Question #3010: Need guidance

[AskSatanOperator]

Today my wife and I have a little problem. For the umpteenth time, she made herself vomit. We have been together for 11 years. She has had a problem with bulimia intensively for 10 years (10-18 months almost every day). I've asked him why before and each time it's a new reason (stress, kids, lack of sleep). Each episode, I distance myself from her because I find the situation difficult. I have already told him many times that this problem is separating us day by day. Despite what I say, she continues.

the situation became so difficult that on several occasions she slept with another guy.

We got married 11 months after having our first son. A month later, she cheated on me. When I found out, the situation improved, happiness had returned, she no longer had bulimia attacks. We had two more children together.

Last year she started vomiting again. The reason being the fact that 3 children were difficult to take care of (I work at home 3-4 per day including 2 hours in the evening when everyone is in bed) so I take care of my children for several hours per day while cleaning the pool, grounds, grocery shopping, etc. (she doesn't drive).

Today, following this news, I felt betrayed. We had another discussion on the subject. According to her, I don't love her anymore so it stresses her out. She told me about our penultimate sexual encounter. We weren't at the same speed, she didn't feel loved enough and the penetration hurt her. After a few minutes, I realized that she wasn't enjoying it and I stopped and asked her if she was okay. She told me I was going too fast. Today she told me she doesn't know if we would have another relationship. Like I had sexually assaulted him. We started having sex the next day, going as far as penetration, which was going very well (I even asked her after a few seconds) but our baby woke up and she had to leave.

I didn't have time to clarify his point, which I will do tomorrow. If she truly believes I assaulted her, I don't think I can be with her anymore.

What do I do?

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

.....

I think you are expecting her to just simple stop her bulimia as if it is something simple for her to do. The fact that it increases in frequency based on stress likely shows that she doesn't really want to do, but feels compelled in order to regain control, like a coping mechanism.

Although you should express your honest feelings about it, the fact that you are telling her it makes her marriage worse is going to stress her out even more. The same is true if she feels distanced from you, on what I assume are her bad days, where she actually needs more of your comfort and not less. This could explain why she goes elsewhere for attention, if she feels like it is lacking with you.

You should take steps to comfort her, like simply hugging her, even if you feel grossed out by her behavior. Try to show some more compassion directly to her, such as calming her down and taking care of her, rather than just treating this as a problem for her to solve alone.

She already knows that it causes problems, and this is something she needs therapy for, rather than impatience from her partner. It's the same as an addiction, not something simpler like nail-biting.

------------------------

With this sexual encounter, it is probably hard for her to want to be intimate if the underlying bonding has been hampered. Rather than rushing the sex, you should spend more time bonding, kissing, and going slower, especially as she felt like you were going fast. These are all Venus-based actions which increase the energy connections between you and her.

I don't think she "truly" believes you sexually assaulted her, but she was just expressing the discomfort she felt as you tried to penetrate when she wasn't ready, both physically and emotionally, which happened due to all the prior events.

------------------------

You have been together for a decade so the underlying mechanisms of love are still present, even if strained at the moment. It is in these moments that you have to start applying conscious actions towards restoring the relationship, because it is going to suck and both people will feel betrayed and unhappy.

You have to be the one to "manually" restart the connection. Tell her you want to the relationship to work and remind her that you still care about her, and ask her for her patience and support as well. Then take steps to actually restore the connections, rather than avoid them, which is certainly easier said than done, but must be done.

You can read online on various articles here, relative to couples counseling, but the general theme is that you have to employ discipline and actively build it back up. Try to remember what made you guys bond in the first place. This doesn't have to be a 2 hour movie or something, but even a specific behavior or emotion you guys share together. This would show in the synastry chart.

Furthermore, you can use energies like Wunjo, Gebo, and Ehwaz to restore happiness, love, and trust, respectively. Similarly, you can visually link her heart chakra with yours and increase the energy flow, which will also stimulate feelings of love.

Using Berkano can make you more compassionate to her, and can also be used on an immediate basis to reduce stress.

Try to be more optimistic, rather than focus on the negatives. If you read online, many couples have hit low points, but they were able to restore it. You have to focus on restorative actions, rather than try to put blame on her for the bulimia or whatever. This can be dealt with once the relationship is stronger, not when it is at its weakest.

 

[phi3.14infinity]

Today my wife and I have a little problem. For the umpteenth time, she made herself vomit. We have been together for 11 years. She has had a problem with bulimia intensively for 10 years (10-18 months almost every day). I've asked him why before and each time it's a new reason (stress, kids, lack of sleep). Each episode, I distance myself from her because I find the situation difficult. I have already told him many times that this problem is separating us day by day. Despite what I say, she continues.

the situation became so difficult that on several occasions she slept with another guy.

We got married 11 months after having our first son. A month later, she cheated on me. When I found out, the situation improved, happiness had returned, she no longer had bulimia attacks. We had two more children together.

Last year she started vomiting again. The reason being the fact that 3 children were difficult to take care of (I work at home 3-4 per day including 2 hours in the evening when everyone is in bed) so I take care of my children for several hours per day while cleaning the pool, grounds, grocery shopping, etc. (she doesn't drive).

Today, following this news, I felt betrayed. We had another discussion on the subject. According to her, I don't love her anymore so it stresses her out. She told me about our penultimate sexual encounter. We weren't at the same speed, she didn't feel loved enough and the penetration hurt her. After a few minutes, I realized that she wasn't enjoying it and I stopped and asked her if she was okay. She told me I was going too fast. Today she told me she doesn't know if we would have another relationship. Like I had sexually assaulted him. We started having sex the next day, going as far as penetration, which was going very well (I even asked her after a few seconds) but our baby woke up and she had to leave.

I didn't have time to clarify his point, which I will do tomorrow. If she truly believes I assaulted her, I don't think I can be with her anymore.

What do I do?

what you have written in the last para looks like some mini pornography book ..please be respectful of this forum ..There are many teenagers also who come here often ..this forum is for counselling only ..But please do NOT talk so explicit things ..This spoils this forum essence