AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
Hello Family, it’s quite unfortunate that when you think you finally have a drop of hope and a chance to build everything you've ever wanted, life ends up showing you it’s not yet done messing with you. How I wish I was strong enough to control my own fate and not be moved. Apologies this will be a long post/question.
As of now, 5 planets are transiting my natal second house Sun, Mercury, Jupiter, Uranus and True node, among the five, 3 of them are in my 2nd natal house sun, mercury and True node I do not know if it's called a stellium or not, read somewhere in the forums about 3+ planets in one house but can't recall well, but that's not all my sun is at 15 degrees Taurus. a powerhouse turned to hard luck. retro mercury at 29 Aries, I’ve always thought of myself stupid due to the extra work needed to grasp a concept and put it into use or even mastering it to perfection, but people see the vice versa from reasoning, communication my logic way of the thinking and more, saying I have a gifted mind. if only they knew how hard it is to silence it and pardon it to understand.
With that said, the transit was a little bit heavy without sun in it. but things got even worse when it joined the party and finally triggered a karmic pattern with all the planets helping it out, which for once I thought I had it in control for the past 1 year and 6 months After joining Satanism and my dedication. which I must say I was rescued by Father Satan and the Gods after crying out. After 2 weeks in Satanism, I had finally chosen to take my own life and end the misery. (I've never been suicidal till then, I couldn't take it anymore, I’ve always opted to fight till the end, even after death smiling at me countless times, I still slip through and progress). The Gods did a miracle for me and till now I’ve never understood how that was possible or even be able to explain it. That’s how my faith and hope was born, a new light that faded when I was just a kid had finally awaken.
Now I’m back to what I was rescued from and all the mess, how unfortunate of me, the guilt is slowly killing me of how a disgrace and a disappointment I am to the God's, you must be asking what's the karma. The last 8 years before I joined Satanism, I have starved more than I have had a meal on the table, forced to sleep countless nights on an empty stomach, getting a meal at least once a week or twice a week. or even sometimes just some water.
I have been in the streets and survived, it's all I could call a home for years, and it's not so pleasant, from the harsh cold at night to the hunger, the only coin I could get is choose to take the drugs at your disposal and snap out of reality for hours, instead of buying something to bite. etcetera.... now that's where I am heading to. but I swore to myself that if I ever get a chance out of it I’ll never go back to that. you might say why not seek out help, but unfortunately, I’m not in the developed countries or even close to being in one. I'm in a place where it's either you choose the streets, kill yourself or make the suffering a norm, it's every man by himself in a race to survival.
Currently the last weeks have been hefty, I'm not new to this, I know what’s coming next, all I tried to build is now no more, I had figured out mercury had gifted me with ways to make some money and I used it as an advantage and finally things were working out and when i was just so close to a stable life, and getting a chance in life and more on advancing spiritually things turned really fast to the worst, anything I get seems to vanish or not just working out. I'm now busy starving, meditation has proven to be a hard task, workings leave me feeling electrified, a bit exhausted and out of breath with a heavy feeling on my heart and throat chakra. I've had to cut of some workings to a spare a little energy, but I do not know for how long now I can keep up.
I only have 3 options now. streets (I said no to it, it's very messy and not considering it), RTR's and the rest of the workings till I have no more energy and I'm out of breath, or suicide which seems to be haunting me even in my own dreams lately and every time I try to meditate it's the only thing popping up. but if the depression or stress to insanity then 3rd might slip in, last time I found myself in the position of it without a second thought. I'm not a quitter so I’ll go with the second option and hope for the Gods to have some mercy on me, my faith is not yet shaken but I know I messed up and I do not even know how I can make up for that.
I know all this can't just be from one house but I’m among those who have the worst charts. from Neptune to Saturn and all the rest but that doesn't give me the right to give up and I’ll ways keep on trying till I make it and most of all make the Gods proud, either in this lifetime or the next, but now I no longer know what to expect or how I can strategize. I'm in the dark. My Saturn return is just around the corner and worst of all it's in the first house, maybe an extra beating for me. I hope I survive to see it and get some extra lessons.
I hope I’ll get a chance to see your response/s and advice. probably I can learn something new and find a solution, but if not it’s been a pleasure and that one and a half year in this path has been my happiest in this lifetime.
As of now, 5 planets are transiting my natal second house Sun, Mercury, Jupiter, Uranus and True node, among the five, 3 of them are in my 2nd natal house sun, mercury and True node I do not know if it's called a stellium or not, read somewhere in the forums about 3+ planets in one house but can't recall well, but that's not all my sun is at 15 degrees Taurus. a powerhouse turned to hard luck. retro mercury at 29 Aries, I’ve always thought of myself stupid due to the extra work needed to grasp a concept and put it into use or even mastering it to perfection, but people see the vice versa from reasoning, communication my logic way of the thinking and more, saying I have a gifted mind. if only they knew how hard it is to silence it and pardon it to understand.
With that said, the transit was a little bit heavy without sun in it. but things got even worse when it joined the party and finally triggered a karmic pattern with all the planets helping it out, which for once I thought I had it in control for the past 1 year and 6 months After joining Satanism and my dedication. which I must say I was rescued by Father Satan and the Gods after crying out. After 2 weeks in Satanism, I had finally chosen to take my own life and end the misery. (I've never been suicidal till then, I couldn't take it anymore, I’ve always opted to fight till the end, even after death smiling at me countless times, I still slip through and progress). The Gods did a miracle for me and till now I’ve never understood how that was possible or even be able to explain it. That’s how my faith and hope was born, a new light that faded when I was just a kid had finally awaken.
Now I’m back to what I was rescued from and all the mess, how unfortunate of me, the guilt is slowly killing me of how a disgrace and a disappointment I am to the God's, you must be asking what's the karma. The last 8 years before I joined Satanism, I have starved more than I have had a meal on the table, forced to sleep countless nights on an empty stomach, getting a meal at least once a week or twice a week. or even sometimes just some water.
I have been in the streets and survived, it's all I could call a home for years, and it's not so pleasant, from the harsh cold at night to the hunger, the only coin I could get is choose to take the drugs at your disposal and snap out of reality for hours, instead of buying something to bite. etcetera.... now that's where I am heading to. but I swore to myself that if I ever get a chance out of it I’ll never go back to that. you might say why not seek out help, but unfortunately, I’m not in the developed countries or even close to being in one. I'm in a place where it's either you choose the streets, kill yourself or make the suffering a norm, it's every man by himself in a race to survival.
Currently the last weeks have been hefty, I'm not new to this, I know what’s coming next, all I tried to build is now no more, I had figured out mercury had gifted me with ways to make some money and I used it as an advantage and finally things were working out and when i was just so close to a stable life, and getting a chance in life and more on advancing spiritually things turned really fast to the worst, anything I get seems to vanish or not just working out. I'm now busy starving, meditation has proven to be a hard task, workings leave me feeling electrified, a bit exhausted and out of breath with a heavy feeling on my heart and throat chakra. I've had to cut of some workings to a spare a little energy, but I do not know for how long now I can keep up.
I only have 3 options now. streets (I said no to it, it's very messy and not considering it), RTR's and the rest of the workings till I have no more energy and I'm out of breath, or suicide which seems to be haunting me even in my own dreams lately and every time I try to meditate it's the only thing popping up. but if the depression or stress to insanity then 3rd might slip in, last time I found myself in the position of it without a second thought. I'm not a quitter so I’ll go with the second option and hope for the Gods to have some mercy on me, my faith is not yet shaken but I know I messed up and I do not even know how I can make up for that.
I know all this can't just be from one house but I’m among those who have the worst charts. from Neptune to Saturn and all the rest but that doesn't give me the right to give up and I’ll ways keep on trying till I make it and most of all make the Gods proud, either in this lifetime or the next, but now I no longer know what to expect or how I can strategize. I'm in the dark. My Saturn return is just around the corner and worst of all it's in the first house, maybe an extra beating for me. I hope I survive to see it and get some extra lessons.
I hope I’ll get a chance to see your response/s and advice. probably I can learn something new and find a solution, but if not it’s been a pleasure and that one and a half year in this path has been my happiest in this lifetime.
![Blitzkreig [JG]](/data/avatars/s/21/21286.jpg?1704756304){kind=avatar}
