PING!
Writing you here as it's quicker.
Do you remember someone's post a while ago where they stated how vibrating the Gods names like a mantra made it easier for them to absorb/learn those Gods' abilities? In that case it was about Raum and the ability to understand and communicate with animals, even wild ones. (Watched part of a video yesterday, facebook keeps sending them around trying to distract people from sharing truth and facts online, where a man was being chased/stalked for minutes by a cougar cat on some mountain and was scared shitless, trying to scare the animal away by shouting and such.. so this post came back to mind.)
After reading and especially upon learning about Leraje being my Guardian from someone else (Brother Ghost in the Machine) after suspecting she was my Guardian for a whole year, needless to say I have tried this method.
I vibrated her name, and I did it again, and again and again. Maybe I've been doing it wrong or something, maybe I haven't been truly believed it would do something, maybe I'm just unable to give as much trust as I want to give to the Gods (we spoke of this too before at some point), but none of the vibrations ever lead me to something. Not a betterment in healing or using wind, not to any further understanding. I'll tell you, Bro, I'm feeling like I'm focusing on the wrong goddess...
And here comes the news.
I don't know if you've already read or missed my last post on the ToZ Forum, I speak of how I noticed a strong similarity between the Goetic Dantalian and the non Goetic Hiepacht. Not much is known about the latter, and the little information there is on him feels like it's there merely for academic reasons, for the sake of putting the name down in the list, but knowing full well on HP Pythia's part that there has been too much slandering and corruption in the occult books (the sigils present in the non Goetic descriptions are photos from a paper book) to trust every information 100%, and that if a Zevist will find something trustworthy he/she will report it to the others as another piece of information.
I, personally, find the sigil particularly familiar, BUT strong messages and my own decisions/understanding led me to Dantalian. I even mentioned this in a post between Brother Ghost and I lately, when he mentioned the color yellow and it summoned the dandelion flower's name in my mind.
Long story short, I've been strongly attracted by Dantalian. His abilities have nothing to do with the Elements or healing, but with the Mind and altered states.
What I feel is that while Leraje (whom I saw once, and then saw her sigil almost two decades later) is possibly proving to be difficult for me to work with yet (sounds like the experience I had with Haures, saw her well once, heard her voice, and then never again), I feel a better connection with Dantalian.
And here I wanted to get:
I did try for the past week or so to vibrate his name, and I've been noticing something. Some letters in the name have been repeatedly hitting at the right pitch my throat chakra, and I've also been noticing (especially since I restarted doing Yoga almost daily) how I feel a strong blockage at the height of my heart chakra, suggesting a blocked throat chakra (the second granthi, then).
Also, I have been getting visions while chanting his name in the dark. It's not the easiest vibration as 9 letters require longer and more controlled breathing, but it's also teaching me how to differentiate the D and the T sound (which I had mistakenly vibrated as the TH, ignoring the D's power), and the I (EE) is the one mostly working on my throat chakra.
PS. Fuck... I was imitating a voice the other day and TWICE I felt myself rolling the R!! NEVER happened before.. I felt like I was on the brink of something big, some changes are definitely happening here, and I can't help but believe it's Dantalian's merit, and that I MIGHT have possibly been too quick to believe Leraje was the best Demon to guide a total inept like me.. (ok, no, I know I'm selling myself short, but I feel like an idiot not being able to understand these things at least more easily). I HAVE been trying to vibrate Leraje's name again, but... you know when you're doing something and the moment you start you already know whether or not you'll be successful? It's not even a matter of belief here I think, it's more a matter of having a good look at the odds of success and understanding there's not much to hope for, for now.
Another thing I feel I should mention, if I consider how I should think of Dantalian as a better Guardian for me:
I feel I've probably been giving too much importance to the sex factor, possibly to the point of lying to myself just to fit the instructions on how to find a Guardian.
Mind you, I am completely straight and while I did try to visualize what I would be like if I were gay, the idea felt completely alien to me lol. I do try to put myself in one's shoes as a better way to understand something sometimes, but even if they have the behavior of a monster I don't let it come to me if it's not something already present in my nature.
In this case, as Dantalian is a male Demon, I feel him more like a tutor, a mentor.. like a Mister Miyagi kind of feeling lol, affection and complicity, if that makes any sense.
To be completely honest, also, I do suspect my 'failing' with Leraje (or any female Demoness) is due to my thinking that 'somehow things will lead to sex, or a love relationship more like'. This isn't obviously something I planned and I wouldn't dream of poking Aquarius in the ribs and having him quack "deluded! deluded!" lol.. but if this is a thought I feel present in my mind, then I also know it's only wiser to minimize the ways in which this thought/belief/wrong idea may influence me. This is probably analogous to a student who listens to an attractive female professor all while trying his best to keep his eyes off her tits. If "I" feel I would be disrespectful to a Demoness, then I'm the first to say things should be different. I feel some kind of complicity from focusing on Dantalian, something like what you'd expect from an old childhood friend you used to play pranks with, and I do feel that his teachings and office will benefit me more than manipulating winds and healing. I've done healing before, and as much as I couldn't seem able to do that kind of 'ultimate' healing again, I know it's a very real thing. But I don't want only that to become 'my office' some day. I STRONGLY need someone to help me focus my mind, I strongly need 'Mind skill' help. So I really can't help but believe that I was now twice led to Dantalian for a very good reason.
Just two days ago, after the Rituals and finally being able to sit down on my bed in the dark, I vibrated his name for I don't know how many times, just trying to get it to envelope me in the vibration, or accustomising myself to the sound and energy. I'm pretty sure I was just around number 10 when I started getting visions. What I saw didn't make sense to me in that moment (it was the face of a woman with dark/blueish skin, dark hair and yellow/golden eyes.. if she's a goddess I truly don't know who she might be, other than the common representation of Kali perhaps), but it was enough to suggest this is a good way for me to get in that trance and obtain visions like this.
Dantalian has a very interesting office....
I mentioned before how I'm working on dispelling myself from stupid fetishes that I feel are making me just waste time and sanity, but while I've been trying to 'exorcise' these fetishes by writing stories and giving myself another skill in their place, the one skill that seems to have made it past the bar was literally 'mind control' (which in latin, absurd as it may sound because I dig this, is "govern mens", from which "government" was obvious born). I'd write stories of how I manipulate the mind of enemies, and while I find this strongly dishonorable and wrong when done by the enemy through the materialistic endless amount of manipulation and propaganda, I find this fascinating and even righteous when done by a single individual merely through the power of his/her own trained mind. We have Gods like Dantalian and others who teach this subject, and very clear explanation on how to mesmerize and use the evil eye on our ToZ, so I'm pretty sure this ability can be very well used for good. (Just imagine ordering a bunch of Poos to grab their guns and shoot each other... what a spectacle that would be, no? XD)
Anyway, Xmen level powers aside...
I do feel that Dantalian can teach me a lot and also be more approachable than a female goddess. What can I say.. I feel like a demented pervy teen who can't think with his brain but his dick lol, so I'm the one who thinks this solution is best. Sex related thoughts can't distract me while meditating.. at some point I WILL be able to have a relationship with a Succubus and I will definitely go for it, but until then... I'd better work on my perks AND eliminating my flaws, like I've been trying my hardest to do lately, with 75% success at least.
I'll close for now, just wanted to let you in on this latest understanding, hoping this may somehow, in turn, help you understand yourself. We all normally believe we know the things that mostly define us, whether we consider them perks and assets or flaws and obstacles to remove, but the more we understand ourselves, the more we dig in our own mind, the highest the probability of (self)discovering something completely unexpected that will make much more sense and bring us much more satisfaction, happiness and motivation to keep going forward.
Last thing I want to say just came to mind. Hopefully won't take long (I already imagine you scrolling down hoping for this to be quick, Brother! :P I'll do my best...)
Dantalian hasn't been the only Demon to attract me lately, I can't get rid of the thought that Caim is someone I SHOULD work with too. He deals with animals language and this indeed makes me very interested, but I have to say my interest has been caught (like Dantalian's and Hiepacht's) by his sigil. I have literally no idea what every part of a Demonic sigil means, I only know a little about representation of chakra's granthis, like in Set's sigil and the chakra display in Astaroth's sigil, so I wouldn't know what attracts me and why. Maybe because of this, I tend to believe my guts better than my head for once, and this starting point led me to Dantalian and somehow to Caim (another male Demon I feel as a tutor or mentor).
Also (this the main point of this last part)..
I think we should mainly work with four Demons, one for every Element.
Leraje is of Air and I know a little about Air by now.. she definitely helps with detachment and keeping a cool mind, free from unnecessary emotions
Dantalian is of Water, and Water deals with inner feeling and self discovery, something I indeed need a lot of time doing
Caim is of Fire, and that means clarity in my life, skills that give confidence and power..
and then there's Earth.. I haven't had much experience with Earth Demons.. unless... (let me check again)
...aaand there she is, Astaroth.
I'm pretty sure I saw her at least once, not completely sure about the second time as her physical description is a little different (namely the aura color, I saw it as strong gold instead of blue) but she felt like a 'Second in Command' right after seeing/sensing Father, so I can easily believe it was her Herself.
To think about this that I just wrote you, Brother, it feels natural for me to point out that of the four mentioned ones above, one is more than likely my Guardian.. so this COULD be a way for you to work with your Guardian nevertheless (even if you don't know who exactly he/she is), until you're good enough and figure that out too.
My most sincere thought here, is that when we get to know the Gods, OUR splendid Gods, we won't care much who our Guardian is as this may limit the chances of working with the others and learning from them. They're ALL amazing and great Gods, so we should work with them all and be close to all of them anyway. Many people probably fall in the "Rank trap", thinking their Guardian is more deserving than another to cover the role of guide for them, but I disagree.
This is where I say again "Trust your guts, mate". The LEAST work you give your head to do, the BEST result your Soul will give. Feel it.
VERY LAST THING! (XD Seriously..)
Do you remember anything in your childhood that had particular power for you? A symbol? A shape? An insignia? It may be an advertiser's sign or a brand of dishwashing soap. If there is something, you know it. It's there in the back of your mind, popping out and telling you "I'm still here" whenever you see this image again, it's familiar to you and you never parted with it.
I believe it's quite possibly a first contact the Gods make with us when we're not yet ready to understand the bigger picture, like a seed in your childhood. I'm so glad I never parted with it as now it finally makes sense. Never would have imagined, honestly.
Alright, wrote a book lol. I just hope you can find some of this useful somehow, hence why I wrote you in particular.
Take care, Brother, take a break before you get too tired. Don't overwork your body, it's what the Poos try to force us to do, limiting the time to use our Minds and learn from the Soul.
Hail Father Zeus Forever!
