"I've felt that several times, especially after a lousy sleep: I feel like I need more air, start inhaling it behind the wheel and then all of a sudden feel like I need to stop the vehicle because my head is on a rollercoaster. But I still feel like I need more air."
Exactly what I meant when I suggested not to pair breathing techniques and driving, even more because you're more Air, like me. To tell you the truth, I don't like the idea of 'holding back' an Element just because I have already much of it. I also don't see too much of a problem with knowing I and others have got a completely lacking Element in our chart, like this is supposed to mean we're somehow disabled or something. Call it an immature thought perhaps, but I feel if we are more capable than others to stand an Element, dominant one or not, it's only a success and we can use that ability to stand more of it as an advantage. We obviously HAVE to work on the missing/lacking Element as well, the Soul NEEDS to be balanced... but I don't think the dominant/"best" one should be avoided not to create over imbalance.
Besides, I think what I've done (if you've read my other post to Brother GitM) finding the cardinal North by listening to energy alone, North being Earth, somehow proves I'm not a complete inept at working with this Element and Elemental energies in general. If I could do my natal chart again, considering this life's current developments, I think I'd find at least SOME Earth in there now.
Got the part about the splitting conscious. Forgot I had read it.
It actually reminded me of this latest observation between me and Ghost in the Machine, on how magick apparently works best when you're doing it "casually", not focusing on it like something you HAVE to cause to happen through a precise set of rules and happenings, but as something that 'just happens naturally', that you shouldn't stress yourself about, just use it instead, as naturally as one possibly can.
When you drive, I'm not referring to completely doing this in an absent minded manner.. by keep driving and doing these simple energy works and affirmations like their any less important, but just more relaxed, always knowing your magick is definitely always going to work, even on your worst day.
Just want to share this right away...
This... observation, knowledge, understanding, along with a couple other thoughts, has finally made me realize I need to practice and learn Telekinesis everyday. I have just started, but I can see my energy causes some effect on the lightest things, like paper, just to get started again after I haven't done this in forever. I have seen effects even the same day I felt finally confident about my Element, knowing my Element, wanting it more, wanting to learn more about it. It was ultimately our dear Brother GitM to allow me to understand something very important to me about Air, how it 'creates' telekinetic effects, which later made me realize polarity was the key to accomplishing it.
I've very recently had VERY strong signs from the Universe saying I am on the right track. Stronger than this, I can only pretend Satan Himself teleports here and tells me "Yes, this is it, now keep it up until you master it, there's no going back", this is how confident I am about this 'power'. I think I never was ready for TK before... I've seen so many idiots who can 'make objects fall' or 'move' and they don't even know what they're doing, proof enough the fact that they can't seem to move larger or heavier objects, completely lacking knowledge on how to increase one's own bioelectricity and potential. They'll be stuck doing the same shit over and over again, exposing themselves in videos until some of them go 'mysteriously' missing.
I intend to master this in every aspect. I've always known this was 'my favorite ability' for a reason... now that reason is becoming more obvious than ever to me. This world will change drastically.. we need to 'grind level', as you'd probably put it, as much as we can.
I can feel your distress for now being yet able to perform some things and inability to determine some knowledge for yourself.. and I do understand how your hectic lifestyle is indeed the cause of this for starters. Not going to lie, I think you need more time for yourself before anything, off work, off things that stress you so much and disrupt your sleep patterns. When it comes to stronger energies, especially those that you didn't use much in forever perhaps, like when you did use Fire months ago for the first time, you can feel them. You're strong, active, physically fit and capable, so I don't think at all that this is a problem you have at an energetic level. You've got the brawns for sure. The problem, mostly I think, derives from stress, making you more tired than you should normally be daily, making you 'lose hope' quicker by having to lead a seemingly NPC life for many hours of the day before you can get back to your true Satanic life. This is why I suggested you try merging meditation and exercises while you're working in a relaxed enough way that you can actually focus on both. I think you just need to incorporate this routine in your day for a period of time and see if you don't notice any slight change.
If you don't, as it's more probable than not that changes WILL occur and you will not see them, change your routine a bit, focus less on the grinding your way up and test yourself through 'powers'. Try them all, cryo, pyro, TK, whatever you can. Record your results in a journal, any effect, whatever you notice of sudden thought you might have. Use your own experience and power training as a divination tool. ADAPT. I feel you need to change the way you do things, you're probably being too much of a Fire type of person.. Earth too. Try using Water element. GitM rightfully suggested to me that Air Element 'unbinds' chakras, so focus on Air spiralling up from your base to crown chakras, feel your third eye tingling at this as a sign it's working. THEN use Water to break barricades and establish a flow of energy.
I don't particularly suggest you use Fire on this, but IF you feel comfortable with it, IF Fire sounds to you like a good call, by all means, go for it.
As for my 'country girl' vision, don't think about it too much, it doesn't necessarily mean much and I didn't know you back then so it's probably something I have to figure out in the future. I'm not even sure who She was.. only know She felt like a Demoness.
"I feel those seals you speak about and I can't help but wonder, why are we sealed so thoroughly? Was it done by the enemy? Sometimes I'm sad that I didn't find ToZ way earlier. I know I wasn't ready, living my almost normie life working, drinking and doing basically nothing."
I have a feeling some people are being more 'bound' than others, possibly an effect of being noticed by the enemy in our previous life, being put on the 'high priority list', so to speak. So they attack in a stronger way. You can probably easily see this by how much your otherwise normal life may seem suddenly much harder in the first years, especially when after you learn about the existence of magick as a child and feel inevitably and strongly attracted to that path. That's when shit starts hitting the fan, parents split, abusive people, and so on and on, just as a way to make it slower and harder for you to get back to Father Zeus.
This, in my opinion, also has a lot to do with energy binding. They know you're a dangerous one, know you're not going to be on their side, so they use your temporary ignorance and blindness to the Gods against you, trying to stop you in your tracks.
Honestly, I think this is the HARDEST phase to go through, the unbinding phase. Doubt, confusion, and later depression and all sorts of psychic attacks (especially through NPCs that weigh you down emotionally) become your everyday normal life with the sole purpose of binding your more, of 'keeping you in check'.
From what you told me, Brother, you've got nothing less of a deadly aura, and this is obviously not liked by the enemy.
Hence, all the attacks and your current 'feeling bound off the astral' condition.
My suggestion is probably stupid, but I feel it necessary: go over all the Meditations and Sorcery ToZ pages and see what you missed, something that you may not have done enough, entirely skipped, try it all again if you must, but BELIEVE in yourself.
Like I said, and I know this from personal experience, 90% of the time we are the only obstacle to our own growth. So remove the obstacle and grow freely.
"The worst foe lies within the self."
People occasionally keep telling me not to be hard on myself. Now I repeat this to you, Brother. You have the knowledge. Now persevere. Don't hold back.
Ave Zeus!
Hail Father Zeus Forever!
