nothing. Is it a balancing act of sorts?

You know, you COULD dedicate your Saturday or day off to doing "nothing". Only, if you do nothing then do it big time. Meaning, dedicate your day to emptying your mind and being aware of your Guardian Daemon, for one thing. Speak with Satan, build your astral temple, whatever you want, as long as you get to train your mind silence. (We should still do that EVERY day not to waste precious progress, but you could use one specific day to do just that).

Do enjoy your time with your family anyway, there's probably little else that feels that good. :)

Talk soon, dear Brother.

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

Well, dear Brother, the following is a writeup done on three different days. I hope it isn't too confusing.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Not surprised, Brother, I don't know how much exactly they're constantly muttering against us but the leeches must be working like crazy for this 'feeling of something being wrong' being so constant over the last ..month? Do keep up the FRTRs and of course do include the Tetragrammaton destruction as it really doesn't make it much longer. I finally memorized also the three last affirmations, I had to read them before.

Cobra mentioned somewhere that there are certain groups of these that do it 24/7 in shifts. Then there are the grey thingys that make sure to harass any aspiring Zevist. Let them be cursed, really.
All the Rituals are simply paramount, at least for me. The Tetra is no exception here.
However, I took the liberty of tapering down on the reps to leave time and energy for personal meditations.

Friday was a nasty and long workday. Also, my vehicle stuttered after a warm startup and gave me a check engine light which may point to a possible lifter/camshaft failure (expensive). To rule out spark plugs and ignition coils, I switched them between two cylinders. Well, the next day there were no errors. The engine runs like a sewing machine and makes good power. I can't help but suspect Mercury retrograde messing with electronics. The other vehicle had an idler pulley ball bearing go bad of which it actually told me months ago. All these problems on top of existing duties and chores was just too much for me. I really don't need any more costly breakdowns and/or other problems. This was already a second day in a row I had to pull long hours from 8 am to 8 pm. So in the evening, after having crawled under the vehicle in snow, my mind went into a frenzy (like a runaway diesel engine) and I felt totally powerless, angry and overwhelmed by my own uncontrolled thoughts. Totally irrational, strong anxiety and helplessness. How amateur of me. A Zevist should know better, right?

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

I'm thinking you're onto something working with Water in your sacral chakra, like when you were in the pool. The lightning may signify that Water stimulated your spark in order to help raise Kundalini. This is how I see it at least.

Prior to seeing that dream with the pond and the lightning, I invoked Water into my whole being. I haven't invoked Water into Sacral for many days. Gotta repeat that someday.
According to the birth chart I lack Fire. Earth and Water are there in similar quantities with Air being a full half of me. I wonder, what can change the Elemental composition of a normie person who doesn't meditate? What depletes some Elements or increases others? Tragic life events, stress perhaps? I'm sure as fuck that the Elemental situation changes over the years.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

In the example of a couple days ago instead, the 'filling the room' provided my Soul with plenty of roots, almost infinite tendrils, that reached out and I just knew that I could mingle with the astral. I just know that Earth is the key here, not for nothing I wrote about Earth being "the most spiritual of the Elements". It's not that it is the most spiritual, it's that it can bridge me.

This is my time to say this: You're onto something. We both could use some slowing down/grounding. All electrical circuits need ground to function.
BTW, there was a time over two decades ago when I really was into growing plants. During recent years, the plant kingdom somehow seems unreachable. I feel like I haven't been able to calm my mind effectively enough to interact with them. My mind is mostly preoccupied, obviously trying to live up to the expectations of the missus (which in itself is laughable and as wrong as one can get).
Concerning the astral temple, I have contemplated creating it. You see, the problem with me so far has been the fact that my nerves are always tense. This is also a thing from the birth chart. I remember a keyword from a sermon: uncontrolled mind.

"An uncontrolled mind can drive one to unnecessary worry, stress, disturbing thoughts and in the worst cases, insanity. Weak people suffer more from this in the long run. Fears, insecurities, and uncontrolled emotions are free to torment us day and night."

So I'm the one allowing the tormenting of myself, really. Gotta stop that. At first it seems like a mount Everest of fucking problems. Then there is sometimes a lack of privacy for meditations and rituals when I happen to have time. I don’t know, Brother, I sometimes feel so lost. Recently, I also tend to doubt everything I feel and do. Thankfully Cobra adressed this with a really good sermon.
On the other hand, I know I have what it takes to clear this mess. So I better start in this direction NOW.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

You know, you COULD dedicate your Saturday or day off to doing "nothing". Only, if you do nothing then do it big time. Meaning, dedicate your day to emptying your mind and being aware of your Guardian Daemon, for one thing.

Living in your own country house means you can't exactly do nothing. There is still a household to run, gotta cook some food, heat the house, walk the dog etc.
Another problem that I became aware of now is that I actually do not allow myself enough chances to shut my mind off and feel TOTALLY free. Some call it stopping the world. During daytime, there’s always something waiting to be done so I just do my Rituals if I have a chance and off I go. I’m unable to get anywhere near a trance state when I know that I have to be doing something else in the physical world in about 45 minutes or so. This constant tension/anxiety is debilitating. The only time I feel at peace is at the end of the day when I KNOW I don't have anything to tend to. And then, I can easily nod off.
I HAVE to make more room/time for deep relaxation.
Well, today, on Sunday, I went ahead and did just that! I started my day with a nice cup of latte and meditations. Foundation meditation in a trance state, Rituals, Returning Curses and finally invoking the Elements, Earth and Water. I really took my time, spent like 3 hours alone in the office. This was top quality Zevism time right there. I love such days. I also love your encouraging words. Thank you for that, Brother.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Other than "try to get a lesser workload and make time for yourself" I can't suggest much more that will work... I'm not nearly as good as others who can "produce a wad of cash in a day or two", so I don't know how to really help you there, but you seem more experienced in this kind of thing.

Lesser workload. Yeah, this one is painful to experience. You hope, you plan, you expect... and all of a sudden things are running you, not vice versa. You're like stuck between railway cars and you either move your ass or get squashed. Or is it just me who doesn't see something obvious?
I've had my moments in the past, producing cash basically out of thin air (in exchange for some efforts, of course). The problem was that these moments are very rare and you certainly know the adage: easy come, easy go. I mean, I used the money to buy things I needed but couldn't afford otherwise (I never loved installments). I never frittered it away.
As far as using magick to free up my life is concerned, this is a tough one. Things have somewhat improved but they're nowhere near where I'd love them to be. On top of actual life, there's also opposition from my birth chart I have to overcome. So, additional work is needed.
So here I am, whining like a little bitch, discovering my own dirty depths while being under fire in a war.
With the help from our correspondence here and the recent events, I'm slowly but surely disentangling myself.
I do hope the Mercury Rx doesn't fuck up the meaning when you read it.
Thank you, dear Brother. Wish you all the best. Stay strong and persevere.

Just wanted to give you a quick and short heads up, Brother.
Since that Friday, something serious changed within me. I've known it in the past that sometimes I have to be pushed hard enough to stop finding all kinds of excuses and to get on with it. So yeah, I am able to evolve. I was just trying too hard.
It appears that now I've got deliberate control over feeling high-strung/anxious and Void has never been easier.
Invoked today ten hits of Water and Earth. I'm curious, what will it change. I've got nothing to lose, I don't want to be flapping around like a rag in the wind. I need ground.
Gotta go. Wishing you the best, Bro.

Apprentice wrote:

Just wanted to give you a quick and short heads up, Brother.
Since that Friday, something serious changed within me. I've known it in the past that sometimes I have to be pushed hard enough to stop finding all kinds of excuses and to get on with it. So yeah, I am able to evolve. I was just trying too hard.
It appears that now I've got deliberate control over feeling high-strung/anxious and Void has never been easier.
Invoked today ten hits of Water and Earth. I'm curious, what will it change. I've got nothing to lose, I don't want to be flapping around like a rag in the wind. I need ground.
Gotta go. Wishing you the best, Bro.

***PING**** Miss you Brother. It's been a while since you wrote so I'm wondering how you're doing.

Also, I'm writing you to keep you updated on something that I am somehow experiencing. I'll start by linking you to this===>

https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=234086#p234086

...which I really felt like writing yesterday.
I used the search option, typed "spiders" in there and bam. There was this post I managed to miss a few months back. You know? When THIS happens it's usually because we don't currently have the knowledge of right 'hints' to provide any help or learn something from it ourselves.
Over the last.. I don't know.. week I guess, I have been let's say jumping from one thing to another and it led me to wanting to deepen my knowledge of spiders.

I read in a book I got today about how the most developed sense in spiders seems to be the touch. Not their sight, although their eye number ranges from 4 to 8. They're mostly short sighted, the horizon is a fucking blur that they're apparently not interested in seeing, but touch.. that's another thing. Like we have two ears to detect the direction of sound, their legs provide many times that accuracy with touch and that leads them to seeing without using their eyes. See what I mean?

This gave me plenty of ideas.

Our usually short attention span due to strong Air Element can apparently easily be countered by this 'earthy' trick: you will still manage to see with your astral eyes (I'm picturing this with closed eyes, that's how it works better for me at least) BUT you will not focus on using your eyes...

Instead, you will focus on your environment, you space, what is around you. Ever walked around at night in the dark and sensed a wall or door? In our case I guess it's the vibration of air that tells us the distance we can't see (and in OUR Airier case, probably even more). Same principle. You 'sense' with your touch even if you're not physically touching something.

I had this realization because of (other than spiders suggesting this to me somehow) how I felt through the Earth, through that invisible network of roots that made me feel the room, and because I've been analyzing my own performances with astral senses and it seems that I can sense better than I can see, much like spiders do when you think about it.

I don't mean to say this has to be the ONLY way to see, but it's a great start. Also, this is now becoming more apparent to me as I am contemplating the idea of working with a Succubus, and I know it's not a physical relationship.. but I know this method would work in developing that connection with her, and that it will strengthen through time.

__________
Another thing that relates to spiders. I'm just going to be pathetically obvious and call it "astral silk".

In spiders, it seems silk (the web of weavers especially) is something like a satellite dish in terms of 'feeling' the environment. They know all that happens around by 'listening and seeing' through the web and through their legs touching it.
So I started to think.. what if we manage to do something that resembles that, spiritually? Energetically?

Once, in a theater, I mentally called someone, a stranger, and made her turn around and look at me among a crowd just by focusing a ray of energy in her head. I did this again sometimes and I realized how laser focus attention has an effect on people.
When I think of silk, I imagine this super tiny thread of energy that I can 'weave' from myself (I'm still trying to figure out if a particular chakra is better of the whole of my Soul works best.. will try this out this month and see if I get observable results). I connect that 'thread' to the person's brain or a chakra if I want a specific effect to be related to that chakra, and then I'll use more and more threads to 'reinforce', so to speak, the action I'm trying to manifest.

This repetition reminds me of a fast style of bow shooting. Can't remember the name of the guy, but he basically holds ten arrows in the shooting hand and manages not just to shoot them all fast, like in seconds, but they're also extremely accurate. I understand that to be a result that occurs because the mind/eye/hand coordination learns quickly how to readjust minor changes and, as a result, the second and so on arrows will be much more accurate than if you picked up one from the quiver each time, losing that 'momentum'... kind of.

(PS. I know I'm probably running with words here, I hope you can follow me. This train of thought is too revealing to slow down and lose valuable information I can discern off things right now. It feels almost like I'm somehow divinating, in a way.)

So, the same way a fast repeated bow shot can increase accuracy, I'm imagining a repeated, strengthened connection through this energy 'silk' can entangle someone else's energy (someone whose energy is supposedly weaker, that is) and push them in order for us to ...I don't know.. anything you can think of. Bind them, manipulate them, whatever fascinating stuff the Sorcery page in the ToZ teaches about.

_____________________

Ok, I'm pretty much done blabbing by now lol, but I really wanted to put this all out and see if it makes sense to you too. Last time you said you Void meditated like a pro, which is absolutely great, but if you want to try this too and see if it gets you anywhere, maybe in a particularly fruitless day, be my guest, Brother.

I think this is probably more just for myself, as it is a way for my Earth to manifest, but you never know.. maybe it'll be of use to you too. Hope so at least.

Ok, going now. Yoga session awaits. Take your time answering, just wanted to make sure you heard this too in case it would inspire you or give you useful insight and better ideas that work for you. :) Later!

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

Apprentice wrote:

Just didn't have enough positive things to write about. Suppose, nobody wants to exchange posts with a whining bitch, lol.

Hey Brother. Don't worry about whining, things aren't easy for anyone and I know it. If it helps, do whine.

Sorry, I have to make this quick as there is much I want to say but I'll have to eventually write back when I figure it all out.

Apprentice wrote:

For quite some time now I've invoked 10 reps of Water and 10 reps of Earth daily. Obviously Fire and Air are reacting to it, causing instability. I feel like I should take a break starting today and let the mixture settle.

Yes, do take a break from the Elements. They're great for many things, but the moment you start feeling any of them too 'oppressive' in a way, you should fall back and focus on other things, like your ability to focus, Void meditation or any power meditation of choice. I'm personally going back to doing the RAUM Meditation daily now, I need to see if it's working more and I need to improve on what I lack, focusing ability before anything I guess. Too many thoughts are scattered and too many that aren't mine just pop up out of nowhere. It's upsetting and makes me realize I need more control.

Have you ever done the MerKaBa meditation, the "Star of Astaroth" one? I memorized all 18 parts of it (when there were 18 parts of it at least, back in 2004 I think) but never felt energy back then and stopped because of that. I guess if it doesn't have Voice in it, no energy is felt.

Apprentice wrote:

Always looking for those granite pieces with some quartz in them. Yet, at the moment, I feel no connection with them. Too Airy perhaps? And yet I have several grade A pieces of crystals at home: the Lemurian seeds, an Herkimer diamond and a box of clean quartz points. Not to mention Hematite, Lapis and Obsidian.

"Too Airy" sounds about right. I'm the same. I do feel a strong attraction, especially after periods in which I focus on Air instead, but when i try to make this connection stronger it simply eludes me, showing me nothing more. I guess I eventually stopped trying. With Earth (my lacking one) I usually just feel at random times, and it feels like it's calling me, giving me ideas, sensations, whatever, but when I actually take time to explore this, it becomes silent. Fucking irritating to be perfectly honest. I DID start thinking that since I have all the other Elements in almost exactly equal quantity (a lot of each..) I should focus on using them instead, and slowly cultivate Earth as a second something.. not that I'm going to ignore it, but I can't lose myself trying to follow it, know what I mean? Makes no sense to run after something I can't even feel that much unless I overdo it and risk injuries. It'll become clearer in time I'm sure.

I did restart using Water and Fire actually. I'm trying to rediscover a long lost (well, not lost.. just ignored for a while) talent of mine.. wrote about it in my Thoughtform post back then (I named it part one as I'll write more in the future).

...

On another matter... I am no longer so sure about Leraje being my Guardian.

I've been trying to connect with her for like one year or more now, and it's not really going very far. I had that vision like 18 years ago of a Goddess that looked (mostly) like the one in her description, but... I can't say that much else has ever "clicked" after that. Add to that the fact that it was someone else who led me believing she was looking a connection with me... I don't know. It doesn't really make much sense, Bro.

To tell you the truth, I've been getting instead plenty of signs that point to the one I've been thinking of as my Guardian for like 7/8 years.. Haures. The only one who actually spoke to me and introduced herself. I never heard another Demon's voice other than hers. Soon after that day in August 2012 I started getting more visions and gradually signs to confirm what I was starting to believe.

You know when you read those testimonials from people who relate about their first time and second etc meeting a specific Demon and feeling a stronger connection? Yeah, this feels like that when I think about it. Don't get me wrong, I think Leraje is kickass and I've been feeling something from her, only I don't feel anything much that I can "grab" on my part to reach her better... with Haures I know what I have to do.

Guess I'll try her again.. at the end of the day, if you ask me "which Demon/Demoness do you feel the strongest connection with" I will respond "Haures for sure". Guess it's about time I follow what I feel instead of what I was led to believe, no matter how much logic would suggest something right or wrong. I'm just gonna go by feel, and fuck all the rules.
Besides, Leraje and Haures (and another two Demonesses, Vepar and Beleth) share the same Planet/Metal/Element, and this combination is something I've always felt very familiar to me. I don't know much about astrology and these signs but it feels right in a way.
Perhaps you should follow this same line of thinking/feeling too. What kinda "bothers" me is that someone said if you STILL bitch about finding your Guardian after you've found one you believe to be your Guardian, then chances are that Demon isn't your Guardian.

I don't know, Brother, I just feel I belong with Haures and have been feeling this for years now. I also kinda miss her, hope she's not tremendously busy as I'd like to make contact soon again. She truly is beautiful, although the way I've seen her didn't look like most Human women.. she was special.. a Goddess through and through, beautiful like a mythological being and her voice seemed to bounce off the walls. I never felt that close to a God/Goddess before, only with Satan.

Apprentice wrote:

I can't help but notice disturbing feelings/emotions/thoughts getting stronger lately. In the material realm, various equipment and vehicles require repairs I have yet to find finances for. I haven't been able to detach myself from it all. Then again, I haven't really tried either. There it is, my worst enemy, myself all over again.

You're not alone, Brother. Ever since the last, or second last, warfare schedule I have had this problem, and read about others having the same. Some didn't even manage to do all the scheduled days of warfare due to whatever was bothering them. The enemy is strongly panicking, so the attacks from the invisible part of them are definitely more vicious right now.
Just don't let them in, shut them out, let in only Zeus and our Gods and trust nothing else. Know you're stronger than these shitty leeches and that these attacks are so fierce because they know you're stronger, it takes many of them to fuck with you decently.

Brother, I have to warn you about something I'm noticing as well...

It might be that if you feel you're going somewhere good and getting successful at something you're confident about, and if you're stronger than these fucks can attack you (for instance if you're daily protecting yourself), chances are they'll go for those you love next. So just keep in mind that while you're doing great work on yourself you should be careful about what happens around you. (I'm currently dealing with this personally.. someone important to me got attacked and I truly hope she can pull through, I'm trying to make as much time as I can to help her heal but it shouldn't be happening in the first place... these fucking bastards are truly asking for my most vengeful streak to manifest itself. This is where "Black Mage" gets really, really angry.)

Apprentice wrote:

Recently I've developed a funny sensation. I meditate with my physical eyes closed but at the same time feel like my eyes are wide open. However, I don't see any images yet, just some colors and light patches here and there. I'm not yet tuned in, I guess.

Had that happen before. I'd say keep working on that as it can very easily lead you to strong trances and astral experiences.. the first time I met Haures this is definitely what happened. My eyes were closed but I could see the room and her with detail. Do try to experience synesthesia (different senses mixed and felt together, like tasting with touch and seeing sounds and so on), I think it's a great exercise to develop astral senses as they will tend to overlap at some point. Become aware of what happens and you half learned the skill.

Apprentice wrote:

Someone told me of a dude who is car psychic. He could look at a polished vehicle and tell exactly where the impact damages were and how well it has been maintained/repaired. I have tried to look at random vehicles trying to sense them. Although useless in the perspective of our main goal (the Magnum Opus), this talent could still use some more work.

Heard of people like that, it's a great skill to have. I don't remember the fancy name that sounds like "clairaudience" but involves feeling events and such.. "power to understand things by reading the energy", there. As for "useless", sometimes even apparently pointless or dubious skills are just meant to be the step stones to reach something better by refining the pointless into its advanced version. With 'fixing motors' this could also probably be used to disable a weapon mentally, or in the case of someone, reading the way the body functions could lead to know how to heal the person to complete health by 'fixing' the body.

The possibilities are certainly endless. I guess in the end all one really needs is to ask himself what one REALLY wants to learn how to do, and then develop the skill by working on it until the skill is perfect.

Talk soon Brother, sorry this took me longer than usual to respond. Not the greatest time.. Keep up the AC and AoP on your loved ones.

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

things aren't easy for anyone and I know it. If it helps, do whine.

Actually, dear Brother, the problem is, whining does NOT help. What helps is if I identify the problem, find the root cause and then work to eliminate it. This, at least in my theory, would be the ideal and manly thing to do.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

not that I'm going to ignore it, but I can't lose myself trying to follow it, know what I mean?

I guess I do. I think, you should patiently try to find yourself. Just like our Daemons have different faculties, all humans are endlessly different.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Add to that the fact that it was someone else who led me believing she was looking a connection with me... I don't know. It doesn't really make much sense, Bro.

Excuse me if I'm being brutally honest or too blunt. At least to me, this eminently describes the dangers of trusting external psychic help. There are no mediators in Zevism, remember? Using mediators, you can become delusional. Or lost. Or dead.
What I want to say is this: build yourself to the level, tune in and find your GD yourself.
I'm nowhere near being psychic but when you and GitM corresponded about Lerajie, after reading Her description and thinking about you, I felt unsure about you and Her. As this was a very faint feeling, I didn't even consider sharing it.
You said it yourself: ditch the logic and follow your feelings, in Void.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

You're not alone, Brother. Ever since the last, or second last, warfare schedule I have had this problem, and read about others having the same. Some didn't even manage to do all the scheduled days of warfare due to whatever was bothering them. The enemy is strongly panicking, so the attacks from the invisible part of them are definitely more vicious right now.

I somehow managed to participate on almost all days. I can burn the midnight oil if I know that the next morning is an easy one. But if I want to maintain at least some stability in my life, then I have to make tough choices. This is about sustainability: staying mentally balanced and sleeping enough hours to be able to perform on all fronts.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

It might be that if you feel you're going somewhere good and getting successful at something you're confident about, and if you're stronger than these fucks can attack you (for instance if you're daily protecting yourself), chances are they'll go for those you love next. So just keep in mind that while you're doing great work on yourself you should be careful about what happens around you. (I'm currently dealing with this personally..

I've been through this already, dear Bro. There were days when I had to perform Returning Curses and AoP on all my family members. And it worked. Luckily, nothing major happened. Just some heated arguments between family members and some depression. It is funny that all this goes away after the rituals. It's also funny that I can feel when an argument is externally actuated and react accordingly.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

The possibilities are certainly endless. I guess in the end all one really needs is to ask himself what one REALLY wants to learn how to do, and then develop the skill by working on it until the skill is perfect.

I've been thinking about these things. So far, I've been under the impression that everyone is predestined to learn, practice and master a particular faculty. White magic, black magic, healing, astrology... One may learn different things but one is passionate only about one or maybe two of them. To illustrate what I'm trying to say. As a child, I was made to learn a musical instrument. Progress came almost effortlessly, I became good at it but it wasn't my passion. My teacher discussed this with my parents because she was gobsmacked. There were students who really wanted to learn it: they practiced endlessly but they lacked the talent. And then there was me who had the talent but lacked the passion.
There have been many things on my path. At first it's interesting and I feel a passion. Then I almost master it and after that, no passion whatsoever. See what I mean?
So maybe all this has nothing to do with predestination. But I'm sure as Hell that it has everything to do with who you are at your core.

Anyway. I followed my gut feeling and quit invoking the Elements. Things have been settling down. It's too early to say anything because I haven't felt stable for months. There is always something changing and no two days feel alike. In the past, there were stable periods lasting years but after dedicating, things are always under construction or so it seems. Various rituals doing their job, the world constantly changing. Exciting, isn't it?

I wish you all the best, stay strong and vigilant.

Apprentice wrote:

....

Just a quick something I also need to put down for myself.

It's the 19th here and I did a longer Ritual than usual, taking my time with it. Then I opened up the three optional Serpent Rituals but felt like stopping after the first one (Removing the Curse on the Serpent).

I DID feel that "pulsing" in the first chakra, and because today I have tried to use the Muladhara in a better way before knowing about the Ritual Schedule, I decided I needed to use some AUM, try some RAUM, until I felt something more.

Ended up realizing I was kind 'staring into' the astral. I saw a beatiful lady (honestly, 'beautiful' is nothing to describe her) with black and red clothing, very black long hair and soft features..

So I decided to try vibrating a few Gods names: Leraje (felt nothing), Haures (had a vision, so I kept it up) and I ended up seeing a sigil with a heart on the top. I remember seeing it before but thought 'duly noted' and vibrated names again. Another heart, same kind.. it kept repeating itself over and over, like 5 or more times.
I said, ok it's enough.

I went to make sure the Demoness was Vapula (checked the sigil and it matched my vision) and she has long black hair and I kind of "felt" she had red eyes (I happen to find red eyes extremely attractive for some reason). Skills in manual profession and craftmanship definitely sound like me in every way.

I'm going to try getting to know her better, but it feels like she's the one that made contact with me first, I wasn't trying to summon her or anything.

I don't really know how it works, but I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that our Guardians do change with time according to how we develop our interests and skills. She sounds like a great teacher, and I can certainly connect with her better than with most Demons, so I'm positive this may go the right direction. I still feel my lower chakras spinning on their own.. that's a first, Brother.

Just wanted to put this on paper (or digital paper).. I tried this method out of sheer instinct, without expecting anything. You might want to try the same and see if it show you anything. Just stare into the void without thinking (closed eyes works best for me) and see what you get.

Night night for now.

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER! HAIL VAPULA! :)

So... wow... I don't think I've been this good before with visions and identifying a Demon/Demoness. I feel very intrigued though.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

About this, Brother, I just finished a post (I quoted you there) as a reply to HP HC and Lunar Dance. To tell you the truth, I began replying your post first, but interrupted myself and went there, found that answer, replied to it and while I was doing so I perceived something I haven't really thought of before... wanted you to read it though.

As of today, I haven't seen you quoting me anywhere except this thread here. Maybe the message you're talking about is just not approved yet.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Marvelously said. And I do believe (even more perhaps now) that your level of Soul power is way above average.. to do one ritual/affirmation for one time and have these results? That's a god thing, Bro. Sort of 'deus ex machina', lol.

Thank you for the kind words but I don't consider myself to be anywhere near a God and certainly not powerful enough. I'm just a dude who doesn't know/remember a lot of things yet.
The thing with that affirmation was, that I wanted to bring about a change in my reality really badly. So badly, that I obviously somehow managed to go all-in with the power I have.
There have been other similar "strange" happenings in my life but I don't feel like sharing these publicly, only in private.
I have to add something regarding traffic: I've learned to feel why the slow drivers usually appear in front of me. It's when I shouldn't really hurry or when the speed is being monitored covertly.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Italians especially are big on religious bullshit and such customs, just as much as they are idiotically close minded.

This is actually sad that all the strong individuals with a straight spine were and are always harassed, tortured, killed by the enemy. What is left is the landmass with caps in their hands, bowing towards the enemy. Fortunately, Satan had other plans.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

As for "faith", or a leap of faith, I now see what it truly means. It's like staring at a door for a long time before choosing the day you're gonna finally open it, and probably the day after or the same day you open it you'll find yourself wondering why the fuck you didn't choose to open it earlier, that you would have benefited from it for so long but you weren't allowing that much to yourself, out of whatever reason... fear, pride, plain stupidity... you mention it.

If I would illustrate a leap of faith, I would picture a gorge in darkness. You really can't know nor see what is on the other side. You've only heard stories and your gut feeling tells you this is THE way but you are still fearful, cowering in your status quo. So you finally find the guts, prepare, start running and leap into the darkness... landing safely on the other side, feeling happy that you finally took the leap because the end result, instead of being negative as you might have feared, is in fact awesome. After that, you'll never be the same again.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

I'll really have to find the guts to read a thing or two about astrology.. kinda feel like I'm the only Zevist who never really took an interest in it.

I encourage you to do that. Azazels astrology writeup is exceptionally simple. You will get all the important points about yourself (planets, houses, aspects). Reading the descriptions you can feel for yourself which aspects are indeed stronger and apply to you and which are not. Of course, a talented astrologer can interpret much, much more but the point is, nobody is holding you back to start exploring your situation right now. I'm waiting for a full reading from Hooded but that doesn't prevent me from doing my own research and starting some correctional workings based on that.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

I think I disagree with that train of thoughts.. and, again, it's probably your perception of things that's pushing you to believe you can't keep a routine or that you'll be 'here today and gone tomorrow', like all Air people that live up to this name.

You did good disagreeing with that one because the moment this post got approved here, what I wrote was no longer true, meaning that my perception had already changed. I'm still working on discriminating/discerning my own feelings and thoughts: some of them genuinely originate from myself and some are injected/planted. From there I can learn to tune out of things and go void on certain thoughts/patterns (currently in progress). Sister Sundara posted an excellent helpful writeup about various thoughts/patterns. Unfortunately, I had to tick too many boxes there.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

From what I remember you can lift a lot, do long trekking sessions, and your body adapts well to physical effort, isn't it?

Some weeks ago I had to chase my dog who ran away chasing some wild beasts. So I walked into a deep dark forest, chasing dog tracks, waddling in snow balls deep. The distance I trekked like this was about 6 km. I certainly felt tired after that but not exhausted.
I loved weightlifting and cardio. The gyms are closed ATM but the problem with training was that it left me drained. You know me - I can't half-ass anything. I decided that I need to spare my energy for all the things I have to do at the household plus Zevism work, thus helping me maintain my mental balance. It's kind of hard to explain.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Somehow I increased some physical senses.. well, scents mostly. I could pick up a whiff from a honey container from rooms away and when I came to investigate someone had only opened the lid, didn't even use it.

Funny thing is that I've started to notice scents I wasn't feeling before. I suspect this has something to do with tuning myself.

Satan_is_our_Father666 wrote:

Anyway, I don't know if that makes a lot of sense, sometimes an idea is so obvious and clear I can't be sure I'll be able to word it for others unless they already came to the same conclusion as I did and understand what I mean.

Too much Air you have. Forget everything (rules, limitations) you think apply to your communication with the Gods. Go void, follow your gut feeling and approach them in a respectable manner. Of course, to begin with, it wouldn't hurt to be able to receive their communication.
Some days ago I tried Void after meditations and started seeing various colors and shapes with physical eyes closed, mental eyes wide open. Soon I felt tired and decided to tune out of this. Guess I'm starting to learn all the things I once complained about not knowing, you know, regarding the astral and stuff, what/how/where/when.

Talk to you soon, dear Brother.