A few months ago, I posted a thread in which I ask if while cleaning with Surya, was it normal that I hear christian praises, memories, songs in my mind, i was given an answer that it is just a normal process of cleaning. After a while it did not past or go away, i hear those days and nights, deliriously in every waking moments, i am better now but just typing this it try to play those again in my mind. It was as you described : you know it’s not your thoughts, and suprisingly in a sense not an attack either. This is because at the time I went berserk doing vinasa, Andras, Abrasax and others Gods’ Rituals to help dealing with a attacker and… no effect. Though maybe not devoting a bit of time for a “proper void meditation” may play a role? I don’t know i think i do void meditation by concentrating in doing stuff?
Anyway, it was a confusing time not knowing what happened. And for a while longer and the frequency of happening did reduce but never go away fully. I think it transform to other things to torment me instead by taking the information of everyday and play them back to me just like with the christian’s thing, with the biggest offender was it use of musics. At this point in time when i was not not sleeping I was being tormented nearly 24/7, focusing on doing stuff just to realize that it was constantly playing, reminding, shuffling throught musics in the back of my mind while my real thoughts actively being focus on. I think that i have to endure it for months, only when i think the mind was getting better, everything was silent. Behold, christian’s music returned to keep me on my toes.
Well it did get better and become less intrusive and more silent now, only after months of enduring through. Yet, it did not go away. I notice it in every real thoughts of mine, accompanied by challenges to the thoughts, independence? of my own’s. Some being doubts, challenges the Gods, sometimes remind me of christianity, and… play music in my head when i don’t want to,… many more things. I don’t know if i truly overtime “clean it out” or i simply become numb to its’ effects.
Anyway, I have been trying to “silence” this for a while now. Maybe my unconscious just go haywire and that’s why one needs to control it? Still i guess it good to realize im not going crazy, whatever it is i would want to uproot it permanently, would then a healing spell work or will a remove working be necessary. I do not really know.