I can't stop fighting, it's the only thing I want to do, so I keep removing things from my life, I'm currently trying to remove video games from my life, but the problem is, I've spent more time playing video games in my life than anything else, but not casual gaming, I'm a very competitive gamer, I'm in it for the sport..
Now I want to quit gaming so badly, but at the same time, I think it's part of what I'm "meant" to do, I am sure I could make a career out of competitive gaming, and literally be #1 thanks to power meditations... And it would be something I love, I would be promoting Zevism as well...
I suppose maybe I feel like an aspiring professional athlete who has to throw away their sport due to injury, because the whole planet is bleeding.
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I am really "depressed" right now and that's very weird coming from me, nothing I do is bringing me satisfaction, meditation, food, yoga, Ritual, gaming, music, working out... It almost feels like I'm in a jail cell... My satisfaction lasts for a moment and then my mind returns to frustration that the enemy has any power on this planet, so I want to fight harder, but my "satisfaction" isn't there...?