AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
On 27/2/2023 Saturn entered the 29 degree(aquarius) in my chart, also Pluto entered 29(capricorn) degrees in 11/02/2023. Saturn is in my first house, and Pluto in the 12th house. Also Neptune is transitig my first house being in pisces now, and will be for a long time.
On the 27 of february or maybe a day later I remembered something, a skeleton from the past came out, that i had forgot about. Its a mistake that i have done in my late teens. I had a shock when i remembered and since i have very powerfull sentiments. Thoughts that Satan will never accept me. Im in a deep depresion since, when i hear some wholesome music, remember something from my childhood or teen years, see a wholesome moment in a movie or in real life i feel intense sadness, sorrow and guilt. Or when i watch something about ancient culture, ancient egyptian, sumerian or so on it's the same feeling of awfullness inside. I feel no one will accept me, nor should i be accepted ever. The only thing in my mind is about my skeletons in the closet, and how to find a work around it, but to no avail. These "skeletons" are my mistake of my late teens. Being ignorant and with that feeling of being the best.
After a while things got a little bit togheter. I didn't feel that bad, i can't pinpoint exaclty when this period occured but It didn't last long and don't know actually how i felt since this whole event started, everything feels weird, days go by very quick, or very hard sometimes. Usually if im alone time goes by very hard. I don't remember things from that point onward, i don't know if i feelt good or ok for real, part of this is because I started playing videogames to stop thinking about it, playing all day long the only thing that i did daily was meditating.
After a while everything come back harder, very hard, i don't really know exactly when it happend but it was about at the begging of the last month, maybe in the first day of the month or a day before I think about when Pluto went retrograde. Every feeling that i had before about me is now intensified, and still as i write this. I can't really explain how bad is it, never felt or thought that I will be that bad. And i think and feel that i will never be accepted in satanism by the Gods, nor will society ever accept me. Since the second kick, i can't sleep well at all, and is getting worse. I feel pain in my abdomen and stomach when i wake up, but goes away quickly after i get out of bed, and i have extremly weird dreams or nightmares. I wake up about 1 hour or 2 about my alarm goes off and i sleep on and off until the alarm rings. This morning i heard some whispers in my ear right before I fell asleep. Another weird things is how i think about the Gods now. Before i thought about them as one should, very good. I was thinking about how the Gods are and admiring them in my mind everyday. Now it's awful thoughts, bouncing between:
First: The Gods will never accept me, because that what is right.
The second: The Gods are punishing me with this
The third and the worst: They will lie to me, just to make me feel good, but They know that i will never be accepted and well, and just hide it from me. That they aren't truly eternal and that They don't matter that much.
When the second phase kicked in i thought to myself that i will kill me and reincarnate to "try again" and not do the same mistakes. Suicide being the only way of getting things right. Before i feard even thinking about death, now is about only thing that make me feel ok sometimes, but even that isn't enough, thinking to myself that my mistake will still be there and will haunt me regardless, that i have no escape, or way to get things right. I see things in movies that i interpret as being a message and all are bad, awfuly bad. I want to try to cleanse my soul and then killmyself
I gave some planetary position because i think it's relevant. I've read that 29 degrees brings the endings in one's life and 2 plantes where in 29th degree at the start of this happening. They way i interpret it is as something grim, that everything is done and total death is the only outcome. And i think this situation (Pluton retrograd in 12th house, Neptune in first house pisces, and Saturn in first house) is important and a very bad one. I'm very confused, i can't concentrate and don't know what to do. I can't comunicate with The Gods to ask for help.I try and talk in my mind with Satan but nothing happens. Sometimes thing on the forum doesn't make sense for me, everything feels upsidedown for me. I also think that trying to solve things is only getting around them and not actually solving them. For example saying that is a bad planetary transit is just avoiding my mistake. I can't speak about it because i think that if i will tell about it everyone will hate me, and the option is hiding it, wich makes me feel awfull, i don't want to hide things to be normal.
Can anyone guide me and tell me what to do please?
On the 27 of february or maybe a day later I remembered something, a skeleton from the past came out, that i had forgot about. Its a mistake that i have done in my late teens. I had a shock when i remembered and since i have very powerfull sentiments. Thoughts that Satan will never accept me. Im in a deep depresion since, when i hear some wholesome music, remember something from my childhood or teen years, see a wholesome moment in a movie or in real life i feel intense sadness, sorrow and guilt. Or when i watch something about ancient culture, ancient egyptian, sumerian or so on it's the same feeling of awfullness inside. I feel no one will accept me, nor should i be accepted ever. The only thing in my mind is about my skeletons in the closet, and how to find a work around it, but to no avail. These "skeletons" are my mistake of my late teens. Being ignorant and with that feeling of being the best.
After a while things got a little bit togheter. I didn't feel that bad, i can't pinpoint exaclty when this period occured but It didn't last long and don't know actually how i felt since this whole event started, everything feels weird, days go by very quick, or very hard sometimes. Usually if im alone time goes by very hard. I don't remember things from that point onward, i don't know if i feelt good or ok for real, part of this is because I started playing videogames to stop thinking about it, playing all day long the only thing that i did daily was meditating.
After a while everything come back harder, very hard, i don't really know exactly when it happend but it was about at the begging of the last month, maybe in the first day of the month or a day before I think about when Pluto went retrograde. Every feeling that i had before about me is now intensified, and still as i write this. I can't really explain how bad is it, never felt or thought that I will be that bad. And i think and feel that i will never be accepted in satanism by the Gods, nor will society ever accept me. Since the second kick, i can't sleep well at all, and is getting worse. I feel pain in my abdomen and stomach when i wake up, but goes away quickly after i get out of bed, and i have extremly weird dreams or nightmares. I wake up about 1 hour or 2 about my alarm goes off and i sleep on and off until the alarm rings. This morning i heard some whispers in my ear right before I fell asleep. Another weird things is how i think about the Gods now. Before i thought about them as one should, very good. I was thinking about how the Gods are and admiring them in my mind everyday. Now it's awful thoughts, bouncing between:
First: The Gods will never accept me, because that what is right.
The second: The Gods are punishing me with this
The third and the worst: They will lie to me, just to make me feel good, but They know that i will never be accepted and well, and just hide it from me. That they aren't truly eternal and that They don't matter that much.
When the second phase kicked in i thought to myself that i will kill me and reincarnate to "try again" and not do the same mistakes. Suicide being the only way of getting things right. Before i feard even thinking about death, now is about only thing that make me feel ok sometimes, but even that isn't enough, thinking to myself that my mistake will still be there and will haunt me regardless, that i have no escape, or way to get things right. I see things in movies that i interpret as being a message and all are bad, awfuly bad. I want to try to cleanse my soul and then killmyself
I gave some planetary position because i think it's relevant. I've read that 29 degrees brings the endings in one's life and 2 plantes where in 29th degree at the start of this happening. They way i interpret it is as something grim, that everything is done and total death is the only outcome. And i think this situation (Pluton retrograd in 12th house, Neptune in first house pisces, and Saturn in first house) is important and a very bad one. I'm very confused, i can't concentrate and don't know what to do. I can't comunicate with The Gods to ask for help.I try and talk in my mind with Satan but nothing happens. Sometimes thing on the forum doesn't make sense for me, everything feels upsidedown for me. I also think that trying to solve things is only getting around them and not actually solving them. For example saying that is a bad planetary transit is just avoiding my mistake. I can't speak about it because i think that if i will tell about it everyone will hate me, and the option is hiding it, wich makes me feel awfull, i don't want to hide things to be normal.
Can anyone guide me and tell me what to do please?
